proviathan
New member
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2008
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Hi, yes as the title says I am at a severe loss of life specifically religion. I was baptised as a christian, growing up in a christian family. Truly not understanding religion I just went with the flow until my own opinions emerged. I have always stuck to myself, what is my buisness is mine alone, not truly commiting to anything completly abandoning christianity as a whole by the age of 12 (attending church for parents sake). I simply refuse to belive an all-powerful/benevolent God created me for a higher deeper purpose i yet do not know, which makes me feel completely useless in the world, as i do not believe in fate or destiny, every man/women/child should be able to live a free life without pre-determined results regardless of chosen path (good/bad).
This poses the threat of "What is the point in living" not in a depressive way of suicide temptaions... but more of a generilised question to one's self being of why exist. Since i have little faith (diminishing more after studying A-Level Religion declaring myself agnostic), i feel like i need to commit to something in order for my confusion/at a loss/Purpose to disappear. I have always wanted to commit to something life changing. I am not exactly depressed in my life (have in the past) but I always have this urg/deep mental session throughout my life, that the world we live is not right, something is wrong...and I can't pinpoint what it is exactly driving me insane. There are simply too many question's and not enough answers, Such as personifications and portrayals of Lucifer, demons and hell itself.
I had typical portrayals and views of demons being all malevolent creatures who crave life, who have sinned beyond redemption, being influenced to follow certain deities...But after encountering and studying Spiritual Satanism (at first thought of typical portrayals.)I started to feel strange...an emotion i cannot describe, and emotion i still have to this very moment. I'ts like a mixture of nervousness anxiet, excitibility and an incredible determination to dig deeper it is like im sudden;y obsessed like an outside influence or something (sounds far-fetched i'm sorry), but i am unsure as to what it is. Is it a sense of purpose that i have never experienced? not truley commiting to something that commits 110% back? or is it simply my mind playing tricks on me ?
After thouroghly studying SS i feel that im starting to make sense of something i yet am unsure about, Lucifer's Commandments i can abide by/agree with especially not "turning a blind cheek" Bad things should happen to bad people. The more i read the more comfortable and excited i get (not sure what this attributes to)To find that these benevelent, omnipotent, and omnicient beings are friendly,helpful and applying guidance, makes me believe Lucifer/Satan may be a God worth of worship, However i'm not going to lie Lucifer and demons/angels terrify me, i fear what i do not understand, and what i do not understand deters me from digging deeper, but i feel oddly attracted to SS, and i am in dire need of assistance and guidance of some kind, im driving my self insane between what is right what is wrong what is good and what is bad, however SS might be what i am looking for.
P.S I Deeply apoligise for this essay...the more i typed the more i had to ask, i apoligise if I have offended SS or have wasted their time, but aid and guidance would greatly benefit me.
Kind regards Simon
I'm not going to lie but Lucifer and Demons terrify me, in the sense of an all-omnipotent being having "Supernatural" powers beyond human comprehension
This poses the threat of "What is the point in living" not in a depressive way of suicide temptaions... but more of a generilised question to one's self being of why exist. Since i have little faith (diminishing more after studying A-Level Religion declaring myself agnostic), i feel like i need to commit to something in order for my confusion/at a loss/Purpose to disappear. I have always wanted to commit to something life changing. I am not exactly depressed in my life (have in the past) but I always have this urg/deep mental session throughout my life, that the world we live is not right, something is wrong...and I can't pinpoint what it is exactly driving me insane. There are simply too many question's and not enough answers, Such as personifications and portrayals of Lucifer, demons and hell itself.
I had typical portrayals and views of demons being all malevolent creatures who crave life, who have sinned beyond redemption, being influenced to follow certain deities...But after encountering and studying Spiritual Satanism (at first thought of typical portrayals.)I started to feel strange...an emotion i cannot describe, and emotion i still have to this very moment. I'ts like a mixture of nervousness anxiet, excitibility and an incredible determination to dig deeper it is like im sudden;y obsessed like an outside influence or something (sounds far-fetched i'm sorry), but i am unsure as to what it is. Is it a sense of purpose that i have never experienced? not truley commiting to something that commits 110% back? or is it simply my mind playing tricks on me ?
After thouroghly studying SS i feel that im starting to make sense of something i yet am unsure about, Lucifer's Commandments i can abide by/agree with especially not "turning a blind cheek" Bad things should happen to bad people. The more i read the more comfortable and excited i get (not sure what this attributes to)To find that these benevelent, omnipotent, and omnicient beings are friendly,helpful and applying guidance, makes me believe Lucifer/Satan may be a God worth of worship, However i'm not going to lie Lucifer and demons/angels terrify me, i fear what i do not understand, and what i do not understand deters me from digging deeper, but i feel oddly attracted to SS, and i am in dire need of assistance and guidance of some kind, im driving my self insane between what is right what is wrong what is good and what is bad, however SS might be what i am looking for.
P.S I Deeply apoligise for this essay...the more i typed the more i had to ask, i apoligise if I have offended SS or have wasted their time, but aid and guidance would greatly benefit me.
Kind regards Simon
I'm not going to lie but Lucifer and Demons terrify me, in the sense of an all-omnipotent being having "Supernatural" powers beyond human comprehension
