I need help big time with confusion.

[sotem]

Greetings to every Zevism here, I wish you're having a good day/time.

I need help with something.

I feel like there's infinite potential in me about anything (which the way it should be already). But it's giving me confusion. That confusion was making me paralyzed. I literally couldn't do anything. I was just overthinking. Infinite potentiality of the universe was just making me feel overwhelmed in a bad way. I had days thinking one hour of what should I eat on lunch for fuck's sake. Sometimes I was feeling so over-fascinated about the potentiality that I was just laying on the bed and think, unable get up and walk. I was just looking at the ceiling and thinking. About any scenario of anything. I had days without eating, drinking, sleeping, even walking but just thinking. I'm aware that our consciousness manipulates energy both in good and bad ways, but I couldn't help it!

F.e., I'm drinking water, and I think about from water's source to the guy bringing it to my home. I was feeling the environment, the animals around there, the guy's life, just... anything! I was feeling extensive amounts of empathy that I couldn't even drink the water or drinking it crying. It's not just like this, I just cut the example very short.

I was overquestioning too. I was asking the 'Why?' on literally anything. However, I'm much better now, at least about micro things.

But I still feel the infinite potential and the confusion comes within. But only on the macro things. I just don't know what to do for my future and how should I be in general. There are lot's of choices. I don't wanna be a Jack-of-All-Trades, I want to be expert at something. I feel the essence of literally anything, so that makes me feel like I can get to learn and master it more easily. But when I focus on something, I feel like I'm leaving other things empty. Also I feel close-minded and weak for focusing on just one thing. But I'm aware that it takes years of focus and repetition to master something too!

I'm very introverted and spiritual. But I've been social this summer. I've known lots of people, had lots of fun and experience. And busyness made me move away from introversion and spirituality. And when I look back the time I had, I feel regret. Because I had, did, talked, seen, influenced lots of things, and nothing has been left behind. I want to go back to introverted and spiritual, but then I feel very very very lonely and it hinders me. Even if they're very intelligent and understanding, non-spiritual people can't satisfy me.

And everyday, every hour, I have very rapid emotional shifts. I feel from - to
serious - loose
meaningful - stupid
kind - stern
accepting - picky
caring - indifferent
focused - airheaded
and so on.

Even my choices change from day to day. My music taste, my sexual orientation, my opinions etc. But the thing is, the feeling about anything is very stiff. Like I feel like I've been a hetero my whole life, and the other day I feel like I've been a gay my whole life...

All of these may seem stupid to you. Yes it is. But everyone has their own problem.

I need help. I asked Gods help so much. And they did. That's how I'm able to write these now. But I still drag back to that shithole sometimes. I started meditating again. But then doubts came up, like ''Am I the way I should be?''. Sometimes I try to figure out my feelings for hours if they're right or not. Any kind of help is appreciated.

Thank you reading down here, Hail Satan!

 

[Rroco88]

I think you should take a look at your birth chart, as this may come from there. Usually aspects like moon opposite sun may give this, so if it is the case you can do a Sun square to be more stable and secure in the way you think. Also look at your elements in the chart, you may be air dominant but this isn't necessary the case, you can inhale Earth element. These are the first two that came through my mind. Earth is stable, so you may lack it in your soul.

You can also program your subconscious in a trance state (like self-hypnosis) to do and change whatever you feel needed to solve this. Also vibrating runes like Othal may be of help.

In case this doesn't come from your chart or deep into soul, maybe you only need void meditation, but as you described this, I doubt that. Void meditation is a must in meditation anyway, so... focus your mind to be present and be in the moment, what is happening now, even if this may not completely solve the problem at first, it will surely be of great help.

Greetings to every Zevism here, I wish you're having a good day/time.

I need help with something.

I feel like there's infinite potential in me about anything (which the way it should be already). But it's giving me confusion. That confusion was making me paralyzed. I literally couldn't do anything. I was just overthinking. Infinite potentiality of the universe was just making me feel overwhelmed in a bad way. I had days thinking one hour of what should I eat on lunch for fuck's sake. Sometimes I was feeling so over-fascinated about the potentiality that I was just laying on the bed and think, unable get up and walk. I was just looking at the ceiling and thinking. About any scenario of anything. I had days without eating, drinking, sleeping, even walking but just thinking. I'm aware that our consciousness manipulates energy both in good and bad ways, but I couldn't help it!

F.e., I'm drinking water, and I think about from water's source to the guy bringing it to my home. I was feeling the environment, the animals around there, the guy's life, just... anything! I was feeling extensive amounts of empathy that I couldn't even drink the water or drinking it crying. It's not just like this, I just cut the example very short.

I was overquestioning too. I was asking the 'Why?' on literally anything. However, I'm much better now, at least about micro things.

But I still feel the infinite potential and the confusion comes within. But only on the macro things. I just don't know what to do for my future and how should I be in general. There are lot's of choices. I don't wanna be a Jack-of-All-Trades, I want to be expert at something. I feel the essence of literally anything, so that makes me feel like I can get to learn and master it more easily. But when I focus on something, I feel like I'm leaving other things empty. Also I feel close-minded and weak for focusing on just one thing. But I'm aware that it takes years of focus and repetition to master something too!

I'm very introverted and spiritual. But I've been social this summer. I've known lots of people, had lots of fun and experience. And busyness made me move away from introversion and spirituality. And when I look back the time I had, I feel regret. Because I had, did, talked, seen, influenced lots of things, and nothing has been left behind. I want to go back to introverted and spiritual, but then I feel very very very lonely and it hinders me. Even if they're very intelligent and understanding, non-spiritual people can't satisfy me.

And everyday, every hour, I have very rapid emotional shifts. I feel from - to
serious - loose
meaningful - stupid
kind - stern
accepting - picky
caring - indifferent
focused - airheaded
and so on.

Even my choices change from day to day. My music taste, my sexual orientation, my opinions etc. But the thing is, the feeling about anything is very stiff. Like I feel like I've been a hetero my whole life, and the other day I feel like I've been a gay my whole life...

All of these may seem stupid to you. Yes it is. But everyone has their own problem.

I need help. I asked Gods help so much. And they did. That's how I'm able to write these now. But I still drag back to that shithole sometimes. I started meditating again. But then doubts came up, like ''Am I the way I should be?''. Sometimes I try to figure out my feelings for hours if they're right or not. Any kind of help is appreciated.

Thank you reading down here, Hail Satan!

 

[Head Guardian Blitzkreig]

...

To me, this just sounds like an overabundance of the air element (lack of eating, overthinking), and an overabundance of water (deep feelings and sensitivity).

I am sure you can tell that those pasts days were not exactly optimal in how you functioned. Having strong water or air abilities themselves is not bad, but what becomes bad is when they are not balanced by earth or fire.
With a balanced elemental makeup, one can then direct their abilities more positively. In your case, your thinking abilities could be channeled into your work.

Therefore, I would first try invoking either of those two elements. One can use ether as well to ensure a perfect balance, but working with the elements individually will allow you to appreciate how they feel and change you. Make sure to program the energy so it always works in a healthy manner.

https://www.templeofzeus.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Invoking_Earth.html
https://www.templeofzeus.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Invoking_Fire.html
https://www.templeofzeus.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Invoking_Quintessence.html

Eventually, you will want to seek out more permanent and larger changes to your personal characteristics, however, keeping yourself balanced every day will go a long way in preventing many problems.

Good luck.