If I was in my 40's I would definetly want a Girl in their late 20's to be quite honest.
This is basical nature playing here, and most men, me included, are like this.
Why would you want to have an old Girl? Who is in her 40's, has probably children, and severe Trauma of being single and out in the market?
Those women, oftern, but not always, are a wreck. Why should I choose a girl I dont desire as much, and who is introducing her negativity into me?
What I mean with "the darkness within the darkness" is that Darkness which is pertaining all things, and nourishing us all, spiritually, mentally and physically.
It it this Darkness that is even within the Darkness. It is this darkness which is nourishing our light.
In Darkness you shine.
Many Satanists actually love Rock music, as this has, to me for example, a spiritual Vibe to it and also gives me bursts of Energy. Satan is associated with Rock music, as are Satanists, and the Occult.
This sounds like a placement that causes on one hand, a lot of spiritual potential and abilities...
However, there is a huge influence on Isolation, depression and delusion.
Maybe try to be detached from your emotions, and look at your own nature, you are able to do so.
That the idea you describes "digusts" you, is actually very telling, that you have no healthy realtionship in this area of life, that even the thought of it provokes negative emotions.
You are very wise, this is why I told you to look for someone younger, who loves you, and who you can guide. As would be a much more beneficial approach towards this topic, that is also in tune with your own nature.
Both you and the Girl would benefit from this, very much. Maybe even more than you are aware right now.
If you want to talk in private, I am open to so.
I don't want to attack you, or insult you, I just want to help you from my understanding and approach of things.
Satan wants us to live and to advance. Live life to the fullest.