Tina Daughter of the Light 432
New member
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
- Messages
- 13
Greetings to all my brothers and sisters.
With this post, I would like to briefly introduce myself, share a little about who I am, and speak about how Father Satan and the Gods have helped me throughout the past years.
You know, for the past five years I have always been here — I just didn’t have an account, and you could say I was hiding in the shadows with my experiences. But that ends now. My life has taken such positive turns in the past year that I finally gathered the strength to write this post.
Many times I sat down to write it, but it was never finished. And even now, it will not contain everything I would like to share — otherwise this would turn into a novel. I want to start small. I could tell so many things about the Gods — how much they help me, and how much I have experienced during my meditations.
Perhaps I never managed to post it because I am a perfectionist, and my list of experiences is long — very, very long.
My brothers and sisters, I dedicated myself to Spiritual Satanism 14 years ago, when I was 16. But I only began actively meditating five years ago. The reason those 14 years felt empty is that even though I felt Father Satan’s calling, I simply couldn’t connect the dots in my mind. I am a very social being, and my ex-partners and my parents did not look kindly upon what I spoke about, no matter how much I explained that this was not about “summoning Beelzebubs” for fun.
The reason my parents found out I was SS was because one of my sisters, who openly declared she was SS, was already struggling with mental illness at the time, and she told everyone that Lord Belial once appeared to her. Sadly, she is no longer with us — she took her own life.
My parents heard this and I had to explain why I was spending time with her, what this “sect” was. It was very difficult to defend myself in front of them. There were times when my father gave me an approximately 2,300-year-old cross to wear. He had found it while metal detecting. It was very old. It had a disgusting energy — it almost burned my skin, I’m not joking. I had to wear it when I was near him.
That was when I distanced myself for the first time, because of the guilt that wearing that corrupted, greedy symbol caused in me. When I was young, I thought I was a shameful person for putting it around my neck, and I felt I could not speak to Our Father.
Now, with the mind I have today, I realize I could not have been more wrong.
Now I would like to get to the point of why I did not write this post for so long.
When I truly found my way back to Father Satan five years ago, that experience changed my life forever in every way. Our respected HPHC once wrote a post about the levels of encounters with the Gods — when someone suddenly, for example, plays an instrument professionally out of nowhere, or speaks languages they never learned. That is the very high category.
My experiences, as I understand them, belong to the level just below that.
And here comes the part where I always hesitated to write this post — because I have never once read about someone entering Spiritual Satanism at the level I did. The Gods did not only hold my hand — they gave me wings so that I could experience the beautiful nature of my own soul. Even now my hands tremble as I write this.
As a child I already experienced many spiritual things that may partly explain what happened later.
For example:
Once in kindergarten, while sitting on the toilet, I had the thought — what if I fix my gaze on the bathroom door? A few moments later I saw swirling colors and shapes. It was incredibly beautiful. I will never forget it. Then I did the same in front of a mirror, and I saw that my pupil was so large it almost covered my entire eye.
I was just a child…
When my mother arrived, I immediately said, “Mom, look! I can dilate my pupil!”
She told me never to do that again because it was very frightening.
Another time, I was laughing uncontrollably with my cousin at the funniest thing my young mind had ever experienced. Suddenly I wondered if I could stop that overwhelming feeling purely by will. And I began doing what I now practice daily — Void meditation. My cousin thought something was wrong because I suddenly stopped laughing.
I also had a habit before falling asleep that I deeply enjoyed. I would visualize my childhood desires, and after a while those desires would appear visually before my eyes. It was like daydreaming. When I told my friends about this, they just stared at me — none of them had experienced anything like it. I loved it. But as I grew older, I became less capable of doing it.
The last thing I want to mention from that time is that once I found a website with different frequencies that supposedly imitated the effects of substances. I was curious what alcohol might feel like. None of them worked. But there was one I left for last because I didn’t understand what it meant. It was called “GOD Frequency.”
It was a thin, high-pitched sound. I fell asleep to it. And what I experienced then, I thought was just a strange dream. But now I know it was not. My brothers and sisters, I found myself in a torus field filled with vibrating colors and sacred geometry. And even then I knew I had been there before — I just could not explain it because I was too young.
Time passed. I initiated myself, but as I wrote earlier, things truly began about 10 years later.
I went to Germany from Hungary for my first foreign job. It was metal industry work — dirty, smelly, but well paid. I always wanted to be a forester. I feel at home in dense forests and mountains that reach into the sky.
Back then I was somewhat aimless. The highlight of my day was rolling a joint and sitting down to watch a movie. I smoked an unbelievable amount before i moved there— this plant had rooted itself deeply into my life. I never thought I would quit, and I never knew what or who would make me stop.
Then I made a German friend, Christian. At work we began talking about astral experiences he had under LSD. We went deep into it. Then I said, “Wait a second… I’ve read about this somewhere…” Higher states of consciousness, astral projection… and then it hit me like an atomic bomb. I will never forget that intensity. The simplest way I can describe it is like when Light Yagami touches the Death Note next to L in the helicopter — suddenly remembering everything. A million dots connected in my mind at once.
That was when my beautiful path with Father Satan and the Gods truly began.
Christian asked if I needed anything (work-related). I said, “No, I’ve received everything I needed.” (Of course, I didn’t mean tools
).
I went back to my station and instead of working, I immediately started reading the Hungarian Joy of Satan materials — Spirits of Eridu, which contained JOS teachings translated into Hungarian. There was an incredible amount of material — almost everything JOS had at the time.
Back then, I spent all my time reading, and I was fascinated by what I read.
I don’t think I’ve read as much in my entire life as I did back then.
My brothers and sisters, at that point I could finally see the bigger picture. Many times I almost cried realizing that everything JOS spoke about might actually be possible — that we humans are destined for more, that we are more than I ever believed, and that we have loving and protective Gods who are in fact our original Pagan Gods.
I began asking Father for signs. From then on, His presence in my life became so intense that I cannot even describe the bliss I felt.
The first major sign was not that I kept seeing 11:11 or 13:13 on clocks — though I took those as signs that He hears and watches over me. But at that time these things were still conditional in my mind. I have always been very grounded. I knew spirituality existed in some way, but I never truly understood it — not until then.
