struggling

[mikearnold66]

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[tigirus]

You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep fighting

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[[email protected]]

Listen to what you just said. You basically have answered your own question but your to scared to admit it. This is why they invinted the Christian version of Hell , to make you to scared to think clearly.

--- In , "tigirus" <tigirus@... wrote:

You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep fighting

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[diaynochecraig]

Better to discover the truth sooner than later. Do not wait for all to be lost, to see for yourself whether spiritual Satanism is a better alternative. Life has gotten better for me, but the love of my life is missing from the picture. I allowed myself to first lose what was most dear to my heart, before seriously pursuing Satanism. And I wish it did not take her death to finally catapult me into this Left-Hand Path I had been putting on hold. I wish I had known the truth while there was still time for us, that way I could have shared the joy of Satan with her before it was too late.

Be strong, and I wish beautiful things for you and those you love.
In Satan.

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[junrails]

Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.

Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.

You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined.It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves.Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.

Hail Father Satan.

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]Great advice Morning Star,I too had to do many blasphemy rituals,to rid myself of that foul holy spirit.Very cathartic,and cleansing for the soul.
Hail Satan!
Brian 

--- On Wed, 6/15/11, Morning Star <morning_star87@... wrote:

From: Morning Star <morning_star87@...
Subject: Re: struggling
To:

  Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.

Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.

You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined.It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves.Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.

Hail Father Satan.

--- [/IMG], "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

[/TD]

 

[Allison P]

Ave Mike! I can't imagine how hard this was for you, as I was never
raised xian. I wasn't realy raised anything. Lol. Anyway, you must
make this choice yourself. No one can do it for you. Fear is your
enemy. It is also one of the tactics the xian entities love to employ
to keep their followers YOU MUST FIGHT IT! I understand that you are
frightened; after years of indoctrination and expectation, you are at
last starting to realize the truth. If you truly want to be with
Satan, you will dedicate to him when the time is right. You'll know
when that time is. There's no rush.

Satan does indeed help and protect his own. However, and you've read
at least part of the Jos site, understand that in the end he wishes us
to be self-sufficient through power meditation and empowering our
souls. He doesn't ever leave his people out to dry though, not if
we're in desperate need. And Father will never, never ask you to give
up a person youy love just because they are not with him. That is
something yahweh/jehova seems to delight in, but Satan/Enki does not
do things like that. Blasphemous rituals aren't a bad idea. You could
try the exorcism of jehova:



In any case, I wish you the best of success in finding your true path.
I for one would be glad to call you Brother, but you must take the
step yourself. You can always speak to Satan, you know. You don't have
to be dedicated. Just open your heart and ask if your place is truly
by his side. The answer might surprise you. Hail Father Satan always!

Ceridwyn

On 6/16/11, Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@... wrote:
Great advice Morning Star,I too had to do many blasphemy rituals,to rid
myself of that foul holy spirit.Very cathartic,and cleansing for the soul.
Hail Satan!
Brian

--- On Wed, 6/15/11, Morning Star <morning_star87@... wrote:

From: Morning Star <morning_star87@...
Subject: Re: struggling
To:
Date: Wednesday, June 15, 2011, 6:29 PM


























Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we
find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might
still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do
need to cast it out.



Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human
to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual
thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.



I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as
well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.



You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective
of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and
their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and
study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with
the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.



Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you
imagined.It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship
Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to
achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of
Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is
essential.

However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do
intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get
punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no
apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.



Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather
dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a
better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them.
It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather
capable to do and achieve things for ourselves.Certainly, with Father Satan
and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.



I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is
rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.

Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't
stop moving forward.



Hail Father Satan.



--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@...
wrote:



Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my
first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I
will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my
feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express
these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.

I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading,
please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per
say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual
choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to
the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of
11-12.

For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by
my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon
in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly
considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen
circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had
been recommend for.

By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning,
although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and
life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my
God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any,
and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly
abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me
when I needed him the most.

I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once
trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later,
while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an
even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which
I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in
every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.

I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest
cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen
spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my
god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and
things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of
a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and
suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my
hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No
justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was
trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened
naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.

However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic
which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research
websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for
research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them,
particulary this site.

For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I
can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was
content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense
sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought
for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from
following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at
my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.

I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to
go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God
terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that
rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction
by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle
to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not
completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at
my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of
rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.

Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read
on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the
things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once
one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for
those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will
be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in
two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something
better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought
before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help
us despite our most earnest cries?

It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write
something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would
have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter
not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring"
would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was
not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again,
but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some
type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral
projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and
many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil",
although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as
to why.

I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it
was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In
fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben
"off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity?
Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others,
display his power and help those he says he loves?

I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to
continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get
away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In
all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will
accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving
away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings
before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no
longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense
strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking
steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know
what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard
for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been
impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move
closer.

Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I
love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose
Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me.
I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the
christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already
broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else
I love...I have lost too much already.

Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only
7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on
the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the
rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible
lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am
torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[Mike Arnold]

Thanks for the encouragement.

From: tigirus <tigirus@...
To:
Sent: Tue, June 14, 2011 6:14:26 PM
Subject: Re: struggling

  You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep fighting

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[Mike Arnold]

My response is in blue print below.

From: Morning Star <morning_star87@...
To:
Sent: Wed, June 15, 2011 2:29:42 PM
Subject: Re: struggling

  Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.
This must be the case, as I have no other explanation for the "war" I am currently experiencing.[/B]
Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.
Thank you.[/B]
You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined. I may have given the wrong idea in my original post, so just to clarify, I was not expecting Satan to fix all my problems or supply me with riches and wealth.  No...not at all.  More than anything, after years of being promised their was a God who loved me and was looking out for me.....only to be left out to dry more times than I can recall...I was simply hoping there was a god who actually cared and would try to help when we find ourselves in problems which are serious and beyond our control.  Even then, I understand that bad things will happen...they are a regular part of life and I do not wish to avoid them all...but to know that someone actually really does care and won't just sit back and watch someone suffer when they are in desperate need...that would be very valuable.  [/B]  [/B] [/B]  It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
One of the things I am drawn to more than anything is the pursuit of spiritual development; capability.  Wtchcraft and developing the abilities of the mind is extremely fascinating to me and sine childhood, I have ben drawn to it, but told I could not pursue it because it would land me in hell, regardless of the cause.  I have sensed a very strong pull in that direction for many years and it was probably the first thing that began to draw me towards satanism in the first place.  Becoming adept at magick to the utmost degree has always been my desire...a very strong desire.  However, through reading Pythia's and other peopels writings, I understand that pursuing stanic witchcraft prior to dedication is not wise.[/B] However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves. That sounds good to me.  I don't want to depend on others when it is posible to do things myself.  With christianity, the follower is required to depend on the chrsitian god for their needs, while at the same time they are not permitted to develop their own personal power in any of the ways that satanism offfers.  It is like an intentional disadvantge, preventing the follower from being self-empowdered when it comes to any spiritual matter.[/B]   Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.
Thanks.[/B]
Hail Father Satan.

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[Mike Arnold]

       Thanks for the response.  I have slowly been breaking through this wall.  For those who have not experienced it, it can be overwhelming at times, but one thing which has helped quite a bit (and was largely responsible for bringing me to my current point) is exposing myself to regular stantic content, particulary on the JOS website.          Also, I have had great difficulty discerning spiritual influence and intent as of late.  All my beliefs have been turned nearly upside down, which makes discernent immensely difficult.  The spirits I once thought were "evil" now seem much different to me, as if I had previously had the blinders pulled down over my eyes.  In the past, I had always seen everything as black @ white when relying on the one-sided christian point of view, but previous explanations now seem grosly off-base and inaccurate, primarily due to recent experiences whuich conflict with these previous perspectives.  The funny thing is that while the old perspectives seemed to proceed from what I was "taught", the new perspectives proceed from what I have "experienced".         I cannot define the change which is taking place, nor how it came to be, but things are changing.  It's true that I am still afraid...not a fear based on rational or logic (as logic testifies against previously my learned teachings), but more of an inner feeling; tremnedous inner turmoil which doesn't seem to make sense.  Still, I cannot deny that the fear is waning.  It is still strong, but it is not nearly as strong as it once was.  There are even short moments were I percieve no fear at all, but they are short-lived, at which point i am slammed with another wave of fear.         I realize that this does not make sense, but I am trying.  
From: "amnaelhenry@..." <amnaelhenry@...
To:
Sent: Tue, June 14, 2011 11:49:18 PM
Subject: Re: struggling

  Listen to what you just said. You basically have answered your own question but your to scared to admit it. This is why they invinted the Christian version of Hell , to make you to scared to think clearly.

--- In , "tigirus" <tigirus@... wrote:

You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep fighting

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]Greetings Mike,
Excuse me for butting in,when you were actually talking to Morning Star.And excuse me to Sister,but I do have something to say Mike.I have been a non-xtian for over 16 years now.And been into the occult for 15 years.And all I can share is my experience that I had,because lets face it,that's really all we have is our experiences.When I came to Father Satan,even after practicing,what I thought was witchcraft,I had no idea what to expect.Because even as a witch,I heard a lot of negative things about Satan.But after reading the Satanic Bible(I purchased it at a well known book store,though it is far from the truth too)I made a (what I called a blood pact) with Satan.I still didn't know any better,and was still into the xtian form of Satanism.Anyway even though I did it wrong,and even for the wrong reasons,Father still excepted me as one of His own.That's why it isn't as important how you dedicate,just that you do.Anyway,the next night I was sitting in my bedroom,and I heard these voices say,"YOU ARE OURS NOW,AND YOU WILL BE PROTECTED FROM NOW ON" And let me tell you Mike,I have never felt such a loving,trustworthy,compassionate,being as our Father is.But my point in saying this all to you is,there is nothing anyone of us can tell you,that will convince you,until you experience it for yourself.And I promise He is there waiting with open arms for you.
Hail Satan!
Brian   

--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@... wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@...
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:

  My response is in blue print below.

