Regarding Elements ( questioning my experience)

I might be wrong but I feel you're kind of trying too hard.

Just to keep you posted, Brother. I felt the need to ditch nicotine from my system. Like totally cold turkey, no tapering of any kind. I've been on this substance since like forever. There have been some off periods but mostly I've been on it. I've done cigarettes, cigarillos, pipe, vape and now finally tobacco free nicotine pads. I've tried tapering before and it just doesn't work for me. For me it's either "that's it" or "continue as usual". The decision to quit has to be rock-solid. Otherwise it just falls apart.
Dealing with the withdrawal symptoms, I actually get the whole picture of how nasty this naturally occurring insecticide can be. For example, chronic low-dose nicotine exposure induces oxidative damage of reproductive organs and alters the sperm characteristics (tested on adolescent male rats). Depression of central nervous system, I even won't go there.
I just finished my morning meditations. It's day 3 of cessation now. My perception of time is still f00ked, one minute in the real world seems like 20 minutes to my brain. Focusing is harder and I'm also sleepy. I don't feel anything bad or dooming. It's just funny to observe and feel my own body adapt. I actually feel good because it's gonna be better and more free than before.
Hope everything is OK with you on the other side.

Another award-winning hiatus in our correspondence. There is some serious shit going on in my life. Unfortunately I can't report anything because I can't confirm anything.

Phew... aren't you sick of hearing me talking about Fire yet?

Actually, no. Reading your message, I tried to remember my feelings about Fire. Fire feels like... hot and quick and a loose cannon. I felt that, in order to play with large amounts of Fire, I must find a way to properly ground myself. Otherwise I'd just give in to whatever frenzy I feel.

I hope you discovered the small message I posted right before you answered. This is my third week off nicotine but some symptoms still linger. The time still seems way slow. Thinking/dreaming about something feels like 10 or 15 minutes but only 2 minutes have lapsed in the real world. Also, I can go from all smiley and mellow to ballistic in ½ seconds (hyperirritability). This last symptom is slowly fading away. Luckily I do not crave the substance.

In this world it's 'illegal' to carry around most weapons, but SOME weapons merely consist of everyday objects.

You can stab someone to death with a fucking pencil. You are limited only by your imagination. And meteor hammer? I have a bunch of keys attached to a sturdy chain. While the keys aren't heavy enough, one can still use them to hit the face of the attacker/enemy.

Fuck, am I crazier today or what? XD
Anyway, I hope this madness will show you some light. I do feel that you're going through a lot of confusion and need to find some kind of anchor to hold on to, but maybe you can't see it yet because you have somehow decided it's not there.

I am seriously confused. I'm not kidding. I feel lost.
The anxiety/being tense that I used to torture myself with for some years is gone now. Too bad I don't see clearly the extent of shit in my personal attic, so-to-speak. I mean fear, negativity and all the other "good" things one collects when life happens.
At the moment I doubt and question everything I do. I don't feel like being on MY path and feeling proud/happy/purposeful.
Yet I somehow manage to be patient, do the personal rituals and our warfare. I also try to maintain a "wait-and-see" attitude which, I hope, is on the positive side of the scale.
I had a dream some nights ago where something happened. It wasn't exactly clear but had something to do with my Solar Chakra and it was something I had been waiting for. It may be the ability to communicate with our Gods since I find myself longing for it. For quite some time now I feel that I get nothing from normal human interaction (outside ToZ, I mean). It is more of a nuisance for me.

Had a lot of work today, gotta hit the sack.
I'm looking forward to your long posts. Keep 'em coming, dear Brother.

Another award-winning hiatus in our correspondence. There is some serious shit going on in my life. Unfortunately I can't report anything because I can't confirm anything.

This Forum is our Family, Brother, and this thread has become our little hiatus releasing pub. :P Feel free to talk about anything here. I know how stressful life can get. No need to hold it in.

Personally, I am just now able to release some of it. For like one week I could barely rest at night for the stress. I have just finished a course (hopefully I'll find some small jobs as an excavator operator soon, to grow my experience) and even if it's something I've been wanting for a while now I felt constantly pressed and unable to vent. Three days prior to the course start (some 30km away from where I live) my car broke down in the middle of a crossing, basically the tensioner pushed the belt over the wheel and it consumed the belt while driving.. this could have resulted in an accident but it didn't. I DID feel I was being closely watched by Leraje. I have not doubt She's my Guardian now. When machines fuck up, I know there's a reason or I feel something.
The day before this happened, I drove back home from a quick trip and as I locked the car I FELT something was wrong. I had the strong impression that something would have happened the next time I used it, some damage of some kind. The next day I had to call for road service. They just changed the belt on the spot and I drove to my mechanic to find out that the tensioner they installed was somehow faulty and leaning on one side, but it didn't put me at ease about driving it to the course for the next 3 days in a row. IF the car would have stopped and I would have missed as much as one minute of the course I would have been kicked out with no refund, so I was not really happy about driving it in these conditions, knowing I could lose the money I spent entirely, with not even partial refund.

