Question #5687: My situation.. (HELP)

[AskSatanOperator]

Hello. I and my family live in a one-room apartment. I have a younger sister and a younger brother. It's not so cramped, the apartment itself is big and spacious. But there is no personal space there. my family is not poor, my father earns 1000 dolars a month ( while the average salary in my country is 400-500 dollars). I can't reveal my age, but I am young, studying at university. My mom doesn't even want to hear that I am a Satanist, not to mention that my spiritual practice is going down the drain: I can't meditate in any way. she calls it satanic. My dad comes home at 8pm after work, we have dinner together and he drinks beer while watching tv. and he's a little out of line. constantly, almost every night my mom yells at him, but he asks for it. she yells at me too. we yell at each other every day. seriously. so i try to spend the summer in the village every year, but she comes there many times and we start yelling at each other. What about a job? i had one, and in march i was quite able to rent an apartment, but... i think i'm mentally weak and wasn't ready for it. i quit my job at the beginning of may, thinking i would freelance.... but it didn't work out. june - exams. july - i just spent watching youtube and was lazy. early august the same. only now i'm trying to do something. but i don't understand what. And yeah, mom doesn't work, stays at home, gets on my nerves...

 

[Henu the Great]

Family relationships can be mended and there is a lack of willpower and discipline that can be worked on. The idea is to focus on mending these weak spots to increase your well-being and future potential in private and public life among your peers.

A magickal approach often requires the use of mantras (see the steps of witchcraft for more information, https://satanisgod.org/ThreeSteps.html) and I recommend such an approach in this case. For family relationships, Wunjo (https://satanisgod.org/Odin.html#WUNJO) is a suitable choice. And for willpower and discipline, Sowilo (https://satanisgod.org/Odin.html#SOWILO) and Nauthiz (https://satanisgod.org/Odin.html#NAUTHIZ) are top choices respectively. You can use colors (https://satanisgod.org/Color.html) along with the mantras for a more precise and accurate effect giving you potentially better results. Since you mention the lack of privacy it would be in your best interest to find the time and space where you can practice unimpeded. If this can not happen in the home, then it follows that you need to seek a place outside of your home until you have secured your own residence. In everything, do not give up at first or even at the second failure or obstacle. Keep it up and go for the results you want and need while also not neglecting the need for recovery and recreation.

This is not a fully conclusive response, and if you have questions about these steps or something else, please do not hesitate to ask here.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

i was quite able to rent an apartment, but... i think i'm mentally weak and wasn't ready for it. i quit my job at the beginning of may, thinking i would freelance.... but it didn't work out. june - exams. july - i just spent watching youtube and was lazy. early august the same. only now i'm trying to do something. but i don't understand what. And yeah, mom doesn't work, stays at home, gets on my nerves...

This is not you, but your family will keeping you at home. According to your description, your relative seems yelling to each other to keep their will at the low level, each of them trying to overcome other person. This happens frequently in families where people are not free, because parents want to keep their children always with them until death, I think it's due to karma. This is not conscious, it is typical in very xian families (also muslim I think, I have no experience here). So you need both to cut links to their chakras to your chakras (if you want/need so, but your Satanic life is stuck so getting out seems paramount), but mostly, build a strong will so you will be able to rent the flat you like, and build a life of your own. Otherwise, it seems you will be trapped in the density of family negative energies in that house for indefinite time, holding you back.
I struggled years to become independent and start my own life. This is personal, each of us has different situation. Ego and 3rd chakra clash happens when you want to break free, consequently you may feel lazy for lack of energies. Sport helps to build up confidence and will.

 

[Yagami Light]

Hi, Brother/Sister.
I also had a difficult relationship with my mother until she died. I understand that every person has a different relationship with their family, and sometimes things can be fixed - sometimes they can't.
In spite of that, when I started doing meditations and aura cleaning and protection consistently, I had noticed that my mother's horrible attitude no longer affected me in the same way.

So, if you start meditating consistently, you will notice a great difference (not necessarily in *her* attitude, but in the way her attitude will affect you).

You said that you can't meditate at home, but can you not do it outside either? Are there any isolated parks where you live? Or what about going on a busy street and cover your mouth and meditate there? (Of course, you will not close your eyes, but you can still meditate)

In the past, I had meditated inside the bus (I would try to find a seat away from others - but even if someone sat next to me, I would face the window and cover my mouth. Also, the busses are noisy in my country, so no one knew what I was doing).

Meditation can and will help you tremendously in life.

Also, if I were you, I would try to avoid being with my parents/family all day. So, if you have university, maybe hang out somewhere outside of the house for some time before you return home.

Find some time for yourself. Meditate on your desires, make new goals.

You mentioned that your mother doesn't even want to hear about you being a spiritual Satanist. Your mother doesn't need to know! This is a personal matter. So, try to keep your religion and the meditations a secret from her, or explain to her that meditations aren't Satanic, and that they come from ancient Egypt, or something... do a little research on "mainstream" meditations to persuade her that it's not bad. Now, if your mother is religious, then don't tell her about your meditations at all. Do your own thing without worrying about her complaining all the time about it.

Finally, you said that at some point, you had a chance to live on your own, but you didn't do it. You said that you think you were mentally weak and weren't ready for it.

I want to tell you something. We are a little similar on this. I've lived with my family all my life, and at some point, an opportunity arose for me to live on my own, and I didn't do it.
I don't think that we are/were weak. I believe we were raised in a way that discouraged us from believing in our selves. As a result, we are/were afraid and lacked the confidence to live alone and to be independent.

But, is it not possible for you to do it now? If freelancing didn't work for you, can you not find a job at a company again? Or even doing something that's not what you studied (for example, work as a seller or cashier). You will earn less money, but maybe you can still move out of the house. And of course, a job will keep you busy *away* from your house, which will be good for you to take a breath. Do consider meditating outside, as well (do not let strangers understand that you meditate, especially if meditation is taboo in your country). Meditation is what will help you get out of whatever is keeping you down. I still remember a quote from HP HoodedCobra that said: "Build yourself on spiritual concrete, and you will never fall."

I hope my advice has helped you.