Thank you for the answers you have given me.I would like to share how I came to Zevism if that's ok?
I remember when I was a little boy I use to believe in the Christian God Jehovah and Jesus Christ, but after a while around middle school through 10th grade I began to believe in what I call the Christian Satan (no disrespect to Father) I really the lies that the Christians bestowed upon him, like Vampires and killing and just all that even monsters and thought it was cool, I even wanted to become a Vampire. But after that I became Atheist and then just one day out of the blue Satan popped in my head, and I just began to research about him and eventually came to the JoS website and I read the homepage and other stuff, As I read I began slowly but surely that Satan was coming into my heart, and he did and when I felt that, that's when I did the Dedication ritual. It felt so right and it made me happy, a lot of people think it's about getting all the time, but to me I give to get, even if I don't get I still give, I know in return I have his love and care, that's really all I want. I do want power in spirit, and I really want to be a Warrior of Satan and fight against the Enemy. Even though I can't hear or see Satan he's always on my mind, Even my Guardian Demon, I never met Him/Her let alone seen Him/Her, I can't wait for the day to meet them, would be the best day ever.
Now I want to talk about my ex, I do love her and deep down she still loves me, I guess that's natural, though she does say she misses me and loves me, she also said our love is a mess and that she can't come back to me, as I mentioned before about my hate and anger she's afraid. I have changed and become more happy and I don't want to be that way with her. I read on the JoS website about Succubi? a Female Demon that we could fall in love with. I'm actually half tempted to ask Father to send me one, I would treat her with respect and be happy with her, but my feelings for my ex is what's stopping me. We are use to mating and being with Humans, but to be with a Demon, that would be great.