Crushing feeling... Help

[orion199317]

I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said, and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about and just let loose.

 

[Sic luceat Lux]

The enemy and those working for the enemy will try any way they can to get into our heads. They fear us, and they are jealous. You have to be confident in yourself, who cares if you're really skinny, I need to loose 56 pounds. For my height of 6'1" I should be 180 lbs, but I am 236. The point is- I have had people at work even who I feel the enemy is working through and trying to cause problems for me, just like this. Stand up for yourself, be strong in Father Satan, you will get through it.     Don't be deceived because the enemy walks around wearing a smile, there is nothing more false about the people who are without. Their crimes against Satan and humanity will not go unpunished. Stand strong, and remember what side you are on. There are two sides, those who are With Satan and those who are without. Of course we know we are With Satan forever, so just blow it off and move forward.  

From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help

 
I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said, and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about and just let loose.

 

[ShadowW]

This is one of the enemy's favorite tactics; to cause those who are closest to us that are not of Satan to say things that are furtful and/or sometimes make us doubt ourselves.You shouldn't let it get to you or bring you down and don't let it totally destroy the relationship you have w/ your mother.I've heard nasty/crazy shit come out of the mouths of others around me who were not of Satan and there's been more than several times in which it became apparent to me that the ememy was using them unbeknownst to their knowlegde in attempt to being me down.

--- In [email protected], "orion199317" <orion199317@... wrote:


I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said, and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about and just let loose.

 

[orion199317]

Even though it got to me...
I'm slightly proud of this, they see me as a threat now.
And if it pisses them off even more that I actualy enjoy their attention, that's just great for me

I realised that, I like their attempts to hold me back, because then I get to see them fail
and just knowing i have their attention makes me even more confident.


Thanks brother
I just needed a little encouragement I guess,
even if my mom is being used against me... I really don't care now

thanks to you, father, my gd and myself

HAiL SATAN
HAIL MARCHOSIAS
HAIL ALL THOSE WITH SATAN

--- In [email protected], Sic luceat Lux <serpentgnosis@... wrote:

The enemy and those working for the enemy will try any way they can to get into
our heads. They fear us, and they are jealous. You have to be confident in
yourself, who cares if you're really skinny, I need to loose 56 pounds. For my
height of 6'1" I should be 180 lbs, but I am 236. The point is- I have had
people at work even who I feel the enemy is working through and trying to cause
problems for me, just like this. Stand up for yourself, be strong in Father
Satan, you will get through it.  

Don't be deceived because the enemy walks around wearing a smile, there is
nothing more false about the people who are without. Their crimes against Satan
and humanity will not go unpunished. Stand strong, and remember what side you
are on. There are two sides, those who are With Satan and those who are without.
Of course we know we are With Satan forever, so just blow it off and move
forward.  




________________________________
From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help

 

I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is
also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to
accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at
me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in
my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said,
and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even
drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about
and just let loose.

 

[tanya.azazel]

Am skinny too. People have said things about me being thin,
but I look at it as a complement. I look at it as everyone
is different and that is what makes one unique. There are
alot of people out here in this world who are skinny. Feel
good about yourself and look at other things that being
skinny or other characteristics that makes you special.
If you want to not be skinny gain some weight try that,
but if not be happy about who you are because you are
who you were meant to be.

Hail Satan!!! Hail Azazel!!! Hail the Gods of Duat!!!

 

[orion199317]

It's not a confidence thing, but it's something I can see you know?
My body growing, and it's something I can stick with
I've had problems sticking with meditations lately but this is something I want.

I can't gain weight. That's the problem.
I'm healthy but I have the metabolism of 2 people with fast metabolisms
and I have this working fir me right now so I can't just stop! Haha
I haven't gained weight but I'm faster, and alot stronger than ever
and I was in wrestling for 2 years
worked out every day and didn't see results like this

--- In [email protected], "tanya.azazel" <tanya.azazel@... wrote:





Am skinny too. People have said things about me being thin,
but I look at it as a complement. I look at it as everyone
is different and that is what makes one unique. There are
alot of people out here in this world who are skinny. Feel
good about yourself and look at other things that being
skinny or other characteristics that makes you special.
If you want to not be skinny gain some weight try that,
but if not be happy about who you are because you are
who you were meant to be.

