anonimous131313
New member
- Joined
- May 19, 2004
- Messages
- 2
Few will read this till the end, and fewer will answer. But it's time for me to "confess". I have a sort of a problem.
Many years ago, I started being a satanist. I was spiritually advanced, I used to do a lot of rituals, and study theory(which I still remember).
The thing is I was a part of an order. Not so important, but at least I had what to study, and had some people taking care of me and showing me what and how to do.
But one day, the order shattered, and everyone left. Everyone forgot everyone, and "ran away" with they're lives. That happened 3 years ago. Ever since, I stopped being a satanist( I haven't done a ritual, a prayer, or anything to study).
Finding materials on the net can be a bitch, there are very few trusted sites, and most of them are contradict.
Now what my problem is?
Even though i haven't done anything, like rituals, or prayers, or even study about the "left hand path", I still feel very connected to it. I remember many beautiful things, though dark and sinister, they are a part of my past, my life.
I feel lost. I feel like I have been abandoned, but don't know why. Can't find anyone to help me, can't find anything to study, so I started reading about Illuminati and conspiracy theories, islamic religion(wich I find very interesting now). Though I feel like I did a huge step backwards, there is still something that's calling me. It might be psychological, knowing that most of my childhood I spent studying about satanism, and now I have nothing. Or maybe there's something more. But whatever that thing is, I know I need some help. Some advice. Anything regarding this. I feel lost, I need help, a point to start things all over. A new bunch of people to talk about this and to argue about, while learning. I don't know how many of you ever had a situation like this, but I would appreciate if every one of you, would write me (in an e-mail, or here) they're own opinions, or something to help me with. I do feel a bit of shamed, asking for this. but it's the only way to find a solution to this problem, that's been f*king my brains for years.
Many years ago, I started being a satanist. I was spiritually advanced, I used to do a lot of rituals, and study theory(which I still remember).
The thing is I was a part of an order. Not so important, but at least I had what to study, and had some people taking care of me and showing me what and how to do.
But one day, the order shattered, and everyone left. Everyone forgot everyone, and "ran away" with they're lives. That happened 3 years ago. Ever since, I stopped being a satanist( I haven't done a ritual, a prayer, or anything to study).
Finding materials on the net can be a bitch, there are very few trusted sites, and most of them are contradict.
Now what my problem is?
Even though i haven't done anything, like rituals, or prayers, or even study about the "left hand path", I still feel very connected to it. I remember many beautiful things, though dark and sinister, they are a part of my past, my life.
I feel lost. I feel like I have been abandoned, but don't know why. Can't find anyone to help me, can't find anything to study, so I started reading about Illuminati and conspiracy theories, islamic religion(wich I find very interesting now). Though I feel like I did a huge step backwards, there is still something that's calling me. It might be psychological, knowing that most of my childhood I spent studying about satanism, and now I have nothing. Or maybe there's something more. But whatever that thing is, I know I need some help. Some advice. Anything regarding this. I feel lost, I need help, a point to start things all over. A new bunch of people to talk about this and to argue about, while learning. I don't know how many of you ever had a situation like this, but I would appreciate if every one of you, would write me (in an e-mail, or here) they're own opinions, or something to help me with. I do feel a bit of shamed, asking for this. but it's the only way to find a solution to this problem, that's been f*king my brains for years.
