Hello brothers and sisters.
After more than half a year, I finally feel I am advancing at meditations. Even tho, I am stuck now, I feel I am close to a breakthrough. The only thing holding me down is fear, amplified by the thought that I am doing something wrong. Can you please help me out with this.
I began the 6 month training program 4 weeks ago, but I still cant get past the first meditation.
I can not surrender to trance. I used to simply lie down and try to enter trance by relaxing. After no results, I now focus on my breath and no longer lay. Like I said, the only barrier left is fear. A few weeks ago I passed out during foundation meditation so now I am hesitant to fully commit to trance. I read on the JoS that breathing should never be forced lest I want to get brain damage overtime.
I don't want to move forward with the next meditations until I succeed at this one. I want to make sure I get the technique right as I am going to do this for the rest of my life after all, and I don't want to be stupid about it.
Here is exactly what I do step by step:
Every night. 22:00. Dark room, lit candle. I have a metronome, and deeply inhale on a count to 6. I then hold on a count to 6, while contracting my perineum muscles and abs and keeping the rest of my body relaxed. I keep my full attention focused in my 6th chakra. (the same way I concentrate on holding the red flame imprint during Flame Meditation). On the exhale I try relax fully and feel as if I am falling. After a few rounds, I begin to feel a very slight tingling/buzz in my body every time I inhale, and when I exhale, my head feels like sniping (same effect one feels when he is too drunk, pardon me for this disgusting example). When I hold my breath, it feels like blood rushes into my head. Even tho I have my eyes closed, darkens turns brighter and I notice how faded colors emerge in mist like forms in front of me. I totally forget about my physical surroundings and my physical body and it feels I am in a different place.
At this point If I continue to do the rounds with the same intensity I know for sure either two things will happen:
1. I subconsciously want to stay awake, but I loose total control of my physical body, loose balance, fall on my face and pass out for a few seconds, wake up and stop the session. (this happened once, but I wasn't prepared then)
2. I accept whatever this new experience brings, fully surrender, loose balance, fall and hopefully have my breakthrough.
Please let me know if I am doing something wrong. Is this reaction normal? Am I too weak to handle energy? What should I do to improve?
Bless you for reading this!
Hail Satan! Hail Lucifuge!