I don't really want to tell my life story, because this is not reddit, and I am not a kid that needs an advice. However, I am just wondering if all the suffering I have been through was for a purpose.

So long story short, my mother is a borderline mentally ill monster who was abusing me, mostly verbally, but in a horrible way. Unfortunately, most people don't realize that, especially to a child, the damage left behind by verbal and emotional abuse can be just as bad, if not worse in some cases, than physical abuse, so my own family and the institutions didn't protect me at all. Also, we were living alone, so 99% of the time nobody was there to see it. The bitch was periodically, at least once a week, screaming at me as loud as she possibly can literally for hours. But because the abuse, even though it was horrible, was mostly verbal (and the few times when she physically abused me, it didn't left me visible injuries) nobody did anything about it. The emotional trauma has ruined my life... I can't comprehend how such horrible people can even exist. The epitome of a Psychic Vampire, a complete parasite in the fullest sense of the word.

As a result, this emotional trauma has turned me into a very introverted person, and the worst part of this is how it affected my love life. I don't want to talk about it, because it's pathetic, but it's basically close to nonexistent. However, I don't need an advice, it is already past. I'm an independent adult now, my mother is not a part of my life anymore. However the saddest thing is that the best years of my life, my teenage years and early 20s were wasted. I spent my youth like the stereotypical basement dweller. I missed all those beautiful little things - being careless, being truly free, and most importantly - teen love...

Why this has happened to me? Why I had to go through this? I pray to Satan that in my next lives I won't have to go to anything like this, my life is such a nightmare, and I have experienced so little joy during my life...

However, when I think about it, realistically I don't see how I could have ever found out about the Joy of Satan if I had a normal life. Normies are too busy doing normie things to ever care about big social issues, politics, let alone spirituality and the Gods. Only someone who has been through a lot and has seen the ugliness of the world can be so open minded. I don't see how someone who had it easy in life could become a Spiritual Satanist, and not the stereotypical normie NPC.

Is suffering necessary for enlightenment? Was it necessary for you personally?

So long story short, my mother is a borderline mentally ill monster who was abusing me, mostly verbally, but in a horrible way. Unfortunately, most people don't realize that, especially to a child, the damage left behind by verbal and emotional abuse can be just as bad, if not worse in some cases, than physical abuse, so my own family and the institutions didn't protect me at all. Also, we were living alone, so 99% of the time nobody was there to see it. The bitch was periodically, at least once a week, screaming at me as loud as she possibly can literally for hours. But because the abuse, even though it was horrible, was mostly verbal (and the few times when she physically abused me, it didn't left me visible injuries) nobody did anything about it. The emotional trauma has ruined my life... I can't comprehend how such horrible people can even exist. The epitome of a Psychic Vampire, a complete parasite in the fullest sense of the word

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What happened to you sounds really awful. These moments can leave psychological trauma for a long time. I feel sorry for you, but I'm sure you'll get over it. After all, you're not alone. Satan and the Gods are with you.

As a result, this emotional trauma has turned me into a very introverted person, and the worst part of this is how it affected my love life. I don't want to talk about it, because it's pathetic, but it's basically close to nonexistent. However, I don't need an advice, it is already past. I'm an independent adult now, my mother is not a part of my life anymore. However the saddest thing is that the best years of my life, my teenage years and early 20s were wasted. I spent my youth like the stereotypical basement dweller. I missed all those beautiful little things - being careless, being truly free, and most importantly - teen love...

Why this has happened to me? Why I had to go through this? I pray to Satan that in my next lives I won't have to go to anything like this, my life is such a nightmare, and I have experienced so little joy during my life...

However, when I think about it, realistically I don't see how I could have ever found out about the Joy of Satan if I had a normal life. Normies are too busy doing normie things to ever care about big social issues, politics, let alone spirituality and the Gods. Only someone who has been through a lot and has seen the ugliness of the world can be so open minded. I don't see how someone who had it easy in life could become a Spiritual Satanist, and not the stereotypical normie NPC.

