Why suicide?

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Azorm
Posts: 248
Location: Everywhere

Why suicide?

Postby Azorm » Tue Jun 25, 2019 6:54 pm

Why are people suicidal anyway?

I am suicidal since forever, I barely was a kid and I wanted to die. I always had visions of me getting killed or similar, I always had a strong urge to die.

I'm also very depressed person all my life and I had a lot of trouble with other people and my own family. I think I am cursed. Everytime I walk into somebody's life I end up destroying them any myself too. There are lot of tensions and negative energy in my relationships with other people, and I watched almost all of my loved ones turning into strangers or my enemies in the end.
I'm very different even among people here, and often I end up gathering negative energy on myself no matter what I do.

I have severe traumas and hang-ups after averything that happened with others and I remember having it bad even in my past lives. Always same shit over and over again.

I have some other problems too. I often feel like I don't belong to this world at all. And often I just can't make myself happy no matter what I try. I'm trying to do things that will make me happy but nothing is working really.

Sometimes I just want to sleep for all days, but then I feel guilty for it and bad, and then when I work, I feel bad because of that too. Then I try to socialize and to go out and things, and then I end up being even more unhappy. Whatever I do in this life, ends up in the same direction - let's die.

Somebody hurts me- suicide.
I have no money to buy something- suicide
I can't sleep for days - suicide
I dropped my icecream - suicide

..I'm not even sure anymore what's going on with me. I know how wrong it is. It's also selfish. I have few people and Demons who love me, I'm not even sure how they can love person like me but okay, I will try to be nice and to stay alive.

I keep thinking about how to destroy my soul completely if I really end up killing myself.

Why do people even end up being so suicidal even when they know that is wrong? I will not kill myself tho I would love to do it now, I'm just curious. What is that in people that can make them this way?

I want to stop being suicidal. I don't know how.

HP. Hoodedcobra666
Posts: 4598

Re: Why suicide?

Postby HP. Hoodedcobra666 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 7:10 pm

You have powerful destructive tendencies which you can use to an advantage, ie, turn this energy towards dissolving your own obstacles, destroying parts of your personality that you do not like [destroy in order to improve].

The specifics of this have to be understood on your own through meditation which will bring out these things for you to deal with.

There seems to be karmic work that needs work here. To make these ideas over the simplest of problems is definitely absurd and possibly extends to lifetimes of problems that need correction.

Time to start meditating and stop the endless thinking on the subject.
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Rook
Posts: 251

Re: Why suicide?

Postby Rook » Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:42 pm

What's that on your signature?
"You're not my enemy, I am my enemy"
That's called self-sabotage, and it seems your mindset is fixed on that.
You really need to stop fucking yourself like that and do some void mediation so that you can become more aware of your thoughts, this will allow you to snuff out the negative ones and empower yourself with positive ones.

Establishing Control wrote:Worry does nothing to change a problem. It drains energy and can cause serious health problems. Again, the mind is out of control, as the same thoughts compulsively repeat themselves over and over, accomplishing nothing but upset. Bad situations and problems need to be rationally thought out for possible solutions and then let go.
Constantly rehearsing a bad incident over and over isn’t going to solve the problem. This will only create other problems. Stress tears down the body and mind. Mental and psychological pain can be just as bad as physical pain. A strong mind can refuse this pain. When the mind is calm, often solutions will present themselves and problems can be worked out.


Suicide only makes things worse this has been said for a long time now, if you've got problems then work towards fixing it, knowing and understanding the problem is the 1st step to solving it.
So stop worry about the problems and start acting.
for a start, you really need to fix your mindset and get a positive one.
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... ntrol.html
Just remember, things take time, your problems won't be solved instantly, but they'll eventually be solved once you start working towards fixing it, and for the most part, you've got all the time you need.

MoonlessNight666
Posts: 123

Re: Why suicide?

Postby MoonlessNight666 » Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:22 pm

I know a catch 22 is the last thing people wanna hear in these kinds of situations but I can not stress the importance of doing something that makes you proud. I grew up with an older brother who was heavly depressed and I myself delt with the kinds of thoughts you have rn so i feel like I can relate to your situation.

I have given this advice before but keep in mind Im no HP by anymeans I can only tell you what worked for me.

Make a space for yourself where u wont be disturbed for like 45 mins and take out a pen and a paper.

Visualise the absoulte best version of yourself. Go off the rails go crazy, exercise your imagination a little bit this is your time and noone has to see what you have written down. For example my best version of myself is a politician
who owns mutliple schools where young adults learn about the powers of thier minds but more importantly how to use these powers of the soul and mind for combat.

