Serious personal problems

[vabzirteloch]

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a „friend”, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a „mask” when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my „friends”, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice „act, speak and live like the person you want to be”, I think „That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself”.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[Brian Gibbons]

Always a good thing to open up vabzirteloch,quit thinking that you are a loser,or not a real man because you cried.A real man is emotional at times,and it is nothing to be ashamed of.So you are not like,or feel like you don't fit in.You really don't want to fit in with most people anyway.None of us ,me included,don't have many friends.Remember we are not sheep,so we will not fit in.So don't let the enemy discourage you in any way.If you are a dedicated Satanist,then you are a valuable asset to Satan's family. The enemy for years have made us feel that we were nothing,but Satan is always making us more,than what we ever were before we dedicated to Him.And when the time is right,you do have a lot to offer another Zevism.Just concentrate on your Yoga,and Power meditations,and always put an aura of protection around you.As you grow in Satan,you will start feeling better about yourself,and your life will start to make more sense.Hail SatanBrian

From: vabzirteloch <vabzirteloch@...
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 3:07 PM
Subject: Serious personal problems

  Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a &#8222;friend&#8221;, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a &#8222;mask&#8221; when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my &#8222;friends&#8221;, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice &#8222;act, speak and live like the person you want to be&#8221;, I think &#8222;That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself&#8221;.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[strengththroughsatan89]

Also yes you and I probably had an incounter in a past life that brought this upon us. That is one possability but I also found after having my astro chart done by Pythia that everything that happened in my childhood was their in my chart. Also in my chart showed healing. I am sure you have similar aspects to your chart and I know there is healing in your future. It will happen without you even knowing it trust me it happened to me this way. But you also must take action as this will speed up the process. There are spiritual things to help you heal but I always believe we should not rely solely on our spiritual gifts to help us but take action on our own.

If you ever need to talk just email me and I will do what I can. I experienced much the same as you so trust me I can help.

Dark Blessings

Hail Satan

--- In , "vabzirteloch" <vabzirteloch@... wrote:

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a „friend”, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a „mask” when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my „friends”, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice „act, speak and live like the person you want to be”, I think „That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself”.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[Joshua Mckee]

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From: strengththroughsatan89 <horrorfan89@...
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 9:03 PM
Subject: Re: Serious personal problems

  Also yes you and I probably had an incounter in a past life that brought this upon us. That is one possability but I also found after having my astro chart done by Pythia that everything that happened in my childhood was their in my chart. Also in my chart showed healing. I am sure you have similar aspects to your chart and I know there is healing in your future. It will happen without you even knowing it trust me it happened to me this way. But you also must take action as this will speed up the process. There are spiritual things to help you heal but I always believe we should not rely solely on our spiritual gifts to help us but take action on our own.

If you ever need to talk just email me and I will do what I can. I experienced much the same as you so trust me I can help.

Dark Blessings

Hail Satan

--- In , "vabzirteloch" <vabzirteloch@... wrote:

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a &#8222;friend&#8221;, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I

know this guy for at least 6 years...

The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a &#8222;mask&#8221; when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't

want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my &#8222;friends&#8221;, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now,

as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice &#8222;act, speak and live like the person you want to be&#8221;, I think &#8222;That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself&#8221;.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes

too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[kenessa dunn]

Ur not alone. I have been like that for yrs. I do my chakras and clean my aura and feel so much better. Im me if u wanna talkOn Wed, Dec 14, 2011 3:07 PM CST vabzirteloch wrote: Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well? So here it goes: I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a „friend”, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know
this guy for at least 6 years... The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve. I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure... I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a „mask” when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too
concerned about what others might think about me. I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my „friends”, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with
very soon, and I'm afraid of that time. My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too. So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice „act, speak and live like the person you want to be”, I think „That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself”. I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys
think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me. I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this. HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[ninja2skilled]