The first great push for me was realizing that everything on JOS was free. Who would create something like that purely out of free time or to gather like-minded people? I knew there must be something more to it. But overcoming Christian programming was not easy.
At work, I once heard a song on the radio I had never heard before — “White Wedding” by Billy Idol. I downloaded it but never listened to it again after that.
Then came the biggest sign connected to this.
At that time I had Jabra earphones that had begun malfunctioning because of metal dust. Only the left side worked, and even that would fade after 10 minutes.
During break, after reading Spirits of Eridu, I asked Father for a sign. I was extremely excited.
I went back to work, put in my earphones, started my random playlist — and that very song by Billy Idol began to play. But not just that. Miraculously, both earphones worked. Until then, only the left one had ever worked.
And the lyrics of the song — I knew it was not just a sign from Father. It felt as if He was speaking to me through the music.
I would like to quote a few lines from it:
“Hey little sister, who’s the only one?”
“I let you go for so long, I let you go for so long, but it’s a nice day to start again.”
“There is nothing safe in this world, there is nothing true in this world, so start agaaaaain.”
That was the first time I truly felt His literal presence.
From that moment on, my life became like a movie in which I was the main character — a beautiful and intense blissfull of synchronicities followed.
Before I truly sat down to meditate, I asked for one more sign — one that I can even show you, my brothers and sisters. In the picture you can see a pallet with work materials on it — laser-cut steel sheets whose melted edges would always chip off. Many of us worked there, and yet I was the one who received that particular pallet with the shape visible in the photo. The chance of me getting that exact one right after asking for a sign was one in a million.
Look at it — it’s almost unbelievable.
The right side of the picture is only for comparing for the left side .
As you can see, usually only random little fragments chip off from the sides of the sheets, but the one I received was very different…
I hope this helps you feel at least a fraction of the intensity I experienced back then. Honestly, when I saw it, I wanted to cry.
Because that was His sacred sign and attention toward me — telling me to sit down, use the knowledge of JOS, and begin meditating. Because He had always been with me, and always would be.
This is where things began to take a very serious turn.
I knew very well that if I wanted to see Them and truly learn from Them at a higher level, I had to learn how to enter trance through empty meditation — because that would be the cornerstone of my perfection.
Well… it didn’t go very easily. With open eyes I succeeded once, but I couldn’t decide whether it was trance or not. It was — but that same evening I decided to meditate on the motif found at the beginning of Spiritual Warfare — the symbol of the Sun, a circle with a dot in the center.
When I began meditating on it, I noticed something strange. In the dot at the center of the circle I first saw purple, then a colorful grid — and then the Moon. Brightly spinning inside the circle. I didn’t understand it, and to this day I still don’t — because this is the symbol of the Sun, not the Moon.
Then I closed my eyes, and in the afterimage burned into my retina I saw a vast, beautiful flower field filled with vivid, colorful flowers and a blue sky.
To this day, when I meditate on it, it still appears — though not as intensely anymore. I will explain later why.
That same day I decided I would begin meditating on my third eye to activate it energetically.
When I lay down to sleep, before falling asleep I saw vivid swirling colors — blue, purple, and green — exactly like the Northern Lights.
I didn’t know what to make of it. I knew it was connected to the third eye, but I didn’t want to believe it, because I had only decided that day to start working with it — I hadn’t even properly meditated on it yet.
The next day, I decided to reinforce it.
I sat down and began meditating. The colors came very vividly — first in waves, then when they stabilized it felt as if I were looking through an eye whose outline was made of blue, purple, and green light. But in the center there was mostly darkness, sometimes with faint colors.
But what came next I could not explain in any other way except that everything JOS says is real.
Since childhood, I have had a strange ability — I can consciously induce ecstasy while listening to music or speaking about something deep and beautiful. My entire body buzzing intensely everywhere. But afterward I would always feel extremely exhausted and burned out. I couldn’t do it for long without becoming dizzy and drained. Until that point, I had never combined this with meditation.
I began reading about the Twin Serpent meditation and felt strongly drawn to try it.
I played euphoric music and began the meditation. I combined that childhood ecstatic sensation with the meditation. I began feeling warmth at my perineum. I thought it was just because that is where the energy concentrates . I harmonized my visualization with the music.
Then a voice in my head said:
“Don’t imagine it. Feel it.”
I stopped visualizing and, following the intensity of the music, began lifting that warm sensation upward inside me.
At first it moved like molasses — thick and slow. As it rose higher, it became lighter and more fluid. But it got stuck at my throat.
Then came the peak of the music — and with that ecstasy I managed to send it all the way to the top of my head.
My brothers and sisters…
I almost had an orgasm. I had never experienced such magnitude of pleasure and ecstasy before. I began crying from joy. My body was overheated.
And when I opened my eyes, I saw something I could hardly believe.
Around me I saw an energy field in the pattern of the Flower of Life. At that time I didn’t know that was the name of the pattern. It was made of vivid blue lines — as if I were sitting inside the center of a sphere.
Then I stopped and cried — cried from joy — because I knew this was all a gift from Father Satan. That was the first time I experienced… the Joy of Satan.
That was when I understood why Lady Maxine named the church Joy of Satan in 2002. Because THIS is truly Satan’s joy. The real Joy of Satan — which I was fortunate enough to experience.
What happened after that became even more intense.
In the kitchen I spoke to Father while crying. I felt His presence there with me. It felt as if a large radiator were standing in front of me — incredible heat radiating from “nothing” onto the front of my body, as if He were physically standing there.
With tears in my eyes and childlike joy and sincere curiosity, I asked:
“Father, I know You are here, and that everything Maxine says about You is true. Please… may I taste all that JOS says about my soul?”
Although now that I think about it — this was five years ago — I believe I actually asked Him this before the Twin Serpent meditation.
After my experiences, I took a one-hour break because it was extremely intense.
Then I decided to return to my third eye, as I originally planned.
Unlike everything before, what I saw and felt this time was very different. Instead of only blue, green, and purple, with my eyes closed I saw the entire spectrum of colors — it was like a kaleidoscope!!!
Then I opened my eyes and I saw blue, green, and purple colors starting to appear everywhere from the ceiling, with strange eye-like patterns — almost exactly like when a peacock spreads its feathers in full glory!
