ChaosBringer666 said:
Oh and I say this lightly are you sure you know what you want (monogamy/polygamy)? I mean it kinda surprises me you don’t have a succubus, unless you aren’t sure or aren’t sensitive enough to energy / clairaudience
Meaning my problem is >>pSyChOlOgIcAl<<!?!?!?!? ........ well, you're right.
I've been asking that myself quite a few times lately, over the past few months/one year perhaps, and I realized that this "blockage" that won't make me feel energy, that makes me complain about being isolated from energy, not being able to hear or see our Gods.. is actually a mental blockage, and that I should stop blaming whatever external source or previous negative experiences with energy that may have blocked my progress.
To be completely honest, the best chances of success (when I had astral experiences with relative ease compared to years of radio silence) I had the first few times/first time I did something new and believed in it. Or even if I didn't believe in it much yet, something for which I had higher hopes and 'knew' something could chance. When I started vibrating the words in the Ritual I 'felt' Satan, and saw a Goddess I still can't identify, who looked like a female version of Zeus, white toga, blonde and golden electric energy, and strength. Another time, I felt the postumes of a particularly convinced Ritual for hours.
What does all this tell me?
I understood that every time I don't feel something I could feel in other circumstances it was very probably my entire fault. I wasn't open enough, convinced enough, or didn't trust enough the Gods and Father Satan, not creating that bridge of trust and willpower that definitely facilitates exchange and communication.
I have read the "Nama Sivaya" post the other day and immediately decided to try it, before even finishing reading the post. It felt 'more advanced', very probably because I really had a good feeling about it so I believed it would work SOMEhow, and I managed to start seeing fragments of visions while doing it, even felt the energetical connection between the Crown chakra and Third eye (as it was supposed to link them).
Other times, when I repeated the same exercises/meditations/mantras that gave me an astral experience before, I would feel nothing or little if I was lucky. Why? Because I was accostomed to the idea that the meditation or mantra would always work, regardless of my mental state.
So, the problem is definitely psychological.
Kinda surprised me that you said "I mean it kinda surprises me you don’t have a succubus, unless you aren’t sure or aren’t sensitive enough to energy", cuz you're right about both. I THOUGHT it was because I'm not sensitive enough to energy, but it is true too that I am not sure enough/convinced/don't believe I can have one/other reasons or fears.
And part of this counterproductive thinking definitely comes from the fact that I saw a Goddess that looked very much like Leraje (whether it was Her and Goetic lovers are a possibility, or She was my succubus and I didn't think I'd deserve Her) and believed I was being too "delusional" or mistaken or undeserving anyway.
Basically, I cockblocked myself, no? XD
So, that requires fixing.
As for the monogamy/polygamy, I've always believed I wouldn't go for anything that wasn't the strongest monogamous relationship, and this has created all kinds of disappointments with human women, since they later may change their mind, feelings, whatever, and pull out of the relationship, ending it.
What I want from a Succubus, and the main reason monogamy with one has been set in stone for me since I read the webpage from HP Pythia the very first time, is knowing I can trust her completely with my heart and all that comes with a relationship of the Soul, knowing it will not fade away after my physical death and reincarnation. That she will still be there and I'll find her again and again, until I no longer need dying and we won't part ever again.
.....Which leads me to the next thought: knowing myself, this isn't the first time I'd think of this possibility.. so it's probable that I've made a commitment to a Goddess in a previous life.
If I did, how do I know for sure? And how do I find her again? And if I did perform a new ritual, will the same Goddess come to me (I believe so, that She would be waiting for me to understand and call Her again)?
Lots of fixing required... fuck those damn Poos keeping me away from my wife, I'll make them pay for that too.
HAIL SATAN AND ALL THE Gods of Elysium!!!!