Now, how does this version of urself spend thier time? Write it all down. Now half whatever you came up with. Do you wish u could void 2 hours everyday make it 1. Now cut even that in half, like 25-30 mins. A certain exercise asks you to do 108 reps? Make it 18. There is no shame in starting small but there def. is in not starting at all.(trust me i know)

We as satanists have incredible resources under our belt and yes sometimes( at least for me) it can get a little emotionally straining when u feel like u havent been making the most of it but you cant let that get to you because please keep in mind its not like we grew up in a world where eveything was perfect and we decided to treat ourselfs like shit because YOLO.

Yes its important to take responsibility for our actions but a good portion of our personality is shaped by the world we live in ,which the enemy have had a grip on all this time.

My point with all this is, set little goals for urself and work towards achieving them. But literally write them down and at the end of the day check them off.I promise you it will feel great.But as I said before dont be afraid of starting out small, very small. We are organic creatures and I cant explain why but there is something sooo satisfying when you feel like you are growing, it makes this mess of an experiance worth living and pushing throu.

My last advice is, when you hear that tiny little jew wispering in your ear saying are u really gonna be proud for doing the bare minimum tell him to eat shit and die of malaria.

HailVictory88
Posts: 308

Re: Why suicide?

Postby HailVictory88 » Wed Jun 26, 2019 1:47 am

As someone who has struggled a lot with self-hate and self-destructive tendencies, HP Hoodedcobra has good advice. Do not waste time wallowing in self-hatred or self-pity. Build a reasonable, actionable routine and stick to it. If done consistently, you should make significant progress.

What could you accomplish with a few months of consistently doing what you're supposed to every day? You don't have to instantly make yourself perfect or completely happy, and you don't have to change your past. Focus on daily improvement, resist fatigue, urges to quit, and ruminating negative thoughts (void meditation is essential).

You are one of the very small percentage of people who discovered the truth that the Joy of Satan offers. Don't throw that away.

SdD
Posts: 433

Re: Why suicide?

Postby SdD » Wed Jun 26, 2019 2:46 am

Ora ora ora…

So you're somebody who thinks about dying ...

to think that in the past I've wanted to send you email to talk to you…
but you know, right?psychics… . .

but how did you respond…
just say
Send a memento to the Goddess for me, when it is ...

Wwwjajajawww :lol:
¡magia se combate com Magia!
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Heil!!!!

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SdD
Posts: 433

Re: Why suicide?

Postby SdD » Wed Jun 26, 2019 2:57 am

You helped me…
now I only care about acquiring power…

Enjoy and back to Akasha…

people with power who wants to be a normie

You do not have to be happy, you just have to fight for what you believe.
¡magia se combate com Magia!
http://www.AlegriadeSatan.com
RTR Final pt vPintável
Final RTR - Paintable Version
Demónios: Os Deuses Pagãos Originais . pdf pt-BR

Heil!!!!

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Hps.mlimlal666
Posts: 163
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Re: Why suicide?

Postby Hps.mlimlal666 » Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:30 pm

Everything can be fixed. If you have no money, you can get a job or go back to school to get education for a specific job you may want, start a business who knows... there are many ways to improve a financial life. Is not too late!
You also can start doing things differently, instead of staying home every day complaining and dwelling on negative life, go for a walk, find a new hobby, learn a new skill that might bring you an income.
Find something fun to do. You don't have to live on miserable for the rest of your life before some bad traumatic event occurred. You can be happy, you can do meditations to remove the curses and improve your life. Clean your aura daily, work on your chakras and soul every day. You don't have to live like this, only if choose too. Someone breaks your heart fuck them! Do not wish to die over anyone.
The best revenge is happiness, success and of course, black magic. Don't turn your cheek to anyone!
Start freeing your soul, you can use runes like Urus and munka. Use wunjo for depression. Clean your aura daily you can use Surae, add algiz for the protection it also helps banish negative energies. You can start with this, it seems a lot but it will work, it might take a while, but do meditate every day unto your aura and soul is cleaned. Take care
Hail Satan and all Gods of Duat .

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Azorm
Posts: 248
Location: Everywhere

Re: Why suicide?

