Six years in Limbo.

[luvingdabens]

So i'm not really sure how to start this off. When I was 19, father and I crossed paths. I hadn't made my commitment to him yet, infact I never got the chance to. Not because I didn't want to or anything, but before I did I had asked him to test me. He didn't waste no time doing so, when I fell asleep he came to me in a dream and what I had taken from it after I woke up was that he didn't think I was ready. For what? I don't know.

It's been six years almost that i've spent in what I call Limbo. I went my seperate way, alone. After awhile I became my worst enemy. To the point I had tried to take my own life about 3-4 times. And everytime i'd pull through or would walk away with out a scratch. Everytime I did i'd be pissed. I felt like neither sides wanted me, if that makes sense. I didn't really care what side did, I just didn't want to be here anymore and I felt like something or someone was robbing me of that.

Acouple weeks ago... Things started to slowly click with me. The next thing I know i'm looking for father again. Which isn't too hard from my personal experience. In a way I feel that he's been still looking out for me all this time even though I went off on my own. At times I didn't feel like he was there anymore. I feel pretty bad, i'm more damaged than I was before. Infact, i'm not even sure if I was damaged at all before. I'm incredibly vindictive, malicious, angry... and empty now. I don't want or expect him to fix everything. I'm not sure what's going on, maybe he has been waiting for me to come back?

If anyone could give me input on this, i'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks

 

[thesataniclazy]

If you have not done a dedication ritual do one for Father Satan after you go read the site prefferabley www.joyofsatan.org or you can re dedicate (doing the ritual again) is something someone does when they hit a cross roads and change as a person. I am going to rededicate as I have changed as a person mentally and I heard Maxine rededicated when she hit a certain point. I am in a somewhat similar situation as you.


Hail Father Satan and The Gods of Old!!!!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvingdabens" <luvingdabens@... wrote:

So i'm not really sure how to start this off. When I was 19, father and I crossed paths. I hadn't made my commitment to him yet, infact I never got the chance to. Not because I didn't want to or anything, but before I did I had asked him to test me. He didn't waste no time doing so, when I fell asleep he came to me in a dream and what I had taken from it after I woke up was that he didn't think I was ready. For what? I don't know.

It's been six years almost that i've spent in what I call Limbo. I went my seperate way, alone. After awhile I became my worst enemy. To the point I had tried to take my own life about 3-4 times. And everytime i'd pull through or would walk away with out a scratch. Everytime I did i'd be pissed. I felt like neither sides wanted me, if that makes sense. I didn't really care what side did, I just didn't want to be here anymore and I felt like something or someone was robbing me of that.

Acouple weeks ago... Things started to slowly click with me. The next thing I know i'm looking for father again. Which isn't too hard from my personal experience. In a way I feel that he's been still looking out for me all this time even though I went off on my own. At times I didn't feel like he was there anymore. I feel pretty bad, i'm more damaged than I was before. Infact, i'm not even sure if I was damaged at all before. I'm incredibly vindictive, malicious, angry... and empty now. I don't want or expect him to fix everything. I'm not sure what's going on, maybe he has been waiting for me to come back?

If anyone could give me input on this, i'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks

 

[Damien Blackheart]

I first crossed paths with the Father when I was 11 years old, and I welcomed him with open arms at that point, because I had always felt "different" and generally misanthropic towards society. I knew even at that early age that no one around me had anything of substance or value to offer me. I was brought up in a very Southern Baptist home, so the confusion and pain I endured mentally and emotionally was overwhelming. When I started discovering that the powers of Satan were in fact quite real, at that age given my xian upbringing, it actually scared me because all of that xian vilification of Satan/Lucifer was still stuck in my head, so I thought that if Satan was real then "god" must be real as well, and I started to believe all of the xian filth and lies. I strayed from the Father for a few years trying to find myself, but in all actuality I don't really think I ever left him, nor him me. I tried being an atheist, but I just felt utterly empty inside and hated life even more. I then tried to open back up to xianity, which ironically enough was the best thing that could have ever happened to me because Satan was right there to save me when I needed him the most. I too tried to take my own life on several occasions, and the circumstances which prevented this were beyond supernatural. I felt myself trying to connect psychically with Satan from time to time, even though I was "technically" xian. My mother could see what was going on and took me to this church so everyone could "pray" for me and I could be "saved" again. lol. I was saved alright, but not the way my family wanted. I was lead down front, and all of these people came up and put their hands on me and they were all praying all kinds of ludicrous shit at the same time, and I could feel my eyes rolling all the way back in my head, and I became filled with this sensation of a fire raging through my entire body. I became hypersensitive, like I could feel the energy around my body prying the peoples hands off of me. I began to chant very loudly in an octave a bit lower than my usual speaking voice, in what I can only assume was Enochian, because it was a language I did not know at the time, yet at the same time, I felt that I was totally aware of everything I was saying and feeling. I knew before the praying for me began that I did not want it. I knew that deep inside, and I think I connected with Satan psychically just before, and that he came through and showed me and everyone around his might. I ran from that church, from my family, and I never looked back.

