About love and relationships - What life has taught me:

[tabby]

How many people have gotten their heartbroken, by anyone?

A cheater. An abuser. A general toxic person who wouldn't do better. Someone who just ignored you and used you. A play boy/girl. A slut. A manwhore. "Women are like this, that's why I can't get a wife!" "Men are like this, that's why I can't get a husband!" "Humans are meant to be mono! / Human were born poly!" etc etc. Add whatever you want here, the list is a long one.

So often we look at relationships in black and white. You're either "mono" or "poly". You're with only me or you want others. People who go around enjoying a lot of sex - they can't love, they're shallow. Whatever generalisations about this and that anyone wants to make to excuse why they can't have the spark of love again in their life. You get the idea.

Here's the thing. Relationships are not black and white. People are different. And I don't mean "different" as in people need exclusive relationships and others don't. It's not that simple. Understand this, relationships are fluid and changing things. Can you tell me your relationship and who you are with is exactly the same as when you first met the person? No. Things change, life changes you and makes things move.

People look at all the people who get their heartbroken and they either shut down and never try to open again to new relationships, or they turn their heart cold and "sleep around" to satisfy their wounds. Relationships in the current world are highly oppressed. You can't love or have sex with more than one person lest you be a whore or a shallow person who can't commit. Be with one person only because that's "traditional".

The label of the relationship is not what matters. What matters is the person or persons you are choosing to be with in your relationship. That's all that matters. What do THEY need and what do YOU need. If your needs are incompatible then the relationship is going to be strained and break. If you don't talk about what you need and be totally honest about it with your partner, that's a sure way to lead to bad experiences either for yourself or the other person. If you can't trust each other to honor the conditions and needs of your partnership, how do you expect things to go? Most common cases of cheating and relationship failure is both personal problems within the person that are unresolved and a lack of communication and honesty.

If you don't have trust, communication, respect, and honesty in your relationship, that's not a healthy relationship.

If your partner needs exclusivity with you, but you don't then tell them. If you need exclusivity and they don't want that talk about it. If it's just casual sex, or just love that you need, talk about it. If your needs match then great! Be upfront. Discuss with each other, what is going to make or break the relationship? What's ok and acceptable and what's not? If anything isn't working out, can it be worked out? If not, relax, maybe a love/sex relationship isn't right between you and your partner. Maybe you're better to be friends or something, and hey, who knows, maybe now is just not the right time for where you are in your growth to be with that person. You can change as a person and advance, and as you do, you might suddenly find yourself compatible with that person. And maybe simply, that person and yourself is just not right for each other at all.

Talk like people who care about each other and respect each other, not like strangers in a club hiding your face because getting laid is a life-death situation that night. You're not a one color personality and neither is anyone else. Relationships can last lifetimes if the bond is never broken. You might find someone you were once with and continue on again now, or you might find someone completely new and choose to end the past bonds with others.

People forget, most if not everyone who is here as an Zevism, is not a new soul. You've lived before, you've been with others before. You've experienced love and relationships. And you can do it all again.

Learn what you want and what you need, then find someone who can match you, or you match them. Forcing unnatural pairings, is how things fail. Leaving wounds bleeding and scars unhealed, also a way to cause failure. And guess what? If you fail once, you can try again, as many times as needed.

Think of relationships like flowing water. Is what you need a lake where you stay in one place, or a river moving between others? What do you need? Find out. It makes things easier.

If you feel like you could never love again or feel that spark of fresh love again because of heartbreak, or because of any reason one may think of, listen... you're an Zevism aren't you? You can heal your scars, break bonds, reform them and find new ones. It's not over just because it didn't work with one person or many people once upon a time.

You've got a future of however many life times you live, so why keep yourself locked up in ideas and beliefs and pain that don't serve you to succeed?

 

[Bluecollarbutch666]

How many people have gotten their heartbroken, by anyone?

A cheater. An abuser. A general toxic person who wouldn't do better. Someone who just ignored you and used you. A play boy/girl. A slut. A manwhore. "Women are like this, that's why I can't get a wife!" "Men are like this, that's why I can't get a husband!" "Humans are meant to be mono! / Human were born poly!" etc etc. Add whatever you want here, the list is a long one.

So often we look at relationships in black and white. You're either "mono" or "poly". You're with only me or you want others. People who go around enjoying a lot of sex - they can't love, they're shallow. Whatever generalisations about this and that anyone wants to make to excuse why they can't have the spark of love again in their life. You get the idea.

