The Dark Side of Race Mixing: Identity Crisis

[Kavya Shukra]

Race Mixing is discouraged because of many reasons, but one of the worst things to experience, is confusion of who you are. Pure bloods can easily identify themselves because there's no doubt, and able to feel a sense of belonging with their own kind. People who are mixed tend to feel this tug of war of sorts and say, which side do I belong? Do I feel more comfortable here or there? Yet both make a part of me. But I want to stay in one place, i don't want to split myself into pieces.

This is my personal mental turmoil, especially finding out I have many races inside of me, from French, Mayan, Navajo, Aztec, and who knows what else, and this is just the immediate family and grandparents. Even though Im Mexican and everything, I sometimes feel out of place, especially the darker skinned indigenous. I grew up Catholic, I was light skinned as a kid before I started working in the sun and got darker. Growing up for the most part alone and away from my homeland feels dehumanizing, and sometimes I ask myself who am I? My head hurts just thinking about it. And sometimes it brings me anxiety and wondering if I'm gonna be okay. Ever since I joined Joy of Satan, I wanted to connect to my roots more and learn more and more to quench the evergrowing thirst for knowledge and connection. I'm constantly learning and reading and finding out things I never thought possible. And compared to the opportunity my parents or even my siblings had, I consider myself lucky, especially considering I am lucky to even find my way here. And I personally believe by the second that it is the gods way of showing their care not just for me, but everyone around me. And even writing this, it makes me emotional, especially considering after many suicidal ideations and personal tragedies. And what breaks my heart even more, is knowing I'm not the only one who may feel this way, and I'm lucky, and sometimes afraid to take things for granted. And there's much more to say, and it will take a long time to say everything I feel into articulating it in the best way I know how, but I'll leave it at that.

 

[CaspianTheDreamer]

Race Mixing is discouraged because of many reasons, but one of the worst things to experience, is confusion of who you are. Pure bloods can easily identify themselves because there's no doubt, and able to feel a sense of belonging with their own kind. People who are mixed tend to feel this tug of war of sorts and say, which side do I belong? Do I feel more comfortable here or there? Yet both make a part of me. But I want to stay in one place, i don't want to split myself into pieces.

This is my personal mental turmoil, especially finding out I have many races inside of me, from French, Mayan, Navajo, Aztec, and who knows what else, and this is just the immediate family and grandparents. Even though Im Mexican and everything, I sometimes feel out of place, especially the darker skinned indigenous. I grew up Catholic, I was light skinned as a kid before I started working in the sun and got darker. Growing up for the most part alone and away from my homeland feels dehumanizing, and sometimes I ask myself who am I? My head hurts just thinking about it. And sometimes it brings me anxiety and wondering if I'm gonna be okay. Ever since I joined Joy of Satan, I wanted to connect to my roots more and learn more and more to quench the evergrowing thirst for knowledge and connection. I'm constantly learning and reading and finding out things I never thought possible. And compared to the opportunity my parents or even my siblings had, I consider myself lucky, especially considering I am lucky to even find my way here. And I personally believe by the second that it is the gods way of showing their care not just for me, but everyone around me. And even writing this, it makes me emotional, especially considering after many suicidal ideations and personal tragedies. And what breaks my heart even more, is knowing I'm not the only one who may feel this way, and I'm lucky, and sometimes afraid to take things for granted. And there's much more to say, and it will take a long time to say everything I feel into articulating it in the best way I know how, but I'll leave it at that.

i myself live in a country which is literally next to fucking israel and i feel you. though i believe i have it a tiny little bit worse because most of our country's people have extremely jewish traits.... either way, know that we are here for you and you should ALWAYS confide in the gods and in your true comrades and allies. dont worry. we will push through and you will in time regain your own pride, who knows, maybe we will find a solution for this as well in a literal sense. but either way dont worry we are all here for you. Pro tip: talk to satan and his demons often, it will make your day better a lot.