This is making me insane.

[Engineered Trasformation]

So right now I’m still learning to deal with all of this, and the loneliness hurts, plus everything is so complicated I can’t explain it all in a couple of threads.

What you say leads me to think, it is a sort of process happening, like something is coming to the surface from your subconscious. Have you been alone as a child?
I experienced something similar that culminated in hidden feelings that emerged, and slowly and with a bit of pain, resolved.

 

[sublimesatanist]

...

I totally get it - different lifestyles, world views, values and thus through these expectations result. My closest friend had a couple of divorces because of these things.

It takes in both patience and control over emotions to talk things out and it takes a willingness to admit fault and to allow one's self to seek change.

Perfection seems a destination to most all in our world but instead it should be seen as a never ending goal. This former idea often is why people project their beliefs and opinions to others rather than taking a bottom-up approach of starting from emotion/feeling and building up to logic. People feel triggered by facts and logic often because the things are built by-and-of emotional experience.

My advice is try making friends within an activity you enjoy and go from there. Keep meditating and also keep looking to the good. You have an exceptional mind simply by being here with us and your body no doubt is functioning where you can have these feelings and experiences.

It's not easy but I think it would help to always focus on the positive from the negative, have some more pride and confidently build towards your goal one day at a time. Emotions are powerful and you must seek for yourself to control them rather than let them take over your logic.

I wish you all the best and may the Gods be with you.