Im not sure where youre from, but I cant imagine theistic Satanism being accepted anywhere publically. At best people will dismiss you for being crazy, and honestly only a crazy person would reveal themselves this way. People are too busy and invested in society to question it or themselves. I also have little motivation at times to pursue the occult, but I find myself recently in a completely different mindset.
My previous lack of motivation was based on the fact that all of humanity cannot be saved, that it seemed that only 1 out of 100 at best have even the littlest interest in genuine occult knowledge. I offered people everything they needed to turn their life around, and you know what they did with it? They did absolutely nothing. You can only meet these people half way, you cant force someone to make healthy decisions for themselves. I lost all faith in humanity, accepted it, and then eventually placed this great amount of faith and energy towards myself. Now that I self focus, my life has greatly changed for the better. I have totally alienated from society, and people notice that right away even though I don't go out of my way to show it intentionally. Even other people who practice the occult usually dont energetically assosiate with me, and Im quite alright with that.
You need to be motivated in your own success, even if nobody else can realize it. You need to have a hunger for power, and you cant let any piece of shit human get in your way. Serve yourself, benefit yourself, and if anyone gets in your way you blast them no-holds-barred. Become so sick of humanity that you're disgusted to call yourself human. Evolve beyond the herd, be true to yourself 100%.
Even some people on this forum are hardly worthy of respect. Some people here deserve a great deal of respect. Regardless, you need to have a great deal of respect for yourself, and in order for you to do so in a healthy manner youll need a great deal of self understanding. Find things you're genuinely proud of, maybe it's something other people dont value or recognize. Everyone has at least one good trait about them, find yours and respect yourself for it.
In the end of the day, someone cant find your motivations for you. You need to find what youre passionate about. If I could construct in words to help you effectively, I'd help every worthless human alive. But since I can't, I can't. If you do your best and dont give up, itll be enough. Good luck.