So I organize Uber. Never did it before and I hate taxi service as they made my family wait for hours before so I was skeptical. Turns out they are very reliable and cheap. Happy with that (and a quick two ways trip to the shops to familiarize with it all) I go to the course the first day with it. Got there on time, was surprised to be able to use the excavator on the first day, then called for transportation after the end of the first day. Troubles with the payment, the fucking thing won't recognize my card anymore. I haven't solved the problem to this day.

The rest of the days I had to risk it and drove my car to the course... 100km after and 3 massive Ritual + Tetra while driving I know Leraje made me aware of the engine problem BEFORE I would lose the course money entirely, so I managed to organize myself differently and fix the little that allowed me to get there safely.

I know you read her description before and felt She and I didn't match or something, but now I know for sure. I have been asking for some "CLEAR, IMPOSSIBLE TO MISS SIGNS" to confirm She's my Guardian and that same day that the belt broke, I also had other 5 very clear and quite impossible to miss signs. 6 signs in one day, 6 letters in her name (written the way I do, "Leraje" without the "i").

My doubts are totally gone and I also have a very good insight on what I must to next in order to follow my own development and maximize it.

(Had a 7th sign last night in a dream that couldn't have been more clear. I know She told Brother GitM that She's busy "most of the time" but I feel She's really made time just for me. Got tears, dude. Our Gods and Goddesses are so amazing.)

Reading your message, I tried to remember my feelings about Fire. Fire feels like... hot and quick and a loose cannon. I felt that, in order to play with large amounts of Fire, I must find a way to properly ground myself. Otherwise I'd just give in to whatever frenzy I feel.

Right before these days, I was again falling for the "Fire trap". Pyrokinesis sounds like an obvious answer when you're dealing with people that would be better off dead, but it's too easy to ignite yourself and lose energy when you forget to Balance yourself and do what feels more natural. I don't think EVERYONE is really cut out for Pyrokinetics. The Gods themselves are a clear example, just look at their offices and compare them. Some feel like they couldn't be more different to each other. You know yourself better than anyone else around you, except the Gods. From what I've seen in my own experience, you and your Guardian will share more than a few things and interests. Things you've done in magick that really define who you are, things you find easier, the Element you're mostly at ease with (not necessarily your dominant one) will indicate who among our Gods and Goddesses you're more likely to learn from the most/fastest/better and what will prompt you to advance spiritually starting from where you are at the moment.

Looking at the way you've described your experience with Fire, I don't think you should stick with it right now. I'm not saying you shouldn't be working with it in the future, but as it seems it's creating more imbalance and confusing and lashing out than not, it's probably best if you follow another Element for now, OR do something unrelated to Elemental magick until you feel the need to come back to it.
Insisting on a path that may attract you but doesn't seem to make you any better than yesterday is probably going to end up being counter productive.

Also, I can go from all smiley and mellow to ballistic in ½ seconds (hyperirritability). This last symptom is slowly fading away. Luckily I do not crave the substance.

Good to know, Brother, that shit isn't making you any better at all, the quicker you get rid of it in life and the better you can advance in any direction you take, spirituality or otherwise. The fact that your body doesn't crave it is a good sign already. If it does come back, try to condition yourself to do something productive instead of thinking about that, like a quick Ritual (maybe even just a 3 repetitions (3x each letter, 3x each affirmation, even the Tetra part instead of 10) one that takes like 5 minutes.

I started doing the 10x affirmations but it quickly made me lose concentration. I tried 3x (like the affirmations for the Ritual) and feel I can keep focused and strong minded. Also, something Sister GD. said lately made me feel less guilty for doing less affirmations, because I know that if I direct more power to 3x than I can give to 10x, doing 3 repetitions in the end has MORE power and the ritual is stronger and more easily manifests.

(PS. Funny thing, two of our Family that I find it easier to talk to are both from the same country. :P Maybe I should move there once all of this bullshit is over.)

You can stab someone to death with a fucking pencil. You are limited only by your imagination. And meteor hammer? I have a bunch of keys attached to a sturdy chain. While the keys aren't heavy enough, one can still use them to hit the face of the attacker/enemy.

