I Really Need Help and a Solution... I Feel Lost...

Greetings Brother. First of all, you made the right choice in sharing your doubts with us. The goal of the forum is exactly this: to help each other.

Since you are currently taking medication, I suggest you not stop taking it without consulting the professional who is treating you.

At first I wanted to reply to one question at a time, but actually, they are very related to each other; they are closely related to each other, and one seems to lead to the next. You can read them in reverse, and it becomes much clearer: Fear of the Gods -> Unwanted thoughts about the Gods -> Doubts about being abandoned by the Gods -> Doubts about being a Zevist.

Thus, I will focus mainly on the root of the problem, that is, fear of the Gods.

From your post, all this fear stems from the belief that Zeus is extremely angry and strict and will not forgive your "sins". What are these sins? You should first ask yourself whether what you call "sins" are actually wrong actions, or whether you are still interpreting ordinary human mistakes through an Abrahamic concept of sin and divine punishment.

Zeus and all the Gods love us. They are always with us, and they push us to advance; they show us the path to spiritual evolution. If someone chooses not to follow this path, there is no need to imagine some divine punishment. Refusing to advance has its own natural consequences: one simply remains where one is instead of progressing.

As for the unwanted thoughts, the fact that a thought appears in your mind does not mean that you agree with it or that it represents what you truly believe. You already recognize this distinction yourself in your post. There is therefore no reason to treat every unwanted thought as an offense against the Gods.

Nothing you described in your post gives you a reason to conclude that Zeus is angry with you or that the Gods have abandoned you. Everyone can have ups and downs, including periods when they feel less connected to the Gods. A temporary difficult period does not mean that the Gods have abandoned you.

I would like to suggest you try this beautiful meditation shared by our High Priestess Lydia Coventina:

Moreover, meditate on Zeus. Meditate on the love of the Gods. Know that they love us. We are Zevists, and this is the Temple of Zeus. We are the few who are working every day to restore their glory on this world.

You have to be aware how your own perception and senses can work against you. While our emotions and social senses help us gain information, it is also possible for this to be altered based on our internal state as well as karma.

If someone has experienced bullying, heart break, or even abuse or assault, the resulting cautionary behavior can get unconsciously applied to others, especially the Gods, who are harder to perceive. Therefore, the mind can fill in the blank and choose an option that can be self-appealing. This can creates appealing delusions, but also inaccurately threatening or negative sensations.

It is often easier for a fearful or cautionary person to preemptively adopt a cynical explanation than to allow another to be close and potentially hurt them again. Here is where the mind fills in the gap, where since Zeus may not have given you a strong sign of love everyday, you believe it is not just a neutral state, but actually hostile, like that punishment/restriction/loss is inbound.

The way to bridge this for both fearful and conservative mindsets is to "offer" something first. This can be a Gods' Ritual, or it can be a simple prayer asking for a constructive input ("What do you/The Gods want from me?"). This gets past the belief something is required from you, even where it is not.

After this, once the "burden" is removed, then you must focus on positive connections. Draw their energy from the sigil into your chakras, or just your aura or body. Imagine it is empowering you, connecting you, guiding you, communicating to you, and so on. This is a constructive act that allows them to work with you. It doesn't matter if your mind fires off a negative thought, or it feels uncomfortable; just focus on relationship-building thoughts and actions. This allows their energy to connect with you.

It is the absence of communication or actions towards the bond and towards the God which allow fear and problems to begin to fester. Reach out sooner, rather than later, which shows maturity and a constructive behavior.

The Gods are not human peers, they are advanced mentors. This means they already understand you, and already know what problems you may face. It is like going to school or a training program for the soul. You are already "enrolled" in the program to help your negative thoughts, for example. These are not a "separate" detractor to your relationship with them, but a point to work on with them. Consider that the Gods know 100% of your soul and have a plan for all of it.

Hello, thank you for sharing your fears with us, you are not alone!