And the colors were no longer only “in my field of vision” like before. It didn’t matter where I turned my head or where I looked — the colors and shapes always came from the same places: from the ceiling and from other parts of my room.
It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life!
Then I tried to go deeper with my eyes closed.
What I saw surpassed everything: I saw a DNA spiral, molecules, viruses, a dodecahedron (I think that’s how you write it), strange fractals that kept forming infinitely. All of this on the third or fourth day of my real initiation.
My brothers and sisters… do you understand now why I didn’t dare to post this for years?
I started reading the forum and I couldn’t find information about anyone experiencing it at this level the way I did. And besides that “unfinished” twin-serpent meditation, I only did empty meditation. Not a single mantra left my mouth because I lived in a workers’ hostel with thin walls, surrounded by alcoholics who would’ve laughed at me if I started chanting.
That evening I lit candles and began meditating on Our Father.
I asked for a sign of His presence, and then I noticed the two candle flames were pointing exactly toward me. I couldn’t believe it. I stood up, and wherever I went in the kitchen, the flames pointed toward me — even though every window was closed.
I got a little scared — and keep in mind, this was still only my third or fourth day. Then I thanked Him for everything and started going into my room, but something compelled me to close my eyes for a moment.
I SAW OUR BELOVED AND ADORDED FATHER, WITH MEDIUM-LENGTH SLICKED-BACK HAIR AND BLUE EYES, LOOKING AT ME AND SMILING
I will never forget it!!!
Then when I went to sleep… it wasn’t really sleep anymore.
First, as I tried to fall asleep, I noticed the colors were no longer swirling — they started to take on the shape of my room. I raised my hand, and with my eyes closed I could see myself moving my hand in front of me!
I sat up and I could see my room with my eyes closed, in green! It was unbelievable.
And then when I fell asleep…
I found myself in a place where there were two or three suns. It looked Egyptian and Greek in style. There were rainbows everywhere, the air was vibrating!
I saw myself talking with Lord Amon Ra — and my brothers and sisters, we weren’t talking… we were laughing. Oh, we laughed so, so much!!
It was strange because we were “talking” in English even when i came from Hungary. In the middle of crying-laughter I said to Him:
“Okay okay okay, then I will call you, MY MAJESTY”
and then tears were streaming down both of our faces!
But I only saw Lord Amon Ra from behind. And on His shoulder there was a falcon, by the way.
I saw myself in a strange way too — as if it was a lower self, being observed from outside by the higher self, because I saw the whole thing like an external witness. Today I know why, and in a later post I will share it with you, my brothers and sisters.
The next day started like the others, but on the way to work I noticed something…
I wasn’t tired!!! Not at all!
At 4:30 in the morning it felt like it was already afternoon!
The amount of energy I had was insane! I had the best workday of my life that day!
I was glowing with energy so strongly that even people who normally didn’t talk to me wanted to chat with me and be friendly.
At work I could feel that ecstasy while listening to music as much as I wanted — I didn’t get tired at all!
My imagination became visible with closed eyes. Anything I imagined appeared in front of me in this pale, purple fog-like space! I could observe memories and thoughts in detail while drinking my coffee during break!
And when I did Void meditation with my eyes open so people wouldn’t think I was sleeping, whenever someone walked past me they left a sort of accordion(like the instrument) -like pattern trailing behind them!!!
Sacred geometry was visible everywhere on the factory walls. I felt so, so, so good — like butterflies in my stomach! Like when I fell in love for the first time, but even more beautiful, it gave a feeling of unity beyond that.
There was a Gypsie coworker I always hated. He was stupid, impulsive, primitive, and simple-minded. I got really angry at him for something (I don’t remember why anymore).
And what I’m about to tell you… even I didn’t want to believe it. After what happened, I had to go to the bathroom because I almost fainted from realizing that I had caused it.
I started listening to a metal song by The Browning — “End of Existence.”
While listening, I unleashed all my deep anger and hatred in my visualization. My rage took the form of a fiery entity (I imagined it that way — in my visualization, I was that entity). Then I grabbed him, lifted him with my left hand, and at the peak of the music, with my fiery sword, I used that ecstatic energy to stab through him.
It was extremely vivid in the sense that I felt the heat of my sword, I felt his fear, I felt his blood running from the sword onto my hand.
But after that I truly became exhausted, because with the chorus I poured all my energy into it.
Then about 20 minutes later, this guy showed up pale as a corpse, barely able to speak.
I said:
“What’s wrong with you, Robi???
Are you okay?!?!”
And he said:
“It really, really hurts… here.”
And he pointed exactly to where I had stabbed him in my visualization with the fiery sword.
My brothers and sisters, I almost fainted. I ran to the bathroom and begged Our Father, crying, to do something, because I didn’t want to hurt him that much — I didn’t know I could cause that
I’m not like that!!!!
And by the time I went back, he was better.
After this I tried a few things.
I read about consciousness merging, and encouraged by that, I tried it on one of my coworkers in the evening. I waited until I fell into a light trance; the usual swirling colors came, I followed the instructions, and then the waving colors began moving strangely.
It began to resemble the time when I could see my room with my eyes closed — and I saw as if “I” were inside the workplace, cleaning with that long, wide-headed broom.
After I finished, I thought: “Okay, this can’t be real. Ricsi is a lazy pig — he never cleans on weekdays. Since we’ve worked together, there has never been a precedent for this.”
My brothers and sisters… the next day I went in and IT WAS CLEANED. Exactly the way I had seen it the night before through his eyes!
There was also a time I ordered an obsidian black mirror. I thought I would try it — it was big and heavy.
When I used it, at first it looked like I was staring into black water, then colors came, and then something completely unique happened.
It was like I was moving at insane speed through a bluish-purple tunnel, with strange triangles and spheres and all kinds of things.
But after a while my focus fell apart and I dropped out of it.
And here’s the twist: from then on I didn’t need the mirror to see it. Wherever I looked while meditating, I saw that tunnel. Once, someone with bat-like wings and a golden outline (probably a lower-ranking Daemon) flew in front of me — but my focus fell apart again.
I want to share one more experience and then say a few final words. I’ve already been writing this post for four hours, my brothers and sisters, and I’m getting very tired.
