I never thought that I can fall in love, I am nearly 40 years old, father of 2 and a husband.
I can not decide it is good or not. Last time I felt this feeling it was 10+ years ago and now I can not handle it like those times.
You know, the thing is that I start feel love to my colleague, she has same age as me, but this is very strange for me. I work for this company 3 years now, she 18 years, so i am still new here. We have an open office, with no walls, everybody can see everyone. At the beginning it was ok, talk like frieds, everyday routine, and so on. I do not know what happened, maybe 2-3 weeks ago when I came to work, I strat to feel myself strange when she was near me and that feeling is now stronger. I cant believe is happening to me, just cant. She is in my mind always, at the morning, during the day and at the night, even weekends. First week when this happened I thought is nothing it will pass away, but NO, I feel I falling in love more and more.
My behaviour is changed already, I am not that men I was before, now I start feel like a little boy who fallen in love for the forst time. Cos this is what love do with me, I go crazy completely when I love a women, but I think everyone of us experienced this feeling.
You know my personal experience with love: is a great feeling at the beginning, your legs are shaking, your heart is beating like a compressor, its like you are poisoned but is sweet love, at least from the mens vision, the negative part of it that most of us never live our lives whit that woman to whom fell in love, but this is my opinion. Everybody had in their life a big love what ended.
So, I think she knows what is going on, cos women can see it very quick when a man looking at the woman different and not like a friend. This feeling is just came one day to another, and I am already in a trap of love. I fight everyday to not feel love and try to avoid her, avoid comunication with her, but you know my other colleagues are here too, they might give questions and talk about it and I really do not want it.
I can feel the energy that is coing out from me and is going to her, because I think about her a lot.
I do not how I going to manage if this situation will steps on another level. I still keep it myself, I have not talk to anyone about it, but as I know myself and the time goes, if the feelings will go deeper, another feeling in me will be stronger and will motivate me to tell her what I feel and I know more likely she will say a big NO. I do not want to reach that situation, but at the moment the feeling is: love circulating inside me, maturing. Is a great feeling really, really like it but on the other side is a big risk. I am a father and I do not htink so the company will ignore love relationships between the workers who work at the same place.
This is my situation, one part of me do not want it but my other part want her very much, by the way, she is still single and this what make my fight even harder.
I do not know what to do, really, but I want to stay focused, doing the daily routines what I was doing before, cos now I do less meditations and Ritual´s as well becouse she is my mind.
Can you suggest me something, what should I do, to finish this feeling but not cut the friedship with her off??