Here's the thing. Relationships are not black and white. People are different. And I don't mean "different" as in people need exclusive relationships and others don't. It's not that simple. Understand this, relationships are fluid and changing things. Can you tell me your relationship and who you are with is exactly the same as when you first met the person? No. Things change, life changes you and makes things move.

People look at all the people who get their heartbroken and they either shut down and never try to open again to new relationships, or they turn their heart cold and "sleep around" to satisfy their wounds. Relationships in the current world are highly oppressed. You can't love or have sex with more than one person lest you be a whore or a shallow person who can't commit. Be with one person only because that's "traditional".

The label of the relationship is not what matters. What matters is the person or persons you are choosing to be with in your relationship. That's all that matters. What do THEY need and what do YOU need. If your needs are incompatible then the relationship is going to be strained and break. If you don't talk about what you need and be totally honest about it with your partner, that's a sure way to lead to bad experiences either for yourself or the other person. If you can't trust each other to honor the conditions and needs of your partnership, how do you expect things to go? Most common cases of cheating and relationship failure is both personal problems within the person that are unresolved and a lack of communication and honesty.

If you don't have trust, communication, respect, and honesty in your relationship, that's not a healthy relationship.

If your partner needs exclusivity with you, but you don't then tell them. If you need exclusivity and they don't want that talk about it. If it's just casual sex, or just love that you need, talk about it. If your needs match then great! Be upfront. Discuss with each other, what is going to make or break the relationship? What's ok and acceptable and what's not? If anything isn't working out, can it be worked out? If not, relax, maybe a love/sex relationship isn't right between you and your partner. Maybe you're better to be friends or something, and hey, who knows, maybe now is just not the right time for where you are in your growth to be with that person. You can change as a person and advance, and as you do, you might suddenly find yourself compatible with that person. And maybe simply, that person and yourself is just not right for each other at all.

Talk like people who care about each other and respect each other, not like strangers in a club hiding your face because getting laid is a life-death situation that night. You're not a one color personality and neither is anyone else. Relationships can last lifetimes if the bond is never broken. You might find someone you were once with and continue on again now, or you might find someone completely new and choose to end the past bonds with others.

People forget, most if not everyone who is here as an Zevism, is not a new soul. You've lived before, you've been with others before. You've experienced love and relationships. And you can do it all again.

Learn what you want and what you need, then find someone who can match you, or you match them. Forcing unnatural pairings, is how things fail. Leaving wounds bleeding and scars unhealed, also a way to cause failure. And guess what? If you fail once, you can try again, as many times as needed.

Think of relationships like flowing water. Is what you need a lake where you stay in one place, or a river moving between others? What do you need? Find out. It makes things easier.

If you feel like you could never love again or feel that spark of fresh love again because of heartbreak, or because of any reason one may think of, listen... you're an Zevism aren't you? You can heal your scars, break bonds, reform them and find new ones. It's not over just because it didn't work with one person or many people once upon a time.

You've got a future of however many life times you live, so why keep yourself locked up in ideas and beliefs and pain that don't serve you to succeed?

People look at all the people who get their heartbroken and they either shut down and never try to open again to new relationships, or they turn their heart cold and "sleep around" to satisfy their wounds. Relationships in the current world are highly oppressed. You can't love or have sex with more than one person lest you be a whore or a shallow person who can't commit. Be with one person only because that's "traditional".

I am not sure if you think this was what i was trying to imply, because if it is, it makes it sound like i am condemning people for wanting to have sex or have multiple partners. Me saying they are not fit for an exclusive relationship is not being derogatory towards them, and is not meant such, nor is it looking down on anyone wanting to have sex, and i feel that me trying to convey this is still not understood. I also would like to say that I have never implied that I believe in "unnatural pairings"

People who go around enjoying a lot of sex - they can't love, they're shallow.

I have said this before as well, these people can love, can even have a favorite person. I just don't believe they can love monogamously. they can however and will probably be happier with 2 to 3 partners or so in either a poly arragement or just no official relationship, friends with benefits, or romantic friendships ect, and these people can still all be loved by them and cared for. The point is, these people are happier with variety instead of just one person alone.

There are people who clam up and get a bitter outlook as a result of heartache. This is infact one way their ability to be intimate with anyone diminishes ,but i was talking about people who are either naturally selective, or just want variety, weather it is in an official polyamorous arrangement, friends with benefits, or something in between, so no i don't think there is only two labels as you call it either. That part i should have worded better.

aside from heartache and disappointment, my argument is made on someones natural predisposition in the first place towards love and sex. There are also people who have "romantic friendships".