Postby Azorm » Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:06 pm

Hps.mlimlal666 wrote:Everything can be fixed. If you have no money, you can get a job or go back to school to get education for a specific job you may want, start a business who knows... there are many ways to improve a financial life. Is not too late!
You also can start doing things differently, instead of staying home every day complaining and dwelling on negative life, go for a walk, find a new hobby, learn a new skill that might bring you an income.
Find something fun to do. You don't have to live on miserable for the rest of your life before some bad traumatic event occurred. You can be happy, you can do meditations to remove the curses and improve your life. Clean your aura daily, work on your chakras and soul every day. You don't have to live like this, only if choose too. Someone breaks your heart fuck them! Do not wish to die over anyone.
The best revenge is happiness, success and of course, black magic. Don't turn your cheek to anyone!
Start freeing your soul, you can use runes like Urus and munka. Use wunjo for depression. Clean your aura daily you can use Surae, add algiz for the protection it also helps banish negative energies. You can start with this, it seems a lot but it will work, it might take a while, but do meditate every day unto your aura and soul is cleaned. Take care


Thanks. I'm adding new workings to clean my soul. Big part of my dirt is from my past lives actually, so I will have to remove it somehow. It's always pissing me off and I feel frustrated even when everything is okay and add some of my problems now and this happens I guess. Also I noticed some of my weird and nasty Mercury aspects that are ruining my way of thinking and my communication with others. In school there were many things that I avoided to learn too because I gained some bad traumas in my early school days. Lucky, I could predict that it will come to this so I saved some of my books and some notes on interesting stuff that might help me later in learning it all again and to move even further, because it seems that I need and want to learn things like math, physics and similar. It will help me to express myself and my ideas to other people. I often have some weird ideas that are actually cool but I hardly can even explain them properly or anything.

And ofc, I don't want to suffer anymore, but my sub. often feels like I should, so it can attracts bad people and bad things in my life... I will focus on my cleaning and happy things more. I know I will survive this all, I always somehow make my way out..

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Azorm
Posts: 248
Location: Everywhere

Re: Why suicide?

Postby Azorm » Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:25 pm

HP. Hoodedcobra666 wrote:You have powerful destructive tendencies which you can use to an advantage, ie, turn this energy towards dissolving your own obstacles, destroying parts of your personality that you do not like [destroy in order to improve].

The specifics of this have to be understood on your own through meditation which will bring out these things for you to deal with.

There seems to be karmic work that needs work here. To make these ideas over the simplest of problems is definitely absurd and possibly extends to lifetimes of problems that need correction.

Time to start meditating and stop the endless thinking on the subject.


Yeah, I have abnormally morbid, dark and violent part of personality. It's can be a powerful drive to move forward and to take the best out of everything. If this part of me is not satisfied, it seems that nasty things happen. Also, I think I can remember some of traumatic events from my past lives. I can read them almost from my weak spots in my aura. Not sure yet 100% what all happened but probably I am also cursed, because I just can't explain why do I have so shitty life. I will add some workings soon to remove that all, so if my memories are true, I should clean most of my bad stuff then.

I thought about what might cause my suicidal thoughts and I found a lot of things, so I guess one by one will have to fixed. My kundalini almost drove me insane because of this all, so I have to be careful now. I'm frustrated because even after so much time and work on this, my suicidal thoughts are here still. I didn't stopped my meditations since I started few years ago and I will continue to do them, and I will add even more cleaning. I really want to move forward, I hate being in one place for too long and this is waay to dangerous now anyway.

I will not think too much about it, but I just want to finally fix this...

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Azorm
Posts: 248
Location: Everywhere

Re: Why suicide?

Postby Azorm » Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:31 pm

MoonlessNight666 wrote:I know a catch 22 is the last thing people wanna hear in these kinds of situations but I can not stress the importance of doing something that makes you proud. I grew up with an older brother who was heavly depressed and I myself delt with the kinds of thoughts you have rn so i feel like I can relate to your situation.

I have given this advice before but keep in mind Im no HP by anymeans I can only tell you what worked for me.

Make a space for yourself where u wont be disturbed for like 45 mins and take out a pen and a paper.

Visualise the absoulte best version of yourself. Go off the rails go crazy, exercise your imagination a little bit this is your time and noone has to see what you have written down. For example my best version of myself is a politician
who owns mutliple schools where young adults learn about the powers of thier minds but more importantly how to use these powers of the soul and mind for combat.

Now, how does this version of urself spend thier time? Write it all down. Now half whatever you came up with. Do you wish u could void 2 hours everyday make it 1. Now cut even that in half, like 25-30 mins. A certain exercise asks you to do 108 reps? Make it 18. There is no shame in starting small but there def. is in not starting at all.(trust me i know)

We as satanists have incredible resources under our belt and yes sometimes( at least for me) it can get a little emotionally straining when u feel like u havent been making the most of it but you cant let that get to you because please keep in mind its not like we grew up in a world where eveything was perfect and we decided to treat ourselfs like shit because YOLO.