I want to tell you about my first deep trance experience — honestly, this is the hardest thing for me to write about.
But I know for sure it happened at least once.
I sat down to meditate in the kitchen. I started going deep, and after a while so many colors came so intensely that I could barely resist looking at them.
Then I imitated the falling sensation inside myself, and suddenly all the colors concentrated into the center of my field of vision — and boom: like a rainbow vortex opened, covering my entire field of vision!!! It was like I was looking through a rainbow whirlpool or a disc!!!
“It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, my brothers and sisters!
Then suddenly my roommate came out. I got scared — but I couldn’t move! It was as if my entire body was tensed and locked.
The rainbow vision disappeared, but I saw a blue line around my roommate, starting at the top of his head, following his body, and ending between his legs!
Then he came up to me and started waving his hand in front of my face like, “what the hell happened to you?” XD
He said I looked like someone who was possessed.
But after that came my downfall…
This is very hard for me to write. Please, don’t judge me because of it.
You see… I started meditating under the influence of weed to fall into trance more easily.
And I’m not talking about average weed here — I’m talking about top-Amsterdam quality Amnesia Haze with the best terpene profile, which literally (I know it sounds crazy) tasted like fruit!!
That was when I saw “greys” for the first time in my life — there were three of them in my room, watching. It was weird because they were smiling xdddd
But I was “out of tune” and I didn’t deal with them.
Then I was talking to Father, and suddenly a voice in my head, in my own voice, said:
“Satan is a f***ing dog.”
It was terrifyingly humiliating. I thought it was my thought!!!
And from there everything only went downhill. Because with weed I didn’t even have to try to enter trance, my brain connected weed with meditation — without it, it didn’t work anymore.
None of my sessions were controllable at all, but I couldn’t stop. In that elevated state, weed had an almost LSD-like effect, which I enjoyed the first few times… but then it ruined everything.
I don’t want to go into details. It hurts so, so much to talk about…
As I smoked more and more, more and more negative thoughts began to appear — thoughts that had never been there before. Horribly negative things, and I believed them.
You see, I felt as if Father Satan had literally placed the keys of the Universe into my hands… and I took them, rolled them into a joint, and smoked them.
I had an unbelievably deep, tormenting guilt.
And yet, despite everything, Father Satan ALWAYS made it clear to me that He was here and that He loved me very, very much.
Now I know with certainty that He knew this would happen to me.
And now I understand that everything — absolutely everything — was part of my path.
This was five years ago.
I could tell so much more about what happened after I returned home from Germany because of my alcoholic coworkers.
But one more thing before I write my closing words.
On December 23rd of that year, something very heartwarming happened.
I woke up half-asleep and saw Father Satan’s sigil, as if He were saying:
“Wishing you a beautiful morning, my child, on the day of Yuletide.”
I will never forget that either, my brothers and sisters.
That is true Divine love and understanding.
In my next post, I would like to tell you about when Father Satan first appeared before me in Divine Golden Light during a deep meditation after an extraordinary Thanksgiving Ritual. I want to share my RTR experiences, what happened to me after certain GOD power rituals, and also how my ex — with her black-hole soul and alcoholism — destroyed my life, and how much I lost trying to save her from herself.
But I will say this now:
There is one thing I did not lose.
Not despite my addictions.
Not despite my bad decisions.
And that is Father Satan’s love.
I write these lines in tears here beneath the Swiss mountains.
You see — I no longer smoke weed. I no longer drink (mindlessly) . I no longer destroy myself. Because with Their help I was able to accept something within myself — something I will explain in a later post. Without Them, I never would have stepped onto the path I am walking now.
As a result, I have realized that weed no longer serves me. In no way. I did not even struggle to quit when that event happened (which I will describe later). Since I accepted myself as I am — something I have felt since childhood — weed lost its meaning.
I no longer want to escape reality. I do not need to.
And I owe this to Father and to Lord Amon Ra, my Guardian.
Every day I feel Their presence strongly in my life.
Two weeks ago, I began meditating and cleansing myself intensely again. I am the type of person for whom three RAUM vibrations in one chakra are enough — if I vibrate more, the energy becomes too much and I burn out because it is so powerful.
When I actively meditate on a chakra, small circles begin appearing on my physical body at the external extension points of the chakras.
Yesterday this leveled up at my third eye. Instead of a small circle, it now looks as if a larger eye is beginning to take form. Grok AI said it looks like a yantra. I think so too so to say . And I can prove this with a photo — I would truly like answers about why this is happening. I have never read on the forum about meditation causing something like this on someone’s physical
I hope this link is working and you can open it !
I really need to move carefully.
And now that the ice is broken and I am writing this post, I ask for your help, my brothers and sisters.
Please explain these things to me.
Please tell me why my initiation five years ago was so strong.
Why am I so sensitive to energy?
Why do I sometimes hear my mother’s thoughts without her speaking? I even scare her sometimes because I respond to something she only intended to say. This has happened here in Switzerland , where in live now, with others too, more than once.
I feel when someone is about to message me. Often I think of the person (usually a best friend or family member) just before they write.
Oh — one more thing.
Here in Switzerland, once a monthly insurance bill of about 310 CHF didn’t arrive. I transferred that amount to TOZ instead, and I was very, very excited waiting for HPHC to send the email confirming the money had arrived. I finally felt I could do something good for the Temple too.
And imagine this: before I received the email, like a lightning strike, I felt HPHC’s energy — and the email arrived immediately!!!! I instantly told Father about it
I am sharing all of this because for a very long time I was alone with my experiences. But my life has become so positive now that I truly want to return
The attack from the other night proves I am doing things right — because that miserable giant praying-mantis-like entity returned to torment me with suicidal thoughts and nightmares. But in truth, it achieved the opposite effect. If it is here again, it means I am working well on myself. Perhaps Father allowed it to trouble me that night for this reason.
Even from that, I gained something.
Thank you to the Priesthood for your devoted and unconditional hard work. Thank you for allowing me to be here and experience all of this. It has changed my life forever — in a positive direction.
May you all be blessed, my dear family. Thank you for reading.
Long live Father Satan.
Long live Lord Amon Ra.
And long live all the mighty Gods of Olympus.
May Their names be blessed in all four directions for eternity — and beyond.
