Before you do anything unwise, I want to make sure you read this:
I know that's not really the answer to your question right now, but it was the first thing I wanted you to look at and let me say that I'm really sincerely very happy that your previous suicide attempts didn't end well. You are very precious in Zevism, in fact you are here and you are not here by chance:
I would have been deeply sorry to hear of such a sad fact about a Zevist. For much in life there is a remedy, but for suicide there is no remedy, you can only reincarnate and your problems could even increase or come back stronger. The last thing that should happen in this world is for one of us to commit suicide.
When I was very young (primary school approximately) I attempted suicide due to my parents' constant abuse and mistreatment of me. I was crying a lot, for some reason, I couldn't do it (not even in several attempts and for obvious reasons I won't say what method it was). I was really frustrated with the failure. After many years, here I am today, grateful for having failed all the attempts. I am extremely grateful for this. But at the time it was what I thought was the only solution/the only thing I wanted/the only option. It was NOT like that, today I know it, but before I could only have a very limited vision of the situation.
The fact that you take care of yourself by following the Gods, through healthy attitudes and continuously trying to improve yourself is a good thing: it represents all the good that you have managed to bring out of this sad situation. This will lead to personal progress in the long term to the detriment of the situation you are experiencing, it is actual progress and habits that you are creating.
Situations can last more or less time, even regarding fixing something with magic, it can even take a cycle of 360 days continuously or more. Especially if you have bad karma and need to fight it. It's worth it. It's really worth it.
You're being a little "unfair" to yourself. It seems like you have only failed all this time, instead you have supported a program to take care of yourself. Just because your problems haven't gone away doesn't mean you shouldn't give credit to yourself, including just trying hard and shaping your mind to support a life where you take care of yourself and try to escape problems, without passively accepting them into your life out of laziness.
This is not only a great starting point to work from, but also a great personal success. Many complain about the constant problems in their lives without dedicating even ten minutes to meditation because: "yes, there are problems, but you know? The sofa is very comfortable and this Netflix TV series promises well". No: you were much better than this and you deserve credit, appreciate yourself and your strength.
Try to explain to us better the initial situation, what you are missing that makes you suffer, what you would like to achieve, etc. precisely if it is not too personal. However, if you need a lot of privacy to be able to do this, try using the AskSatan service which guarantees total anonymity, in this way we will better understand what ails you and be able to give you more effective solutions.
Ask about astrology, health, spiritual topics, or simply anything you don't feel comfortable asking with your personal account.
ask-satan.net
The questions on AskSatan are completely anonymous and NOBODY here will pay attention to an extra personal question: with everything that people normally write in this service (which is why it is anonymous) an extra question in which you tell your personal story and you ask for help will not be noticed at all among all the others, in the sense that it will NOT be associated with you, but it will be read and we will help you as best we can even if we don't know the author of the question. Don't hesitate if you feel the need!
See if anything on this page to run even for several continuous cycles and below can help you in your search for people who are close to you:
https://templeofzeus.org/AURA.html
And also read here:
https://templeofzeus.org/Azazel_virtue_5.html
And here:
https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...eople-that-try-to-stop-your-evolution.293491/
And here too:
https://ancient-forums.com/threads/people-in-our-life-cases-to-avoid.93253/
This will help you a lot in terms of personal emotional well-being, which will also lead to better management of your situation indirectly:
You have your physical body, soul, astral body, mental body, and more. The Emotional Body is the part of the soul that can be damaged when you experience emotional trauma, grief, bereavement, abandonment, and so on. Many people have emotional outbursts, immature reactions, trigger episodes...
ancient-forums.com
Hope is something you can actually have right now. Having demonstrated to yourself your concrete ability to continue in a certain direction in the right way will lead you to actually realize that it will be possible for you to succeed in the end. I therefore await news regarding further specifics for your problem.
And don't be discouraged if things get worse, read here:
https://ancient-forums.com/threads/karma-working-manifestation.294201/
And please keep us updated. We all want you to be well and we will always be available to help you in our own way. Don't underestimate the family you are part of here, you can always trust ToZ!
Ave Zeus!
PS: it took me hours to write it, there shouldn't be too many errors, but I hope that in any case you understand the meaning. In two hours I might actually have made some mistakes, even in translation: I'm Italian. So sorry!