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You should do a work for mental healing. Rune Wunjo ( VIN variation ) is very good for your case. After that you can do a soul clearing work. Besides these, focus on doing yoga and meditation in abundance.
About suffering, constructive suffering is necessary to reach your true potential, not the kind that literally destroys you emotionally. These two types of suffering are opposites. Be strong!

hail Satan brother.
I am so sorry for your past.
The worst and the most painful and hard in our lives, it is usually the past, childhood is the most important stage in our lives, because without a doubt it marks us for the rest of our lives, it is something that cannot be forgotten and transforms our present and future in great memories of sadness.
do not close in on yourself, do not try to forget but if you try to tell yourself "" this has already happened, now I am a new person with a happy future forward "", you just have to accept your life and move on, I know it is difficult, sadness will always be in a corner in your heart, but try to accept and move on.
I think that suffering is not necessary to reach Satan, those of us come to Him in any way, whatever it may be, I just think that you were born in a bad house, with very bad people ...
All of us who come from the kingdom of our beloved God tend to be sensitive and have a big heart, all of us who belong to Him are like that, sensitive and kind.
Talk to Satan every moment of your life, you don't have to pray, just talk to him like you do with anyone, Satan once told me
"" yes, I hear you "" "
He hears you, believe me.
Satan loves you so much, he loves us all his true children.
look for a job, try to make a friend, go out for a walk in the morning and at night, find a hobby, something you like, for example I go to abandoned houses and seek to meet different entities and energies, each time I do this, I am happy.
Another way is to connect with your own shadow, she can be your friend, your shadow is something alive, you just have to make it move, wake it up, it is something real.
then you have us, we are your family, I am your family, I support you and help you as much as I can.
Greetings my brother, I wish you happiness and tranquility.

Mahamrityunjaya666 said:

What happened to you sounds really awful. These moments can leave psychological trauma for a long time. I feel sorry for you, but I'm sure you'll get over it. After all, you're not alone. Satan and the Gods are with you.

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Thanks, as I said, I already get over it. The problem is that it took me too much time, and now I am in my mid 20s so my youth is gone, and I can't get it back, nor I can compensate for the tings in life that I missed... I guess I am just wondering why this has happened to me? It's like, it's not the traumas themselves that are bothering me nowadays, but the consequences they had on my life - all the good things in life that I missed and moments unlived...

You're speaking as if there was no cure for what you've been through. 90 days of Ansuz coupled with a good affirmation and you'll feel like a different person.

DiscipleOfSatan said:

Mahamrityunjaya666 said:

What happened to you sounds really awful. These moments can leave psychological trauma for a long time. I feel sorry for you, but I'm sure you'll get over it. After all, you're not alone. Satan and the Gods are with you.

Click to expand...

Thanks, as I said, I already get over it. The problem is that it took me too much time, and now I am in my mid 20s so my youth is gone, and I can't get it back, nor I can compensate for the tings in life that I missed... I guess I am just wondering why this has happened to me? It's like, it's not the traumas themselves that are bothering me nowadays, but the consequences they had on my life - all the good things in life that I missed and moments unlived...

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Try to look into the future and waste no time from the future now.

It is not absolutely necessary, but suffering and/or rather insane circumstances might be what facilitates awakening, and not the other way. It is almost 9 out of 10 cases. Those that dream in perpetual limbo do not "wake up".

There is also a lot of power that can only be tapped into from suffering and downfall, which is why these circumstances are often-times in the lives of many strong people and souls. Not saying it's necessary, but with these events, what is left as empowerment is all that matters.

What you miss now can be compensated emotionally by seizing the future, so don't worry. You aren't 65 years old. Just make sure to focus on building a life for the future. For this, it might be necessary to re-visit with healing and damage removal with issues stemming from the mother/feminine figure in life, if anything remains.

If not, go after life and start building. It will take a while but it's definitely doable.

DiscipleOfSatan said:

Mahamrityunjaya666 said:

What happened to you sounds really awful. These moments can leave psychological trauma for a long time. I feel sorry for you, but I'm sure you'll get over it. After all, you're not alone. Satan and the Gods are with you.

Click to expand...

Thanks, as I said, I already get over it. The problem is that it took me too much time, and now I am in my mid 20s so my youth is gone, and I can't get it back, nor I can compensate for the tings in life that I missed... I guess I am just wondering why this has happened to me? It's like, it's not the traumas themselves that are bothering me nowadays, but the consequences they had on my life - all the good things in life that I missed and moments unlived...

