It seems you had a bad family situation. With Neptune in the 4th, what AristocraticDragon mentioned about parenting is very relevant, because Neptune shows personal boundaries in your home and family were likely non-existent. That is the nature of Neptune: dissolving structure.
Your home life has clearly been unstable and unconventional. Perhaps your family dynamics where difficult to understand, or felt disconnected from reality, and left you feeling alienated, like you are an outsider in your own family.
This can carry over when you become an adult. You can struggle with trusting your emotional instincts, attract others with unclear boundaries, and even confuse "connection" with over-merging or sacrificing yourself.
Your Saturn placement as ruler of the 4th can point to a desire to reclaim control, build safety through material security, or heal from bad family situations. Yes, safety and comfort are definitely important for this.
Have you ever truly felt safe or comfortable at home growing up?
OttoHart and AristocraticDragon are 100% right in their advice, in my opinion. I cannot tell you whether you should live abroad or not, but the situation about personal boundaries needs to be addressed regardless.
My Sun/Moon are co-rulers, so it is quite a problem. As it feels my relationship with them determines my success and happiness to an extent.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but it always felt as though I was an orphan. And not metaphorically, I mean literally, like growing up in an orphanage with two staff members as parents. In fact, an orphanage might've been better, because at least then the dynamic (and my "role") would've been "clear" to me.
Sometimes I wondered if I was a part of some sort of simulated lab experiment. Of a fake family. Just to see how I would react, and record the effects. The situation did not feel "real" but something out of the Truman Show.
My basic material needs were provided for, but nothing else. My father took no interest in his children. And there was almost zero interaction in 15 years (except to rage at someone). The handful of times I tried to connect with him (as a 7-11 year old), he immediately betrayed my trust/vulnerability and tried to lower my self-esteem for no apparent reason.
And my mother's love felt "conditional" but the conditions were never made clear to me. She would "pretend" to be a loving parent, but you could sense the phoniness. She only ever saw me as a potential object to boost her social status. And treated her children as dolls to play with and adore her, or fawn over her. But since I was not the fawning type, I was the doll not worth "playing" with and thus never given any attention. Yet at the same time she would call me her "favourite child". So there was always some weird deceptiveness at play in the home. For example, despite all this, I adored them when I was younger because they were both extremely physically beautiful in a Neptunian way, but I could never see them clearly despite my rational temperament.
They were not bad people, so there is nothing I can point at to claim evil. They just neglected me on all possible levels, but I don't know why, since there was nothing inherently wrong with me. I was intelligent, attractive, etc. but for whatever reason "not what they wanted".
There was no love/affection involved, except of a fake plastered smile. I was not ugly or anything, quite the opposite, but my mother would never touch me for example, even as a toddler, except to change my clothes/potty training.
Many strangers/psychics have told me they sense I have a pure/kindhearted soul, so I really can't seem to figure out why I was treated this way.
I was never one to tolerate abuse of my good will, and perhaps they were resentful of being unable to exploit me, idk. I don't think I'll ever figure them out.
