Sorry, I probably used the wrongs words to talk about something else (problems with my Mercury, I apologize). While I was saying the white supremacism thing, I didn't meant to say that the community was propagating the ideas. It was more about the new people that came bringing those outside ideologies (Redpill? Incel? whatever, it all seems similar to me) to try to point their view. The community quickly corrected them, some left the forums, others educated themselves and stopped the nonsense. I should have said this on another post, of a more appropriate subject. When it held the old political viewpoint (nazis), the community was susceptible to certain misunderstandings. The Temple never had those extreme ideas, and never made any derogatory claims of other races. Thankfully we have educated Zevists (and a wonderful clergy) that never let that happen. I think I got into a case way too specific and tried to generalize it . That mixed-race thing, don't mind it, I wasn't going to point that. I've already dealt with it in the past, it kept me struggling for some time.
Before I got into Zevism, I couldn't even look myself at the mirror. After meditating and doing plenty of workings, a lot of it was cleared, and I started to accept who I am. Firstly, I had to deal with being a woman, if I was feminine enough or not, then the race thing got into the surface, and had to deal with it afterwards. I may have felt inferior, and still feel sometimes. But it is not because I think that I am, it is because I used to be extremely perfeccionist at the past, and hard at myself. It's like doing 1% and people praising you for considering that you've done 100%, but I know I didn't do my best there, and I started to think that maybe they were just being kind and accepting. I was that kind of kid that took A grades and complained that I should have studied more to get a A+, that it was my fault to have picked the wrong answer at a stupid question that anyone could get it right. I was way too serious, too strict, thinking that making a mistake was unacceptable. I came into this life telling myself that I couldn't get it wrong, that this time I couldn't make an error. Besides the seriousness, I was also naive with other people, being a doormat for them. Thankfully I dealt with that too, and I don't stand people pleasing anymore.
Nowadays I'm having trouble with identifying myself at the core level, besides the race and biological gender. I'm trying to find what I wanted to become all this time, I'm trying to understand why I took so many different routes at life, why I studied so many different things, why I got into contact with so many different people.
About the HoO Advanced Purification, I intend to invest in many other workings too. For now I'm dealing with some difficulties, the cost of deciding to choose a long term goal instead of a short one.
