lightofthedawn69
New member
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2011
- Messages
- 0
everything i done in life has been set up to succeed then be crushed
i so tired of it
from day one i had stuff going wrong by both spirits and in school
wanna know the worst part
my body was not allowed its natural course in development and arranged to look like an insane idiot to those who could truly help me
its geneticly altered by means of toxins and poisons injected into it at early age by certain types of entitiys
this resulted in a number of issues
now my brain is a mess a looping cycle of energy made to corrupt parts of me is running over and over and i cant seem to break it without wtf
damnit
fuck i cant even remember what i wanted to say
thats another thing about my body it hasthis weird nature so that when i prepare myself for something imn arranged to forget what i need to say
its not random
it behaves in a timed planned arranged nature set up to fuck me over only at moments when im in public exposed to others and when i dont need to be btohered
everything seems like clock work like my life is alreayd planned out and controlled
normally this would not be possible
but my life was set up to be thsi wya by means of others who would oppress me
teachers
parents
chaotic vagrants seeding my body with poison
to put it simply im screwed and yet my body is been mutated in a way i will be forced to rely on others due to an unatural mutation that fucked me up
normally it would be natural but due to what been done to me its not
there have been a few members in this group who have been fooled by thje distorted actions that come from me due to my twisted body deep inside im fine i can do tons of stuff but its like i have limited that acts in response to the real me that ensures it cant have its way
i did find out i tru;ly have been seeded with certain things just to allow me to be controlled and manipulate
cause of this all help i have gotten in the past has eventualy been stripped away and removed without my consent or p[ermission
in fact alot of it weas done AGAINT MY CONSENT AND PERMISSION
i trusted xian god bak then to do something about even thought he is an enemy now at the time the beings bothering me would mock even him just to piss him off now its the oppisite
i got beings that been bugging me to make sure enki cant help me somwe of them come and go
some produced by my own fucked up head
that dont mean they not real cause when my mind makes shit up to fuck with me it dont just manifest as a voice
IT MANIFESTS AS A VERY STRONG THOUGHTFORM MADE TO NOT ONLY FIGHT ME AND BEAT ON ME BUT ALSO ATTEMPT TO FURTHER MY BODYS ALREADY CORRUPT STATE
so yeah i got a serious problem
i had ppl have to fight this illness i have they literally have to fight a hostile being that manifests when my body decides to do its errornoes thing
whats even worse
i been given a gift i can not use
my body apparently has a special set of genetics that is not from my parents its been manifested from my spirit itno my body that is a leftover from a past life
it has everything i could ever need to fix myself
excpet for one lil detail
there is an extra gene in me left over from a past life that is not part of that set its a implant made to allow others to control me and induce body take over at will and on command
its bad enough i have a mental illness that i do not want do not need and could do so much more without its bad enough that mentla illnes is able to create thoughtofmrs to make itself worse thoughtofms that try to possess me and even attack sprits too close to me trying to help me
but then i got to deal with genetics that are not part of me both helpful genetics that are sealed and made so i cant use them even thought my only chance at fixing myself without others
then i got this other thing in me that goes way beyond just genetics
its like a conciousess gene
i heard someone tell me about it
due to what i found about one of my past lives i am not surpised something like a genetic implant could be in me i get all the universes weirdest shit anyway so it figures id be some geneticlly altered odd ball in this life
i alreayd proven to this group i have some good stuff and some good talent and i got some potential ya just cant cook up over a few mind games and meditation
i am trying lil by lil but everytime i make some good progress and do what i should do
i get some kind oif fucked up means of judgment
i meditated and manage to fix something in me of my own will the other day
the result was praise from my guardian a good dog walk with my dog some good energy flow as a reward and then after i got my good result the bad side effect occured
i got attacked by angels thier attack triggere my body to do its fuck itself over thing that made a thoughtform show up to fight me and make it even worse this began my chaotic trigger process which made even more problems and then to finish me off they injected me with a type of serum in me it created a mutation in my body that sealed up and shut away a fully functioning part of me that was a materail manifestation i got a gift from a freind
that part of me (and dont laugh) well it was a vagina forming due to my body being used by one of my guides so much
my black crystal i was using for a core given to me as a gift from a freind was stolen before this all happened to
my astral tech collar was eventuall taken away because it stopped working but i still upset over it because it was a gift from a freind i will most likly not be seeing in this lifetime ever again
i keep suffering inrepairable damage induced manifestations further corruption of my body and every single damn time
i tell these forces
LEAVE ME ALONE STOP I DONT WANT THIS
