Question #737: An extremely unfortunate start to this life

[AskSatanOperator]

I will tell you directly about my problem. For most of my childhood I felt a lot of negativity and cruelty towards me all the time. This went on for a very long time. Instead of feeling depression and self-loathing like most people, I began to feel hatred toward almost all people, a desire to hurt them deeply. This feeling is wiped out thanks to the care of Father Satan and the Gods, but the desire to be friends with someone and in principle to make connections is gone. Unconsciously I begin to manipulate other people and use everyone only for my own benefit. Even my parents are unfortunately affected by this. Since I am an empath, it is extremely difficult to stop acting this way, it is firmly entrenched in my psyche. I think about it with disgust often, but still most often enjoy it when other people are hurt. It hurts very much to realize that I sometimes see even my own companion as a tool for my own gratification. Most of my thoughts just aren't mine, it's as if I'm being consumed by a completely different entity. I in no way practice communicating with astral entities or going into the astral, for I am still very inexperienced in this matter. It can be compared to a mild degree of schizophrenia, when something in your subconscious starts to tell you what to do, though you have full control over your actions, but you cannot resist it. I have had RTR, aura protection, third eye, and the minor chakras of clairaudience on for quite some time now. I constantly try to practice purification, but without RTR I start absorbing negativity again with worsening consequences. I'm really tired of constant derealization, absolute indifference to my future and all this shit, this fucking selfishness from ordinary people, when none of the ordinary people even want to accept your problem and be there for you. But no, I'm not completely desperate and crazy yet, huge thanks to Lady Astarte and Father Satan and all our other Gods. This question is more of an outburst of emotion that I am no longer able to hold, like a cry for help and a plea for guidance on what to do next. I'm specifically confused as to how I can get out of it all and start living normally, how I can regain the motivation to live normally without limiting my communication with people in view of what is written above.
[Translated by deepl, for I am extremely bad at English grammar]

 

[TanzanianGod]

I will tell you directly about my problem. For most of my childhood I felt a lot of negativity and cruelty towards me all the time. This went on for a very long time. Instead of feeling depression and self-loathing like most people, I began to feel hatred toward almost all people, a desire to hurt them deeply. This feeling is wiped out thanks to the care of Father Satan and the Gods, but the desire to be friends with someone and in principle to make connections is gone. Unconsciously I begin to manipulate other people and use everyone only for my own benefit. Even my parents are unfortunately affected by this. Since I am an empath, it is extremely difficult to stop acting this way, it is firmly entrenched in my psyche. I think about it with disgust often, but still most often enjoy it when other people are hurt. It hurts very much to realize that I sometimes see even my own companion as a tool for my own gratification. Most of my thoughts just aren't mine, it's as if I'm being consumed by a completely different entity. I in no way practice communicating with astral entities or going into the astral, for I am still very inexperienced in this matter. It can be compared to a mild degree of schizophrenia, when something in your subconscious starts to tell you what to do, though you have full control over your actions, but you cannot resist it. I have had RTR, aura protection, third eye, and the minor chakras of clairaudience on for quite some time now. I constantly try to practice purification, but without RTR I start absorbing negativity again with worsening consequences. I'm really tired of constant derealization, absolute indifference to my future and all this shit, this fucking selfishness from ordinary people, when none of the ordinary people even want to accept your problem and be there for you. But no, I'm not completely desperate and crazy yet, huge thanks to Lady Astarte and Father Satan and all our other Gods. This question is more of an outburst of emotion that I am no longer able to hold, like a cry for help and a plea for guidance on what to do next. I'm specifically confused as to how I can get out of it all and start living normally, how I can regain the motivation to live normally without limiting my communication with people in view of what is written above.
[Translated by deepl, for I am extremely bad at English grammar]

Freeing and Cleaning the Soul.
When I was New to the Path in this lifetime i looked down upon Cleansing but as time went by I found that Cleansing made me much more happy and better and actually powerful than just merely meditating.

I have a Shedule whereby i free my soul every month (usually a 7~14 working, most of the time usually starts on 11th of every month). This helps me alot. As everytime i Work on Something Specific i wanna free myself from.

So Just Focus on Freeing your soul from whatever Trauma you went through. There is no Shortcut to this. Prepare special workings starting with the most necessary then slowly Cleansing yourself from all Bad and negative things that you feel disturb your soul.

Work with the Gods too. But as General the Gods want us to Work on our Selves First. Nature helps those who help themselves.

 

[Onbael_]

This is not advice to improve your mental situation, but if you are sadistic you can let off steam by organising S&M meetings, where you direct the game and can make some masochists suffer.

From this you can earn some money with meetings or videos, and if you take it as a professional path then you will have much more serious earnings.

In time as your mental and spiritual situation improves you may start to move away from certain desires.

However, the point is that you can actually use your situation to earn money, you just need to inform yourself.

The online market is big and varied, and with a unique style you can really make a name for yourself.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

This sounds like two separate problems: attraction of negativity and subsequently developing a controlling response (likely the negative influence of Pluto), as well as excess empathy.

Both can be worked on through soul freeing workings, such as removing any negative karma pertaining to your social or emotional state. The energy of Wunjo, representing harmony and happiness, can also be very useful here.

As for the empathy, the same applies where you need to deal with negative karma here. Remember that earth energy grounds and regulates all the elements, including water, which will help you to block or ignore negative energy. You can use Nauthiz or ether for this.

Another good way to balance excessive empathy or derealization is by chanting the name Erishkigal. See here: https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=405837#p405837

Also, quit thinking so negatively about your situation in regards to absorbing negative energy. Increase your aura of protection, as this blocks negative energies. If you are attached to negative people, then detach them on a waning moon. This is similar to a larger working where you permanently detach and remove yourself from all negative people.
As an empathetic person, you need to be around good people who will actually support you.