Hail Satan!!! Hail Azazel!!! Hail the Gods of Duat!!!

 

[[email protected]]

I feel as though the same thing happened to me last night. I shaved my head (which was the most liberating thing of done in awhile!) and my mom said every hurtful thing I didn't want people to think I did it for.. I didn't even come home last night I was so offended. It could have been her saying the hurtful things, but I really hope not. The enemy is trying to push every sensitive spot they think they can find.. Be strong!Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: "ShadowW" <shadowwhispr7@... Sender: [email protected] Date: Sat, 11 Sep 2010 04:16:53 -0000To: <[email protected]ReplyTo: [email protected] Subject: Re: Crushing feeling... Help
  This is one of the enemy's favorite tactics; to cause those who are closest to us that are not of Satan to say things that are furtful and/or sometimes make us doubt ourselves.You shouldn't let it get to you or bring you down and don't let it totally destroy the relationship you have w/ your mother.I've heard nasty/crazy shit come out of the mouths of others around me who were not of Satan and there's been more than several times in which it became apparent to me that the ememy was using them unbeknownst to their knowlegde in attempt to being me down.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "orion199317" <orion199317@... wrote:


I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said, and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about and just let loose.

 

[Gabrielle Nephilim]

I hear you. The enemy will often work through other people, without their knowing, to bring you down, make you feel bad, or put doubts into your mind about Father, Satanism, and yourself. Don't let them, no matter what. You are stronger then you believe, you are advancing. The enemy does not like this, and seeks to bring you down. Keep moving forward, keep striving, keep empowering yourself. It's good that you spoke to Father about this, and He showed you all these things. The enemy will often pick out our deepest insecurities to throw it in our faces. I hear "Father does not love you", "you are not beautiful", "you have no friends." a lot to me. I get a lot of doubts about my weight,  body size, features, etc. And I tell myself, whether these are thoughts in my head, or when people tell me negative things about myself, about Father, about Satanism: "I love Father, and the Gods, and I know Father loves me." "I am beautiful, strong, powerful, hardworking. I know I am, and I am." "I am a part of Father's family. I have friends, and I am NOT alone."   I know it's a lot of positive affirmations,  but what we think, we believe, we bring/attract to us. You say these things to yourself often enough, you will believe them, you will KNOW they are true. Hope this helped a bit. Hail Satan!
 
From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 1:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help

 
I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said, and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about and just let loose.

 

[High Priestess Pythia]

I used to be skinny. Truth be known, most skinny people don't eat enough. One way to gain weight and fill out is to do weightlifting. If you are new to this, begin with an entire body workout in the gym, doing like 10 reps for each part.

Give this about a month or so for your body to adjust. Never work out when you are sore. I don't care what many authors or even people who work out say about this, it will often lead to over-training and injury.

After about a month, the following will put muscle and bone mass on you, BUT- you need to eat enough, like go to buffets and eat a lot of protein.

Start lifting only 5 reps and under. Lift as heavy as you can. Like start with a weight you can only do five reps with. Then, you will need to rest longer than someone who is doing 10 or more reps. I used to rest sometimes as long as five minutes inbetween sets. Then, do four reps with a weight you can only do four reps, then three, two and maybe 1-3 sets of one rep.

Don't forget your forearms and wrists. There are hundreds of books in libraries, on the internet and also free info on different exercises you can do.

A good routine is doing pullups- [don't cheat], these should be deadhang where your elbows are straight, when you are at the bottom, ready to pull yourself up. These work the arms, the back and the abdomen and cover a lot of different muscles. If you can already do pullups easily, then get a dipping belt and add plates. Start off with a heavy weight where you can only do one rep, then start stripping it, like for example, I used to start off with 50 lbs, then I would take a plate off and then do like 3 reps at 40 lbs, then more at 30, then end with my body weight. After doing pullups with weights, doing one with your own body weight is a cinch.