-Tina
With this post, I would like to briefly introduce myself, share a little about who I am, and speak about how Father Satan and the Gods have helped me throughout the past years.
You know, for the past five years I have always been here — I just didn’t have an account, and you could say I was hiding in the shadows with my experiences. But that ends now. My life has taken such positive turns in the past year that I finally gathered the strength to write this post.
Many times I sat down to write it, but it was never finished. And even now, it will not contain everything I would like to share — otherwise this would turn into a novel. I want to start small. I could tell so many things about the Gods — how much they help me, and how much I have experienced during my meditations.
Perhaps I never managed to post it because I am a perfectionist, and my list of experiences is long — very, very long.
My brothers and sisters, I dedicated myself to Spiritual Satanism 14 years ago, when I was 16. But I only began actively meditating five years ago. The reason those 14 years felt empty is that even though I felt Father Satan’s calling, I simply couldn’t connect the dots in my mind. I am a very social being, and my ex-partners and my parents did not look kindly upon what I spoke about, no matter how much I explained that this was not about “summoning Beelzebubs” for fun.
The reason my parents found out I was SS was because one of my sisters, who openly declared she was SS, was already struggling with mental illness at the time, and she told everyone that Lord Belial once appeared to her. Sadly, she is no longer with us — she took her own life.
My parents heard this and I had to explain why I was spending time with her, what this “sect” was. It was very difficult to defend myself in front of them. There were times when my father gave me an approximately 2,300-year-old cross to wear. He had found it while metal detecting. It was very old. It had a disgusting energy — it almost burned my skin, I’m not joking. I had to wear it when I was near him.
That was when I distanced myself for the first time, because of the guilt that wearing that corrupted, greedy symbol caused in me. When I was young, I thought I was a shameful person for putting it around my neck, and I felt I could not speak to Our Father.
Now, with the mind I have today, I realize I could not have been more wrong.
Now I would like to get to the point of why I did not write this post for so long.
When I truly found my way back to Father Satan five years ago, that experience changed my life forever in every way. Our respected HPHC once wrote a post about the levels of encounters with the Gods — when someone suddenly, for example, plays an instrument professionally out of nowhere, or speaks languages they never learned. That is the very high category.
My experiences, as I understand them, belong to the level just below that.
And here comes the part where I always hesitated to write this post — because I have never once read about someone entering Spiritual Satanism at the level I did. The Gods did not only hold my hand — they gave me wings so that I could experience the beautiful nature of my own soul. Even now my hands tremble as I write this.
As a child I already experienced many spiritual things that may partly explain what happened later.
For example:
Once in kindergarten, while sitting on the toilet, I had the thought — what if I fix my gaze on the bathroom door? A few moments later I saw swirling colors and shapes. It was incredibly beautiful. I will never forget it. Then I did the same in front of a mirror, and I saw that my pupil was so large it almost covered my entire eye.
I was just a child…
When my mother arrived, I immediately said, “Mom, look! I can dilate my pupil!”
She told me never to do that again because it was very frightening.
Another time, I was laughing uncontrollably with my cousin at the funniest thing my young mind had ever experienced. Suddenly I wondered if I could stop that overwhelming feeling purely by will. And I began doing what I now practice daily — Void meditation. My cousin thought something was wrong because I suddenly stopped laughing.
I also had a habit before falling asleep that I deeply enjoyed. I would visualize my childhood desires, and after a while those desires would appear visually before my eyes. It was like daydreaming. When I told my friends about this, they just stared at me — none of them had experienced anything like it. I loved it. But as I grew older, I became less capable of doing it.
The last thing I want to mention from that time is that once I found a website with different frequencies that supposedly imitated the effects of substances. I was curious what alcohol might feel like. None of them worked. But there was one I left for last because I didn’t understand what it meant. It was called “GOD Frequency.”
It was a thin, high-pitched sound. I fell asleep to it. And what I experienced then, I thought was just a strange dream. But now I know it was not. My brothers and sisters, I found myself in a torus field filled with vibrating colors and sacred geometry. And even then I knew I had been there before — I just could not explain it because I was too young.
Time passed. I initiated myself, but as I wrote earlier, things truly began about 10 years later.
I went to Germany from Hungary for my first foreign job. It was metal industry work — dirty, smelly, but well paid. I always wanted to be a forester. I feel at home in dense forests and mountains that reach into the sky.
Back then I was somewhat aimless. The highlight of my day was rolling a joint and sitting down to watch a movie. I smoked an unbelievable amount before i moved there— this plant had rooted itself deeply into my life. I never thought I would quit, and I never knew what or who would make me stop.
Then I made a German friend, Christian. At work we began talking about astral experiences he had under LSD. We went deep into it. Then I said, “Wait a second… I’ve read about this somewhere…” Higher states of consciousness, astral projection… and then it hit me like an atomic bomb. I will never forget that intensity. The simplest way I can describe it is like when Light Yagami touches the Death Note next to L in the helicopter — suddenly remembering everything. A million dots connected in my mind at once.
That was when my beautiful path with Father Satan and the Gods truly began.
Christian asked if I needed anything (work-related). I said, “No, I’ve received everything I needed.” (Of course, I didn’t mean tools
).I went back to my station and instead of working, I immediately started reading the Hungarian Joy of Satan materials — Spirits of Eridu, which contained JOS teachings translated into Hungarian. There was an incredible amount of material — almost everything JOS had at the time.
Back then, I spent all my time reading, and I was fascinated by what I read.
I don’t think I’ve read as much in my entire life as I did back then.
My brothers and sisters, at that point I could finally see the bigger picture. Many times I almost cried realizing that everything JOS spoke about might actually be possible — that we humans are destined for more, that we are more than I ever believed, and that we have loving and protective Gods who are in fact our original Pagan Gods.
I began asking Father for signs. From then on, His presence in my life became so intense that I cannot even describe the bliss I felt.
The first major sign was not that I kept seeing 11:11 or 13:13 on clocks — though I took those as signs that He hears and watches over me. But at that time these things were still conditional in my mind. I have always been very grounded. I knew spirituality existed in some way, but I never truly understood it — not until then.
The first great push for me was realizing that everything on JOS was free. Who would create something like that purely out of free time or to gather like-minded people? I knew there must be something more to it. But overcoming Christian programming was not easy.
