I met ToZ and Father Zeus when I was an adult. At a point in my life when I had accepted that my being wasn't wrong, but simply different. I found him when I was aware within myself that I wanted to see beyond, to accept my diversity, and to make aware what I had always known within me.
As I've said before, as a child, I had the gift of seeing, hearing, and dreaming of the deceased. My favorite Egyptian god was Anubis, the one who watched over the dead and celebrated mummification, who weighed the deceased's heart on the scales of Maat; I'd always felt too drawn to the Egyptians, and my mother fueled this passion of mine, although unfortunately she is really too Christian to be saved in this life. I tended to speak too differently from other children, and I'd always had that detached approach to observing other people's behavior, studying it, and trying to understand its motives. I adored nature and animals like my grandfather. I had that great healing ability; without realizing it, I was capable of making a physically or emotionally wounded animal feel better.
I loved sitting in a meadow, feeling the grass on my legs and the wind on my face, breathing slowly and enjoying every moment. In a certain sense I was meditating. I dreamed of being able to control the elements. I would identify with trees, trying to understand what it meant to be majestic and ageless, or I would do the same with animals, even trying to imagine an atom and its infinite strength. I'd always been too different from everyone else. I thought I was crazy.
I grew up in a very Christian and devout family, and I was always irritated and disgusted by that religion, without understanding the real reason. I remember feeling physically ill every time I entered church.
I was enormously attracted to Satan, from what I knew about him. I searched for him online but couldn't delve deeper. I also dreamed of what I discovered was a gargoyle.
After many trials and suffering, I met the man who is now my life partner. On our first date, he asked me, "Who is God for you?" I answered uncertainly, not knowing what to say. He told me, "Satan is God," and that unlocked me. I felt as if every piece of the puzzle fit perfectly together; now everything made sense, I was coming home.
I believe Zeus has always been with me as my Guardian.
I understood that my great difference stemmed from something bigger and deeper.
I'm glad I never gave up.