hey am i the only one , does this happen to you or has happened?

[bridgesrobert94]

ok so sometimes like for about a month now i seem to have two different me's , one who dabbles in negativity and hatred and bases everything he does on negativity i dont know why i do this it doesnt even feel like me im sick and tired when i feel this way, and then after like 4-5 days of this my mind just becomes very open i start thinkin really different become confident, my pimples are gone my skin is clear i have tons of energy and i can workout alot like 3 times a day, and when i meditate on my energy i start from the pirinieum its so apparent that i can actually feel the light and photons and neutrons clash against each other and vibrating light this is how deep i think, and im not affected by anything in the world i just continue my practices then, the cycle will restart, also when im in that negative stage i ask enki for help or understanding or too take it away but it never happens......but each time i go thorugh this negative phase ifeel i learn something but i dont meditate during that stage or anything and i feel like total shit, and no girls talk to me or any desire of mine works,,, wtf is goin on its been a month of this shit and im tired i want my higher self back and i want to become a god and to stray away from modern delusions and reside in beauty and help give it to others...someone help lol....and if i can feel my energy that apparent i should start my chakras even tho i feel not yet until i can be consistent in my normal mediation wich is enter my place where all thoughts are known for what they are and they dont affect me then i just move my energy up my djed or chakra pathway then up my actual spine into its nerves and the cerbellum, then to the brain, then i use my will every piece of concious and desire and become a slowing energy force sometimes it hurts and sometimes, i can sleep at night because of it but someone help me understand 

 

[fadiinflames]

@jhonson what is this ?"If something hurts, stop and do not push yourself. Pushing meditations can cause severe repurcussions, like permanent nerve and brain damage."
the only way meditation can cause brain and nerve damage is by the improper practice of pranayama or prematurely raising ones kundalini when one is not ready.
to me more meditation hasnt hurt me in anyway , even tho i meditate for 3 hours everyday.