I will give a little bit of advice. I do not know your story... but...
If you are sincere in your story, maybe the gods were doing you a favor by testing you... leaving you alone to be in your own space... so you could learn to fend for yourself a little bit. In Satanism one of the key things in learning to find inner strength in the face of adversity. The Strength to move on and do what you will do despite rejection or any opinion that does not empower you. Look at this as a form of Blessing as a "The Silence before The Storm."
Do not go looking for others to give you another chance, but rather by giving yourself another chance by carving out your own path. If another chance is given, it is because you did the right Prepatory work to allow it to manifest in your life. This is an act of Black Magick... we all do use our gifts of Black Magick to create circumstances which allow us "another chance... another opportunity."
Certain demons will also give lessons like this as they are known to act as guides on the Dark Path to be initiators. Good luck and do the Work in silence without regards for others voice. Listen to your own voice and do what you need to do.
On Saturday, September 2, 2017 1:21 PM, "pinkteabunny@... [JoyofSatan666]" <
[email protected] wrote:
I know it's Mercury retrograde so I hope people see this! As many of you may know, I've been in the groups and old forum for a while. I've been a Satanist for 5+ years and I feel I should give people (especially new people) sojme serious advice. I ask that the clergy also hear me out if they have the time to (I know they're super busy, so it's ok) I just ask that everything be read before I'm judged. I put everything in paragraphs for easy reading.
THE WARNING: I don't want anyone else making this mistake!
When I first came to Satanism, I never wanted money or fame or any of that superficial crap. And I still DONT. I slowly but surely made progress over the years. Slow progress, but progress. I even got an astrology reading from HP nodded cobra some time ago,and was happy to know how much potential I had. Nothing could stop me from advancing. Nothing.
But although I have made many mistakes on my path. None have ever been this severe. I want to let people know, Satan and the Gods ARE forgiving and understanding, but they can only give one so many chances if one keeps messing them up as severely as I have this year.
Now, I am NOT leaving Satan or the Gods!!!! However, I feel like Ive been denied another chance when I feel like I actually have enough wisdom from past failures, and I'm super ready and willing to change.
(if you all want to know and if it's ok for me to release that info) i don't want any private messages with anyone for safety reasons, unless it's the clergy (unlikely though I think)
This year I let a basic human need (relationships love...etc) get in my way and it severely clouded my judgement and made me act in ways I never knew I could act. And for anyone who is wondering, I am 100% sure this is NOT an enemy attack, has nothing to do with Jews or anything. And I am NOT a victim here!! How do I know? Because when talking with them(the Gods), they gave off Satanic energy, showed me Satan's sigil a few times..etc so I KNOW it's not an enemy.
I want to first say, that Satan and the Gods have been the most kind and generous beings ever to me. But I let my petty emotional needs get in they way of seeing the truth. I should of listened to them and took their advice regardless of how I felt. At the time. And not doing that has brought me where I am today. But every time I fell, learned just a little bit more of what my previous mistake was. And I HAVE made improvements since the beginning of the year, but not enough.
This is the terrifying consequence of being a fucking idiot. I DONT WANT TO BE A FALLEN COMRADE. I ENJOY doing the RtRs and not to brag, but on average I would do 12-16 rituals daily which includes vibrating the 72 ritual a total of 18-21 times (72 this one time) daily, sometimes twice daily. So I want to clarify I absolutelyI HATE the enemy. (Obviously lol)
But now it's come to the point where even if I want to advance myself, improve myself it's too late. And I know "it's never too late to improve yourself" and I stand by that still. But I know on my own I won't get very far without Satanic help, not to mention all the enemy attacks. Nothing I can do can make up for what I've done. I've asked and the answer is always "that's not enough" and "I'm sorry" and I know the Gods act justly. So I know I have seriously pissed them off, even though i want to change everything.
I feel Satan and the Gods have left me and now I don't know what to do. They have given me SO MANY DARN CHANCES to fix my shit. Probably more that I deserved... and I failed at every one of them. But with every failure I HAVE learned an inch of information of what went wrong. And now that I'm ready and I feel like I'm wiser now, an I AM taking the necessary steps to improve, I'm being told it's "too late" and that they don't care. And that future workings that I have planned to fix these problems won't work.
This is only fair I guess... as much as I hate to admit it. I'm not innocent here. But my will to improve myself, and keep going and never stop trying are sincere. I can't let myself let go of that no matter what.
Now I'm not going to stop meditating or doing RtRs.... even if I don't have protection or guidance. And I don't know that will happen to me. If I give up, that will show that I'm weak. I don't want to be a goy!!!!!!. If I keep going..I fear I'll get attacked by the enemy and I won't be able to handle it without Satanic protection.
This should be common sense, but it's not to some yet, (obviously) if the Gods give you advice TAKE IT NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL AT THAT MONMENT!!! You do NOT know everything. They know what they are doing, you don't. Do not be so self centered either.
THE SUGGESTION:
I couldn't find any sermon that talk about this specifically. What do people like me do? I'm still trying to advance myself. But I feel (I could be wrong here!!!) like they may not want me to. I don't want to be left to be torn to bits by the enemy... and I know the enemy tries to keep Gentiles away from Satan. But this is different. And it's scary. Would it be ok if the clergy could write a sermon on this? They could use me as an example if they'd like and I would be more that happy to provide more details on this situation so they could get the full picture. (Obviously they don't have to if they don't want to. I'm not gonna contact anyone directly out of respect.)
THE HELP:
I feel like I can legitimately improve myself given another chance (that doesn't seem very likely right now though) and I WANT to keep meditating and fighting. But I feel like I'm not wanted in Satanism anymore because of what I did this year. And as much as I would like to make up for it... it seems the only way they're telling me I can is to leave and "deal with it" but I just.... can't bring myself to accept that.
Now when I visualize father Satan's sigil, I feel his energy leaving instead of being there (hope that makes sense) even saying "HAIL SATAN!" Internally I don't feel his energy like I used to anymore. I just.. can't CANT and won't leave Satan, nor can I ever go back to the enemy programs. I know too much. I'm better than that. I don't want to be asleep again. In this life time or any other (IF I'm still allowed to reincarnate and see the Satanic truth again)
My whole point is, now that I ready and wiser and more willing than ever to fix my behavior and deprogram myself from everything... it's "too late". I've acted so crazy and horrible, and now that I WANT TO AND IM SINCERE (always have been) AND WILLING to change my ways it's just too late, according to the powers of hell. I just don't want the answer to be "give up".
I want to believe that there is still a chance for me. That if I improve, persevere, and keep meditating I'll show Satan that I can change and that my soul is not worthless. But right now.. things seem grim and I don't know what will happen to me.
The though of never getting to see the Satanic truth is a scary thought. Don't let that become your reality. Make the right choices.
Thank you to those who have read all this. It really means the world to me right now.
HAIL SATAN... because I can't bring myself to not say it.