This is new...a new feeling

[firebird894]

After dedication and beginning power meditation daily, is it common or normal to 'feel' what you guys have been doing in group ritual? Even though not being involved yet... nowhere near ready to start taking on at that level in magic. I am trying to understand some changes in my mind over the past week, and a view of life and the world comming over me is it what you have all been doing? Is it me? The power meditations or is it from Satan himself... or a bit of all of the above? I have been working on my shield every night before sleep nothing has bothered me.

Tonight I suprised myself by lifting and moving our heavy farm gate with ease... when normally I struggle to even drag it... I feel a bit more 'alive' and 'aware' When I read about the rituals and work of all of you I get an up-lifting feeling, like a bit of weight lifting away not just from me but the world. I have also been feeling MUCH more creative. Also I have been doing the void meditation and see in my mind images, sometime moving pictures,sometimes I feel like I am moving in the pictures and lines of what I can only describe as criss crossing wires glowing blue and may feel a little 'power surge' here and there.

In regards to this feeling I have... it is like... the king in his castle is dead... and they are falling from the inside out... with the outer wall and troops still holding only by the millions of sheep slaves and loyal fools still holding up the castle walls... does this make sense to anyone? I am refering to the enemy here... it is just a way to describe the feeling. Could also describe them as an egg rotting from the inside out... shell still looks ok on the outside... some yoke might still be ok in there but crack it and its just rotten filth within...and once that rot starts... it is only a matter of time till the shell weakens and cracks.

I hope that makes sense... I tend to think and feel in pictures and might sound weird. I also have this sudden love of the colour gold... especially white gold always used to prefer silver..and I just want to read and read and study I have a craving for knowledge and catching up on things I have missed or not been interested in before.

 

[Lexa Osterreich]

That my friend, is being ALIVE for the first time in quite a bit
INCREDIBLE huh?! Ahhhh, & yeah your intuition and strength can/will/is definetly increasing! Keeeeep consistent with it! You sound like you're doing really good for beginning and the feeling is from you, Father Satan, ect. Goooood job bro;D/sis;D
This kinda stuff gets meh happy :'} and DONT stop that protection aura! One day even could bring on some bullshit!
Hail Satan!!! And the mighty pantheon of HELL
~alexaaaa
From: firebird894 <firebird894@...
To:
Sent: Thursday, February 9, 2012 4:34 AM
Subject: [HellsArmy666] This is new...a new feeling

After dedication and beginning power meditation daily, is it common or normal to 'feel' what you guys have been doing in group ritual? Even though not being involved yet... nowhere near ready to start taking on at that level in magic. I am trying to understand some changes in my mind over the past week, and a view of life and the world comming over me is it what you have all been doing? Is it me? The power meditations or is it from Satan himself... or a bit of all of the above? I have been working on my shield every night before sleep nothing has bothered me.

Tonight I suprised myself by lifting and moving our heavy farm gate with ease... when normally I struggle to even drag it... I feel a bit more 'alive' and 'aware' When I read about the rituals and work of all of you I get an up-lifting feeling, like a bit of weight lifting away not just from me but the world. I have also been feeling MUCH more creative. Also I have been doing the void meditation and see in my mind images, sometime moving pictures,sometimes I feel like I am moving in the pictures and lines of what I can only describe as criss crossing wires glowing blue and may feel a little 'power surge' here and there.

In regards to this feeling I have... it is like... the king in his castle is dead... and they are falling from the inside out... with the outer wall and troops still holding only by the millions of sheep slaves and loyal fools still holding up the castle walls... does this make sense to anyone? I am refering to the enemy here... it is just a way to describe the feeling. Could also describe them as an egg rotting from the inside out... shell still looks ok on the outside... some yoke might still be ok in there but crack it and its just rotten filth within...and once that rot starts... it is only a matter of time till the shell weakens and cracks.

I hope that makes sense... I tend to think and feel in pictures and might sound weird. I also have this sudden love of the colour gold... especially white gold always used to prefer silver..and I just want to read and read and study I have a craving for knowledge and catching up on things I have missed or not been interested in before.



