Poem to our father

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Hi family,
I come on here a little nervous but excited to share this poem. This is my first time ever writing well anything outside of a school setting it's never been my strong suit. It may or not be finished depends how many more times I reread it tonight. I'm just going to put out there it will probably not be in the right format either. So here it is
As I walk alone one day I see a man and I must say... i think that i know you i am sure that I do, I feel I have seen you though you look so new.
He looks down to me with a smile and says walk with me Child and bows his head. As we are walking we come to a tree so beautiful so tall just like the man besides me.
We sat down beside it and look to the sky he asks me to see with my half glassed over eyes the star that is shining ever so bright and explains that is me what an amazing sight shining so bright, so beautiful so new.
I know who he is and what I must do I get on my knees and look to him and say i am your child this very day.
I have awakened with eyes open wide I see my father Satan the Jews tried to hide.

 

[Ravenheart666]

It is full of emotion and Indeed has its rythm , besides it's magickally easy to picture it in my mind ,and almost living it . Whats in your soul counts more than anything so if you feel like doing more of these just do it/ (Without neglecting The RTR ,goes without saying)...One Little thing though ... The last sentence it's kinda off At least in my opinion (phonetically speaking ,obviously not contextual) ... Maybe "....hidden for long dark years by the enemy" or something like that would fit better , not that I want to critique your poem or smthing , but the end is just too abrupt , makes quite the "assonance", be that you grant me this tip of mine. Keep up the good work ! Talent surfaces the more you'll use it.

 

[HailMotherLilith]

That is awesome!!! I like it!!

 

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No I totally agree I was even telling my husband that last night when I finish it it just ended it's still in the rough stages and I will definitely take your advice it is welcomed. I was just so excited and full of happiness I wanted to share. I never wanted to write never liked it but it just hit me yesterday the desire, the need and the words just came pouring.

It is full of emotion and Indeed has its rythm , besides it's magickally easy to picture it in my mind ,and almost living it . Whats in your soul counts more than anything so if you feel like doing more of these just do it/ (Without neglecting The RTR ,goes without saying)...One Little thing though ... The last sentence it's kinda off At least in my opinion (phonetically speaking ,obviously not contextual) ... Maybe "....hidden for long dark years by the enemy" or something like that would fit better , not that I want to critique your poem or smthing , but the end is just too abrupt , makes quite the "assonance", be that you grant me this tip of mine. Keep up the good work ! Talent surfaces the more you'll use it.

Thank you HailMotherLilith I'm glad you liked it that gives me encouragement to continue.

That is awesome!!! I like it!!