At work, I once heard a song on the radio I had never heard before — “White Wedding” by Billy Idol. I downloaded it but never listened to it again after that.
Then came the biggest sign connected to this.
At that time I had Jabra earphones that had begun malfunctioning because of metal dust. Only the left side worked, and even that would fade after 10 minutes.
During break, after reading Spirits of Eridu, I asked Father for a sign. I was extremely excited.
I went back to work, put in my earphones, started my random playlist — and that very song by Billy Idol began to play. But not just that. Miraculously, both earphones worked. Until then, only the left one had ever worked.
And the lyrics of the song — I knew it was not just a sign from Father. It felt as if He was speaking to me through the music.
I would like to quote a few lines from it:
“Hey little sister, who’s the only one?”
“I let you go for so long, I let you go for so long, but it’s a nice day to start again.”
“There is nothing safe in this world, there is nothing true in this world, so start agaaaaain.”
That was the first time I truly felt His literal presence.
From that moment on, my life became like a movie in which I was the main character — a beautiful and intense blissfull of synchronicities followed.
Before I truly sat down to meditate, I asked for one more sign — one that I can even show you, my brothers and sisters. In the picture you can see a pallet with work materials on it — laser-cut steel sheets whose melted edges would always chip off. Many of us worked there, and yet I was the one who received that particular pallet with the shape visible in the photo. The chance of me getting that exact one right after asking for a sign was one in a million.
Look at it — it’s almost unbelievable.
The right side of the picture is only for comparing for the left side .
As you can see, usually only random little fragments chip off from the sides of the sheets, but the one I received was very different…
I hope this helps you feel at least a fraction of the intensity I experienced back then. Honestly, when I saw it, I wanted to cry.
Because that was His sacred sign and attention toward me — telling me to sit down, use the knowledge of JOS, and begin meditating. Because He had always been with me, and always would be.
This is where things began to take a very serious turn.
I knew very well that if I wanted to see Them and truly learn from Them at a higher level, I had to learn how to enter trance through empty meditation — because that would be the cornerstone of my perfection.
Well… it didn’t go very easily. With open eyes I succeeded once, but I couldn’t decide whether it was trance or not. It was — but that same evening I decided to meditate on the motif found at the beginning of Spiritual Warfare — the symbol of the Sun, a circle with a dot in the center.
When I began meditating on it, I noticed something strange. In the dot at the center of the circle I first saw purple, then a colorful grid — and then the Moon. Brightly spinning inside the circle. I didn’t understand it, and to this day I still don’t — because this is the symbol of the Sun, not the Moon.
Then I closed my eyes, and in the afterimage burned into my retina I saw a vast, beautiful flower field filled with vivid, colorful flowers and a blue sky.
To this day, when I meditate on it, it still appears — though not as intensely anymore. I will explain later why.
That same day I decided I would begin meditating on my third eye to activate it energetically.
When I lay down to sleep, before falling asleep I saw vivid swirling colors — blue, purple, and green — exactly like the Northern Lights.
I didn’t know what to make of it. I knew it was connected to the third eye, but I didn’t want to believe it, because I had only decided that day to start working with it — I hadn’t even properly meditated on it yet.
The next day, I decided to reinforce it.
I sat down and began meditating. The colors came very vividly — first in waves, then when they stabilized it felt as if I were looking through an eye whose outline was made of blue, purple, and green light. But in the center there was mostly darkness, sometimes with faint colors.
But what came next I could not explain in any other way except that everything JOS says is real.
Since childhood, I have had a strange ability — I can consciously induce ecstasy while listening to music or speaking about something deep and beautiful. My entire body buzzing intensely everywhere. But afterward I would always feel extremely exhausted and burned out. I couldn’t do it for long without becoming dizzy and drained. Until that point, I had never combined this with meditation.
I began reading about the Twin Serpent meditation and felt strongly drawn to try it.
I played euphoric music and began the meditation. I combined that childhood ecstatic sensation with the meditation. I began feeling warmth at my perineum. I thought it was just because that is where the energy concentrates . I harmonized my visualization with the music.
Then a voice in my head said:
“Don’t imagine it. Feel it.”
I stopped visualizing and, following the intensity of the music, began lifting that warm sensation upward inside me.
At first it moved like molasses — thick and slow. As it rose higher, it became lighter and more fluid. But it got stuck at my throat.
Then came the peak of the music — and with that ecstasy I managed to send it all the way to the top of my head.
My brothers and sisters…
I almost had an orgasm. I had never experienced such magnitude of pleasure and ecstasy before. I began crying from joy. My body was overheated.
And when I opened my eyes, I saw something I could hardly believe.
Around me I saw an energy field in the pattern of the Flower of Life. At that time I didn’t know that was the name of the pattern. It was made of vivid blue lines — as if I were sitting inside the center of a sphere.
Then I stopped and cried — cried from joy — because I knew this was all a gift from Father Satan. That was the first time I experienced… the Joy of Satan.
That was when I understood why Lady Maxine named the church Joy of Satan in 2002. Because THIS is truly Satan’s joy. The real Joy of Satan — which I was fortunate enough to experience.
What happened after that became even more intense.
In the kitchen I spoke to Father while crying. I felt His presence there with me. It felt as if a large radiator were standing in front of me — incredible heat radiating from “nothing” onto the front of my body, as if He were physically standing there.
With tears in my eyes and childlike joy and sincere curiosity, I asked:
“Father, I know You are here, and that everything Maxine says about You is true. Please… may I taste all that JOS says about my soul?”
Although now that I think about it — this was five years ago — I believe I actually asked Him this before the Twin Serpent meditation.
After my experiences, I took a one-hour break because it was extremely intense.
Then I decided to return to my third eye, as I originally planned.
Unlike everything before, what I saw and felt this time was very different. Instead of only blue, green, and purple, with my eyes closed I saw the entire spectrum of colors — it was like a kaleidoscope!!!
Then I opened my eyes and I saw blue, green, and purple colors starting to appear everywhere from the ceiling, with strange eye-like patterns — almost exactly like when a peacock spreads its feathers in full glory!
And the colors were no longer only “in my field of vision” like before. It didn’t matter where I turned my head or where I looked — the colors and shapes always came from the same places: from the ceiling and from other parts of my room.