the result is a lil speech saying it dont matter its not your choice we can do whatever the fuck we want you cant do shit and it will stay that way till you suffer and die then we will make sure you suffer even more
after that a lil stun effect if triggered in my body to disable me hence the mechinaim in me that is in me to allow others to control me
any a spirit if they know my design can just walk up to me shove a lil stick in a certain part of me and bam
instant full body lock up and shut off of energy flow
this means there is something in me that can be used to force close my chakras and shut me down even if i dont want it to and then do whatever that being wants to do to me in me
this means after its all over i can ask for help all i want and if i dont get it whoever started it gets away with it
which pretty much happnes every singel time
i am a shifter i know inside but
i cant shift
i been modded so i will not be able to shift
this mod was against my consent and some of it was done when i was alseep
that reminds me
at least 2 or 3 nights in row i have slept and something in me rises up when i sleep that against is my mind fucking with itself making a thoughtofmr to screw with me
if this was a normal mental ilness it would not create thoughtforms with the will and strength of school type super bullies to hurt me it would just be hallucationas and other shit
this is not normaly even if it was planned and i set myself up for this before i got in this life
even if that was the case
its gone far beyond and above what i was willing to accept and it been set up to get worse and worse in a cycel till i have no control no freedom no happines and eventual i am allowed my death
i know as a satanist im going to hav to work hard and bust my ass
but here is the thing
so far like clock work every time i have mad effort i have suffered for it and been punished for it
thats fucked up
i do something good get a lil reward then get harsh judgment for doing what im supposed to be doing
THATS NOT RIGHT
but thats how my life and nature has evolvoed
everything is a double edged sword to me and about me
for every peice of light i have a peice of darkness
every postive
i haveba negative
now thats all fine and dandy up until when somebody shows up and gives life to my negative in attempts to get rid of my postive and whats even more fucked up is
IT WORKS EVER FUCKIN DAMN TIME NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY HALF THE TIME I TRY TO FIX MYSELF MY BODY AND ENERGY MOVE AS IF THEY REFUSE TO OBEY
i cant work with demons and spirits correctly due to my mutations fucking withmy head and my nerves and prob other stuff in me too
and i got ppl telling me i need to take pills drugs all this other shit
i not an idiot i know there is a way to fix myself without paying who knows how much for who knows what is in whatever they give me i dont want to spend my life oweing some crackpot everyone trusts just cause he has a degree or a peice of paper
that just means he did the work and somebody thinks he can do the job and they gave in proof of what they think it dont mean any doctor with a degree can handle odd cases or actualy know what hes doing it just menas he will always look like he does
anyway i got all the gifts and all the skills deep in me but i need help fixing myself so i can bring them out i alreayd given some stuff to this group to prove im no fool and i got more to give i just need to find a way to bring it out better and apparently i no longer have the properp tools or materails to fix myself my body runs via a vital system of energy structures i use to aid functions of certain organs mostly my arms legs chakras brain heart lungs lots of others stuff
but this system dont work if ppl keep taking shit out of it to fuck with it
so now im out of option
the core compnents in me are no longer powerful enough to do their job and the original materails were stolen from me (trust me i at last felt sen and heard off and on its usaly some angel or demon looking guy saying this is his and he needs it bak and will take it one way or another blah blah blah im kind of used to being mistreated like this but anyway)
i need help
the funny thing is
all of this ends up to when i often ask fro help i get it then more chaos is made so the help i get gives up and goes away
i been from person to person
eventualy they have gave up
it was always one problme after another if it wasn't a spirit it was my body chooisng to go nuts again if not that it was some chaos fucker messing with me if not that my mom and dad telling me all this stuff if not that its always something
i cant just live and have a nice day about i got to deal with everyone accusing me of stuff them me having no right or way to fight back effectivly im a slave to the world around me and the world outside the world around me and im tired of it i want to be on my own i want to fix my body i want to get some decent healing and i want to make all my skill surface and that will happen slowly but surely but since its only a matter of time the cycle with shit happening to me is simply to fight that concept
to waste my time so i must get more which will be wasted to make sure i never get what i truly want
and yes at this point im ranting but able to get the message out i need out
can anyone help me
i need a serious quality of help its not gonna be some roookie job this is one of thsoe things only the gods and the dudes working straight nder the gods can do
cause i usaly get messed up by the big shit not lil things but its laways something big blown up from a simple order or small problems
that and tons of past flaws introduced by others
