How can I become more willing in regards to seeking help?

[EyeMan2]

I am deathly afraid of asking for even the tiniest of help, every time I feel like I need clarification or assistance with/for something, regardless of what it may be, I almost always feel as if I'm just a complete bumbling retard whose unable to understand basic instructions.
It's either that or it's a feeling that i'm am nothing more than a worthless parasite who is incapable of actually doing anything of real value, and just wastes any help given.
The thing is, that's not even really true, when I receive help I tend to actually make use of it, and despite that, I still feel the like I'm going to just waste it.
I don't understand what causes/caused me to be like this, It's been driving me fucking insane and hindering me for the past five years minimum.
I had looked at my natal chart a couple of times, saw that I had Saturn retrograde, which causes one to be hard on themselves, ok but to what extent, and how much does that even have to do with this specifically?

Essentially what I am asking is, what else could be causing this awful hangup and what can I do to eliminate said hangup?

 

[Symmachos-ZEUS/SHAITAN]

I am deathly afraid of asking for even the tiniest of help, every time I feel like I need clarification or assistance with/for something, regardless of what it may be, I almost always feel as if I'm just a complete bumbling retard whose unable to understand basic instructions.
It's either that or it's a feeling that i'm am nothing more than a worthless parasite who is incapable of actually doing anything of real value, and just wastes any help given.
The thing is, that's not even really true, when I receive help I tend to actually make use of it, and despite that, I still feel the like I'm going to just waste it.
I don't understand what causes/caused me to be like this, It's been driving me fucking insane and hindering me for the past five years minimum.
I had looked at my natal chart a couple of times, saw that I had Saturn retrograde, which causes one to be hard on themselves, ok but to what extent, and how much does that even have to do with this specifically?

Essentially what I am asking is, what else could be causing this awful hangup and what can I do to eliminate said hangup?

In my opinion, if you work on this will you are working on a consequence. You might opt to work on a cause of this consequence.

What you say seems like it could come from a trauma related to your past (or a past life of yours, etc.). I know this because it happened to me that after spending a decade or more being abused in every way at home and bullied in every way at school, every day of my life, I personally developed a disorder similar to what you are experiencing you and I always felt like I was bothering others or that my existence was a burden.

To solve this problem you could opt for this method:

Healing the Emotional Body (for men too, don’t disregard this)

You have your physical body, soul, astral body, mental body, and more. The Emotional Body is the part of the soul that can be damaged when you experience emotional trauma, grief, bereavement, abandonment, and so on. Many people have emotional outbursts, immature reactions, trigger episodes...

ancient-forums.com

Another thing that helped me a lot was proving that this trauma wasn't real. Let me explain: as I said I always felt like I was bothering others and like my mere existence was a burden, I felt like it would be a relief to others if I didn't exist.

I solved this by proving to myself that it wasn't true. If you are useful, perhaps working for Satanas, that is, serving the values of the greatest good of this universe (i.e. Satanism), you will see that it will no longer make sense to define yourself as a parasite or a nuisance for others, indeed you will know that asking for help could being, if done well, a way of supporting each other and contributing together to the progress of humanity.

When I started working for Satanas (I dedicated myself in 2017 and I was almost 20 years old, or something less, after a few years of study and spiritual practice to understand what I had actually studied on JoS, I was already mature enough to understand that I wanted serve Satanas because it was my natural tendency, so I did it in different ways), I had proof from my own actions that my life was a good for the world, not a burden as I thought, and that I was not a nuisance , but when I was there I created positive things for others.

It's an excellent method of mine for resolving trauma on a material level too. And it can actually be useful to the highest cause: that of our Gods. I have been doing my best for Satanism for years. And I'm cured of low self-esteem, etc.