Confusion/at a severe loss

[proviathan]

Hi, yes as the title says I am at a severe loss of life specifically religion. I was baptised as a Christian, growing up in a Christian family. Truly not understanding religion I just went with the flow until my own opinions emerged. I have always stuck to myself, what is my business is mine alone, not truly committing to anything completely abandoning Christianity as a whole by the age of 12 (attending church for parents sake). I simply refuse to believe an all-powerful/benevolent God created me for a higher deeper purpose i yet do not know, which makes me feel completely useless in the world, as i do not believe in fate or destiny; every man/women/child should be able to live a free life without pre-determined results regardless of chosen path (good/bad).

This poses the threat of "What is the point in living" not in a depressive way of suicide temptations... but more of a generalised question to one's self being of why exist. Since i have little faith (diminishing more after studying A-Level Religion declaring myself agnostic), i feel like i need to commit to something in order for my confusion/at a loss/Purpose to disappear. I have always wanted to commit to something life changing. I am not exactly depressed in my life (have in the past) but I always have this urge/deep mental session throughout my life that the world we live is not right, something is wrong...and I can't pinpoint what it is exactly driving me insane. There are simply too many questions and not enough answers, Such as personifications and portrayals of Lucifer, demons and hell itself.

I had typical portrayals and views of demons being all malevolent creatures who crave life, who have sinned beyond redemption, being influenced to follow certain deities...But after encountering and studying Spiritual Satanism (at first thought of typical portrayals.)I started to feel strange...an emotion i cannot describe, and emotion i still have to this very moment. It's like a mixture of nervousness anxiety, excitability and an incredible determination to dig deeper it is like I'm suddenly obsessed like an outside influence or something (sounds far-fetched I'm sorry), but i am unsure as to what it is. Is it a sense of purpose that i have never experienced? Not truly committing to something that commits 110% back? or is it simply my mind playing tricks on me ?

After thoroughly studying SS i feel that I'm starting to make sense of something i yet am unsure about, Lucifer's Commandments i can abide by/agree with especially not "turning a blind cheek" Bad things should happen to bad people. The more i read the more comfortable and excited i get (not sure what this attributes to)To find that these benevolent, omnipotent, and omniscient beings are friendly, helpful and applying guidance, makes me believe Lucifer/Satan may be a God worth of worship, However I'm not going to lie Lucifer and demons/angels terrify me, i fear what i do not understand, and what i do not understand deters me from digging deeper, but i feel oddly attracted to SS, and i am in dire need of assistance and guidance of some kind, I'm driving myself insane between what is right what is wrong what is good and what is bad, however SS might be what i am looking for.

P.S I deeply apologise for this essay...the more i typed the more i had to ask, i apologise if I have offended SS or have wasted their time, but aid and guidance would greatly benefit me.

Kind regards Simon

P.S.S I'm not sure if i sent this twice, i apoligise if i have x(

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]I know what you are talking about are the lies that the Jews have put in our Gentile heads. you are not at fault for believing that s*** just like I am NOT either. but it's time to wake up to the truth and the truth is Satan is the true God of this planet and is the most loving wonderful being we know of and the most loving God we could ever have. problem is your mind has been twisted by all the lies of the Jews about who Satan and the Demons really are. so my suggestion is to read joyofsatan.com and start meditating and finding for yourself what the truth really is. glad you're here hope you stay.


Sent from Yahoo! Mail on Android [/TD]

From: proviathan <proviathan@...;
To: <[email protected];
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Confusion/at a severe loss
Sent: Fri, Jan 25, 2013 9:17:47 PM

<td val[/IMG]   Hi, yes as the title says I am at a severe loss of life specifically religion. I was baptised as a Christian, growing up in a Christian family. Truly not understanding religion I just went with the flow until my own opinions emerged. I have always stuck to myself, what is my business is mine alone, not truly committing to anything completely abandoning Christianity as a whole by the age of 12 (attending church for parents sake). I simply refuse to believe an all-powerful/benevolent God created me for a higher deeper purpose i yet do not know, which makes me feel completely useless in the world, as i do not believe in fate or destiny; every man/women/child should be able to live a free life without pre-determined results regardless of chosen path (good/bad).

This poses the threat of "What is the point in living" not in a depressive way of suicide temptations... but more of a generalised question to one's self being of why exist. Since i have little faith (diminishing more after studying A-Level Religion declaring myself agnostic), i feel like i need to commit to something in order for my confusion/at a loss/Purpose to disappear. I have always wanted to commit to something life changing. I am not exactly depressed in my life (have in the past) but I always have this urge/deep mental session throughout my life that the world we live is not right, something is wrong...and I can't pinpoint what it is exactly driving me insane. There are simply too many questions and not enough answers, Such as personifications and portrayals of Lucifer, demons and hell itself.

I had typical portrayals and views of demons being all malevolent creatures who crave life, who have sinned beyond redemption, being influenced to follow certain deities...But after encountering and studying Spiritual Satanism (at first thought of typical portrayals.)I started to feel strange...an emotion i cannot describe, and emotion i still have to this very moment. It's like a mixture of nervousness anxiety, excitability and an incredible determination to dig deeper it is like I'm suddenly obsessed like an outside influence or something (sounds far-fetched I'm sorry), but i am unsure as to what it is. Is it a sense of purpose that i have never experienced? Not truly committing to something that commits 110% back? or is it simply my mind playing tricks on me ?

After thoroughly studying SS i feel that I'm starting to make sense of something i yet am unsure about, Lucifer's Commandments i can abide by/agree with especially not "turning a blind cheek" Bad things should happen to bad people. The more i read the more comfortable and excited i get (not sure what this attributes to)To find that these benevolent, omnipotent, and omniscient beings are friendly, helpful and applying guidance, makes me believe Lucifer/Satan may be a God worth of worship, However I'm not going to lie Lucifer and demons/angels terrify me, i fear what i do not understand, and what i do not understand deters me from digging deeper, but i feel oddly attracted to SS, and i am in dire need of assistance and guidance of some kind, I'm driving myself insane between what is right what is wrong what is good and what is bad, however SS might be what i am looking for.

P.S I deeply apologise for this essay...the more i typed the more i had to ask, i apologise if I have offended SS or have wasted their time, but aid and guidance would greatly benefit me.

Kind regards Simon

P.S.S I'm not sure if i sent this twice, i apoligise if i have x(

[/TD]