Yes its important to take responsibility for our actions but a good portion of our personality is shaped by the world we live in ,which the enemy have had a grip on all this time.

My point with all this is, set little goals for urself and work towards achieving them. But literally write them down and at the end of the day check them off.I promise you it will feel great.But as I said before dont be afraid of starting out small, very small. We are organic creatures and I cant explain why but there is something sooo satisfying when you feel like you are growing, it makes this mess of an experiance worth living and pushing throu.

My last advice is, when you hear that tiny little jew wispering in your ear saying are u really gonna be proud for doing the bare minimum tell him to eat shit and die of malaria.


Thanks. I understand what you want to say.
I will see what I can do. There are some obstacles that are preventing me in being more proud and happy, but I guess I need to try even more..

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Azorm
Posts: 248
Location: Everywhere

Re: Why suicide?

Postby Azorm » Sat Jun 29, 2019 5:38 pm

SdD wrote:You helped me…
now I only care about acquiring power…

Enjoy and back to Akasha…

people with power who wants to be a normie

You do not have to be happy, you just have to fight for what you believe.



You always manage to confuse me. I hardly can understand what you want really to say or what are your true intentions. Idk why but I'm 90% sure that you are following me around and insulting me all this time. No idea what you really want even now. You tried improving your communication skills or at least your English? Maybe it would make your life easier, or you are just really weird person no matter what you do.

User avatar
Azorm
Posts: 248
Location: Everywhere

Re: Why suicide?

Postby Azorm » Sat Jun 29, 2019 6:04 pm

Rook wrote:What's that on your signature?
"You're not my enemy, I am my enemy"
That's called self-sabotage, and it seems your mindset is fixed on that.
You really need to stop fucking yourself like that and do some void mediation so that you can become more aware of your thoughts, this will allow you to snuff out the negative ones and empower yourself with positive ones.

Establishing Control wrote:Worry does nothing to change a problem. It drains energy and can cause serious health problems. Again, the mind is out of control, as the same thoughts compulsively repeat themselves over and over, accomplishing nothing but upset. Bad situations and problems need to be rationally thought out for possible solutions and then let go.
Constantly rehearsing a bad incident over and over isn’t going to solve the problem. This will only create other problems. Stress tears down the body and mind. Mental and psychological pain can be just as bad as physical pain. A strong mind can refuse this pain. When the mind is calm, often solutions will present themselves and problems can be worked out.


Suicide only makes things worse this has been said for a long time now, if you've got problems then work towards fixing it, knowing and understanding the problem is the 1st step to solving it.
So stop worry about the problems and start acting.
for a start, you really need to fix your mindset and get a positive one.
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfir ... ntrol.html
Just remember, things take time, your problems won't be solved instantly, but they'll eventually be solved once you start working towards fixing it, and for the most part, you've got all the time you need.



Tbh, not really self-sabortage is my intention. I wanna grow, I wanna grow powerful as fuck and I wanna be happy. I just know that barely even enemy out here can damage us as we can. We are responsible for our own actions, and we are first to blame. Not even Reptilians or Greys or other people, we are to blame for most of the pain that we are feeling. Ofc, there are some situations where we really tried our best and all, but mostly we are just making stupid mistakes and blaming everyone around.

I don't really want to kill myself all the time, not consciously. 80% of the time is just my subconsciousness wanting it. Yeah I have those moments when I feel it in sudden flashes coming out to the surface. I turn it off soon and try to void or something. I feel it burried in me and I want to get rid of it, it's ruining my happiness and health even when it's passive. When I was writing that all something bad was happening and it made me frustrated because that shitty feel is there no matter what I do and it started going to the surface again .

I'm actually very strict with myself most of the time, but I think there is a thin line between self-discipline and self-sabortage, and yes, I sometimes find myself swimming in the dangerous waters, but in reality, I really want to have control over myself and my life, but thin line is thin, and when you are me, it's easy to become destructive and full blown retarded.

When I feel those nasty feels coming out Iately, I try to understand why. It's nothing bad to look at my fears in the eyes, because I want to understand them and to get rid of them, so I can clean my shit. Hopefully, my mind and my emotions will be lighter soon, I will try some new workings. I'm tired of feeling pain all the time even when I'm trying to just enjoy my life.

slyscorpion
Posts: 603

Re: Why suicide?