Same with dips. Dips cover a lot of different muscles and work the opposite muscles from the pullups, which is essential. Then bench press and squats, work your calves, and shins, and hamstrings. Then the deadlift. When doing a deafift, imagine you are pushing the floor away from you with your feet, NEVER use your back.

This will not only put muscle mass on you, but bone mass as well. When someone is underweight, working out with one's own body weight won't put on mass. You have to use heavy weights with low reps- 5 and under. Make sure you eat enough and get plenty of protein so your body can create new muscle. Weightlifting is breaking your body down. Then you need your rest and heal up stronger and go back and do it all over and over time, you will become very strong and much healthier.


High Priestess Pythia
http://www.templeofzeus.org

--- In [email protected], "orion199317" <orion199317@... wrote:


It's not a confidence thing, but it's something I can see you know?
My body growing, and it's something I can stick with
I've had problems sticking with meditations lately but this is something I want.

I can't gain weight. That's the problem.
I'm healthy but I have the metabolism of 2 people with fast metabolisms
and I have this working fir me right now so I can't just stop! Haha
I haven't gained weight but I'm faster, and alot stronger than ever
and I was in wrestling for 2 years
worked out every day and didn't see results like this

--- In [email protected], "tanya.azazel" <tanya.azazel@ wrote:





Am skinny too. People have said things about me being thin,
but I look at it as a complement. I look at it as everyone
is different and that is what makes one unique. There are
alot of people out here in this world who are skinny. Feel
good about yourself and look at other things that being
skinny or other characteristics that makes you special.
If you want to not be skinny gain some weight try that,
but if not be happy about who you are because you are
who you were meant to be.

Hail Satan!!! Hail Azazel!!! Hail the Gods of Duat!!!

 

[Sic luceat Lux]

I wanted to suggest something, I do it for breakfast. Go to GNC and get some protein powder and make some shakes. You can make them with milk or water (milk is much better) and drink it AFTER your workout. You will heal your body a lot faster and build muscle a lot faster. I even mix mine with some frozen yogurt in the blender.     From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help

 
I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said, and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about and just let loose.

 

[orion199317]

I've tried everything to gain weight, and trust me, I eat enough haha that's about all I do is eat.
I'm always hungry, I'm not trying to argue, it's just that lifting and exercising just doesn't make me gain weight.

I'm not a sedentary nerd who sits and does nothing either,
in wrestling my workouts consisted of running 2 miles... With someone on my back
lifting, pullups, then actual wrestling.
All that only made me loose weight but made me stronger
my body just does it's own thing
I have muscle, I mean I'm just 120 pounds of muscle and bone
I'm just tired of being seen as the weakest and being singled out
and then having to show people I'm not to be fucked with


and like I said, I've gained alot of strngth and speed from doing thhese meditations
but no weight
I'm just not used to having the enemy attack me in... That way.
So I kinda broke down there : /

But thank you all for your support and help,
it's just stressful learning things on my own

thank you all, you have no idea how thankful I am towards each and every one of you
probably about as much as I am towards father.

--- In [email protected], High Priestess Pythia <Pythia.dietrich@... wrote:

I used to be skinny. Truth be known, most skinny people don't eat enough. One way to gain weight and fill out is to do weightlifting. If you are new to this, begin with an entire body workout in the gym, doing like 10 reps for each part.

Give this about a month or so for your body to adjust. Never work out when you are sore. I don't care what many authors or even people who work out say about this, it will often lead to over-training and injury.

After about a month, the following will put muscle and bone mass on you, BUT- you need to eat enough, like go to buffets and eat a lot of protein.

