Other #80484 SuicideSuicide

[Ask Satya Operator]

I found this place when I was on the brink of suicide. I was a teenager back then though well I’m still a teenager now... I discovered this site by accidentally clicking on the wrong place. In that moment, I thought to myself, “I wish I had found this earlier it would have been good to learn about it before dying.” Then I didn’t die (despite all the medication and that in itself is a miracle!), and I had the chance to explore the site eventually, I devoted myself to it.
Everything progressed very beautifully, and I developed very quickly however, it was at a pace I couldn’t control or balance.
Later, after experiencing an incident of harassment, I fell into despair again for the first time. I couldn’t ask the gods for help. I don’t fully understand why; even though I had good communication with my guardian, I refused to connect with them and ignored their signs. I shut down my astral senses and disregarded everything that came through. That feeling of weakness—which I thought had disappeared after my devotion—returned for the first time, and it deeply confused me.
I want to participate in group rituals again, meditate, and continue developing, but I can’t. I want to reconnect with the gods and ask for help; yet I feel disgusting and weak, like a Zevist. Because a Zevist should not be weak and should be able to stand back up. But I can’t, and because of that, I don’t feel worthy of asking the gods for help. I want to be a strong Zevist again not the suicidal teenager I was at the beginning. That’s why I’m asking you to please help me. Because I don’t want to become my old self again, lose my balance, and want to die. Because it's really painful...

 

[Henu the Great]

No matter if you kill yourself a hundred times, the wheel of life ensures that on the 101st reincarnation, you are still facing the same issues, the same situations, the same challenges until you have overcome them. So, get to work.

 

[Nikólaos666]

Struggleing isn't a sign of weakness,its a call for action and growth. Everyone here struggle at one point in their life.

The fact that you survive your first attempt, is a clear sign of the love of the Gods for you.

Now, you are in the same position, this is for you to grow and overcome that part of your life.

You are not alone, the Gods are always there with you, they do want you to be strong, but they want you to overcome any challenges first and they will help you if you ask them.

 

[Ayleth [NG]]

You are here for a reason, and you've been guided to the Path for a reason. Waking up every day, seeing the world, the ugly and the bad, but also knowing there is beauty, hope, others, and love… is what makes it worthwhile. Part of that worth is inside yourself. You have the desire to reconnect with the Gods, you’re more than halfway there. Accept their help.

In times like these, find steady sources of light that you can attach yourself to. Listening to a piece of music you love and spending time in nature helps.

No drive to meditate? No problem for now, read, read and read the sermons and ToZ every day. Listen to Zevism Youtube. We have so many beautiful updates: Library of Thoth, VT, the new awareness meditations, and all the work that’s been put into them.

Duck the despair. Imagine yourself standing by the fire, giving despair the middle finger. Actual imagination, heroic, no matter how silly you think it is. Zevists have a spark and a hunger within them. That's all Zevists. Including you. Think in terms of polishing gems and diamonds, not being "weak" or "strong" stone.

Reach out anytime when it feels like too much even if it’s just to vent.

 

[AletheiaArete]

Something that might help with overcoming this is making a physical list of your internal and external resources, so you can look back and remind yourself what you have around you and within yourself.

Internal resources would be your personal strengths, and just by what you’ve described above I can see how resilient and patient you’ve been with the process of advancing yourself, it’s very admirable and you should be proud you’ve made it this far and you’re still making the effort to reach out to the community. It’s no small feat.
Even the fact you think you mistakenly stumbled up Zevism shows you were always meant to find this place, the Gods meant for you to be here. You trusted the process and you became better for it, and even though you’re going through a deep low right now, we are blessed with glorious heights after our trials, please don’t give that up.

External resources are support systems in the outside world, like friends, relatives, pets, hobbies, sports, and of course, all the resources on ToZ, all the Sermons in LoT. So much richness of information and reassurance is available for you to find peace and clarity in.

Write down a list of things you know you can fall back on to help you and refer to later, because we can forget what we have around us when we are so low. The Gods are always with you, you just need to reach out and trust they’ll reach back… I promise they will with enough effort.

 

[AletheiaArete]

I thought I’d also add that I highly recommend taking yourself for walks in nature. Go to a local park, a national park, or down quiet streets with a nice tree covered path.

As Nietzsche said, “Never trust a thought that occurs to you indoors.”

When you are out in something viscerally True, like nature, you get yourself out of the abyss of your mind and into the light and fresh air. Your body is moving and not sitting stagnant, creating unproductive spirals. And out there you can offer prayers to the gods above and the elementals who inhabit the earth around you. Engage with your surroundings. And if you have a pen and paper, write up that list I mentioned earlier.

Please continue to reach out to the community, even just to vent.