Hey everybody,
Recently, I have been addressing some subconscious thorns in my side. I have been holding in a lot of pain and anger within myself for years, and I released an enormous amount of it today. Sadly, it was directed at our Lord Satan. I had grown impatient and over-expecting and altogether selfish. But I have come to realize that it was merely frustration with myself, with my situation, and that I really had no idea who I was. We all have tormented nights of the soul, and, especially for Satanists (given the criticism, the hatred essentially all other groups, religious or otherwise, feel toward us) it can sometimes be difficult to remember why we sought Lord Satan in the first place. Personally, it was my own weakness that led me on self destructive habits, and I ultimately blamed it on others, because that is our initial response: there is nothing wrong with me, it's the world.
There is much wrong with the world, and honestly, my generation feels rather overburdened with everything it must contend with, on top of destruction of Earth's resources, increased economic pressure, the stresses it places on individual relationships, and even the relationships to our gods.
That is why, propose, we share how and why (unless it is too personal or you feel for some reason it is otherwise inappropriate or uncomfortable for you to do so) you sought out Lord Satan.
Looking back, mine began years before I understood Lord Satan to be a real entity, back when my imagination frequently got the better of me, and I was bound and determined to be the grandest magician of them all. I was going to redefine the world as we knew it, because there was no mystery left in the world, and all I saw was misery, complacency, and it sickened me.
As my life progressed, I became more and more intolerant to life, and I sought a greater path, but I didn't know where to start. Long story short, this pressure to tread a path I didn't know where to find let alone start on gave me what I first viewed as psychosis, which I thought then led to madness, and I tried several times to kill myself.
After several times it miraculously didn't succeed (literally, doctors in the psycho ward told me when I was brought in I should have died several times, from OD'ing if nothing else, even though they never even had to pump my stomach) I was released. During this time and slightly before I had been seeking something to dedicate myself to, something that would give me meaning, and dictate the course of my life because I was not strong enough to set a course for myself.
That is when I reached out to, whom I presume to be, God.
And, just to affirm what you already know, he's a prick.
For those of you who have had psychic connections before know the strange sensation of contact and discussion in such a fashion; it is rather difficult to describe, as at first it seems similar to talking to yourself as the words almost melt into your consciousness.
Anyways, I thought my journey would have ended when I had found someone to serve, but whoever it was was startled, I think scared, and proceeded to blow me off.
After I recovered from that rejection, I mustered up the determination to try again, with anyone who was willing to take a depressed, angry, lost, broken soul like me in. Which is when I found Satan, even though I didn't know it at first.
It took some time to nurture me to trust again, at least enough to know that I wanted to serve him with every living breath I take.
It is hard to describe the hope you feel when you finally realize something as simple as another being letting you rest in the sanctuary of their wings, after so much self torment and introspection.
He may not be able to snap his fingers and make everything in your life ok, or even grant a single wish... But in some way he loves us, and he is the only father I have truly known, and although sometimes I act like a petulant child, I think he understands. I don't know if he will always forgive me, and I'm not sure I would want him to. But I believe in him, and even if my fate is just to be a bus boy in a shitty diner in hell, I am going to have fun with it, and I am glad for the opportunity to serve my Lord in any way I can. Clean dishes are very important. I apologize for the insincerity of this message. This has all been very recent, and it is still a little too raw to translate, but I hope you understand in some way. Also sorry for taking up so much freaking time!
Look forward to hearing from your stories.
David
Recently, I have been addressing some subconscious thorns in my side. I have been holding in a lot of pain and anger within myself for years, and I released an enormous amount of it today. Sadly, it was directed at our Lord Satan. I had grown impatient and over-expecting and altogether selfish. But I have come to realize that it was merely frustration with myself, with my situation, and that I really had no idea who I was. We all have tormented nights of the soul, and, especially for Satanists (given the criticism, the hatred essentially all other groups, religious or otherwise, feel toward us) it can sometimes be difficult to remember why we sought Lord Satan in the first place. Personally, it was my own weakness that led me on self destructive habits, and I ultimately blamed it on others, because that is our initial response: there is nothing wrong with me, it's the world.
There is much wrong with the world, and honestly, my generation feels rather overburdened with everything it must contend with, on top of destruction of Earth's resources, increased economic pressure, the stresses it places on individual relationships, and even the relationships to our gods.
That is why, propose, we share how and why (unless it is too personal or you feel for some reason it is otherwise inappropriate or uncomfortable for you to do so) you sought out Lord Satan.
Looking back, mine began years before I understood Lord Satan to be a real entity, back when my imagination frequently got the better of me, and I was bound and determined to be the grandest magician of them all. I was going to redefine the world as we knew it, because there was no mystery left in the world, and all I saw was misery, complacency, and it sickened me.
As my life progressed, I became more and more intolerant to life, and I sought a greater path, but I didn't know where to start. Long story short, this pressure to tread a path I didn't know where to find let alone start on gave me what I first viewed as psychosis, which I thought then led to madness, and I tried several times to kill myself.
After several times it miraculously didn't succeed (literally, doctors in the psycho ward told me when I was brought in I should have died several times, from OD'ing if nothing else, even though they never even had to pump my stomach) I was released. During this time and slightly before I had been seeking something to dedicate myself to, something that would give me meaning, and dictate the course of my life because I was not strong enough to set a course for myself.
That is when I reached out to, whom I presume to be, God.
And, just to affirm what you already know, he's a prick.
For those of you who have had psychic connections before know the strange sensation of contact and discussion in such a fashion; it is rather difficult to describe, as at first it seems similar to talking to yourself as the words almost melt into your consciousness.
Anyways, I thought my journey would have ended when I had found someone to serve, but whoever it was was startled, I think scared, and proceeded to blow me off.
After I recovered from that rejection, I mustered up the determination to try again, with anyone who was willing to take a depressed, angry, lost, broken soul like me in. Which is when I found Satan, even though I didn't know it at first.
It took some time to nurture me to trust again, at least enough to know that I wanted to serve him with every living breath I take.
It is hard to describe the hope you feel when you finally realize something as simple as another being letting you rest in the sanctuary of their wings, after so much self torment and introspection.
He may not be able to snap his fingers and make everything in your life ok, or even grant a single wish... But in some way he loves us, and he is the only father I have truly known, and although sometimes I act like a petulant child, I think he understands. I don't know if he will always forgive me, and I'm not sure I would want him to. But I believe in him, and even if my fate is just to be a bus boy in a shitty diner in hell, I am going to have fun with it, and I am glad for the opportunity to serve my Lord in any way I can. Clean dishes are very important. I apologize for the insincerity of this message. This has all been very recent, and it is still a little too raw to translate, but I hope you understand in some way. Also sorry for taking up so much freaking time!
Look forward to hearing from your stories.
David