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I think you must not cry over time wasted because at your age you are still very young. I'm about double your age. And I don't feel old. So you stop thinking you're over the hill. At 25 you still have your youth.

I resonated fully with your situation. I have a same type of mother.

Very negative and draining. Psychic vampire. And also emotional abuse.

It's like we couldn't just talk. She had some emotional imbalance where she'd always fly into a rage and even physically attack me.

She always would say she loved me. And was always there for me in a material sense.

But I was lonely as a child. Very seperate and left on my own.

My mother fell pregnant while in school and had to drop out of school.

My dad couldn't take her attacks on him and left. So she struggled to hold it together on her own.

I remember always looking for food over and over again in the fridge and cupboards and there being none. And my mother telling me to drink water to fill up because water is filling.

And we would eat and there wouldn't be enough and she'd give me her food and watch while hungry herself.

She told me she hates me and I runined her life.

She'd dump all of her challanges on me as the male partner in her life. As the adult male partner but I was only like a six year old child.

It's very difficult because she always says she loves me and suffered to keep me. But I don't feel it. I don't like her fake attitude. Toxic psychic vampire is perfect victim you know.

I feel such revulsion to her. Although she kept me while working and in poverty she really hated me.

It would be a mental illness on my part to feel warmth towards someone that cannot support me emotionally. We cannot talk she just goes into rages. And quickly loses it physically attacking me. I always lived in fear of her attacks. It's totally ruined the relationship.

I feel bad because she's obviously a mental case. But then she's not hitting others in the street only me.

And although I have had girlfriends and a long marriage. I now find myself single and of the most strong loner introverts I think there are.

Yes this type of abuse really does damage a person possibly for life.

I cannot commit because when looking at older women I find they're single because they have their own issues.

Either they're damaged from previous relationships, annoying and non compatible or dominant control freaks.

Mate I'm happy you've managed to drop your mental case mother.

There is no relationship with mine just that she's always needing money and I've sent some times when she begged for money for things that happened.

It sucks when you're the only child and your evil christtard of a mother is still in poverty and has no one else to help her financially.

I'm always thinking I need to contact and get some mental support for counselling because I'm so revulsed by her. Totally jooish at the soul from xtianity and toxic negativity. And whatever other mental issues. But I feel with my responsibilities with my job and my spirituality I just don't have time. Also with the pandemic others may need help more than me with my mommy issues.

The very worst thing is that people ask about my parents in South Africa and cannot believe someone cannot love their mother.

I struggle with people because it's our problem and they don't understand.

It's a problem because I see her as a problem and I will have to pay to keep her in her old age.

I feel sick at the thought of talking to her, she can only moan and need money you see.

But as the only child to just cut her off and turn my back is very hard to do. But I feel I need to. I cannot get over it.

A person cannot have a long distance relationship and we wouldn't in the person. So it's over but I need counselling to have support that it's okay to abandon your mother because the relationship is so poor.

I also am well aware of all of the damage this has caused me.

We many be loner introvert types because of these things. But at least we hold ourselves together with our work, homes and looking after ourselves.

I once hit tock bottom and landed up homeless. I was on my own in the UK. With no friends or anyone to call on. When I called my mom she didn't have a concern. She couldn't even realise my life could have ended had the state not helped me.

But I had the 72 Names reversal folded up in my pocket and after reading them off Father Satan visited me without me even asking.

And the government helped me survive so I could get up again which I did.

So besides the hardship we are in a great place because of our spirituality and being with Father Satan.

Mate we had similar issues. Looks like you're also struggling if you keep rumenating over it. But if your mother is no longer in the picture and needing your support then you're ahead of me.

We may need proper help from a counselling service or something as it's something that sometimes troubles me as well. Really troubles me. And that its damaged my relations with women how. I could get a girlfriend if I really wanted but my priorities are work and spiritual warfare so I choose not to. But there is damage there.

Women were always saying I'm not a man. And a member here "Jack" once said in single parent homes. A woman cannot turn her boy into a man. Only a man can teach a boy to be a man.

Good luck my fellow disciple of Satan.