The point is, it's okay to feel how you are feeling. That fact that you are now reaching out again and wanting to know the Father is a beautiful thing, and if you are sincere in your thoughts and desires, you will come to know him, and he will give you what you seek inside. Granted this does not come without effort on your part, Satan is not a genie, but he does look out for his own, and when you display strength and wisdom and self-awareness in his name, then you are in fact a child of Satan, and you are loved and protected as one should be.

I highly suggest studying the JOS site thoroughly and doing the dedication ritual. Abandon any former xian affiliations and do all you can to curse them. Allow no xian stigma to remain inside of you anywhere. That shit is like a toxic virus. Trust me. lol.

Trust SATAN.


HAIL SATAN!!!

On Thu, Apr 22, 2010 at 1:41 PM, luvingdabens <luvingdabens@... wrote:

  So i'm not really sure how to start this off. When I was 19, father and I crossed paths. I hadn't made my commitment to him yet, infact I never got the chance to. Not because I didn't want to or anything, but before I did I had asked him to test me. He didn't waste no time doing so, when I fell asleep he came to me in a dream and what I had taken from it after I woke up was that he didn't think I was ready. For what? I don't know.

It's been six years almost that i've spent in what I call Limbo. I went my seperate way, alone. After awhile I became my worst enemy. To the point I had tried to take my own life about 3-4 times. And everytime i'd pull through or would walk away with out a scratch. Everytime I did i'd be pissed. I felt like neither sides wanted me, if that makes sense. I didn't really care what side did, I just didn't want to be here anymore and I felt like something or someone was robbing me of that.

Acouple weeks ago... Things started to slowly click with me. The next thing I know i'm looking for father again. Which isn't too hard from my personal experience. In a way I feel that he's been still looking out for me all this time even though I went off on my own. At times I didn't feel like he was there anymore. I feel pretty bad, i'm more damaged than I was before. Infact, i'm not even sure if I was damaged at all before. I'm incredibly vindictive, malicious, angry... and empty now. I don't want or expect him to fix everything. I'm not sure what's going on, maybe he has been waiting for me to come back?

If anyone could give me input on this, i'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks

 

[luvingdabens]

Thanks Thesataniclazy and Damien for your responses. And an extra thanks to you Damien for sharing your story. I feel less tense now than when I had wrote this post after reading your response.

Oooh I know the JOS site very well. I still have a great bit of the information provided on that site memorized, even from long ago. I'll be doing the dedication ritual here soon. Did anyone carefully chose a date/time to perform it? High Priestess Maxine Dietrich performed her's on April 30th at 12 midnight.

I'm doing some heavy reading too but am coming up short of finding much to read. Some sites I do come across kinda seem like a joke b/c it seems as if they're trying to feed into the negative views that christian's try to pound into everyone's head about Satanism.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "thesataniclazy" <thesataniclazy@... wrote:

If you have not done a dedication ritual do one for Father Satan after you go read the site prefferabley www.joyofsatan.org or you can re dedicate (doing the ritual again) is something someone does when they hit a cross roads and change as a person. I am going to rededicate as I have changed as a person mentally and I heard Maxine rededicated when she hit a certain point. I am in a somewhat similar situation as you.


Hail Father Satan and The Gods of Old!!!!













