Constructive criticism and Positive Coaching: Don't be a dick

[BlackOnyx8 [SG]]

Good post, I believe that a lot of people here have already developed a high level of professionalism and the ability to provide constructive criticism. On occasion, some may come across as cold or harsh, including myself, due to their astrological disposition, as you know. It is definitely worth mastering the art of conveying feedback in a clear and respectful manner, avoiding any tone that may be perceived as condescending.

It is equally essential to deliver it in a logical and impartial manner, rather than letting emotions cloud one's judgment as this allows for a clearer and more effective exchange of ideas and it fosters a professional and respectful environment that encourages growth and improvement.

 

[Shadowcat]

Good post, I believe that a lot of people here have already developed a high level of professionalism and the ability to provide constructive criticism. On occasion, some may come across as cold or harsh, including myself, due to their astrological disposition, as you know. It is definitely worth mastering the art of conveying feedback in a clear and respectful manner, avoiding any tone that may be perceived as condescending.

It is equally essential to deliver it in a logical and impartial manner, rather than letting emotions cloud one's judgment as this allows for a clearer and more effective exchange of ideas and it fosters a professional and respectful environment that encourages growth and improvement.

Yes exactly. Being objective is important for delivering accurate information. Combining this with consideration allows your information to be well absorbed and taken to heart. People on the receiving end also have to be open to criticism, as long as the aforementioned guidelines are followed at least, and be understanding that someone doing this is either looking out for them or just trying to contribute.

You have the types also that are too prideful to take criticism in any capacity and these are also often the types to be equally inconsiderate of someone's needs and wants and the environment around them, as well as having an inability to put themselves in someone else's shoes. I have known people to literally accuse me of hating them just for giving them any critique at all, which is just childish.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Thank you Kitty. For sometime this has been bothering me.

In my personal life I can be quite impatient, terrible listener, and seriously abrasive and sometimes rude. It doesn't help that I have a very strong, expressive and loud voice.

It has been bothering me alot because I would usually do this out of love. I tend to be very honest and not in a kind and diplomatic way and it might sometimes feel cruel to the other person and I can lack empathy and be cruel with stating facts.

I feel seriously uncomfortable and immoral trying to sugarcoat anything.

Which have caused me problems with my friendships, work, relationships, etc.

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

 

[Shadowcat]

Thank you Kitty. For sometime this has been bothering me.

In my personal life I can be quite impatient, terrible listener, and seriously abrasive and sometimes rude. It doesn't help that I have a very strong, expressive and loud voice.

It has been bothering me alot because I would usually do this out of love. I tend to be very honest and not in a kind and diplomatic way and it might sometimes feel cruel to the other person and I can lack empathy and be cruel with stating facts.

I feel seriously uncomfortable and immoral trying to sugarcoat anything.

Which have caused me problems with my friendships, work, relationships, etc.

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

It's alright there's always room for improvement. Remember what I gave you with freeing the soul too. Becoming aware of what is wrong is the first step to improvement. Asking yourself why these things occur and finding the answer can help you resolve them. You can sublimate your criticism to bringing about the above with your attention to detail and nitpicking being used in good ways to point out even the smallest things that add up, things that can be of help instead.

 

[SSinHeartandSoul]

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

 

[Shadowcat]

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

You are talking about being direct not abrasive. Abrasiveness is being inconsiderate to the feelings of others in your words. You can tell the truth to someone just fine without this. Being direct on the other hand is just communicating information without beating around the bush.

 

[SapphireDragon]

Very good post! And a very good point. Advice and criticism can make or break a person. It's always good to keep in mind that people come from every background and have their own negative karma and sensitivity about them. It's always good to be kind in your dealings with others.

What might be said with helpful intentions to you may come off as too insensitive to someone else. It's always good to reflect and tone yourself down accordingly for each situation. Tough love is good in moderation but not a good idea for it to go overboard, as it can shut someone off from wanting help if they feel like they are being attacked, or whipped over it.

It costs us nothing to be good to someone who needs help. We want to give the kind of help to others that will not only help them, but be emulated by them when one day they too help somebody in return.

 

[ΆΡΗΣ ΠΟΛΥΜΑΧΟΣ]

The best criticism i feel like is on a personal and emotional level, that's when you reach someone, because you really care.
And it should be sincere, like the parents with their child for example, or family/friends in general.
Cold and distanced/detached criticism like a teacher in school hardly reaches anyone or makes one remember.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

I am trying to work on it. I also have serious anxiety and impatience that doesn't help either.

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

You are talking about being direct not abrasive. Abrasiveness is being inconsiderate to the feelings of others in your words. You can tell the truth to someone just fine without this. Being direct on the other hand is just communicating information without beating around the bush.

Yes, that's what I meant. You don't have to be rude to be honest. You can say the truth in a more professional way and people would actually love to follow it. They will also respect and love you for it.

Being abrasive and honest IS saying the truth or honest criticism but it just makes people react to it in a bad way, shy away from following it because it hits their ego, and makes you just hated. Especially so, if you're saying the truth and they know it internally.

 

[Wotanwarrior]

I have always had the same problem as you describe of being too direct and incendiary, especially when I get angry, that made me lose many friendships and even some family members distanced themselves from me, especially when I was younger.

 

[Shadowcat]

I don't think that being direct and ''abrasive'' is a bad thing necessarily, in contrary it is something that i personally really appreciate. I'd rather people tell me the truth straight in my face compared to talking behind my back. There is no need to sugarcoat anything, but for appearances sake it would be smart to learn how to be somewhat tactful about how you bring your abrasive criticism. :lol:

For your anxiety you can of course work on your elements, but besides that i recommend making sure to relax your muscles, especially the muscles in the back of your throat.

You are talking about being direct not abrasive. Abrasiveness is being inconsiderate to the feelings of others in your words. You can tell the truth to someone just fine without this. Being direct on the other hand is just communicating information without beating around the bush.

Yes, that's what I meant. You don't have to be rude to be honest. You can say the truth in a more professional way and people would actually love to follow it. They will also respect and love you for it.

Being abrasive and honest IS saying the truth or honest criticism but it just makes people react to it in a bad way, shy away from following it because it hits their ego, and makes you just hated. Especially so, if you're saying the truth and they know it internally.

It still doesn't give an excuse to be a dick. Don't be abrasive be assertive and constructive. Both examples I gave were honest criticism in the op where as the latter examples were kinder and more relatable.

Being abrasive makes people react to it badly because the tone of things is also important to people and plays a big role in communication and relaying information. It's important to develop a compassion and patience for this or no one is going to be inspired by another's words.

 

[hailourtruegod]

Great post. I used to be so bad at giving criticism because of 1. I hate stupidity to a fault but 2. Which made it worse was being bullied by family members and being made to feel like shit that I starting becoming like them and projecting it onto others.

Thanks to SS I have gone a long way in the past few years to fix this problem thru introspective meditation and healing trauma.

Definitely good advice to read Shadowcat. Thank you.

 

[serpentwalker666]

Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear this as this is something I struggle greatly with.

I am particularly brutal in how I approach myself.

This is definitely a post I will have to contemplate and meditate on to improve how I approach my own mistakes and the mistakes of others.

 

[Shadowcat]

Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear this as this is something I struggle greatly with.

I am particularly brutal in how I approach myself.

This is definitely a post I will have to contemplate and meditate on to improve how I approach my own mistakes and the mistakes of others.

Yes, this is definitely something to also apply to oneself as far as being our own critic. Glad to have helped.