I notice sometimes that people are very quick to react. I don't think there is enough interest in getting to the full story before reacting to something which someone else has said. That's why I'm going to use this for the example of this thread.

One way to tackle this is to simply ask questions. Check in with the person to see what they really are trying to say before you make up your mind and base your reaction on it.

If you can get closer to the full story, have considered the context of what is being said, and feel you have a better grasp of what the other person is saying, then you can more effectively respond in a way that makes conversation more pleasant for everyone.

Even if you think you know what is being said, you should still try to double check to make sure you have it right.
Regarding Assumptions

As for reactiveness, there are times for reacting to things, but a lot of the time it is even better to be proactive.

To become more proactive requires training your mind to have a little more patience, and a little more forethought. It requires consideration of and attention to details, observation. Those who are good at strategy should easily be able to develop a proactive style of engagement. After all, it's just strategy + communication.

Here's an example:

Person A says something that seems vague and questionable. Person B responds with a message that has an undertone of antagonism which makes Person A feel bad. Person A doesn't understand why Person B was snarky towards them because from their perspective, what they said makes perfect sense and sounds reasonable.

Person C has a similar initial reaction internally to what Person A said, but instead of commenting with this, Person C asks Person A what they mean by "this or that" line, and/or what they are actually trying to say, and asks them to clarify.

Person A clarifies. Person C is satisfied with the explanation, and now understands better. Person B now feels bad about their impulsive reaction.

Person B was reactive. Person C was proactive.

Learning to be more proactive, and finding a balance between being reactive and proactive can be challenging. It's definitely worth the effort though, and will help you in all areas of life.

Flowers of Adonis said:

I notice sometimes that people are very quick to react....

One way to tackle this is to simply ask questions. Check in with the person to see what they really are trying to say before you make up your mind and base your reaction on it.

Click to expand...

Excellent observation of reality, my friend! "Reactions" stem from emotion, which stems from the body (mind) believing it is being "attacked". Whether the "attack" be physical retaliation/intimidation or in the form of "encroaching on mental territory" i.e: challenging someone's preconceived notion of reality, it still draws the same behavior. Quick emotional reaction. It's an instinct in practically all animals, including us, have and comes from the body's state of distress.

So how can we avoid a situation like this (at least on the internet, particularly here on JoS)? Recognizing your body's impulse to attack is key. "Someone said something that is contrary to my own belief system? HOW DARE THEY! I must write how they are wrong and why I am right and do it in a condescending way to make me feel better!1!11" That's it. It's all about "feeling better". That emotional charge this person experienced needs to get it out of them because it is uncomfortable. It has put them in a "bad place" emotionally and the only way out (which most lacking maturity go to) would be to take it out on someone else. Basically they are wanting to "beat someone down" to make themselves feel better. It's misplaced aggression that will blind people into typing a flurry of words only then to regret it later and feeling even worse (or, they will have to keep "fighting" to protect their thin ego, but this is for skin-balloons). They allow their emotions to control them.

Here, on the spiritual path, we are taught to take responsibility for ourselves, including our emotions. Sure, maybe you are having a bad day and "slip up". We all do it and it is normal, but when that "slip up" becomes the norm, you are in need of some deep self reflection.

How can we avoid this, though? Very simple. We are blessed to have a forum setting where we can take the time to ponder a response before sending them. Another simple trick is to eat before typing or "sending" a post. Most of the time, when you are reading something you find "uncomfortable", your heart will race and your hands will start shaking. This is a bodily reaction to being attacked. The body is NOT okay. How do you make it okay? Give it food! "Body has food? There is no attack happening because we are eating? Body is okay, I am okay" and thus, you will calm down. Simple.

"Think before you act". Well, I hate to break it to some people but most human-beans do not operate on this level and they "react" instead. This cannot be helped unfortunately, only "tempered". As people act within their nature, we just gotta accept this will always be the case in public discussion and act accordingly ourselves. Sometimes these people will "bait" you into trying to get You to react With them. They want to Fight and they need the person they are targeting to fight Back. If you simply deny them of this by tempering your reply, not replying at all, or calling them out on their clear as day bullshit, then they will wither way and made to look like a fool. Will this happen every time? No, sometimes the best option is not to interact at all. You cannot be controlled (manipulated to react foolishly) if you do not ALLOW someone to get under your skin. It's all on you.

But, there is no point in trying to have a decent conversation with an indecent person acting indecently and with malice behind their words. Those are toxic people and I've seen some on here, that's all I will say on that front. If someone can identify a fool faster than another person, that first person should not be called "you're overreacting" (unless they are but most of the time people with high intuition can see right through other's words and call it out) Though, sometimes it takes others longer to figure out that one among them is a worm-filled skin-balloon. This also cannot be helped. Some people are faster than others, and this is where we get the "I told you so's". But I'm rambling here.

All in all, a quick, kneejerk reaction posting is all about the body's emotional state and when one can recognize when you enter into that state, by feeling your heart pound or your palms sweat or mind race, you can control your actions or inactions. Like OP said, there's wisdom in patience and self-control. Not everyone is capable of this on the same level but being aware and *trying* to gain a foothold on your emotions is going in the right direction for self-development.