From: Morning Star <morning_star87@...
To:
Sent: Wed, June 15, 2011 2:29:42 PM
Subject: Re: struggling

  Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.
This must be the case, as I have no other explanation for the "war" I am currently experiencing.[/B]
Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.
Thank you.[/B]
You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined. I may have given the wrong idea in my original post, so just to clarify, I was not expecting Satan to fix all my problems or supply me with riches and wealth.  No...not at all.  More than anything, after years of being promised their was a God who loved me and was looking out for me.....only to be left out to dry more times than I can recall...I was simply hoping there was a god who actually cared and would try to help when we find ourselves in problems which are serious and beyond our control.  Even then, I understand that bad things will happen...they are a regular part of life and I do not wish to avoid them all...but to know that someone actually really does care and won't just sit back and watch someone suffer when they are in desperate need...that would be very valuable.  [/B]  [/B] [/B]  It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
One of the things I am drawn to more than anything is the pursuit of spiritual development; capability.  Wtchcraft and developing the abilities of the mind is extremely fascinating to me and sine childhood, I have ben drawn to it, but told I could not pursue it because it would land me in hell, regardless of the cause.  I have sensed a very strong pull in that direction for many years and it was probably the first thing that began to draw me towards satanism in the first place.  Becoming adept at magick to the utmost degree has always been my desire...a very strong desire.  However, through reading Pythia's and other peopels writings, I understand that pursuing stanic witchcraft prior to dedication is not wise.[/B] However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves. That sounds good to me.  I don't want to depend on others when it is posible to do things myself.  With christianity, the follower is required to depend on the chrsitian god for their needs, while at the same time they are not permitted to develop their own personal power in any of the ways that satanism offfers.  It is like an intentional disadvantge, preventing the follower from being self-empowdered when it comes to any spiritual matter.[/B]   Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.
Thanks.[/B]
Hail Father Satan.

--- [/IMG], "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@... wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

[/TD]

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]Yes Mike if you are seeing everything backwards,than you are finally seeing the real truth.
Hail Satan!
Brian

--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@... wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@...
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:

         Thanks for the response.  I have slowly been breaking through this wall.  For those who have not experienced it, it can be overwhelming at times, but one thing which has helped quite a bit (and was largely responsible for bringing me to my current point) is exposing myself to regular stantic content, particulary on the JOS website.          Also, I have had great difficulty discerning spiritual influence and intent as of late.  All my beliefs have been turned nearly upside down, which makes discernent immensely difficult.  The spirits I once thought were "evil" now seem much different to me, as if I had previously had the blinders pulled down over my eyes.  In the past, I had always seen everything as black @ white when relying on the one-sided christian point of view, but previous explanations now seem grosly off-base and inaccurate, primarily due to recent experiences whuich conflict with these previous perspectives.  The funny thing is that while the old perspectives seemed to proceed from what I was "taught", the new perspectives proceed from what I have "experienced".         I cannot define the change which is taking place, nor how it came to be, but things are changing.  It's true that I am still afraid...not a fear based on rational or logic (as logic testifies against previously my learned teachings), but more of an inner feeling; tremnedous inner turmoil which doesn't seem to make sense.  Still, I cannot deny that the fear is waning.  It is still strong, but it is not nearly as strong as it once was.  There are even short moments were I percieve no fear at all, but they are short-lived, at which point i am slammed with another wave of fear.         I realize that this does not make sense, but I am trying.  
From: "amnaelhenry@..." <amnaelhenry@...
To:
Sent: Tue, June 14, 2011 11:49:18 PM
Subject: Re: struggling

  Listen to what you just said. You basically have answered your own question but your to scared to admit it. This is why they invinted the Christian version of Hell , to make you to scared to think clearly.

--- [/IMG], "tigirus" <tigirus@... wrote:

You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep fighting

--- [/IMG], "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

[/TD]

 

[Allison P]

The important thing, Mike, is that you are trying. Eventually, the
fear will dissipate, and you will be free. Free to pursue whatever it
is that you desire. Ave Satanas!