i gonna need someone who knows how to program other worldy forms of tech i gonna need somebody who is able to look at profiles of genetics comparaed how they should be and how they are and change them up
i gonna need somebody to help me train and give me orders and advice every so often i gonna need al lthese things i can do the work but only lil by lil and when i do make progress i gonna need somebody present to make sure the chaotic trigger harsh judgment or whatever the hell usaly hurts me when i do good shows up
when this happens i gonna need some strong ass being present to both hseild me make a barrier and kick the shit outta the ass who trys to fuck with me i know i gonna need al lthis cause of past expeirence its alwyas something there is a pattern and i found it
sadly i cant stop this cycle without being suroduend by help which ironicly makes me feel nervous cause im watched even in the most embaressing moments (i had shower moments where i act like an idiot its both hilariously funny and akward lol)
but i still need help i can prove im wortth it i can do the work but not on the stop of a dime not right away on demand cause my nbodys nature seems to pick and choose when to create problems and they mostly when i dont need them or dont have time forthem or at basicly al the worst times
and btw exucse me for all my typso and text errors im on a diff browser and i noticed it dont have that right click spell check feature which sucks
but anyway non the less
I NEED HELP AND WHAT I ALREAYD HAVE IS NOT ENOUGH I NEED SOMEONE HANDS ON WHO CAN ALLOW WHAT SPIRIT HELP IS GIVEN TO ME TO TELL ME CERTAIN THINGS CORRECTLY AND I NEED SOME REALLY GOOD QUALITY HELP ON THE OTHER SIDE ABLE TO DO THINGS THAT CANT NORMALLY BE DONE
why cause well
i been set up to develop problems i did not want or ask for and extra that been made to exist with me rest of myl ife and even surpising some of this shi is from past lives manifesting so knowing that it could follow me to my next life after i die in this one
i also need some really hard to figure out answers stuff that due to what i found has even been attempted to be hidden from the gods
i got shit going on that not even the keeper of the akashic records database has been allowed to know so that must mean i got some really covert big shit goings on that is a remain from a past life which means in a past life i was REALLY SPEICAL AND IMPORTANT
so that must mean whatever was leftover is making ppl fuck with me cause i got somthing that makes me a problem i prob have some powerful gift in me that is too dangerous to exist in a materail vessel that is prob why this body was set up to corrupt itself so i could not use it
so can i get any help and can someone im me that can ensure the help i get is the right kind and if i get help can i trust the person to not try to tell me all this shit then tell others to ignore me when they get mad at me over something
so far i trusted many and it ended in disaster so you can all understand if am a bit reluctant to trust others sometimes
i so tired of it
from day one i had stuff going wrong by both spirits and in school
wanna know the worst part
my body was not allowed its natural course in development and arranged to look like an insane idiot to those who could truly help me
its geneticly altered by means of toxins and poisons injected into it at early age by certain types of entitiys
this resulted in a number of issues
now my brain is a mess a looping cycle of energy made to corrupt parts of me is running over and over and i cant seem to break it without wtf
damnit
fuck i cant even remember what i wanted to say
thats another thing about my body it hasthis weird nature so that when i prepare myself for something imn arranged to forget what i need to say
its not random
it behaves in a timed planned arranged nature set up to fuck me over only at moments when im in public exposed to others and when i dont need to be btohered
everything seems like clock work like my life is alreayd planned out and controlled
normally this would not be possible
but my life was set up to be thsi wya by means of others who would oppress me
teachers
parents
chaotic vagrants seeding my body with poison
to put it simply im screwed and yet my body is been mutated in a way i will be forced to rely on others due to an unatural mutation that fucked me up
normally it would be natural but due to what been done to me its not
there have been a few members in this group who have been fooled by thje distorted actions that come from me due to my twisted body deep inside im fine i can do tons of stuff but its like i have limited that acts in response to the real me that ensures it cant have its way
i did find out i tru;ly have been seeded with certain things just to allow me to be controlled and manipulate
cause of this all help i have gotten in the past has eventualy been stripped away and removed without my consent or p[ermission
in fact alot of it weas done AGAINT MY CONSENT AND PERMISSION
i trusted xian god bak then to do something about even thought he is an enemy now at the time the beings bothering me would mock even him just to piss him off now its the oppisite
i got beings that been bugging me to make sure enki cant help me somwe of them come and go
some produced by my own fucked up head
that dont mean they not real cause when my mind makes shit up to fuck with me it dont just manifest as a voice
IT MANIFESTS AS A VERY STRONG THOUGHTFORM MADE TO NOT ONLY FIGHT ME AND BEAT ON ME BUT ALSO ATTEMPT TO FURTHER MY BODYS ALREADY CORRUPT STATE
so yeah i got a serious problem
i had ppl have to fight this illness i have they literally have to fight a hostile being that manifests when my body decides to do its errornoes thing
whats even worse
i been given a gift i can not use