Start lifting only 5 reps and under. Lift as heavy as you can. Like start with a weight you can only do five reps with. Then, you will need to rest longer than someone who is doing 10 or more reps. I used to rest sometimes as long as five minutes inbetween sets. Then, do four reps with a weight you can only do four reps, then three, two and maybe 1-3 sets of one rep.

Don't forget your forearms and wrists. There are hundreds of books in libraries, on the internet and also free info on different exercises you can do.

A good routine is doing pullups- [don't cheat], these should be deadhang where your elbows are straight, when you are at the bottom, ready to pull yourself up. These work the arms, the back and the abdomen and cover a lot of different muscles. If you can already do pullups easily, then get a dipping belt and add plates. Start off with a heavy weight where you can only do one rep, then start stripping it, like for example, I used to start off with 50 lbs, then I would take a plate off and then do like 3 reps at 40 lbs, then more at 30, then end with my body weight. After doing pullups with weights, doing one with your own body weight is a cinch.

Same with dips. Dips cover a lot of different muscles and work the opposite muscles from the pullups, which is essential. Then bench press and squats, work your calves, and shins, and hamstrings. Then the deadlift. When doing a deafift, imagine you are pushing the floor away from you with your feet, NEVER use your back.

This will not only put muscle mass on you, but bone mass as well. When someone is underweight, working out with one's own body weight won't put on mass. You have to use heavy weights with low reps- 5 and under. Make sure you eat enough and get plenty of protein so your body can create new muscle. Weightlifting is breaking your body down. Then you need your rest and heal up stronger and go back and do it all over and over time, you will become very strong and much healthier.


High Priestess Pythia
http://www.templeofzeus.org



--- In [email protected], "orion199317" <orion199317@ wrote:


It's not a confidence thing, but it's something I can see you know?
My body growing, and it's something I can stick with
I've had problems sticking with meditations lately but this is something I want.

I can't gain weight. That's the problem.
I'm healthy but I have the metabolism of 2 people with fast metabolisms
and I have this working fir me right now so I can't just stop! Haha
I haven't gained weight but I'm faster, and alot stronger than ever
and I was in wrestling for 2 years
worked out every day and didn't see results like this

--- In [email protected], "tanya.azazel" <tanya.azazel@ wrote:





Am skinny too. People have said things about me being thin,
but I look at it as a complement. I look at it as everyone
is different and that is what makes one unique. There are
alot of people out here in this world who are skinny. Feel
good about yourself and look at other things that being
skinny or other characteristics that makes you special.
If you want to not be skinny gain some weight try that,
but if not be happy about who you are because you are
who you were meant to be.

Hail Satan!!! Hail Azazel!!! Hail the Gods of Duat!!!

 

[Kevin Tucker]

Attachments :
You need carbs also as well as amino's after a workout. Try Pro Complex as it is one of the better proteins. It has all those.

Sic luceat Lux <serpentgnosis@... wrote:

I wanted to suggest something, I do it for breakfast. Go to GNC and get some
protein powder and make some shakes. You can make them with milk or water (milk
is much better) and drink it AFTER your workout. You will heal your body a lot
faster and build muscle a lot faster. I even mix mine with some frozen yogurt in
the blender.

 
 
 

________________________________

From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help


I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is
also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to
accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at
me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in
my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said,
and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even
drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about
and just let loose.

 

[orion199317]

I'll try. But I'm shocked after last night, i think after this I don't care about weight at this point.
My strength, it has increased alot more than I thought
alot more.
I can do pushups with one arm. 2 weeks ago I couldn't do 1 on one arm.
I did 10 on each, and felt I could do many more
and I felt the enemy trying to distract me quite desperatly

I think I'm going to keep doing what ice been doing

and I'm not afraid or hurt by judgemental people.
In fact most people like me when they meet me and the ones that know about me being satanic ( all my close friends) don't care

I just didn't know the enemy could use my mom against me and it just startled me.

