Bad thoughts in relation to a Goddess, how can i deal with that ?

[Prosperous]

To put you in picture i will explain in details, i tried solving that alone but did not know how to

Sometimes when I see statements like "Zeus is God," especially phrased as "Zeus is the only God," I feel a small sense of resistance, as if I’m being bossed. At the same time, even if I were not a devotee, knowing how enemy entities and Abrahamic gods are portrayed, I would still call him God and respect him. Additionally, this path is one of Godhead, so I am being freed, not bossed. These thoughts arise for a second or two, but in the grand scheme I respect and love Zeus deeply.

I feel his reassurance: "Do not worry about these thoughts; just focus on yourself and continue the ritual. If you need to process them, it’s about you, not me." Thats how i feel he views this. He is not offended i am 100% sure, he knows me and how I think, and the rituals always go well, so all is good. So i have been able to ignore those thoughts and never felt fear or guilt.

I continued ignoring those thoughts when they came. The problem began when I started working with a Goddess and she is EXTREMLY friendly with me, i thank her so much for that
Now the intrusive thoughts are not just intellectual; occasionally, though rarely, sexual thoughts arise. This sends me into EXTREME guilt and shame.

For example, while focusing on her, feeling immense love and closeness, in a pure and perfect way, and while everything is going extremly good, out of nowhere a sexual thought pops up. Instantly I turn my face away in guilt and sit with those thoughts: "What should I do now? She heard that. But this is not me, this was just a thought. I am only responsible for my beliefs and convictions, not thoughts that come and go. Yet she heard it. Now she will think, ‘This human, I made him feel close to me, and look what he’s thinking.’ Why am I like this? Why did this happen?" Then I apologize and explain all that in details and continue the interaction..

Based on her reaction, she completely understands and forgives. But it became repetitive: the more guilt I felt, the more the thought returned. So I stopped feeling guilt, though I still don’t know how to deal with it. Now I apologize without guilt and state, "Please know this is just a thought, not me. I am responsible only for my convictions, not random thoughts." I sometimes add, "Please know I am not even fully responsible for my convictions," and may laugh briefly before stopping out of fear that this may be labeled disrespectful. And continue: I still hold limiting beliefs; I still have thoughts that aren’t beneficial, so I do not have complete free will in this. I am in this body, with a mind that is not fully pure. My essence is pure, and I strive to embody that purity, though I do not fully embody it yet. So please forgive that.

Based on her reaction, she forgives and understands. But then the thoughts started coming dirtier, the more I resisted, the more they persisted. Now I get more visual sexual thoughts, which again send me into guilt instantly, Yesterday, I believe I heard her voice for the first time( i am not sure) , the voice was very very feminine and friendly to me, later, a very very very very bad thought arose, very bad, again bringing extreme guilt. And fear that this may ruin how she views me.

How should I deal with this? During a ritual, summoning, prayer, or simply thinking of the Goddess or a God, if a bad thought arises, how should I handle it? Should I just ignore it? Currently when it happens, I say in my mind, "Cancel, cancel," but when I remember that the Goddess heard, I feel very bad, especially knowing how friendly she has been and I fear ruining our relationship.

Is there a short phrase I can use after the thought, then continue normally, without feeling guilt or shame?

 

[Inquisitor⥀Veritas]

First off, it is very good you are open about this and immediately willing to rectify this when it comes to the Divine. What you need to begin doing to control these thoughts is to begin practicing void meditation. Void meditation is a crucial aspect of meditation and it is one of the basic things we must learn, because as we advance our thoughts will begin to change reality. So for instance if one advances quite a bit and suddenly says a negative thing about some random person or even someone they care about, they can potentially bring misfortune to this person. So Void meditation is the process of controlling your thoughts and also clearing your mind, as well as turning your mind into what we can say a precision laser of intention and focus. To begin practicing void meditation, pick an object, you will be focusing on. It can be a piece of paper, a chair, really anything you choose. Now once you have this object you will be focusing on, continue looking at it and only it, what this does is it gets the brain to over time only think of this object since you are forcing the brain to only process this particular visual stimuli. This gets you to train the brain to begin to only think of and focus on a single thing, thus leading to a stronger control of sudden outbursts of random uncontrollable thoughts. I believe one can also use textures as a way to do void meditation as well, but it depends on the individual person. I hope this helps you, begin void meditation today if possible and keep at it, you will be amazed of the clarity you will start to have over time. Stay consistent with it too, start off slow for a time of practicing it, maybe 3 minutes or so? Your choice on how you start, but then as you feel more control over your mind, up the time limit. Stay blessed as you continue to walk the path.

 

[nema]

I don't think the Gods look inside your head at all, my friend. That's an insanely paranoid way of living this in my opinion.. if you have the common sense (and apparently you do) to keep such thoughts for yourself, than you sound respectful to me..?

 

[Prosperous]

@Inquisitor⥀Veritas @nema thank you so much
Ok so i think now i understand almost fully how to interact with the Gods

 

[Inquisitor⥀Veritas]

@Inquisitor⥀Veritas @nema thank you so much
Ok so i think now i understand almost fully how to interact with the Gods

Happy to help, may you be blessed as you continue to walk the path.