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[firebird894]

It isn't all easy, I am comming more aware of what is going on in my own head... and discovered a voice of doubt, I made a seperate post about that, but after I posted that i went for a hot shower and realised it's the first time I have really been aware I even had a voice of doubt in there... I can almost pin point where it is... not so easy making it piss off though. I will keep doing what I am doing regardless but I feel it is holding me back. It is not a doubt in Satan it is a doubt about myself... like a nagging quiet whisper in my mind. I have had questions about certain topics... and then found answers, things like that, I thank satan for it, but anoying shitty doubt keeps popping in saying coincidence and making fun of me in a way best I can describe it. It is like a 'block' a wall thats there between me and 'more' its think but its a bastard to break through it. I think it is lifelong programming against my own worth and power that is still hanging around.

--- In , Lexa Osterreich <lexaosterreich@... wrote:

That my friend, is being ALIVE for the first time in quite a bit
INCREDIBLE huh?! Ahhhh, & yeah your intuition and strength can/will/is definetly increasing! Keeeeep consistent with it! You sound like you're doing really good for beginning and the feeling is from you, Father Satan, ect. Goooood job bro;D/sis;D
This kinda stuff gets meh happy :'} and DONT stop that protection aura! One day even could bring on some bullshit!
Hail Satan!!! And the mighty pantheon of HELL
~alexaaaa


________________________________
From: firebird894 <firebird894@...
To:
Sent: Thursday, February 9, 2012 4:34 AM
Subject: [HellsArmy666] This is new...a new feeling

After dedication and beginning power meditation daily, is it common or normal to 'feel' what you guys have been doing in group ritual? Even though not being involved yet... nowhere near ready to start taking on at that level in magic. I am trying to understand some changes in my mind over the past week, and a view of life and the world comming over me is it what you have all been doing? Is it me? The power meditations or is it from Satan himself... or a bit of all of the above? I have been working on my shield every night before sleep nothing has bothered me.

Tonight I suprised myself by lifting and moving our heavy farm gate with ease... when normally I struggle to even drag it... I feel a bit more 'alive' and 'aware' When I read about the rituals and work of all of you I get an up-lifting feeling, like a bit of weight lifting away not just from me but the world. I have also been feeling MUCH more creative. Also I have been doing the void meditation and see in my mind images, sometime moving pictures,sometimes I feel like I am moving in the pictures and lines of what I can only describe as criss crossing wires glowing blue and may feel a little 'power surge' here and there.

In regards to this feeling I have... it is like... the king in his castle is dead... and they are falling from the inside out... with the outer wall and troops still holding only by the millions of sheep slaves and loyal fools still holding up the castle walls... does this make sense to anyone? I am refering to the enemy here... it is just a way to describe the feeling. Could also describe them as an egg rotting from the inside out... shell still looks ok on the outside... some yoke might still be ok in there but crack it and its just rotten filth within...and once that rot starts... it is only a matter of time till the shell weakens and cracks.

I hope that makes sense... I tend to think and feel in pictures and might sound weird. I also have this sudden love of the colour gold... especially white gold always used to prefer silver..and I just want to read and read and study I have a craving for knowledge and catching up on things I have missed or not been interested in before.



------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links



    http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

 

[Mike1]

Exactly. That's what I believe as well.If You were indoctrinated as a child into the xtian or any other RHP religion (like me), then it makes perfect sense.Followers of those are programmed to be worthless, always depending on others and totally helpless. Hm... now that I think about it, it clearly shows where my low self esteem came from.I have answered to Your other post as well, seeing that You are having exactly the same problems as me... At least in this case.Yes, it is annoying and degrading, making Us doubt in Ourselves and Our efforts but I honestly believe, the only way to overcome is to simply ignore the doubts and this whole "voice" and just keep doing what we decided to do and to stick to it.Best of luck to You, Brother and don't ever give up.I believe one of Our HPs wrote a sermon about doubts and fighting Our own obstacles but for the life of me, I'm not 100% sure who it was. Vovim Baghie in his sermon about beginners struggle with mediation? I'm pretty sure I've seen a link to this one posted very recently. Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War! 
/Mike
From: firebird894 <firebird894@...
To:
Sent: Friday, February 10, 2012 7:28 AM
Subject: [HellsArmy666] Re: This is new...a new feeling

  It isn't all easy, I am comming more aware of what is going on in my own head... and discovered a voice of doubt, I made a seperate post about that, but after I posted that i went for a hot shower and realised it's the first time I have really been aware I even had a voice of doubt in there... I can almost pin point where it is... not so easy making it piss off though. I will keep doing what I am doing regardless but I feel it is holding me back. It is not a doubt in Satan it is a doubt about myself... like a nagging quiet whisper in my mind. I have had questions about certain topics... and then found answers, things like that, I thank satan for it, but anoying shitty doubt keeps popping in saying coincidence and making fun of me in a way best I can describe it. It is like a 'block' a wall thats there between me and 'more' its think but its a bastard to break through it. I think it is lifelong programming against my own worth and power that is still hanging around.