On 6/17/11, Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@... wrote:
Yes Mike if you are seeing everything backwards,than you are finally seeing
the real truth.
Hail Satan!
Brian
--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@... wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@...
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:
Date: Friday, June 17, 2011, 9:28 AM


























       Thanks for the response.  I have slowly been breaking through
this wall.  For those who have not experienced it, it can be overwhelming at
times, but one thing which has helped quite a bit (and was largely
responsible for bringing me to my current point) is exposing myself to
regular stantic content, particulary on the JOS website.
       Also, I have had great difficulty discerning spiritual influence and
intent as of late.  All my beliefs have been turned nearly upside down,
which makes discernent immensely difficult.  The spirits I once thought were
"evil" now seem much different to me, as if I had previously had the
blinders pulled down over my eyes.  In the past, I had always seen
everything as black @ white when relying on the one-sided christian point of
view, but previous explanations now seem grosly off-base and inaccurate,
primarily due to recent experiences whuich conflict with these previous
perspectives.  The funny thing is that while the old perspectives seemed to
proceed from what I was "taught", the new perspectives proceed from what I
have "experienced".
       I cannot define the change which is taking place, nor how it came to
be, but things are changing.  It's true that I am still afraid...not a fear
based on rational or logic (as logic testifies against previously my learned
teachings), but more of an inner feeling; tremnedous inner turmoil which
doesn't seem to make sense.  Still, I cannot deny that the fear is waning.
It is still strong, but it is not nearly as strong as it once was.  There
are even short moments were I percieve no fear at all, but they are
short-lived, at which point i am slammed with another wave of fear.
       I realize that this does not make sense, but I am trying.





From: "amnaelhenry@..." <amnaelhenry@...
To:
Sent: Tue, June 14, 2011 11:49:18 PM
Subject: Re: struggling




Listen to what you just said. You basically have answered your own question
but your to scared to admit it. This is why they invinted the Christian
version of Hell , to make you to scared to think clearly.

--- In , "tigirus" <tigirus@... wrote:

You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw
to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep
fighting

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@
wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first
post here. I understand the following may be lengthy,
although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately
relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place
to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading,
please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per
say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual
choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to
the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of
11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by
my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a
deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had
strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to
unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor,
which I had been recommend
for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning,
although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and
life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged
my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if
any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt
truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back
on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once
trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later,
while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by
an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and
which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving
in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my
heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get
worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All
my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I
recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter
written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the
most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare.
Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and
justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my
own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have
happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic
which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research
websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for
research purposes, but
I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I
can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was
content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense
sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had
thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to
come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely
abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to
go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God
terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that
rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction
by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the
struggle to choose between the christian god
and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian
God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me
anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read
on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the
things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that
once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care
for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers
will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn
in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for
something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had
always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer
and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point
where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside
of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a
lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at
all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral
projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age
18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew
it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book
on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks
later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is
"evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate
explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it
was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In
fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has
ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity?
Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others,
display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to
continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to
get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me.
In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it
will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and
moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these
feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can
no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense
strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking
steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know
what to do to break out from where I am now. A
dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago
this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter
will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I
love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I
chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she
loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If
the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has
already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up
naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only
7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based
on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the
rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible
lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am
torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[lunazshadow]

Reading all these respinses of people seeing and feeling changes is making my day start out extremely wonderful.
Hail Satan!
Motherwolff

--- In , Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@... wrote:

Yes Mike if you are seeing everything backwards,than you are finally seeing the real truth.
Hail Satan!
Brian
--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@... wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@...
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:
Date: Friday, June 17, 2011, 9:28 AM
















 









       Thanks for the response.  I have slowly been breaking through this wall.  For those who have not experienced it, it can be overwhelming at times, but one thing which has helped quite a bit (and was largely responsible for bringing me to my current point) is exposing myself to regular stantic content, particulary on the JOS website.  
       Also, I have had great difficulty discerning spiritual influence and intent as of late.  All my beliefs have been turned nearly upside down, which makes discernent immensely difficult.  The spirits I once thought were "evil" now seem much different to me, as if I had previously had the blinders pulled down over my eyes.  In the past, I had always seen everything as black @ white when relying on the one-sided christian point of view, but previous explanations now seem grosly off-base and inaccurate, primarily due to recent experiences whuich conflict with these previous perspectives.  The funny thing is that while the old perspectives seemed to proceed from what I was "taught", the new perspectives proceed from what I have "experienced". 
       I cannot define the change which is taking place, nor how it came to be, but things are changing.  It's true that I am still afraid...not a fear based on rational or logic (as logic testifies against previously my learned teachings), but more of an inner feeling; tremnedous inner turmoil which doesn't seem to make sense.  Still, I cannot deny that the fear is waning.  It is still strong, but it is not nearly as strong as it once was.  There are even short moments were I percieve no fear at all, but they are short-lived, at which point i am slammed with another wave of fear. 
       I realize that this does not make sense, but I am trying.
 




From: "amnaelhenry@..." <amnaelhenry@...
To:
Sent: Tue, June 14, 2011 11:49:18 PM
Subject: Re: struggling


 

Listen to what you just said. You basically have answered your own question but your to scared to admit it. This is why they invinted the Christian version of Hell , to make you to scared to think clearly.