I'm 17 so im not sure if you'll take my advice as strongly but this advice his served me well in my years in life, just stop caring what people think you're your own person you have to take charge of your life and do what you want and stop living to what you think you're forced to do, dont like parties? dont go. do what makes you happy and think life is worth living, if you hold on to all these notions on how to live your life you become a slave to them, instead of having preconcieved notions just try and live your life to what makes sense and makes you happy its as simple as that its not as hard as you think, every time you get a chance to face a fear or break free out of something that enslaves you from what you dont like, try and find a way around it or to break it and try and get it out of your life and live with the things that are positive and make you happy! and another thing you can do is when you're meditating give yourself some energy to help with your needs/wants whatever they may be! hope any of this advice helped with your life and really hope you start living your life in a positive way that you want to live!

Hail Father Satan
Hail all the Daemons of Elysium!

 

[darrklady13]

Thanks for sharing Vab. You sound quite "normal" to me, and your not a loser.
A loser for what? because you aren't in the in crowd, or driving a Mercedes, or fucking a hot girl?

That doesn't make anyone a loser. And your not a loser for having emotions, a gift of Satan.

I don't have many friends, NEVER have in my entire life, had more than a couple friends I hung with. Now I have had co workers who were close, cuz we worked together constantly. But no socializing outside of work, really.

Consider yourself lucky you aren't one of "them."
The feelings of loneliness you have will change as you grow older, and you will be more confident of who you are. And knowing that whoever you are, is fine with Satan, fine with YOURSELF.

You don't have to make others happy. Make YOU HAPPY. Learn what you love and don't love, same for people you CHOOSE to love, who are WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE OR FRIENDSHIP. You can hate the ones who snub you, I did. And there is no guilt in it at all.

Love yourself, and you will in time. When you do, you won't give a fuck what others think, as you kmow yourself and what your capable of.

Its just growing pains, thats what I call it.

Again, thanks for sharing this.

hailz

--- In , "vabzirteloch" <vabzirteloch@... wrote:

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a „friend”, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a „mask” when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my „friends”, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice „act, speak and live like the person you want to be”, I think „That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself”.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[Brian Gibbons]

Ya I get that strengththroughsatan,I can see where my phobia's,come from past life experiences too.Hail SatanBrian

From: strengththroughsatan89 <horrorfan89@...
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 11:03 PM
Subject: Re: Serious personal problems

  Also yes you and I probably had an incounter in a past life that brought this upon us. That is one possability but I also found after having my astro chart done by Pythia that everything that happened in my childhood was their in my chart. Also in my chart showed healing. I am sure you have similar aspects to your chart and I know there is healing in your future. It will happen without you even knowing it trust me it happened to me this way. But you also must take action as this will speed up the process. There are spiritual things to help you heal but I always believe we should not rely solely on our spiritual gifts to help us but take action on our own.

If you ever need to talk just email me and I will do what I can. I experienced much the same as you so trust me I can help.

Dark Blessings

Hail Satan

--- In , "vabzirteloch" <vabzirteloch@... wrote:

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a &#8222;friend&#8221;, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a &#8222;mask&#8221; when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my &#8222;friends&#8221;, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice &#8222;act, speak and live like the person you want to be&#8221;, I think &#8222;That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself&#8221;.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[vabzirteloch]

Thank you guys for the answers and support. It's good to hear that I'm not alone with these feelings and problems. I guess I had been programmed severely by society (and enemy teachings) to think the way I think. I've always been different from the others, even as a child, and I know I have to free my soul form these things to really empower myself. Sometimes I feel the only creatures I could really love, are animals. They don't want your for your money, they don't fuck you over on purpose, they have no evil in their hearts. My love for animals has grown a lot in the last 10 years.

Again, thanks for the advice and help.

Vabzir Teloch

HAIL SATAN!

--- In , "vabzirteloch" <vabzirteloch@... wrote:

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a „friend”, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a „mask” when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my „friends”, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice „act, speak and live like the person you want to be”, I think „That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself”.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!

