racksus666
New member
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2010
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Hi everyone, I'm very new to this and forgive me if my questions sound dull and stupid.
A few days ago I followed and carried out my initiation ritual as detailed here: http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... TANIC.html
I've spent a lifetime of wanting help, assistance, luck from god only to be rejected most of the time. I've never felt his/her full 'devine' love (incidentally I'm Hindu so have many so called gods) and feel that I have to really be worthy enough to even be listened to rather than be in his presence. I see a lot of my friends and relatives living a good life but I'm just struggling all the time and being punished but those gods. I'm their 'play thing to be trodden on, ridiculed, set up to fail.
It recently dawned on me that I've always felt another presence throughout my life, 'someone' always in the background.
Now, I'm no angel, I've done some bad things such as shoplifting, stealing, minor fraud, petty crime and when caught by the cops always escaped a custodial sentence. This presence being Satan, Lucifer, THE DEVIL had intervened in my criminal deeds and saved me.
I've now embraced 'father' and feel a little comfort.
My concern is that I don't wholly feel his presence for some reason. I know it's early days but I'm afraid of rejection just as those OTHER vile gods rejected me.
Is it normal to feel this way? I've constantly been talking to father but still feel he isn't communicating with me.
I've asked him for some help, one being attracted to a lady at work and wish to have a relationship with her but getting very anxious that he is not listening.
Thtouout my life I've fallen in love with many women and never got very far with 'gods' help and end result being s broken heart and laughed at by those gods.
I'm not sure how to pray to father nor am I sure how to befriend a demon. At the moment I'm very confused and though my love for father comes from my heart, I'm scared that just as I did with so called god, that father too my avoid me.
Any advise/reassurance would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time.
A few days ago I followed and carried out my initiation ritual as detailed here: http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... TANIC.html
I've spent a lifetime of wanting help, assistance, luck from god only to be rejected most of the time. I've never felt his/her full 'devine' love (incidentally I'm Hindu so have many so called gods) and feel that I have to really be worthy enough to even be listened to rather than be in his presence. I see a lot of my friends and relatives living a good life but I'm just struggling all the time and being punished but those gods. I'm their 'play thing to be trodden on, ridiculed, set up to fail.
It recently dawned on me that I've always felt another presence throughout my life, 'someone' always in the background.
Now, I'm no angel, I've done some bad things such as shoplifting, stealing, minor fraud, petty crime and when caught by the cops always escaped a custodial sentence. This presence being Satan, Lucifer, THE DEVIL had intervened in my criminal deeds and saved me.
I've now embraced 'father' and feel a little comfort.
My concern is that I don't wholly feel his presence for some reason. I know it's early days but I'm afraid of rejection just as those OTHER vile gods rejected me.
Is it normal to feel this way? I've constantly been talking to father but still feel he isn't communicating with me.
I've asked him for some help, one being attracted to a lady at work and wish to have a relationship with her but getting very anxious that he is not listening.
Thtouout my life I've fallen in love with many women and never got very far with 'gods' help and end result being s broken heart and laughed at by those gods.
I'm not sure how to pray to father nor am I sure how to befriend a demon. At the moment I'm very confused and though my love for father comes from my heart, I'm scared that just as I did with so called god, that father too my avoid me.
Any advise/reassurance would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time.