--- In , "tigirus" <tigirus@ wrote:

You already know the answer... Your fear is pre-programmed and your draw to Satan is a part of you. Dont let the fear control you, just keep fighting

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy,
although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.
For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend
for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my
heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but
I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god
and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point
where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has
ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A
dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible
lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[lunazshadow]

Gave me chills at the mention of when you heard them say that to you Brian. The intense love and acceptance I feel with Father is far more than I could ever describe versus the "conditional" love of the xtian god who punishes and often kills those who stray.I also saw Satanism as something dark and for others to fear as I had been taught most of my life.When I dedicated,the overwhelming feelings of love and protection washed over me and I was overcome with emotion that moved me to cleansing tears and laughter of intense joy.
Hail Satan!
Motherwolff

--- In , Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@... wrote:

Greetings Mike,
Excuse me for butting in,when you were actually talking to Morning Star.And excuse me to Sister,but I do have something to say Mike.I have been a non-xtian for over 16 years now.And been into the occult for 15 years.And all I can share is my experience that I had,because lets face it,that's really all we have is our experiences.When I came to Father Satan,even after practicing,what I thought was witchcraft,I had no idea what to expect.Because even as a witch,I heard a lot of negative things about Satan.But after reading the Satanic Bible(I purchased it at a well known book store,though it is far from the truth too)I made a (what I called a blood pact) with Satan.I still didn't know any better,and was still into the xtian form of Satanism.Anyway even though I did it wrong,and even for the wrong reasons,Father still excepted me as one of His own.That's why it isn't as important how you dedicate,just that you do.Anyway,the next night I was sitting in my
bedroom,and I heard these voices say,"YOU ARE OURS NOW,AND YOU WILL BE PROTECTED FROM NOW ON" And let me tell you Mike,I have never felt such a loving,trustworthy,compassionate,being as our Father is.But my point in saying this all to you is,there is nothing anyone of us can tell you,that will convince you,until you experience it for yourself.And I promise He is there waiting with open arms for you.
Hail Satan!
Brian   

--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@... wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@...
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:
Date: Friday, June 17, 2011, 10:19 AM
















 









My response is in blue print below.





From: Morning Star <morning_star87@...
To:
Sent: Wed, June 15, 2011 2:29:42 PM
Subject: Re: struggling


 

Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.
This must be the case, as I have no other explanation for the "war" I am currently experiencing.

Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.
Thank you.

You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined.
I may have given the wrong idea in my original post, so just to clarify, I was not expecting Satan to fix all my problems or supply me with riches and wealth.  No...not at all.  More than anything, after years of being promised their was a God who loved me and was looking out for me.....only to be left out to dry more times than I can recall...I was simply hoping there was a god who actually cared and would try to help when we find ourselves in problems which are serious and beyond our control.  Even then, I understand that bad things will happen...they are a regular part of life and I do not wish to avoid them all...but to know that someone actually really does care and won't just sit back and watch someone suffer when they are in desperate need...that would be very valuable.    
 
It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
One of the things I am drawn to more than anything is the pursuit of spiritual development; capability.  Wtchcraft and developing the abilities of the mind is extremely fascinating to me and sine childhood, I have ben drawn to it, but told I could not pursue it because it would land me in hell, regardless of the cause.  I have sensed a very strong pull in that direction for many years and it was probably the first thing that began to draw me towards satanism in the first place.  Becoming adept at magick to the utmost degree has always been my desire...a very strong desire.  However, through
reading Pythia's and other peopels writings, I understand that pursuing stanic witchcraft prior to dedication is not wise.
However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves.
That sounds good to me.  I don't want to depend on others when it is posible to do things myself.  With christianity, the follower is required to depend on the chrsitian god for their needs, while at the same time they are not permitted to develop their own personal power in any of the ways that satanism offfers.  It is like an intentional disadvantge, preventing the follower from being self-empowdered when it comes to any spiritual matter.
 
Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.
Thanks.

Hail Father Satan.

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.

For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued
to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god
was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am
struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these
questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times
since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never
verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up
naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[darrklady13]

Hell yes I do Motherwolf!!!

I'm feeling the energy right now. The intense elation and joy!!!

HAIL THE POWERS OF HELL! MAY THEY REIGN TO INFINITY!!

--- In , "lunazshadow" <motherwolff3@... wrote:

Gave me chills at the mention of when you heard them say that to you Brian. The intense love and acceptance I feel with Father is far more than I could ever describe versus the "conditional" love of the xtian god who punishes and often kills those who stray.I also saw Satanism as something dark and for others to fear as I had been taught most of my life.When I dedicated,the overwhelming feelings of love and protection washed over me and I was overcome with emotion that moved me to cleansing tears and laughter of intense joy.
Hail Satan!
Motherwolff

--- In , Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@ wrote:

Greetings Mike,
Excuse me for butting in,when you were actually talking to Morning Star.And excuse me to Sister,but I do have something to say Mike.I have been a non-xtian for over 16 years now.And been into the occult for 15 years.And all I can share is my experience that I had,because lets face it,that's really all we have is our experiences.When I came to Father Satan,even after practicing,what I thought was witchcraft,I had no idea what to expect.Because even as a witch,I heard a lot of negative things about Satan.But after reading the Satanic Bible(I purchased it at a well known book store,though it is far from the truth too)I made a (what I called a blood pact) with Satan.I still didn't know any better,and was still into the xtian form of Satanism.Anyway even though I did it wrong,and even for the wrong reasons,Father still excepted me as one of His own.That's why it isn't as important how you dedicate,just that you do.Anyway,the next night I was sitting in my
bedroom,and I heard these voices say,"YOU ARE OURS NOW,AND YOU WILL BE PROTECTED FROM NOW ON" And let me tell you Mike,I have never felt such a loving,trustworthy,compassionate,being as our Father is.But my point in saying this all to you is,there is nothing anyone of us can tell you,that will convince you,until you experience it for yourself.And I promise He is there waiting with open arms for you.
Hail Satan!
Brian   

--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@ wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:
Date: Friday, June 17, 2011, 10:19 AM
















 









My response is in blue print below.





From: Morning Star <morning_star87@
To:
Sent: Wed, June 15, 2011 2:29:42 PM
Subject: Re: struggling


 

Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.
This must be the case, as I have no other explanation for the "war" I am currently experiencing.

Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.
Thank you.

You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined.
I may have given the wrong idea in my original post, so just to clarify, I was not expecting Satan to fix all my problems or supply me with riches and wealth.  No...not at all.  More than anything, after years of being promised their was a God who loved me and was looking out for me.....only to be left out to dry more times than I can recall...I was simply hoping there was a god who actually cared and would try to help when we find ourselves in problems which are serious and beyond our control.  Even then, I understand that bad things will happen...they are a regular part of life and I do not wish to avoid them all...but to know that someone actually really does care and won't just sit back and watch someone suffer when they are in desperate need...that would be very valuable.    
 
It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
One of the things I am drawn to more than anything is the pursuit of spiritual development; capability.  Wtchcraft and developing the abilities of the mind is extremely fascinating to me and sine childhood, I have ben drawn to it, but told I could not pursue it because it would land me in hell, regardless of the cause.  I have sensed a very strong pull in that direction for many years and it was probably the first thing that began to draw me towards satanism in the first place.  Becoming adept at magick to the utmost degree has always been my desire...a very strong desire.  However, through
reading Pythia's and other peopels writings, I understand that pursuing stanic witchcraft prior to dedication is not wise.
However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves.
That sounds good to me.  I don't want to depend on others when it is posible to do things myself.  With christianity, the follower is required to depend on the chrsitian god for their needs, while at the same time they are not permitted to develop their own personal power in any of the ways that satanism offfers.  It is like an intentional disadvantge, preventing the follower from being self-empowdered when it comes to any spiritual matter.
 
Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.
Thanks.

Hail Father Satan.

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.

For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued
to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god
was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am
struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these
questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times
since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never
verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up
naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.

 

[junrails]

@Brian Gibbons: Advices are merely words penned down for further choices of an appropriate action, it can't compared to the sincerity and the act of care as well as concern shown in your words.
I'm sure the JOS Group is glad to have such a loving bro like you.

@Mike:We do need to empower ourselves in order to truly reach enlightenment....Also to protect ourselves and our loved ones.

Honestly,in the country where i were born in, occults/witchcraft is a norm where businessmen visit an adept to use such force in their business dealings against their competitors i.e bind people in order to climb the corporate ladder.

Walk with JOS step by step Mike, one day you'll reach your destination.
Most importantly, You are here with a God who Truly care for His Sons and Daughters.

Hail Satan

--- In , Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@... wrote:

Greetings Mike,
Excuse me for butting in,when you were actually talking to Morning Star.And excuse me to Sister,but I do have something to say Mike.I have been a non-xtian for over 16 years now.And been into the occult for 15 years.And all I can share is my experience that I had,because lets face it,that's really all we have is our experiences.When I came to Father Satan,even after practicing,what I thought was witchcraft,I had no idea what to expect.Because even as a witch,I heard a lot of negative things about Satan.But after reading the Satanic Bible(I purchased it at a well known book store,though it is far from the truth too)I made a (what I called a blood pact) with Satan.I still didn't know any better,and was still into the xtian form of Satanism.Anyway even though I did it wrong,and even for the wrong reasons,Father still excepted me as one of His own.That's why it isn't as important how you dedicate,just that you do.Anyway,the next night I was sitting in my
bedroom,and I heard these voices say,"YOU ARE OURS NOW,AND YOU WILL BE PROTECTED FROM NOW ON" And let me tell you Mike,I have never felt such a loving,trustworthy,compassionate,being as our Father is.But my point in saying this all to you is,there is nothing anyone of us can tell you,that will convince you,until you experience it for yourself.And I promise He is there waiting with open arms for you.
Hail Satan!
Brian   

--- On Fri, 6/17/11, Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@... wrote:

From: Mike Arnold <mikearnold66@...
Subject: Re: Re: struggling
To:
Date: Friday, June 17, 2011, 10:19 AM
















 









My response is in blue print below.