my body apparently has a special set of genetics that is not from my parents its been manifested from my spirit itno my body that is a leftover from a past life
it has everything i could ever need to fix myself
excpet for one lil detail
there is an extra gene in me left over from a past life that is not part of that set its a implant made to allow others to control me and induce body take over at will and on command
its bad enough i have a mental illness that i do not want do not need and could do so much more without its bad enough that mentla illnes is able to create thoughtofmrs to make itself worse thoughtofms that try to possess me and even attack sprits too close to me trying to help me
but then i got to deal with genetics that are not part of me both helpful genetics that are sealed and made so i cant use them even thought my only chance at fixing myself without others
then i got this other thing in me that goes way beyond just genetics
its like a conciousess gene
i heard someone tell me about it
due to what i found about one of my past lives i am not surpised something like a genetic implant could be in me i get all the universes weirdest shit anyway so it figures id be some geneticlly altered odd ball in this life
i alreayd proven to this group i have some good stuff and some good talent and i got some potential ya just cant cook up over a few mind games and meditation
i am trying lil by lil but everytime i make some good progress and do what i should do
i get some kind oif fucked up means of judgment
i meditated and manage to fix something in me of my own will the other day
the result was praise from my guardian a good dog walk with my dog some good energy flow as a reward and then after i got my good result the bad side effect occured
i got attacked by angels thier attack triggere my body to do its fuck itself over thing that made a thoughtform show up to fight me and make it even worse this began my chaotic trigger process which made even more problems and then to finish me off they injected me with a type of serum in me it created a mutation in my body that sealed up and shut away a fully functioning part of me that was a materail manifestation i got a gift from a freind
that part of me (and dont laugh) well it was a vagina forming due to my body being used by one of my guides so much
my black crystal i was using for a core given to me as a gift from a freind was stolen before this all happened to
my astral tech collar was eventuall taken away because it stopped working but i still upset over it because it was a gift from a freind i will most likly not be seeing in this lifetime ever again
i keep suffering inrepairable damage induced manifestations further corruption of my body and every single damn time
i tell these forces
LEAVE ME ALONE STOP I DONT WANT THIS
the result is a lil speech saying it dont matter its not your choice we can do whatever the fuck we want you cant do shit and it will stay that way till you suffer and die then we will make sure you suffer even more
after that a lil stun effect if triggered in my body to disable me hence the mechinaim in me that is in me to allow others to control me
any a spirit if they know my design can just walk up to me shove a lil stick in a certain part of me and bam
instant full body lock up and shut off of energy flow
this means there is something in me that can be used to force close my chakras and shut me down even if i dont want it to and then do whatever that being wants to do to me in me
this means after its all over i can ask for help all i want and if i dont get it whoever started it gets away with it
which pretty much happnes every singel time
i am a shifter i know inside but
i cant shift
i been modded so i will not be able to shift
this mod was against my consent and some of it was done when i was alseep
that reminds me
at least 2 or 3 nights in row i have slept and something in me rises up when i sleep that against is my mind fucking with itself making a thoughtofmr to screw with me
if this was a normal mental ilness it would not create thoughtforms with the will and strength of school type super bullies to hurt me it would just be hallucationas and other shit
this is not normaly even if it was planned and i set myself up for this before i got in this life
even if that was the case
its gone far beyond and above what i was willing to accept and it been set up to get worse and worse in a cycel till i have no control no freedom no happines and eventual i am allowed my death
i know as a satanist im going to hav to work hard and bust my ass
but here is the thing
so far like clock work every time i have mad effort i have suffered for it and been punished for it
thats fucked up
i do something good get a lil reward then get harsh judgment for doing what im supposed to be doing
THATS NOT RIGHT
but thats how my life and nature has evolvoed
everything is a double edged sword to me and about me
for every peice of light i have a peice of darkness
every postive
i haveba negative
now thats all fine and dandy up until when somebody shows up and gives life to my negative in attempts to get rid of my postive and whats even more fucked up is
IT WORKS EVER FUCKIN DAMN TIME NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY HALF THE TIME I TRY TO FIX MYSELF MY BODY AND ENERGY MOVE AS IF THEY REFUSE TO OBEY
i cant work with demons and spirits correctly due to my mutations fucking withmy head and my nerves and prob other stuff in me too
and i got ppl telling me i need to take pills drugs all this other shit
i not an idiot i know there is a way to fix myself without paying who knows how much for who knows what is in whatever they give me i dont want to spend my life oweing some crackpot everyone trusts just cause he has a degree or a peice of paper