It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life!
Then I tried to go deeper with my eyes closed.
What I saw surpassed everything: I saw a DNA spiral, molecules, viruses, a dodecahedron (I think that’s how you write it), strange fractals that kept forming infinitely. All of this on the third or fourth day of my real initiation.
My brothers and sisters… do you understand now why I didn’t dare to post this for years?
I started reading the forum and I couldn’t find information about anyone experiencing it at this level the way I did. And besides that “unfinished” twin-serpent meditation, I only did empty meditation. Not a single mantra left my mouth because I lived in a workers’ hostel with thin walls, surrounded by alcoholics who would’ve laughed at me if I started chanting.
That evening I lit candles and began meditating on Our Father.
I asked for a sign of His presence, and then I noticed the two candle flames were pointing exactly toward me. I couldn’t believe it. I stood up, and wherever I went in the kitchen, the flames pointed toward me — even though every window was closed.
I got a little scared — and keep in mind, this was still only my third or fourth day. Then I thanked Him for everything and started going into my room, but something compelled me to close my eyes for a moment.
I SAW OUR BELOVED AND ADORDED FATHER, WITH MEDIUM-LENGTH SLICKED-BACK HAIR AND BLUE EYES, LOOKING AT ME AND SMILING
I will never forget it!!!
Then when I went to sleep… it wasn’t really sleep anymore.
First, as I tried to fall asleep, I noticed the colors were no longer swirling — they started to take on the shape of my room. I raised my hand, and with my eyes closed I could see myself moving my hand in front of me!
I sat up and I could see my room with my eyes closed, in green! It was unbelievable.
And then when I fell asleep…
I found myself in a place where there were two or three suns. It looked Egyptian and Greek in style. There were rainbows everywhere, the air was vibrating!
I saw myself talking with Lord Amon Ra — and my brothers and sisters, we weren’t talking… we were laughing. Oh, we laughed so, so much!!
It was strange because we were “talking” in English even when i came from Hungary. In the middle of crying-laughter I said to Him:
“Okay okay okay, then I will call you, MY MAJESTY”
and then tears were streaming down both of our faces!
But I only saw Lord Amon Ra from behind. And on His shoulder there was a falcon, by the way.
I saw myself in a strange way too — as if it was a lower self, being observed from outside by the higher self, because I saw the whole thing like an external witness. Today I know why, and in a later post I will share it with you, my brothers and sisters.
The next day started like the others, but on the way to work I noticed something…
I wasn’t tired!!! Not at all!
At 4:30 in the morning it felt like it was already afternoon!
The amount of energy I had was insane! I had the best workday of my life that day!
I was glowing with energy so strongly that even people who normally didn’t talk to me wanted to chat with me and be friendly.
At work I could feel that ecstasy while listening to music as much as I wanted — I didn’t get tired at all!
My imagination became visible with closed eyes. Anything I imagined appeared in front of me in this pale, purple fog-like space! I could observe memories and thoughts in detail while drinking my coffee during break!
And when I did Void meditation with my eyes open so people wouldn’t think I was sleeping, whenever someone walked past me they left a sort of accordion(like the instrument) -like pattern trailing behind them!!!
Sacred geometry was visible everywhere on the factory walls. I felt so, so, so good — like butterflies in my stomach! Like when I fell in love for the first time, but even more beautiful, it gave a feeling of unity beyond that.
There was a Gypsie coworker I always hated. He was stupid, impulsive, primitive, and simple-minded. I got really angry at him for something (I don’t remember why anymore).
And what I’m about to tell you… even I didn’t want to believe it. After what happened, I had to go to the bathroom because I almost fainted from realizing that I had caused it.
I started listening to a metal song by The Browning — “End of Existence.”
While listening, I unleashed all my deep anger and hatred in my visualization. My rage took the form of a fiery entity (I imagined it that way — in my visualization, I was that entity). Then I grabbed him, lifted him with my left hand, and at the peak of the music, with my fiery sword, I used that ecstatic energy to stab through him.
It was extremely vivid in the sense that I felt the heat of my sword, I felt his fear, I felt his blood running from the sword onto my hand.
But after that I truly became exhausted, because with the chorus I poured all my energy into it.
Then about 20 minutes later, this guy showed up pale as a corpse, barely able to speak.
I said:
“What’s wrong with you, Robi???
Are you okay?!?!”
And he said:
“It really, really hurts… here.”
And he pointed exactly to where I had stabbed him in my visualization with the fiery sword.
My brothers and sisters, I almost fainted. I ran to the bathroom and begged Our Father, crying, to do something, because I didn’t want to hurt him that much — I didn’t know I could cause that
I’m not like that!!!!
And by the time I went back, he was better.
After this I tried a few things.
I read about consciousness merging, and encouraged by that, I tried it on one of my coworkers in the evening. I waited until I fell into a light trance; the usual swirling colors came, I followed the instructions, and then the waving colors began moving strangely.
It began to resemble the time when I could see my room with my eyes closed — and I saw as if “I” were inside the workplace, cleaning with that long, wide-headed broom.
After I finished, I thought: “Okay, this can’t be real. Ricsi is a lazy pig — he never cleans on weekdays. Since we’ve worked together, there has never been a precedent for this.”
My brothers and sisters… the next day I went in and IT WAS CLEANED. Exactly the way I had seen it the night before through his eyes!
There was also a time I ordered an obsidian black mirror. I thought I would try it — it was big and heavy.
When I used it, at first it looked like I was staring into black water, then colors came, and then something completely unique happened.
It was like I was moving at insane speed through a bluish-purple tunnel, with strange triangles and spheres and all kinds of things.
But after a while my focus fell apart and I dropped out of it.
And here’s the twist: from then on I didn’t need the mirror to see it. Wherever I looked while meditating, I saw that tunnel. Once, someone with bat-like wings and a golden outline (probably a lower-ranking Daemon) flew in front of me — but my focus fell apart again.
I want to share one more experience and then say a few final words. I’ve already been writing this post for four hours, my brothers and sisters, and I’m getting very tired.
I want to tell you about my first deep trance experience — honestly, this is the hardest thing for me to write about.
But I know for sure it happened at least once.
