Ask Satya Operator
Well-known member
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2022
- Messages
- 8,294
Hopefully it is readily apparent why I would wish to ask this question anonymously.
I'm not talking about feeling a light tickle up my spine and thinking that is anything compared to the kundalini rising.
I've risen the kundalini from base to crown, I felt the heat as it rose and the spark when it passed the pineal. Afterwards, I noticed my rituals were working faster. It took me at least 10 years to do this, starting at 16. It has been 1 or 2 years now from the time I think I finished. It was stuck at my heart chakra for the longest time, eventually I got fed up and cleared the remaining blockages with energy and pushed the kundalini to rise further. Pushing myself this way was incredibly painful, like pushing liquid metal up my spine to burn up all the blockages that prevented the kundalini from raising fully. The only way to get it to rise this way was to increase the energetic pressure despite the pain intensifying. I remember one point where it really felt like I might spontaneously combust, but luckily the blockage there cleared first. I fully believe I was able to do this only because I was willing to literally catch on fire if that's what it took to FINALLY finish and start transforming my life.
However... I still feel underwhelmed. My mental health is at least as bad as before I raised it, and arguably significantly worse. My once close friends say I've gone totally delusional despite admitting to me my rituals work. They are probably right, but the sanity they refer to just feels so... intellectually restrictive.
The problem is that I am surely diagnosable as schizophrenic, especially now. I have it in the family and there were reasons before to suggest I was at least borderline schizo or something similar. I have a learned tendency to question myself spiritually, even when doing so isn't logical anymore. I can put effort to make my life better, but I still have mostly the same unhealthy habits, mentally and physically, as I did before the kundalini. Now that I have increased psychic senses, my tendency to self doubt has actually increased. I don't want to risk taking SSRI and potentially losing my gifts, that is not a solution I accept.
I'm not telling you this for some type of gratification, I actually expect the opposite. I expect you to say I'm crazy, but I'm telling you I already think that.
I relied on my friends as a support base, we aren't close anymore and the things I receive (supposedly) from the Gods I can't convince myself to trust regularly. I risk losing everything I worked towards and the very point of raising the kundalini in the first place if I can't figure out this psychological glitch in the next few months.
Instead of the kundalini being a positive thing, I feel like I'm locking myself out of the benefits and using that power and really only reap the alienation and burden of it fruitlessly. It sucks.
No, I don't think me raising the serpent in 10+ years is that impressive. I think if I started at a later age and took my practice more seriously, I could have easily risen it in 1/4 of that time. I've heard people rising theirs in 2 years, and I actually fully believe some people can. I felt disappointed in my progress, feeling like I was a failure not finishing in what I felt an appropriate time, so I rushed through it. I accepted there might have been consequences, and well I got this. Who's at fault? Me, duh.
Hail Satan
I'm not talking about feeling a light tickle up my spine and thinking that is anything compared to the kundalini rising.
I've risen the kundalini from base to crown, I felt the heat as it rose and the spark when it passed the pineal. Afterwards, I noticed my rituals were working faster. It took me at least 10 years to do this, starting at 16. It has been 1 or 2 years now from the time I think I finished. It was stuck at my heart chakra for the longest time, eventually I got fed up and cleared the remaining blockages with energy and pushed the kundalini to rise further. Pushing myself this way was incredibly painful, like pushing liquid metal up my spine to burn up all the blockages that prevented the kundalini from raising fully. The only way to get it to rise this way was to increase the energetic pressure despite the pain intensifying. I remember one point where it really felt like I might spontaneously combust, but luckily the blockage there cleared first. I fully believe I was able to do this only because I was willing to literally catch on fire if that's what it took to FINALLY finish and start transforming my life.
However... I still feel underwhelmed. My mental health is at least as bad as before I raised it, and arguably significantly worse. My once close friends say I've gone totally delusional despite admitting to me my rituals work. They are probably right, but the sanity they refer to just feels so... intellectually restrictive.
The problem is that I am surely diagnosable as schizophrenic, especially now. I have it in the family and there were reasons before to suggest I was at least borderline schizo or something similar. I have a learned tendency to question myself spiritually, even when doing so isn't logical anymore. I can put effort to make my life better, but I still have mostly the same unhealthy habits, mentally and physically, as I did before the kundalini. Now that I have increased psychic senses, my tendency to self doubt has actually increased. I don't want to risk taking SSRI and potentially losing my gifts, that is not a solution I accept.
I'm not telling you this for some type of gratification, I actually expect the opposite. I expect you to say I'm crazy, but I'm telling you I already think that.
I relied on my friends as a support base, we aren't close anymore and the things I receive (supposedly) from the Gods I can't convince myself to trust regularly. I risk losing everything I worked towards and the very point of raising the kundalini in the first place if I can't figure out this psychological glitch in the next few months.
Instead of the kundalini being a positive thing, I feel like I'm locking myself out of the benefits and using that power and really only reap the alienation and burden of it fruitlessly. It sucks.
No, I don't think me raising the serpent in 10+ years is that impressive. I think if I started at a later age and took my practice more seriously, I could have easily risen it in 1/4 of that time. I've heard people rising theirs in 2 years, and I actually fully believe some people can. I felt disappointed in my progress, feeling like I was a failure not finishing in what I felt an appropriate time, so I rushed through it. I accepted there might have been consequences, and well I got this. Who's at fault? Me, duh.
Hail Satan