Postby slyscorpion » Sun Jun 30, 2019 5:23 am

Azorm wrote:
Hps.mlimlal666 wrote:Everything can be fixed. If you have no money, you can get a job or go back to school to get education for a specific job you may want, start a business who knows... there are many ways to improve a financial life. Is not too late!
You also can start doing things differently, instead of staying home every day complaining and dwelling on negative life, go for a walk, find a new hobby, learn a new skill that might bring you an income.
Find something fun to do. You don't have to live on miserable for the rest of your life before some bad traumatic event occurred. You can be happy, you can do meditations to remove the curses and improve your life. Clean your aura daily, work on your chakras and soul every day. You don't have to live like this, only if choose too. Someone breaks your heart fuck them! Do not wish to die over anyone.
The best revenge is happiness, success and of course, black magic. Don't turn your cheek to anyone!
Start freeing your soul, you can use runes like Urus and munka. Use wunjo for depression. Clean your aura daily you can use Surae, add algiz for the protection it also helps banish negative energies. You can start with this, it seems a lot but it will work, it might take a while, but do meditate every day unto your aura and soul is cleaned. Take care


Thanks. I'm adding new workings to clean my soul. Big part of my dirt is from my past lives actually, so I will have to remove it somehow. It's always pissing me off and I feel frustrated even when everything is okay and add some of my problems now and this happens I guess. Also I noticed some of my weird and nasty Mercury aspects that are ruining my way of thinking and my communication with others. In school there were many things that I avoided to learn too because I gained some bad traumas in my early school days. Lucky, I could predict that it will come to this so I saved some of my books and some notes on interesting stuff that might help me later in learning it all again and to move even further, because it seems that I need and want to learn things like math, physics and similar. It will help me to express myself and my ideas to other people. I often have some weird ideas that are actually cool but I hardly can even explain them properly or anything.

And ofc, I don't want to suffer anymore, but my sub. often feels like I should, so it can attracts bad people and bad things in my life... I will focus on my cleaning and happy things more. I know I will survive this all, I always somehow make my way out..


I think you will be fine. Let me say this like I said in another thread I had invoked too much air or something lost ability to feel emotion for two years. I think really it was just the pain of this world became so great to me that I shut down. The last two months or so I have started feeling emotions again but the odd part is I am moody I feel empty like not worth it. So I understand suicidal I have felt this way before but if I did it ill just end up incarnating in this empty meaningless world again. So what's the point in it. I'll have to go through child hood in a family that doesn't mean much because no one understands what true family is. I'd have to be brainwashed by some government brainwashing program in some country. Id have to deal with things all over again.
.
What my problem stems from is years on end spent pretty much being alone no one that much to talk to. I did have a friend for the last around 4 years that helps but not totally as I don't know any SS in offline life yet I had a dream that told me I might soon though so cool. I won't list off all my water placements sigh but I feel deeply about things to the point I completely shut down.

I remember this I don't know what entity this was but someone was talking to me about you sure you want to do this and this life would be very hard for me or whatever. Maybe I should have backed out and waited for us to win the war. The odd thing is if I give up now the God's probably wouldn't like me. So I can't go back. I had awareness as a kid of a lot on here (as you correctly already stated in that post). I knew why I came here. It's so fucking meaningless though how the fuck did I get through one life before this (apparently not that long before this one) and actually remember feeling happy without all these problems on Earth and not realize that it's all just bullshit and there is not a point as nothing has meaning. I want depth and meaning in something where is it man. I will be ok so will you and all who feel this way though but just want to say I relate though with me maybe it's deeper since I don't seem to remember you saying you had as many Water placements as mine. I try though. I try to smile and be happy but inside I am empty sometimes.

Anyways just my thoughts.

slyscorpion
Posts: 603

Re: Why suicide?

Postby slyscorpion » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:47 am

I hope I made you feel better btw. It's really hard to release these types of feelings but thanks for talking to me. I don't feel empty so much anymore today. It takes a lot to heal from this stuff. I feel like I released this but there is still this residual sadness that is with me. It was like a painful feeling in my heart chakra that was always a block. But I'll be ok. There is a lot of meaning to life and stuff maybe not to the enemy world of today but life can be great and awesome. It may take talking about this for awhile cause I am a deep person but I feel a lot better this was all related to traumatic experiences that made me feel this way in a past life and probably some of the stuff that recently happened in this one too but I'm ok.


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