that just means he did the work and somebody thinks he can do the job and they gave in proof of what they think it dont mean any doctor with a degree can handle odd cases or actualy know what hes doing it just menas he will always look like he does
anyway i got all the gifts and all the skills deep in me but i need help fixing myself so i can bring them out i alreayd given some stuff to this group to prove im no fool and i got more to give i just need to find a way to bring it out better and apparently i no longer have the properp tools or materails to fix myself my body runs via a vital system of energy structures i use to aid functions of certain organs mostly my arms legs chakras brain heart lungs lots of others stuff
but this system dont work if ppl keep taking shit out of it to fuck with it
so now im out of option
the core compnents in me are no longer powerful enough to do their job and the original materails were stolen from me (trust me i at last felt sen and heard off and on its usaly some angel or demon looking guy saying this is his and he needs it bak and will take it one way or another blah blah blah im kind of used to being mistreated like this but anyway)
i need help
the funny thing is
all of this ends up to when i often ask fro help i get it then more chaos is made so the help i get gives up and goes away
i been from person to person
eventualy they have gave up
it was always one problme after another if it wasn't a spirit it was my body chooisng to go nuts again if not that it was some chaos fucker messing with me if not that my mom and dad telling me all this stuff if not that its always something
i cant just live and have a nice day about i got to deal with everyone accusing me of stuff them me having no right or way to fight back effectivly im a slave to the world around me and the world outside the world around me and im tired of it i want to be on my own i want to fix my body i want to get some decent healing and i want to make all my skill surface and that will happen slowly but surely but since its only a matter of time the cycle with shit happening to me is simply to fight that concept
to waste my time so i must get more which will be wasted to make sure i never get what i truly want
and yes at this point im ranting but able to get the message out i need out
can anyone help me
i need a serious quality of help its not gonna be some roookie job this is one of thsoe things only the gods and the dudes working straight nder the gods can do
cause i usaly get messed up by the big shit not lil things but its laways something big blown up from a simple order or small problems
that and tons of past flaws introduced by others
i gonna need someone who knows how to program other worldy forms of tech i gonna need somebody who is able to look at profiles of genetics comparaed how they should be and how they are and change them up
i gonna need somebody to help me train and give me orders and advice every so often i gonna need al lthese things i can do the work but only lil by lil and when i do make progress i gonna need somebody present to make sure the chaotic trigger harsh judgment or whatever the hell usaly hurts me when i do good shows up
when this happens i gonna need some strong ass being present to both hseild me make a barrier and kick the shit outta the ass who trys to fuck with me i know i gonna need al lthis cause of past expeirence its alwyas something there is a pattern and i found it
sadly i cant stop this cycle without being suroduend by help which ironicly makes me feel nervous cause im watched even in the most embaressing moments (i had shower moments where i act like an idiot its both hilariously funny and akward lol)
but i still need help i can prove im wortth it i can do the work but not on the stop of a dime not right away on demand cause my nbodys nature seems to pick and choose when to create problems and they mostly when i dont need them or dont have time forthem or at basicly al the worst times
and btw exucse me for all my typso and text errors im on a diff browser and i noticed it dont have that right click spell check feature which sucks
but anyway non the less
I NEED HELP AND WHAT I ALREAYD HAVE IS NOT ENOUGH I NEED SOMEONE HANDS ON WHO CAN ALLOW WHAT SPIRIT HELP IS GIVEN TO ME TO TELL ME CERTAIN THINGS CORRECTLY AND I NEED SOME REALLY GOOD QUALITY HELP ON THE OTHER SIDE ABLE TO DO THINGS THAT CANT NORMALLY BE DONE
why cause well
i been set up to develop problems i did not want or ask for and extra that been made to exist with me rest of myl ife and even surpising some of this shi is from past lives manifesting so knowing that it could follow me to my next life after i die in this one
i also need some really hard to figure out answers stuff that due to what i found has even been attempted to be hidden from the gods
i got shit going on that not even the keeper of the akashic records database has been allowed to know so that must mean i got some really covert big shit goings on that is a remain from a past life which means in a past life i was REALLY SPEICAL AND IMPORTANT
so that must mean whatever was leftover is making ppl fuck with me cause i got somthing that makes me a problem i prob have some powerful gift in me that is too dangerous to exist in a materail vessel that is prob why this body was set up to corrupt itself so i could not use it
so can i get any help and can someone im me that can ensure the help i get is the right kind and if i get help can i trust the person to not try to tell me all this shit then tell others to ignore me when they get mad at me over something
so far i trusted many and it ended in disaster so you can all understand if am a bit reluctant to trust others sometimes
