Advice Needed - Psycology and False Ego

[Soul Adjustment]

I salute all of You Brothers and Sisters, and apologize as this might be a long post. I am Dedicated to Father Satan since a long time, but I rarely partecipated to the forums and the groups. I almost dedicated most of my energies to the development of my Soul, and to Psychic Warfare throught intense Rituals and Magick against the enemy, as this is what I was best at offering to the Powers of Hell. I had enormous psycological problems to overcome, and I'm not afraid to admit my Soul was quite a bit damaged, probably for past life issues and violence I received from the enemy. I am here because I feel a bit lost and I strongly need a human perspective on the following situation.   I have been raised as a Xian, and my family was xian, mainly my father - whose mother was close to become a nun, so heavily indocrinated (mainly on subconscious level). Since I was born, all of my father's expectations were directed towards me, and I have always been pushed to be "better and better" to win when my father failed in his career. Since my first day on earth, I have been submitted to intense psycological pressure from a weak man trying to build me better than him.   Right now, today, I discovered through Satan's and my GD guidance that this created a huge but fake Ego of myself, a personality that is not mine, as I spent all my life (more than 40 years now) trying to fill the "gap" that my father created in my mind. I must admit my father has some sort of psychic power as I can feel his will and his soul that may overcome my will, causing myself to do what he wanted, and not what I really wanted. Sad but true, a spiritual slave I was and still am at some levels. Lesser level, if I'm free to write this. I feel like nothing I do in life and job is enough for the others.   So I was going to build some sort of "family" based on xian values (weak wife, hard working man to support all of this) and I build the need to have smart cars, a good house, a good job. I obtained all of this, a good wage and life level, but with only one aim: satisfying my father's ideas of how I should be. I have always been unhappy about my life despite all of this. I tried to break free some years ago, I restarted my life after Dedicating, and tried to build a new lifestyle, healtier and better. The enemy attacked me very hard. I succedeed on spiritual level, as now I am aware of many thing, but I did not suceed in the material level. I end up, afeter years, replicating a similar lifestyle, same job, same house, same car (healtier, but so similar) so I am stuck in this pattern. I feel this is linked to the 1st or the 2nd chakra, that are blocked by my father (or the enemy?). I suppose these are the chakra most linked to the material life.   Now - today - all crumbled in front of me, as I don't give to these thing value anymore as they have not been chosen by me, but by a psychich vampire (father) who was manipulating my mind and using my will to act for him.   Satan helped me immensely guiding me to understand this, and this required many years. I am very grateful to him. But now that I have to leave again all of this xian-pattern I am unable to, because I can't give to myself any value except for what I created in life. I don't know how to live my life, as I never thought about this, all was "pre-ordered" for me. The only thing that is mine is Meditation, and Spirituality. But I lived it "to fill a gap" between me and Father Satan's expectations. This is the only way I am able to live life till now.   Did anyone of you ever have a similar experience? How to overcome this, how to find a new asset for your material being and existence?   Thanks to all of you for listening to me, I really felt the urge today to disclose in the groups my personal situation, hoping to find a "trigger word" somewhere to begin a new phase of my life that I really need.   HAIL SATAN!!! HAIL THE GODS OF DUAT!!!