Many Zevists report experiencing intrusive thoughts about the Gods that do not reflect their actual feelings or logical thoughts. Our thoughts, especially at the start when our minds are untamed, are not indicative of any hidden truths about us. Thoughts (in an untamed mind) merely reflect the programming we inherited from the environments we grew up in and the undertone of that for many people in society is generally negative and aimed at making people feel constant fear and anxiety, as this is the operations of Izfet at work.

The Gods understand this reality about the untamed human mind and this is why They have gifted us the spiritual practices like the Awareness meditations, void meditation and spiritual knowledge as contained in the Yoga Sutras. Awareness of the mind brings control. Lack of awareness leads to chaos and feelings of shame and guilt. The Gods are caring, fully understanding of all of our situations and limits and They know our intentions, you do NOT need to fear nor explain yourself to Them. You are safe and everything will be fine. You should do the spiritual practices because every person deserves healing and control over their destiny, this is the hope, purpose and striving for us all. By focusing more on studying this and doing actions towards this, you will find a lot of grounding and reality instead of living in fear in your head all the time.

"For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his very mind will be the greatest enemy" (Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 6, Verse 6))

You should also consider deprogramming your mind so that you can leave this behind. As you will see in this link, many of the symptoms match your situation perfectly and you can be free to advance like many of us have done. The sooner you stop identifying with your negative intrusive thoughts and considering them your own, the sooner you will build better mental frames and find peace.

Symptoms might include:

• You are afraid of the Gods: Your mind is used to thinking of divine beings as angry judges who will punish you constantly, or as evil forms, so you end up being scared of the very Gods you want to follow. This belief was also manufactured to scare you off the Gods, as fear is a powerful tool of control.

• You have constant doubts: Doubts will get rectified as you study and advance mentally and spiritually. Yet, some forms of doubt that are irrational can persist well after, since the programming of the mind is not resolved. You were trained to have "faith" in false things with Christianity and Islam, so now your mind doesn't trust itself, or you might have strong suspicions about the Divine and the Gods in general. You might doubt if the Gods are real or if this path is right.

• You feel guilty and fearful all the time: Ideas like "original sin" make you feel bad just for being alive. You might feel guilty about wanting power, success, or even happiness. These hangups can be present in many areas.

• Your mind fights meditation: You were taught that quieting your mind is dangerous or evil, so a part of you resists meditating, making it hard to focus or feel like you are getting anywhere. Not wanting to meditate, or meditation feeling alien, is partially truthful because you experience it for the first time, but at the same time this can go too far, and the mind can create panic, fear, or attention redirection when you try to meditate, to avoid what it considers “evil.”

• You feel you don't deserve to get better: You get so used to seeing yourself as a "sinner" that becoming powerful and healed feels wrong. You might unconsciously hold yourself back.

• You are uncomfortable with your own life energy: These religions teach that things like sex, passion, and ambition are sinful. This creates a deep conflict within you, blocking your natural energy and creativity.

• You always feel like it's bad that you try to advance spiritually: You are trained by false religions that you don't matter and to always wait for “external saviors.” This makes it very hard to trust in your own power to change, which is central in Zevism.

• Some people can shake this off easily, but for others, it's a huge wall. You cannot move forward seriously on the path until you clean this mental junk out. If you don't, you will always be held back.

(SOURCE: Freeing The Mind From Christianity & Islam: A Mandatory Step; https://templeofzeus.org/Freeing_the_Mind_from_Christianity_and_Islam.php )

Hello Brother, I have experienced all of what you are describing before. These thoughts and feelings are falsehoods constructed by a mind that may have subconscious programming still within. Zeus is not the "God" of the abrahamic religions, you will not be cast into Tartarus for random little things.
As for the intrusive thoughts, you are unknowingly already proving that these are not your true thoughts by the way your writing about them. The Gods understand how annoying and strange the human mind can be at times. (You should continue the medication until further notice from your doctor.) I assure you that they do not take these as genuine offences. The Gods love us dearly, be well, and stay strong Brother.