By the way, I've been thinking about it. And I do not exclude that this very definition — "succubus", "incubus" — sounds like an insult. It's as if any expression of depth and desire is already reduced to the base by default.
But still, I suppose it's a matter of chance. I've read similar topics here and I'm a little horrified. And I made a conclusion for myself, in part. I don't know, maybe someone will be interested in reading my saying.
I didn't initially consider IT as something erotic or as "about sex." My situation is somewhat different. As I have already written, I am married. Moreover, I am raising my son. But in my whole life, I'm so tired of shallow people.
I do not know why, but I even attract the wrong "Zevists" and "magicians" into my life. Narrow-minded people. Those who do not want to develop further and strive for immortality. Yes, it's possible that I'm romanticizing and idealizing the very concept of a relationship that I don't have. I'm in a typical civil marriage with no mutual understanding. My partner calls my practices and meditations a pointless waste of time, and his computer games art. However, not about that.
Maybe once in my life there was a person in my life. And by the way, I always don't care about looks. So, this man, with his mind and gift alone, made my pupils dilate the size of the moon. From just one glance. You know, when I hug someone, I feel them through and through upon contact. But fate was so good that we weren't meant to be together.
And then various people started appearing in my life. And they also did not differ in their surface and narrowness of perception.… The people who were in my life turned out to be too ephemeral and fickle in their plans for me. I always feel dirty afterwards. Most people perceive me as a body. And there is no such depth. I don't have everything my soul wants around me.
And I thought, what if one day I get to talk to a very advanced race? What if hormones take over and I fall in love because of intelligence? What an unpleasant impression will this leave later…
I'm so hungry for intelligence. By sincerity. By openness.
It is possible that I am engaged in banal escapism and escape from my reality. Perhaps Father Zeus will bless me one day, and I will meet the very Person OR being who will have this very depth and pure sincerity... no one is even waiting for me in the Astral! And I would really like to travel there with someone. To have someone waiting for me after the death of my physical body.