It is often the in between categories you speak of, that again i should have worded better, in between actual official polyamory and monogamy relationships, who are unsure of what they really want yet, or just have different attitude, again weather its no strings attached with no sorts of relationship, just freinds with benefits, whatever. AS such they are more apt to be less selective with who they have sex with, and how many. Again because of not being sure of what they want, after say maybe 10 to 20 people these people want to settle down. again, barring heartache and hangups, and insisting on the fact that this happens just because this is their natural predisposition, would a person wanting exclusivity think this person will have the ability to remain faithful?

the person in question would be fine with others who are more open sexually with multiple people, but the "i dont know" , "perhaps" ect "lets just see where it goes" type of deal isn't going to sit well with someone wanting something seriously exclusive. What happens then? they turn them down. And this once again i cannot stress enough, through my eyes, isn't because of calling someone immoral for wanting sex or a bad person, but just not a suitable person for exclusivity. No, these people cannot commit to exclusivity and i am talking about with exclusivity, having one partner and one partner only.

heartache is one factor, whereas natural predispositions are another when it comes to someone having sex with many different people. They can, but don't always have to intertwine and amplify each other, and do not always both apply themselves within one person. I have briefly touched on the first, but have been mainly been trying to explain the latter.

It is due to these natural predispositons that exist within people that i would never select someone of this nature, and this counts for when i actually never had sex before as well. Not because i hate the person or think they are filthy. no. because they are just too different from me, and i know in the long run they will not just want only me.

There is nothing crazy about this, and everyone is master of their own sex life. There is nothing wrong with it whatever it may be, as long as it remains between consensual adults, barring perversion.

 

[Soul Wings]

The most frustrating thing is people trying to tell me relationships should not be hard, there should not be arguments, etc. I don't know what kind of rock these people are living under, but I have never, ever had a relationship I would call easy. People are somehow living in fairy land with no breakups/arguments or something.
Part of why I don't think it's easy is the change. All people hide (to some extent) who they really are and you see it to it's truest extent in a relationship with them. And then life's circumstances on top of that can be the straw on the camel's back.

 

[sahasraraBliss666]

People are having children even at the age of 24-25.
I've heard from a woman herself that fertility of a woman starts to decline after the age of 30.

Even those living on the streets have 4-6 kids... Why you trying to be perfect in this case? You have a limited lifespan.

DO the necessary things at the right time.

And, aside from that, the earlier you have children the better.

Nowadays stupidity has risen to a level where women mostly women want to enjoy life rather than settling down even after the age of 30. This is very common in Japan, china, Korea... Nowadays. Koreans have high end demands for their partners lol. Japanese woman tend to cheat. Chinese women are being brainwashed with feminism. Koreans too. But so far, I've only interacted with feminist chinese ladies.

I had a student yesterday from Spain who was 69 years old woman, never married. A human cannot remain single. No matter if you are mono or poly, you still need someone to be with you and settle, have a family.

I can guarantee that woman feels lonely inside everyday but her arrogance... She also sounded egoistic and arrogant.

We are not at a level where we can choose to remain single for life, not having kids, a family...

Personally I feel body starts to slowly decay after 27, 30, then after 40 you have common problems like hypertension..

So, have kids as early as possible. Good for both kids health and parents too.

 

[sahasraraBliss666]

Imagine being falsely accused in a legal matter, you are alone or you just have one or two friends, how much can they really help you in this as compared to having your own life partner and children??

The bigger your family, the better it is for you.
The more contacts you have, the more better and safer it is for you in this world today.

Having a family is crucially important in Asian and western societies too. It's even more important for White people these days.

 

[Flowers of Adonis]

Imagine being falsely accused in a legal matter, you are alone or you just have one or two friends, how much can they really help you in this as compared to having your own life partner and children??

The bigger your family, the better it is for you.
The more contacts you have, the more better and safer it is for you in this world today.

Having a family is crucially important in Asian and western societies too. It's even more important for White people these days.

Ignoring your last comment, :?

In Ancient Greece, iirc, it was a requirement for every man to be able to defend himself in court. That's my ideal.

However, I trust in my magick to protect me from such things.

We just see things differently from different perspectives. Where you see physical solutions, I see spiritual ones.

If it sets your mind at ease, my reply wasn't to attack you. There was no hostility on my end. The comment I replied to just seemed too "black pilled" to me because of where I'm at, so I wanted to bring what is, to me, a more positive perspective.

You don't need to be so defensive, and I'm not sure where that all came from.