the_eye_of_anubis
Member
- Joined
- May 3, 2024
- Messages
- 113
Hello everyone!
I apologise again for my absence; I'm having a really busy life.
I am writing this post partly as a kind of vent and partly to see if anyone who has been in a similar situation can offer any suggestions.
This post may be long, so I ask for your patience.
The crux of the matter is that I am tired of men ruining my peace, sanity and days. Whenever I meet a man, I always end up getting hurt and suffering, even obsessing over him. Let me explain what happened.
In March, I met this guy while taking my usual 15-minute break from work at the bar. He was tall with black hair and wore glasses. He was also well dressed. I was immediately attracted to him and managed to find out his name through a mutual friend. I added him on Instagram and we started talking. He told me that he was single since a couple of months, that he wasn't even having sex with anyone and he also told me something about his ex girlfriend, that he described as "really jealous and paranoid" and how sad he was when she decided to break up with him. I should point out that I had not had sexual relations with anyone since September 2024, when I left my ex. This must surely have influenced things, because I was VERY attracted to him physically.
From the beginning, he made it clear that he was only interested in a physical relationship. At first, I was too, but then I started thinking that maybe I could change his mind.
After about 20 days of messaging, we decided to meet and we had sex. Afterwards, I asked him if he would like to see each other again, and he said yes. However, the next day he completely disappeared. He ghosted me.
Of course, I was very hurt and suffered a lot. I started getting paranoid thinking that maybe I had sucked during the deed or maybe I had been too clingy to him. A week later I met him casually on the street and it was obvious that he was uncomfortable, he wouldn't look me in the eye and was making excuses like "I'm very busy, I have a hectic life..." While talking to me, he would look away and use his cell phone, a clear sign of discomfort.
A month later, exactly on Beltane Day, I met our mutual friend at a festival here in my town. I told him everything that had happened between me and the boy in question and, what can I say? I learned things that literally made me vomit.
I learned that he had been lying to me the whole time, that he had never been engaged to the girl he had told me about (in fact, this girl doesn't even exist!!), that the same thing he did to me he did to so many other girls and that probably, while he was talking to me, he was also talking to another girl... Basically, sorry for being vulgar but it's exactely the truth, If he could fuck the holes in the walls, he would.
Coming to know these things for me was a bad blow, luckily there were my friends with me who helped me not to think about it because I swear to you, I was getting sick.
now the problem is: even if I realized that this guy is a literal WALKING SHIT, I somehow cannot get him out of my mind. I still cannot believe that I was so stupid to believe him and I ask myself why did this happen, and why do I still feel something for him despite everything he did...?
I also managed to do the Mother Lilith power ritual, where in tears I told her that I am sick and tired of always giving my power to men and That I want to finally end this toxic cycle that make me subconsciously look for emotionally detached men to prove my value. I told her that I wanna step into my full power, without questioning my value or basing it on how many people love me: I wanna be enough for MYSELF ONLY!! I am also doing detaching (again...) to destroy the connection with this guy ( I have a question: I felt it a lot in my third chakra...why?) but yet I cannot put my soul at rest and move on.
I am really sorry if I often make sad posts but I am so mad at myself because, even if thanks to meditation and inner work I am learning to see how lovable I am and How powerful I can be, I end up doing the same mistakes...
have any of you been through this situation before? how did you get out of it?
thank you if you have read this far, I really needed to throw out what I was feeling.
Hail Zeus and the Gods!!
I apologise again for my absence; I'm having a really busy life.
I am writing this post partly as a kind of vent and partly to see if anyone who has been in a similar situation can offer any suggestions.
This post may be long, so I ask for your patience.
The crux of the matter is that I am tired of men ruining my peace, sanity and days. Whenever I meet a man, I always end up getting hurt and suffering, even obsessing over him. Let me explain what happened.
In March, I met this guy while taking my usual 15-minute break from work at the bar. He was tall with black hair and wore glasses. He was also well dressed. I was immediately attracted to him and managed to find out his name through a mutual friend. I added him on Instagram and we started talking. He told me that he was single since a couple of months, that he wasn't even having sex with anyone and he also told me something about his ex girlfriend, that he described as "really jealous and paranoid" and how sad he was when she decided to break up with him. I should point out that I had not had sexual relations with anyone since September 2024, when I left my ex. This must surely have influenced things, because I was VERY attracted to him physically.
From the beginning, he made it clear that he was only interested in a physical relationship. At first, I was too, but then I started thinking that maybe I could change his mind.
After about 20 days of messaging, we decided to meet and we had sex. Afterwards, I asked him if he would like to see each other again, and he said yes. However, the next day he completely disappeared. He ghosted me.
Of course, I was very hurt and suffered a lot. I started getting paranoid thinking that maybe I had sucked during the deed or maybe I had been too clingy to him. A week later I met him casually on the street and it was obvious that he was uncomfortable, he wouldn't look me in the eye and was making excuses like "I'm very busy, I have a hectic life..." While talking to me, he would look away and use his cell phone, a clear sign of discomfort.
A month later, exactly on Beltane Day, I met our mutual friend at a festival here in my town. I told him everything that had happened between me and the boy in question and, what can I say? I learned things that literally made me vomit.
I learned that he had been lying to me the whole time, that he had never been engaged to the girl he had told me about (in fact, this girl doesn't even exist!!), that the same thing he did to me he did to so many other girls and that probably, while he was talking to me, he was also talking to another girl... Basically, sorry for being vulgar but it's exactely the truth, If he could fuck the holes in the walls, he would.
Coming to know these things for me was a bad blow, luckily there were my friends with me who helped me not to think about it because I swear to you, I was getting sick.
now the problem is: even if I realized that this guy is a literal WALKING SHIT, I somehow cannot get him out of my mind. I still cannot believe that I was so stupid to believe him and I ask myself why did this happen, and why do I still feel something for him despite everything he did...?
I also managed to do the Mother Lilith power ritual, where in tears I told her that I am sick and tired of always giving my power to men and That I want to finally end this toxic cycle that make me subconsciously look for emotionally detached men to prove my value. I told her that I wanna step into my full power, without questioning my value or basing it on how many people love me: I wanna be enough for MYSELF ONLY!! I am also doing detaching (again...) to destroy the connection with this guy ( I have a question: I felt it a lot in my third chakra...why?) but yet I cannot put my soul at rest and move on.
I am really sorry if I often make sad posts but I am so mad at myself because, even if thanks to meditation and inner work I am learning to see how lovable I am and How powerful I can be, I end up doing the same mistakes...
have any of you been through this situation before? how did you get out of it?
thank you if you have read this far, I really needed to throw out what I was feeling.
Hail Zeus and the Gods!!
