I hate being sober so much, I am tired of being strangled by fear, self-hatred, and despair. My life is still incomprehensibly FUBAR. I continue to meditate twice a day, but it feels like each session is a reminder of my spiritual failings.
I could maybe push through the suffering if I knew that the Gods liked me, or that I had some spiritual purpose, but I just don't know. I am more depressed and hopeless than I have ever been in my life. I hate myself for being so worthless and stupid, but it seems like every effort to better myself makes me feel worse. When I was on drugs I could at least briefly forget about my problems and have some fun, now I'm constantly reminded of my own ugliness and that of the world. I have no life goals, not sure what I'm supposed to do with my life. Im not good at anything and even if i tried to be a force for good, im not skilled or smart or ethical enough. Even in the past when I was somewhat useful and donated a lot (it feels like a lifetime ago), I still was unsure about who I am and who I'm supposed to be.
You already know the Gods are fine with you, you're just trying to use as an excuse the Gods to fall back into these things. None of this truly has to do with the Gods, one's performance in life or the Temple whatsoever.
These things, which are important to you, are actually waiting for you when you are fine and back on track, which you will be. What is going on now, is just your physical body and your mind trying to use excuses of great magnitude to re-engage the habit that lead to damaging you in the first place. In your mental aspect, this works to justify the material cravings; these were the source of ruin in the first place, don't re-engage, it's all the material body reacting.
When your dopamine system is harmed by drugs, then the physical withdrawal will be conflated with "existential stuff" and whatever you cite here. These delusions seem real (they might even feel real) but they have nothing to do with the Gods whatsoever. You never needed drugs in the first place to be a strong or good man, you always was, and will be, and the drugs were only an impediment.
The impediment is now trying to gnaw at you, to pretend it's part of your future progress and/or self worth, but it's the worst enemy to both (and to yourself). You were not truly happy before, you were depressed, and that's why these were being used in the first place: They were the bringers of the depression.
It's just your physical body is fighting, and reacting to the loss of what is bad, it's nothing spiritual, related to the Gods, or to the world. You are projecting on these, these aren't the cause of this. The cause is the drugs and their dopamine ruin, which promises "solution" only to incur more ruin.
Stop tormenting yourself and you have done everything well, the Gods don't have a problem with you nor anyone else. Deep down, you must work on this. Bookmark my response and come back to it for reminded; it will be at any future moment as it is today.
You're always this great person you always was and will be. Just remove this habit with patience and get off this drug train, which for all intents, has harmed you. You're already recovering excellently and proving your resolve.
Ignore any such thoughts and start re-establishing control of mind. It's just the withdrawal speaking nothing else major or existential.