And thanks for the advice again, i live on protein but I'll try getting in more carbs.
Think I'm gonna be taking a trip to the store by myself ( my parents buy only "healthy" food that is vasicly like eating nothing to me)

HAIL SATAN

--- In [email protected], Kevin Tucker <theanimaniacs88@... wrote:

You need carbs also as well as amino's after a workout. Try Pro Complex as it is one of the better proteins. It has all those.

Sic luceat Lux <serpentgnosis@... wrote:

I wanted to suggest something, I do it for breakfast. Go to GNC and get some
protein powder and make some shakes. You can make them with milk or water (milk
is much better) and drink it AFTER your workout. You will heal your body a lot
faster and build muscle a lot faster. I even mix mine with some frozen yogurt in
the blender.

 
 
 

________________________________

From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help


I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is
also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to
accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at
me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in
my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said,
and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even
drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about
and just let loose.

 

[Kevin Tucker]

Attachments :
Modify your workout and diet. Calisthenics and cardio are nice, but they don't gain size. You need to hit the weights heavier with more or less repetition... less for powerlifting and a rich nutrient diet. Lay off the cardio and get A LOT of sleep, as that is the time when muscles rebuild themselves. Recovery period is the most important. Try Pro Complex from Optimum Nutrition as it has decent amount of nutrients and extras. Carbs and aminos are just as imoportant as protein.

orion199317 <orion199317@... wrote:

I've tried everything to gain weight, and trust me, I eat enough haha that's about all I do is eat.
I'm always hungry, I'm not trying to argue, it's just that lifting and exercising just doesn't make me gain weight.

I'm not a sedentary nerd who sits and does nothing either,
in wrestling my workouts consisted of running 2 miles... With someone on my back
lifting, pullups, then actual wrestling.
All that only made me loose weight but made me stronger
my body just does it's own thing
I have muscle, I mean I'm just 120 pounds of muscle and bone
I'm just tired of being seen as the weakest and being singled out
and then having to show people I'm not to be fucked with


and like I said, I've gained alot of strngth and speed from doing thhese meditations
but no weight
I'm just not used to having the enemy attack me in... That way.
So I kinda broke down there : /

But thank you all for your support and help,
it's just stressful learning things on my own

thank you all, you have no idea how thankful I am towards each and every one of you
probably about as much as I am towards father.




--- In [email protected], High Priestess Pythia <Pythia.dietrich@... wrote:

I used to be skinny. Truth be known, most skinny people don't eat enough. One way to gain weight and fill out is to do weightlifting. If you are new to this, begin with an entire body workout in the gym, doing like 10 reps for each part.

Give this about a month or so for your body to adjust. Never work out when you are sore. I don't care what many authors or even people who work out say about this, it will often lead to over-training and injury.

After about a month, the following will put muscle and bone mass on you, BUT- you need to eat enough, like go to buffets and eat a lot of protein.

Start lifting only 5 reps and under. Lift as heavy as you can. Like start with a weight you can only do five reps with. Then, you will need to rest longer than someone who is doing 10 or more reps. I used to rest sometimes as long as five minutes inbetween sets. Then, do four reps with a weight you can only do four reps, then three, two and maybe 1-3 sets of one rep.

Don't forget your forearms and wrists. There are hundreds of books in libraries, on the internet and also free info on different exercises you can do.

A good routine is doing pullups- [don't cheat], these should be deadhang where your elbows are straight, when you are at the bottom, ready to pull yourself up. These work the arms, the back and the abdomen and cover a lot of different muscles. If you can already do pullups easily, then get a dipping belt and add plates. Start off with a heavy weight where you can only do one rep, then start stripping it, like for example, I used to start off with 50 lbs, then I would take a plate off and then do like 3 reps at 40 lbs, then more at 30, then end with my body weight. After doing pullups with weights, doing one with your own body weight is a cinch.

Same with dips. Dips cover a lot of different muscles and work the opposite muscles from the pullups, which is essential. Then bench press and squats, work your calves, and shins, and hamstrings. Then the deadlift. When doing a deafift, imagine you are pushing the floor away from you with your feet, NEVER use your back.