--- In , Lexa Osterreich <lexaosterreich@... wrote:

That my friend, is being ALIVE for the first time in quite a bit
INCREDIBLE huh?! Ahhhh, & yeah your intuition and strength can/will/is definetly increasing! Keeeeep consistent with it! You sound like you're doing really good for beginning and the feeling is from you, Father Satan, ect. Goooood job bro;D/sis;D
This kinda stuff gets meh happy :'} and DONT stop that protection aura! One day even could bring on some bullshit!
Hail Satan!!! And the mighty pantheon of HELL
~alexaaaa


________________________________
From: firebird894 <firebird894@...
To:
Sent: Thursday, February 9, 2012 4:34 AM
Subject: [HellsArmy666] This is new...a new feeling

After dedication and beginning power meditation daily, is it common or normal to 'feel' what you guys have been doing in group ritual? Even though not being involved yet... nowhere near ready to start taking on at that level in magic. I am trying to understand some changes in my mind over the past week, and a view of life and the world comming over me is it what you have all been doing? Is it me? The power meditations or is it from Satan himself... or a bit of all of the above? I have been working on my shield every night before sleep nothing has bothered me.

Tonight I suprised myself by lifting and moving our heavy farm gate with ease... when normally I struggle to even drag it... I feel a bit more 'alive' and 'aware' When I read about the rituals and work of all of you I get an up-lifting feeling, like a bit of weight lifting away not just from me but the world. I have also been feeling MUCH more creative. Also I have been doing the void meditation and see in my mind images, sometime moving pictures,sometimes I feel like I am moving in the pictures and lines of what I can only describe as criss crossing wires glowing blue and may feel a little 'power surge' here and there.

In regards to this feeling I have... it is like... the king in his castle is dead... and they are falling from the inside out... with the outer wall and troops still holding only by the millions of sheep slaves and loyal fools still holding up the castle walls... does this make sense to anyone? I am refering to the enemy here... it is just a way to describe the feeling. Could also describe them as an egg rotting from the inside out... shell still looks ok on the outside... some yoke might still be ok in there but crack it and its just rotten filth within...and once that rot starts... it is only a matter of time till the shell weakens and cracks.

I hope that makes sense... I tend to think and feel in pictures and might sound weird. I also have this sudden love of the colour gold... especially white gold always used to prefer silver..and I just want to read and read and study I have a craving for knowledge and catching up on things I have missed or not been interested in before.



------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links



    http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/

 

[firebird894]

Reading about it was one thing now the experience of it, at least so far none of that night terror crap I have heard about, only once or twice has that ever happened to me and I fought it off.

You are welcome to message me email if you ever want to chat, I do not know any other satanists at all and find it a bit lonely but this will only make me stronger! I have had a lot of struggles in my life much I have seen and done I don't want to talk about openly but I know what you mean about childhood and the crap they shove down your throat. I was the one in class who would argue with the teachers and get kicked out into the hall... I had a teacher who smacked kids with a hardcover childrens bible. I thought the Noahs ark story was stupid once I was old enough to question it and made some teachers angry. I did once stand in a burned out church (I didn't do it lol) but it was the church I went to sunday school, play group and later on youth group. It burned down in the late 80's - 90's

I was a kid and still remember the smell of the burned out place and the ashes and heat and the giant cross bent sideways. They re built it it looked like an ugly office building inside. Greenish coloured carpets it is a memory I had forgoten. Then I read about the 90's church burnings it brought it all back. I turned from xianity IN THAT CHURCH years later, I discovered heavy metal music from some other teenagers but they ended up scared of the lyrics and music but I embraced it and that was when I left Jesus behind. It is like a bad smell though it seems to follow you even when you don't want it. I did not believe their BS anymore but the brainwashing at a deeper level had messed with me in ways I didn't even realise. Till now.

