Naithedan
New member
As the title states. Does it? I had a brief brush with death around 9 years ago right after my 18th birthday. Long story short, my heart stopped, I was declared dead for a few minutes and according to the medical personnel I auto-resuscitated. Not from drugs or anything like that. I've done pretty well at staying away from them.
I don't know if it was while I was dead or in the process of dying, but I had an odd experience that messed me up pretty bad for a few years.
After my vision faded away and I could no longer feel or move my body, everything went black and I felt this immense sense of happiness and bliss. Then everything went from black to blue and it felt as if I was in water. After what felt like a few seconds, I heard a deep voice say my name and "Go back. You're not supposed to come yet." Then I woke up.
It could've been a voice simply created by my subconscious. There is a massive release of DMT upon death.
To say I was depressed when I came back is an understatement. I was utterly aggrieved. For several years. It wasn't necessarily that I wanted to die. I didn't. It just hit me really hard that I couldn't remember any other time before that I felt that happy and at peace. I spent several years after trying to think of at least one time. I'm sure there was, I just haven't remembered yet. Could it be that I was spiritually damaged in some way from this? My soul separating and being pulled back in like that before I had an understanding of it? Could someone of the enemy have done something while I was in such a vulnerable state? I don't fully understand how that works yet I guess.
Quite frankly I haven't been the same since. I don't look at life the same way or see the world the same way. It was beautiful, the smile I put on my face was real, and I miss that. Nowadays it's like I can't feel anything 90% of the time and I usually just want to be alone. When I laugh or smile it feels like a sickening mimicry of what I'm just supposed to do. Relationships, loving words sound false and unreal, things I used to enjoy just don't do it, I slowly let go of things I wanted to do. It's like I grabbed my body again and left something behind. I don't have a desire to die, but everything about living just looks so empty and pointless to me now. I've finally been recovering some over the past year. So surely I can eventually fully recover from this right? Unfortunately, I do not give up easily.
I just want to know if this caused it or if it was something else. Because if I know then I can do better at healing myself.
P.S. sorry for the venting. Just wanted to clarify the effects of this event for the purpose of determining cause. Otherwise, I would not have. Thank you for your time.
I don't know if it was while I was dead or in the process of dying, but I had an odd experience that messed me up pretty bad for a few years.
After my vision faded away and I could no longer feel or move my body, everything went black and I felt this immense sense of happiness and bliss. Then everything went from black to blue and it felt as if I was in water. After what felt like a few seconds, I heard a deep voice say my name and "Go back. You're not supposed to come yet." Then I woke up.
It could've been a voice simply created by my subconscious. There is a massive release of DMT upon death.
To say I was depressed when I came back is an understatement. I was utterly aggrieved. For several years. It wasn't necessarily that I wanted to die. I didn't. It just hit me really hard that I couldn't remember any other time before that I felt that happy and at peace. I spent several years after trying to think of at least one time. I'm sure there was, I just haven't remembered yet. Could it be that I was spiritually damaged in some way from this? My soul separating and being pulled back in like that before I had an understanding of it? Could someone of the enemy have done something while I was in such a vulnerable state? I don't fully understand how that works yet I guess.
Quite frankly I haven't been the same since. I don't look at life the same way or see the world the same way. It was beautiful, the smile I put on my face was real, and I miss that. Nowadays it's like I can't feel anything 90% of the time and I usually just want to be alone. When I laugh or smile it feels like a sickening mimicry of what I'm just supposed to do. Relationships, loving words sound false and unreal, things I used to enjoy just don't do it, I slowly let go of things I wanted to do. It's like I grabbed my body again and left something behind. I don't have a desire to die, but everything about living just looks so empty and pointless to me now. I've finally been recovering some over the past year. So surely I can eventually fully recover from this right? Unfortunately, I do not give up easily.
I just want to know if this caused it or if it was something else. Because if I know then I can do better at healing myself.
P.S. sorry for the venting. Just wanted to clarify the effects of this event for the purpose of determining cause. Otherwise, I would not have. Thank you for your time.
![Blitzkreig [TG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1738971726){kind=avatar}