This will not only put muscle mass on you, but bone mass as well. When someone is underweight, working out with one's own body weight won't put on mass. You have to use heavy weights with low reps- 5 and under. Make sure you eat enough and get plenty of protein so your body can create new muscle. Weightlifting is breaking your body down. Then you need your rest and heal up stronger and go back and do it all over and over time, you will become very strong and much healthier.


High Priestess Pythia
http://www.templeofzeus.org



--- In [email protected], "orion199317" <orion199317@ wrote:


It's not a confidence thing, but it's something I can see you know?
My body growing, and it's something I can stick with
I've had problems sticking with meditations lately but this is something I want.

I can't gain weight. That's the problem.
I'm healthy but I have the metabolism of 2 people with fast metabolisms
and I have this working fir me right now so I can't just stop! Haha
I haven't gained weight but I'm faster, and alot stronger than ever
and I was in wrestling for 2 years
worked out every day and didn't see results like this

--- In [email protected], "tanya.azazel" <tanya.azazel@ wrote:





Am skinny too. People have said things about me being thin,
but I look at it as a complement. I look at it as everyone
is different and that is what makes one unique. There are
alot of people out here in this world who are skinny. Feel
good about yourself and look at other things that being
skinny or other characteristics that makes you special.
If you want to not be skinny gain some weight try that,
but if not be happy about who you are because you are
who you were meant to be.

Hail Satan!!! Hail Azazel!!! Hail the Gods of Duat!!!

 

[Kevin Tucker]

Attachments :
NP. Think ofb protein as the raw building material, and carbs as like the worker or one that delivers and builds. That's why carbs/aminos are so important. Also take any glutamin supplements after a workout with your protein (pro complex includes that). Gaining size in woring out can cost extra as you need proper nutrition and need to take in significatly more than a healthy amount for you if you were sedentary.

Also there's a difference between working out for strength gains and size gains. Too comprehensive to write about here, but visit a body building forum and post asking for help, but before doing that, be sure to keep a journal which consists of:

-A month or several weeks
- each day record what you eat, when, amount taken in
- each day when you workout and when and how many hours sleep.
- what workout routine/s you did tha day.
- amount of weight and repititions and weight used, and any gains in strength and size, or change in body weight (fat/muscle gain).


Doing this will allow someone more experienced and knowledgeable to analyze your situation, and perhaps make a better recommendation. Good luck.

Hail Satan!

orion199317 <orion199317@... wrote:

I'll try. But I'm shocked after last night, i think after this I don't care about weight at this point.
My strength, it has increased alot more than I thought
alot more.
I can do pushups with one arm. 2 weeks ago I couldn't do 1 on one arm.
I did 10 on each, and felt I could do many more
and I felt the enemy trying to distract me quite desperatly

I think I'm going to keep doing what ice been doing

and I'm not afraid or hurt by judgemental people.
In fact most people like me when they meet me and the ones that know about me being satanic ( all my close friends) don't care

I just didn't know the enemy could use my mom against me and it just startled me.

And thanks for the advice again, i live on protein but I'll try getting in more carbs.
Think I'm gonna be taking a trip to the store by myself ( my parents buy only "healthy" food that is vasicly like eating nothing to me)

HAIL SATAN

--- In [email protected], Kevin Tucker <theanimaniacs88@... wrote:

You need carbs also as well as amino's after a workout. Try Pro Complex as it is one of the better proteins. It has all those.

Sic luceat Lux <serpentgnosis@... wrote:

I wanted to suggest something, I do it for breakfast. Go to GNC and get some
protein powder and make some shakes. You can make them with milk or water (milk
is much better) and drink it AFTER your workout. You will heal your body a lot
faster and build muscle a lot faster. I even mix mine with some frozen yogurt in
the blender.

 
 
 

________________________________

From: orion199317 <orion199317@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help


I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is
also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to
accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at
me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in
my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said,
and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even
drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about
and just let loose.