 

[tfbailey1969]

You say you are concerned that Father Satan is mad that you do not like His creation. I don't think you have anything to worry about because despite what you say I think YOU LIKE PEOPLE. If you didn't like people why would you care how they look at you on the bus, why would you care if someone forgot your birthday, why would you be concerned about what others think about you. I used to be just like you. Always beating myself up for just not measuring up socially and relationship wise. I used to keep a score board with people and after I screwed up one too many times I was out of the "game". What my problem was was I did not know how to love myself. I did not think that I had anything to offer to a relationship or friendship. I was constantly selling myself short. Don't be so hard on yourself, a lot of what you are going through we have all gone through to some extent.
All those other people on the bus are wondering why and who is staring at them too. The only advice I can offer is what turned my entire life around and that is: Believe You Are Who Father Satan Says You Are and Believe You Can Do What Father Satan Says You Can Do.

Hail Satan!!
Death to the Xtian Church!!

--- In , "vabzirteloch" <vabzirteloch@... wrote:

Hey brothers and sisters, I have never spoken to anyone about this, but I feel I have to do it now. I guess you're not really interested in my personal problems, which I totally understand, but I don't know who else I can tell this. And I wonder if any one of you have some of these problems as well?

So here it goes:

I think my life is a mess, and it's not going the way I wanted it to go. First of all I'm not really a social person, and I have only two people whom I can call a „friend”, but maybe this word is too strong... Only one of them wished me a happy birthday, the other one didn't, although we talked about my birthday just a few weeks before it, and when I went to the bathroom, he checked my ID to see when I was born, because he didn't know it! And I know this guy for at least 6 years...
The others I got to know at the university are all assholes, they cannot be trusted, they are like fucking leeches. They don't give, they just want to recieve.

I haven't been to a party for almost 2 years, because I don't like parties, I think everyone hates me or think about me as a loser. The only time I feel good at a party is when I'm drunk, but I don't want to be drunk, I don't want to lose control over my thoughts and actions anymore. But somehow I feel I have to go to parties, and I don't know why. I don't know if this is my real desire, or is it just the social pressure...

I'm very sensitive too, often I can't tell when one is joking or he wants to hurt me. I also feel nervous on buses or on the subway, because I think everyone is watching what I do, how I react. I always take up a „mask” when I'm out in the public alone, I don't smile, I don't want anyone to see any emotion on my face. I'm too concerned about what others might think about me.

I don't really like people, and I don't trust anyone. This post of mine is a big step for me, because I have never spoken about these problems in detail to anyone, not even my „friends”, because I don't trust them either. I'm afraid of what they might think about me after I told them about this. I don't want to see a psychologist, because talking to a total stranger in person about my problems would be a total emotional suicide for me (I know I would cry, and I would be really fucking embarrassed). I cried in front of my parents recently, and that was the worst day for me in a long time, I was ashamed (I'm 21, male). I thought they think I'm a fucking loser, not even a man, because men don't cry (I know it's bad to repress emotions, but I don't feel like crying when I'm alone)... I'm on the edge of crying right now, as every time I face with my weaknesses. I know these must be dealt with very soon, and I'm afraid of that time.

My another problem is that since I became a Zevism, I don't think any girl would like me after they find out I'm a Zevism. Therefore finding a girl is a problem for me (this is another thing that makes me feel I'm a loser), it was easier in high school, but I was very shy then too.

So basically this is it. As you can see, I'm a pretty fucking messed up person, with lots of emotional and social problems. I'm not the person I want to be, and when I hear the advice „act, speak and live like the person you want to be”, I think „That would not be me, I would just fool myself, I wouldn't be myself”.

I'm afraid to tell anything like this to anyone in person, because I think they might use it against me one time. This happened before, and maybe in earlier lifetimes too. I'm also afraid that Satan is angry at me because I don't like people, His Creation. To be honest, I'm afraid of what You guys think about me when you read this. As I said, this is a big step for me.

I appreciate any help, and I hope I'm not alone with this.

HAIL SATAN AND THE GODS OF DUAT!