I sat down to meditate in the kitchen. I started going deep, and after a while so many colors came so intensely that I could barely resist looking at them.
Then I imitated the falling sensation inside myself, and suddenly all the colors concentrated into the center of my field of vision — and boom: like a rainbow vortex opened, covering my entire field of vision!!! It was like I was looking through a rainbow whirlpool or a disc!!!
“It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, my brothers and sisters!
Then suddenly my roommate came out. I got scared — but I couldn’t move! It was as if my entire body was tensed and locked.
The rainbow vision disappeared, but I saw a blue line around my roommate, starting at the top of his head, following his body, and ending between his legs!
Then he came up to me and started waving his hand in front of my face like, “what the hell happened to you?” XD
He said I looked like someone who was possessed.
But after that came my downfall…
This is very hard for me to write. Please, don’t judge me because of it.
You see… I started meditating under the influence of weed to fall into trance more easily.
And I’m not talking about average weed here — I’m talking about top-Amsterdam quality Amnesia Haze with the best terpene profile, which literally (I know it sounds crazy) tasted like fruit!!
That was when I saw “greys” for the first time in my life — there were three of them in my room, watching. It was weird because they were smiling xdddd
But I was “out of tune” and I didn’t deal with them.
Then I was talking to Father, and suddenly a voice in my head, in my own voice, said:
“Satan is a f***ing dog.”
It was terrifyingly humiliating. I thought it was my thought!!!
And from there everything only went downhill. Because with weed I didn’t even have to try to enter trance, my brain connected weed with meditation — without it, it didn’t work anymore.
None of my sessions were controllable at all, but I couldn’t stop. In that elevated state, weed had an almost LSD-like effect, which I enjoyed the first few times… but then it ruined everything.
I don’t want to go into details. It hurts so, so much to talk about…
As I smoked more and more, more and more negative thoughts began to appear — thoughts that had never been there before. Horribly negative things, and I believed them.
You see, I felt as if Father Satan had literally placed the keys of the Universe into my hands… and I took them, rolled them into a joint, and smoked them.
I had an unbelievably deep, tormenting guilt.
And yet, despite everything, Father Satan ALWAYS made it clear to me that He was here and that He loved me very, very much.
Now I know with certainty that He knew this would happen to me.
And now I understand that everything — absolutely everything — was part of my path.
This was five years ago.
I could tell so much more about what happened after I returned home from Germany because of my alcoholic coworkers.
But one more thing before I write my closing words.
On December 23rd of that year, something very heartwarming happened.
I woke up half-asleep and saw Father Satan’s sigil, as if He were saying:
“Wishing you a beautiful morning, my child, on the day of Yuletide.”
I will never forget that either, my brothers and sisters.
That is true Divine love and understanding.
In my next post, I would like to tell you about when Father Satan first appeared before me in Divine Golden Light during a deep meditation after an extraordinary Thanksgiving Ritual. I want to share my RTR experiences, what happened to me after certain GOD power rituals, and also how my ex — with her black-hole soul and alcoholism — destroyed my life, and how much I lost trying to save her from herself.
But I will say this now:
There is one thing I did not lose.
Not despite my addictions.
Not despite my bad decisions.
And that is Father Satan’s love.
I write these lines in tears here beneath the Swiss mountains.
You see — I no longer smoke weed. I no longer drink (mindlessly) . I no longer destroy myself. Because with Their help I was able to accept something within myself — something I will explain in a later post. Without Them, I never would have stepped onto the path I am walking now.
As a result, I have realized that weed no longer serves me. In no way. I did not even struggle to quit when that event happened (which I will describe later). Since I accepted myself as I am — something I have felt since childhood — weed lost its meaning.
I no longer want to escape reality. I do not need to.
And I owe this to Father and to Lord Amon Ra, my Guardian.
Every day I feel Their presence strongly in my life.
Two weeks ago, I began meditating and cleansing myself intensely again. I am the type of person for whom three RAUM vibrations in one chakra are enough — if I vibrate more, the energy becomes too much and I burn out because it is so powerful.
When I actively meditate on a chakra, small circles begin appearing on my physical body at the external extension points of the chakras.
Yesterday this leveled up at my third eye. Instead of a small circle, it now looks as if a larger eye is beginning to take form. Grok AI said it looks like a yantra. I think so too so to say . And I can prove this with a photo — I would truly like answers about why this is happening. I have never read on the forum about meditation causing something like this on someone’s physical
I hope this link is working and you can open it !
I really need to move carefully.
And now that the ice is broken and I am writing this post, I ask for your help, my brothers and sisters.
Please explain these things to me.
Please tell me why my initiation five years ago was so strong.
Why am I so sensitive to energy?
Why do I sometimes hear my mother’s thoughts without her speaking? I even scare her sometimes because I respond to something she only intended to say. This has happened here in Switzerland , where in live now, with others too, more than once.
I feel when someone is about to message me. Often I think of the person (usually a best friend or family member) just before they write.
Oh — one more thing.
Here in Switzerland, once a monthly insurance bill of about 310 CHF didn’t arrive. I transferred that amount to TOZ instead, and I was very, very excited waiting for HPHC to send the email confirming the money had arrived. I finally felt I could do something good for the Temple too.
And imagine this: before I received the email, like a lightning strike, I felt HPHC’s energy — and the email arrived immediately!!!! I instantly told Father about it
I am sharing all of this because for a very long time I was alone with my experiences. But my life has become so positive now that I truly want to return
The attack from the other night proves I am doing things right — because that miserable giant praying-mantis-like entity returned to torment me with suicidal thoughts and nightmares. But in truth, it achieved the opposite effect. If it is here again, it means I am working well on myself. Perhaps Father allowed it to trouble me that night for this reason.
Even from that, I gained something.
Thank you to the Priesthood for your devoted and unconditional hard work. Thank you for allowing me to be here and experience all of this. It has changed my life forever — in a positive direction.
May you all be blessed, my dear family. Thank you for reading.
Long live Father Satan.
Long live Lord Amon Ra.
And long live all the mighty Gods of Olympus.
May Their names be blessed in all four directions for eternity — and beyond.
-Tina
![The Alchemist7 [SG]](/data/avatars/m/1/1057.jpg?1762556650){kind=avatar}