 

[sasjons]

There is nothing wrong with being skinny. That's just the enemy proving how much of a jackass their side really is! You are now feared by them, take this with pride! Strengthen you self spiritually and make them pay!

It is important that you keep physically active however and if you are not a 'gym bangout' I would recommend doing some yoga at least, this will really help you in raising the kundalini serpent - which should be your greatest goal as a satanist.

--- In [email protected], Kevin Tucker <theanimaniacs88@... wrote:

NP. Think ofb protein as the raw building material, and carbs as like the worker or one that delivers and builds. That's why carbs/aminos are so important. Also take any glutamin supplements after a workout with your protein (pro complex includes that). Gaining size in woring out can cost extra as you need proper nutrition and need to take in significatly more than a healthy amount for you if you were sedentary.

Also there's a difference between working out for strength gains and size gains. Too comprehensive to write about here, but visit a body building forum and post asking for help, but before doing that, be sure to keep a journal which consists of:

-A month or several weeks
- each day record what you eat, when, amount taken in
- each day when you workout and when and how many hours sleep.
- what workout routine/s you did tha day.
- amount of weight and repititions and weight used, and any gains in strength and size, or change in body weight (fat/muscle gain).


Doing this will allow someone more experienced and knowledgeable to analyze your situation, and perhaps make a better recommendation. Good luck.

Hail Satan!

orion199317 <orion199317@... wrote:

I'll try. But I'm shocked after last night, i think after this I don't care about weight at this point.
My strength, it has increased alot more than I thought
alot more.
I can do pushups with one arm. 2 weeks ago I couldn't do 1 on one arm.
I did 10 on each, and felt I could do many more
and I felt the enemy trying to distract me quite desperatly

I think I'm going to keep doing what ice been doing

and I'm not afraid or hurt by judgemental people.
In fact most people like me when they meet me and the ones that know about me being satanic ( all my close friends) don't care

I just didn't know the enemy could use my mom against me and it just startled me.

And thanks for the advice again, i live on protein but I'll try getting in more carbs.
Think I'm gonna be taking a trip to the store by myself ( my parents buy only "healthy" food that is vasicly like eating nothing to me)

HAIL SATAN

--- In [email protected], Kevin Tucker <theanimaniacs88@ wrote:

You need carbs also as well as amino's after a workout. Try Pro Complex as it is one of the better proteins. It has all those.

Sic luceat Lux <serpentgnosis@ wrote:

I wanted to suggest something, I do it for breakfast. Go to GNC and get some
protein powder and make some shakes. You can make them with milk or water (milk
is much better) and drink it AFTER your workout. You will heal your body a lot
faster and build muscle a lot faster. I even mix mine with some frozen yogurt in
the blender.

 
 
 

________________________________

From: orion199317 <orion199317@
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, September 10, 2010 12:26:10 PM
Subject: Crushing feeling... Help


I've been trying and trying with this biokinesis technique
trying and trying, so hard.
I think I've made progress.
The enemy has been putting more pressure on me lately.
I take this as a sign that they see me advancing.

But, I'm nervous. My own mother ( who knows nothing of me being satanic, and is
also very loving and would never say this to me)

I am very small. I'm just not a big person, at all.
And my mom knows this, and constantly ( well until last night) tells me to
accept it, and that it's ok
last night I was ready for bed and she saw me with no shirt on and laughed at
me.
Very out of character. And very painful.
She made a big deal out of " how skinny I actualy
am" and that she has never noticed

I pretended I didn't hear, or care.
It crushed me, every bit of self esteem I've built up, every ounce of pride in
my work for father, gone

I went and just laid down and talked to father, I know he heard what she said,
and I know he saw that it wasn't really her... She had been drinking, but even
drunk she stays herself.

This little random outburst has me very nervous
what do I do?
father helped me realise that it wasn't her.
But I can't forget it.
She ( or whatever was talking). Picked out what I am most self concious about
and just let loose.