From: Morning Star <morning_star87@...
To:
Sent: Wed, June 15, 2011 2:29:42 PM
Subject: Re: struggling


 

Years of being programmed to a certain doctrine can be a pain when we find that it is leading us to a wrong path.A christian holy ghost might still reside in your being which is creating the 'war' in your mind.you do need to cast it out.
This must be the case, as I have no other explanation for the "war" I am currently experiencing.

Also,our subconscious mind is the seat of our habit. it is normal for human to set a habitual barrier towards something that contradicts their habitual thoughts/programmed belief directly/indirectly.

I sincerely would like to congratulate you for waking up to the truth as well as expressing your innermost thoughts in here.It is an honor to read.
Thank you.

You do need to shift your current model of thinking though.Your perspective of Satan/Spiritual Satanism is fundamentally based on the christians' and their bible's point of view.One of the ways that may help is to read and study www.https://templeofzeus.org/LiturgicalTerms.php.Do bombard your subconscious mind with the information in it, thus the fear shall subdue.

Spiritual Satanism doesn't grant you an instant good life that you imagined.
I may have given the wrong idea in my original post, so just to clarify, I was not expecting Satan to fix all my problems or supply me with riches and wealth.  No...not at all.  More than anything, after years of being promised their was a God who loved me and was looking out for me.....only to be left out to dry more times than I can recall...I was simply hoping there was a god who actually cared and would try to help when we find ourselves in problems which are serious and beyond our control.  Even then, I understand that bad things will happen...they are a regular part of life and I do not wish to avoid them all...but to know that someone actually really does care and won't just sit back and watch someone suffer when they are in desperate need...that would be very valuable.    
 
It doesn't happen in a snap of a finger just because we worship Father Satan. Our mission is to empower ourselves via meditations,partly to achieve the life that we desire,in reaching that happiness. A balance of Health,Wealth,etc as well as Spiritual fulfillment in this physical realm is essential.
One of the things I am drawn to more than anything is the pursuit of spiritual development; capability.  Wtchcraft and developing the abilities of the mind is extremely fascinating to me and sine childhood, I have ben drawn to it, but told I could not pursue it because it would land me in hell, regardless of the cause.  I have sensed a very strong pull in that direction for many years and it was probably the first thing that began to draw me towards satanism in the first place.  Becoming adept at magick to the utmost degree has always been my desire...a very strong desire.  However, through
reading Pythia's and other peopels writings, I understand that pursuing stanic witchcraft prior to dedication is not wise.
However, I do noticed that Father Satan and His Respected Demons do intervene when we face bad circumstances. I've seen people who mean harm get punished e.g i witnessed an electric switch in a shop blew up for no apparent reason just because a shopkeeper was treating me rudely.

Years of serving the christian god can make a person rather dependent.christians seem to put alot of so called faith in their god for a better life.they just push everything towards their god do the job for them. It is the contrary in Spiritual Satanism, at certain point,we are rather capable to do and achieve things for ourselves.
That sounds good to me.  I don't want to depend on others when it is posible to do things myself.  With christianity, the follower is required to depend on the chrsitian god for their needs, while at the same time they are not permitted to develop their own personal power in any of the ways that satanism offfers.  It is like an intentional disadvantge, preventing the follower from being self-empowdered when it comes to any spiritual matter.
 
Certainly, with Father Satan and His Respected Demons' kind guidance we may further empower ourselves.

I do hope to see an illumination from you soon. Being with Father Satan is rather liberating. I myself am grateful to have found A True God.
Hope to see you on the right track soon.You've taken the first step, don't stop moving forward.
Thanks.

Hail Father Satan.

--- In , "mikearnold66" <mikearnold66@ wrote:

Hello everyone. My name is Mike and I am 34 years old. This is my first post here. I understand the following may be lengthy, although I will try to keep it is breif as possible while adequately relaying my feelings. I am not sure if this forum is the appropriate place to express these feelings, so if they are not, my apologies.
I am currently a christian....before you automatically stop reading, please read a bit further. I was not raised in a christian household per say, but had an aunt who was a strong influence on me in my spiritual choices, with whom I had frequent contact. Due to her influence, and to the best of my rememberance, I became a christian between the ages of 11-12.