--- In , Mike <misza2@... wrote:

Exactly. That's what I believe as well.
If You were indoctrinated as a child into the xtian or any other RHP religion (like me), then it makes perfect sense.
Followers of those are programmed to be worthless, always depending on others and totally helpless. Hm... now that I think about it, it clearly shows where my low self esteem came from.
I have answered to Your other post as well, seeing that You are having exactly the same problems as me... At least in this case.
Yes, it is annoying and degrading, making Us doubt in Ourselves and Our efforts but I honestly believe, the only way to overcome is to simply ignore the doubts and this whole "voice" and just keep doing what we decided to do and to stick to it.
Best of luck to You, Brother and don't ever give up.
I believe one of Our HPs wrote a sermon about doubts and fighting Our own obstacles but for the life of me, I'm not 100% sure who it was. Vovim Baghie in his sermon about beginners struggle with mediation? I'm pretty sure I've seen a link to this one posted very recently.
 
Hail Satan and all the true Gods!
Hail Gods of War! 
/Mike


________________________________
From: firebird894 <firebird894@...
To:
Sent: Friday, February 10, 2012 7:28 AM
Subject: [HellsArmy666] Re: This is new...a new feeling


 
It isn't all easy, I am comming more aware of what is going on in my own head... and discovered a voice of doubt, I made a seperate post about that, but after I posted that i went for a hot shower and realised it's the first time I have really been aware I even had a voice of doubt in there... I can almost pin point where it is... not so easy making it piss off though. I will keep doing what I am doing regardless but I feel it is holding me back. It is not a doubt in Satan it is a doubt about myself... like a nagging quiet whisper in my mind. I have had questions about certain topics... and then found answers, things like that, I thank satan for it, but anoying shitty doubt keeps popping in saying coincidence and making fun of me in a way best I can describe it. It is like a 'block' a wall thats there between me and 'more' its think but its a bastard to break through it. I think it is lifelong programming against my own worth and power that is still
hanging around.

--- In , Lexa Osterreich <lexaosterreich@ wrote:

That my friend, is being ALIVE for the first time in quite a bit
INCREDIBLE huh?! Ahhhh, & yeah your intuition and strength can/will/is definetly increasing! Keeeeep consistent with it! You sound like you're doing really good for beginning and the feeling is from you, Father Satan, ect. Goooood job bro;D/sis;D
This kinda stuff gets meh happy :'} and DONT stop that protection aura! One day even could bring on some bullshit!
Hail Satan!!! And the mighty pantheon of HELL
~alexaaaa


________________________________
From: firebird894 <firebird894@
To:
Sent: Thursday, February 9, 2012 4:34 AM
Subject: [HellsArmy666] This is new...a new feeling

After dedication and beginning power meditation daily, is it common or normal to 'feel' what you guys have been doing in group ritual? Even though not being involved yet... nowhere near ready to start taking on at that level in magic. I am trying to understand some changes in my mind over the past week, and a view of life and the world comming over me is it what you have all been doing? Is it me? The power meditations or is it from Satan himself... or a bit of all of the above? I have been working on my shield every night before sleep nothing has bothered me.

Tonight I suprised myself by lifting and moving our heavy farm gate with ease... when normally I struggle to even drag it... I feel a bit more 'alive' and 'aware' When I read about the rituals and work of all of you I get an up-lifting feeling, like a bit of weight lifting away not just from me but the world. I have also been feeling MUCH more creative. Also I have been doing the void meditation and see in my mind images, sometime moving pictures,sometimes I feel like I am moving in the pictures and lines of what I can only describe as criss crossing wires glowing blue and may feel a little 'power surge' here and there.

In regards to this feeling I have... it is like... the king in his castle is dead... and they are falling from the inside out... with the outer wall and troops still holding only by the millions of sheep slaves and loyal fools still holding up the castle walls... does this make sense to anyone? I am refering to the enemy here... it is just a way to describe the feeling. Could also describe them as an egg rotting from the inside out... shell still looks ok on the outside... some yoke might still be ok in there but crack it and its just rotten filth within...and once that rot starts... it is only a matter of time till the shell weakens and cracks.

I hope that makes sense... I tend to think and feel in pictures and might sound weird. I also have this sudden love of the colour gold... especially white gold always used to prefer silver..and I just want to read and read and study I have a craving for knowledge and catching up on things I have missed or not been interested in before.



------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links



    http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/