( TO THE GROUP OWNER - dont aprove my first message, i accidentally pressed send instead of preview and the message was full of errors)
Hi everyone...
First of all my english is far from being the best...
I would like to start by a introduction that will also let you know the kind of person i am and what lead me here...
I was raised as a christian (Jehova Witnesses) though i never really did anything there except going to their meetings when i was younger, did not really had a choice, by the time i was 11~12 i started drifting away from them, i always respected them and their teachings and to be honest i did believed in their god and still do just don't believe that he is what i was taught.
I lived with my grandmother till i was 9~10, she was a member of Jehovah's Witnesses as well, and dedicated herself to them as much as she could, me, in the other hand, like i said i respected them even though i started moving away from them mainly because their teachings were incompatible with my life style, i always liked heavy metal, i smoke, wear piercings, never say no to a nice beer and i did not waited till i was married to have sexual relationships, anyway, i never defied them with my life style but they would definitely consider me a aberration if they knew me now (i am 28 now by the way).
I always looked at my grandmother as my true mother, i really loved her and i always respected her god mostly because of her, she was way too kind and a good person, never saw her wishing harm on anyone... well... she has alzheimer now... what a great reward for a true follower...
When this happened i started questioning myself about this god, even if he does exist i wasn't expecting nothing of him, i always told everyone that asked me why i left jehovah's witnesses that i prefer to live 80 years doing what i want then a eternity being something i am not, but my grandmother dedicated over 20 years of her life and gets this?
I started questioning everything i learned and i came to the conclusion that even if this god exists most of the things we learn in the christian bible are wrong, i could stay here writing for hours but i will just state a few of my thoughts that brought me to that conclusion...
They say god is justice, love, mercy and power...
Justice? then why am i paying for what Adam did, am i to be held responsible for what others have done?
Love and Mercy? Basically i have to worship him and serve him in the way he wants or die...
And if i am a aberration in the eyes of a christian that is because i am imperfect, but wait a minute, god made me right? So am i just a defective product to be disposed when "the judgment day" comes?
I don't question his power but i do question everything else about him and his son given that they stand for the same...
So i started reading more about Satan but i am still new in this, in fact i don't feel at ease addressing him as Satan or devil,as far as i know Satan was a name given to him that stands for enemy and devil (correct me if i am wrong) means slanderer but i am not sure if his true name is Lucifer too, when researching about that name i only found that it is often associated with him by means "the morning star" or "he who brings light" or something like that.
Anyway, i never considered myself a bad person, in fact, i am pretty much the opposite, i often care more about others then myself, in fact, i dated a girl for almost 7 years and she dumped me about 3 months ago, i never felt so down and still feel but unlike many, in these times i often look for something or someone i care about, not someone that cares about me, i just want to hold to something that is worth it, all my plans for the future just went away and now i am basically planning everything from scratch.
When looking myself at the mirror its easy to see what is wrong with me, what is corroding me inside, love and altruism, but i cant simply change what i am so i decided to look for someone that can help me and i decided to search for the one that opposes the christian god that i disapprove so much.
I already considered the chance that the christian god do exist and that he may be more powerful then Satan but even if that is true i still wish to dedicate myself to someone who who opposes him even if i end up paying the bill later, i simply don't care, i just want to stand for someone who accepts me and, hopefully, in doing so, start caring more about myself and cut lose from feelings that only drag me down.
I already read much about Satan in the Joy of Satan website, i didn't simple popped out of nowhere, i am pretty sure i want to make a commitment to Satan right now and i will really soon, in fact i was going to right now but then i found this group and decided to introduce myself.
I would also like to ask if anyone can give me some tips about what to do after the commitment, i already read a lot about power meditation but i am not really sure what to expect of it.
I am not going to torture you any longer by making this post any longer.
Just wanted to say hi and hopefully get some tips and forgive me if due to my ignorance in some matters i have somehow offended anyone or broke some rule.
Cheers