For some time, I followed the christian religion with a passion, and by my early to mid-20's, after preaching in multiple churches, being a deacon in my home church, and being recommended as a lay pastor, I had strongly considered becoming a full-time pastor. However, due to unforseen circumstances, I did not assume the position of lay pastor, which I had been recommend for.
By my later 20's, my passion for the christian religion was waning, although still strong. At age 28 I experienced an extremely painful and life changing event at the hands on my now ex-wife, which I had begged my God to help me with. I recieved what I felt was very little help, if any, and was left to suffer unjustly. This was the first time I had felt truly abandoned by the god that I served, as if he had turned his back on me when I needed him the most.
I never recovered from this and my feelings toward the god that I once trusted implicityly continued
to deteriorate. Just a couple years later, while still holding onto a remnant of trust in my God, I was struck by an even more devastating blow, one which could've destroyed my life and which I played no role in. I was not at fault and completely undeserving in every sense. It was the true definition of injustice.
I plead with my god from the depths of my heart, but despite my deepest cries for help, things continued to get worse, as if there were unseen spiritual forces working to destroy me. All my life I was taught that my god would protect his own, but for years I recieved no help at all and things continued to worsen as if I was a chacter written into the plot of a tragic movie. I was being falsey accused of the most vile crimes and suffered great losses...losses which I can hardly bare. Even then, my hands remained outstrected to my god, begging for help and justice. No justice or help of any kind ever came. Often, I felt as if my own god
was trying to destroy me, as it seemed inpossible for things to have happened naturally. Coincidence seemed impractical.
However, from young childhood there was always a pull to the demonic which I did not understand. Even as a devout christian I would research websites like the JOS and others, telling myself it was simply for research purposes, but I cannot deny that I was pulled to them, particulary this site.
For the last few years I have been pulled closer and closer to what I can only conclude is Satan. Just recently, after seeing that my God was content to just sit by and watch me suffer for years, I felt an immense sense of betrayal and that my god did not really love me as I had thought for so many years. Listen, I did not expect only good things to come from following my god, but I did not expect to be left completely abandoned at my most desperate hour, which has lasted years.
I am noiw at the point where I am
struggling immensely on which road to go down, but even as curageous as I am, the prospect of rejecting my God terrifies me. My entire life I have been programmed to think that rejecting God means enternity in hell and being left open to destruction by Satan. But there has been a war in my head for years over the struggle to choose between the christian god and Satan. I now feel nearly, if not completely abandoned by the christian God and to be honest, if I look at my life, I cannot see him helping me anywhere. Still, the fear of rejecting him is neasrly overwheliming.
Not only do I feel an internal draw to Satan, but from what I have read on your site and elsewhere, Satan seems to give his followers all the things my god had promised me, but failed to deliver. Is it true that once one accepts satan that his life gets better? Does satan truly care for those who follow him? Does he protect us? I know what your answers will be to these
questions...they will be yes, but I am spiritually torn in two, as if I am being ripped apart as we speak. I desire for something better, as I no longer believe my god loves me like I had always thought before. How could he love us if he leaves us to suffer and will not help us despite our most earnest cries?
It took me a long time to get to the point where I would write something like this and were it not for the fear inside of me, I would have already left the christian god. On top of that, and on a lighter not, the christian god appears to offer nothing fun at all..."boring" would be a most accurate word. As a child, I astral projected, but was not aware of what it was at the time. Then again at age 18 I did again, but I did not know for many years what it was...I only knew it was some type of super-natural experience. At age 32 I purchased a book on astral projection and within 8 weeks I projected again, then 2 weeks later and many times
since. It is truly amazing, but my religion says it is "evil", although they cannot give what I consider to be a legitmate explanation as to why.
I have always also felt a very strong pull towards magick, knowing it was very real as a christian, but knowing it was off-limits to me. In fact, almost everything I have had a strong desire to pursue has ben "off-limits" to me as a christian. Where is the power in christianity? Why doesn't this christian god, if he is so much greater than all others, display his power and help those he says he loves?
I feel like I am 2 different people...with one half telling me to continue following the christian Goid and the other half screaming to get away and follow Satan. It is pre-programmed fear which paralyzes me. In all honesty, I am not even sure why I wrote this letter or what it will accompliosh, but I felt it was a step toward liberating myself and moving away from the christian god. I have never
verbalized these feelings before or written them down at any time. This is a first. I can no longer ignore the pull, but I am paralyzed by fear...it took immense strength just to write this here. I feel as if I have been slowly taking steps in this direction for years and am not far away, but I don't know what to do to break out from where I am now. A dedication seems too hard for me right now, but then again, 5 years ago this letter would have been impossible. I suppose I am hoping this letter will somehow help me move closer.
Lastlt, a major problem is that my current wife is a christian, but I love her deeply and want her in my life. I am also afraid that if I chose Satan, I would have to lose her, but I love her so much and she loves me. I don't want Satan to make me give up my wife at any time. If the christian god wants to kill me for choosing Satan, fine...he has already broken my heart, but I don't want Satan to ask me to give up
naything else I love...I have lost too much already.
Lastly, my daughter is the most important thing in my life. She is only 7 years old and has been taken from me for 2 years without cause, based on the lies of a self-proclaimed christian who praises her god from the rooftops, while destroying he lives of the innocent with her horrible lies. I have nearly lost hope that justice will ever be done. How I am torn! My hand is strecthed out to Satan as far as I can reach right now.