--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvingdabens" <luvingdabens@ wrote:

So i'm not really sure how to start this off. When I was 19, father and I crossed paths. I hadn't made my commitment to him yet, infact I never got the chance to. Not because I didn't want to or anything, but before I did I had asked him to test me. He didn't waste no time doing so, when I fell asleep he came to me in a dream and what I had taken from it after I woke up was that he didn't think I was ready. For what? I don't know.

It's been six years almost that i've spent in what I call Limbo. I went my seperate way, alone. After awhile I became my worst enemy. To the point I had tried to take my own life about 3-4 times. And everytime i'd pull through or would walk away with out a scratch. Everytime I did i'd be pissed. I felt like neither sides wanted me, if that makes sense. I didn't really care what side did, I just didn't want to be here anymore and I felt like something or someone was robbing me of that.

Acouple weeks ago... Things started to slowly click with me. The next thing I know i'm looking for father again. Which isn't too hard from my personal experience. In a way I feel that he's been still looking out for me all this time even though I went off on my own. At times I didn't feel like he was there anymore. I feel pretty bad, i'm more damaged than I was before. Infact, i'm not even sure if I was damaged at all before. I'm incredibly vindictive, malicious, angry... and empty now. I don't want or expect him to fix everything. I'm not sure what's going on, maybe he has been waiting for me to come back?

If anyone could give me input on this, i'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks

 

[Kris Tucker]

the hours of 2am prerable. its still dark, but most people are asleep from 2-3am, even those who like to stay up around 12 midnight. most bars also close around that time as well, so things should be pretty dead. the veil is thinner too for contact to the other side or other dimensions. not sure if it has to be exactly at midnight, but because theres less activity, theere is less interference which is most important.

On Sat Apr 24th, 2010 1:36 AM EDT luvingdabens wrote:

Thanks Thesataniclazy and Damien for your responses. And an extra thanks to you Damien for sharing your story. I feel less tense now than when I had wrote this post after reading your response.

Oooh I know the JOS site very well. I still have a great bit of the information provided on that site memorized, even from long ago. I'll be doing the dedication ritual here soon. Did anyone carefully chose a date/time to perform it? High Priestess Maxine Dietrich performed her's on April 30th at 12 midnight.

I'm doing some heavy reading too but am coming up short of finding much to read. Some sites I do come across kinda seem like a joke b/c it seems as if they're trying to feed into the negative views that christian's try to pound into everyone's head about Satanism.



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "thesataniclazy" <thesataniclazy@... wrote:

If you have not done a dedication ritual do one for Father Satan after you go read the site prefferabley www.joyofsatan.org or you can re dedicate (doing the ritual again) is something someone does when they hit a cross roads and change as a person. I am going to rededicate as I have changed as a person mentally and I heard Maxine rededicated when she hit a certain point. I am in a somewhat similar situation as you.


Hail Father Satan and The Gods of Old!!!!













--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvingdabens" <luvingdabens@ wrote:

So i'm not really sure how to start this off. When I was 19, father and I crossed paths. I hadn't made my commitment to him yet, infact I never got the chance to. Not because I didn't want to or anything, but before I did I had asked him to test me. He didn't waste no time doing so, when I fell asleep he came to me in a dream and what I had taken from it after I woke up was that he didn't think I was ready. For what? I don't know.

It's been six years almost that i've spent in what I call Limbo. I went my seperate way, alone. After awhile I became my worst enemy. To the point I had tried to take my own life about 3-4 times. And everytime i'd pull through or would walk away with out a scratch. Everytime I did i'd be pissed. I felt like neither sides wanted me, if that makes sense. I didn't really care what side did, I just didn't want to be here anymore and I felt like something or someone was robbing me of that.

Acouple weeks ago... Things started to slowly click with me. The next thing I know i'm looking for father again. Which isn't too hard from my personal experience. In a way I feel that he's been still looking out for me all this time even though I went off on my own. At times I didn't feel like he was there anymore. I feel pretty bad, i'm more damaged than I was before. Infact, i'm not even sure if I was damaged at all before. I'm incredibly vindictive, malicious, angry... and empty now. I don't want or expect him to fix everything. I'm not sure what's going on, maybe he has been waiting for me to come back?

If anyone could give me input on this, i'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks






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