I know, "Mr. John Wick". XD Pencils (hard 10H type) are certainly a favorite of mine, but stabbing is easily deadly and I prefer to keep a low profile and don't have to explain myself to the police. Even better, perhaps... I've been checking (don't remember if I told you that in the last post) other ways that are 'safer' (meaning your don't necessarily kill anyone and do time because of some fucker) and one way really "catches the eye" (upcoming pun lol): basically, you can legally use a powerful LED torch to blind someone for a moment and then bury your fist in their gut, resulting in a quick way to end a fight with no blood spill and giving you plenty of time to follow up with a painful neutralizing grapple/Qinna that sees you as the winner.
This is probably an unconventional method, but honestly.. who gives a fuck today? If someone attacks you they should be ready to fight to the death, with all the uncomfortable consequences that this comes with. Ninjutsu, Bartitsu (modern Sherlock Holmes movies will show you that too, you throw something shiny like a tissue at the face of the opponent to distract them and quickly follow up with another attack), it's all good when it comes to survival. Fuck the attacker, and don't get legally prosecuted because an idiot had a fit of rage and you were there.

That, or do rituals to avoid getting into fights. :P You seem good with this kind of thing, I have to explore this more.

I am seriously confused. I'm not kidding. I feel lost.
....
Yet I somehow manage to be patient, do the personal rituals and our warfare. I also try to maintain a "wait-and-see" attitude which, I hope, is on the positive side of the scale.
....
It may be the ability to communicate with our Gods since I find myself longing for it. For quite some time now I feel that I get nothing from normal human interaction (outside ToZ, I mean). It is more of a nuisance for me.

I've been feeling like that for a while now, don't stress it too much. If you feel like you don't know what steps to make, either just be 'idle' in a "wait-and-see" kind of thinking, doing Spiritual Warfare and just listening to what you perceive, or try to do something you know you've been postponing and looking forward to. This may be something like a meditation, a hobby that makes you relax (even just fixing engines if that's your thing), or anything that you feel will give you an edge over yourself as a whole. I'll suggest chanting Runes here, as the rest of the time I was in the car after the long Ritual+Tetra I took my time with, I have experimented with chanting single sounds like (like V-V-V-V or TH-TH-TH-TH) at different volume and pitches and pay attention to where in your Soul this sound vibrates the most. For example, I find that a higher pitched V-V-V-V will stimulate my third eye, and a B-B-B-B (that sounds like P-P-P-P kind of) will make the back and sides of my head feel enveloped with energy and vibrant, possibly helping the astral hearing chakras open more. (Last night I had a much better dream than I use to have and it was also good to decipher it, knowing it's pushing me to abandon the thoughts and fantasies that I know to limit myself, but embracing that part of me that empowers myself instead.

Hope that inspired you, Brother. Long posts are almost always guaranteed from me lol. Take care!

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Feel free to talk about anything here. I know how stressful life can get. No need to hold it in.

You are right but I see no point in sharing my random delusions that are over within hours. For some reason, during the last three days, I've seen the word "Saturn" for too many times. Also, my days are packed with material tasks that can be neither canceled nor postponed. Regardless of it all, my temper seems to be more stable than ever before and the ballistic properties appear gone. My perception of time is still off (a 35-minute combined Ritual ritual feels like a long mental journey lasting hours, lol).
Two days ago I had to physically push something with my feet. The movement resembled a seated leg press on a gym machine but I couldn't support my ass to do it. I heard something pop inside me left from the spine and felt pain. Well, all I can conclude is that this is a muscle tear. I can walk and work but movement is limited because it can be painful and also the sleep is shallow. I'm thinking here, what the fuck did I need that for. I was maybe using 40% of my force.

Had to pause my tasks and take a drive today. Running errands in the city, thinking my thoughts, feeling clueless about the current situation and I just felt that I had to look into the rear view mirror to see a '666' license plate appear behind me. Nice "coincidence", right?

Personally, I am just now able to release some of it. For like one week I could barely rest at night for the stress. I have just finished a course (hopefully I'll find some small jobs as an excavator operator soon, to grow my experience) and even if it's something I've been wanting for a while now I felt constantly pressed and unable to vent.

This is some serious shit. I'm happy for you. I don't get it, why do they have to be that mean. Say there's a force majeure (or even worse - an accident) with your vehicle, you miss some minutes and they just don't give a fuck? That's just mean.
I'm glad you vented.
I'd love to operate an excavator. Just checked operator courses here but have to take a raincheck because of time/monetary constraints.

When machines fuck up, I know there's a reason or I feel something.

I'd guess she (the car) told you beforehand about the tensioner going bad. No?

Good to know, Brother, that shit isn't making you any better at all, the quicker you get rid of it in life and the better you can advance in any direction you take, spirituality or otherwise.

Back when I saw a clear image of those nicotine pads, my sleep was non-existent. This substance was a stepping stone of sorts because I got my sleep back while using it. Now I'm not even thinking about it. I haven't craved it even once. There was only this habit of always hitting one after lunch and/or before starting to drive. Anyway, I don't crave them. Good riddance.

Funny thing, two of our Family that I find it easier to talk to are both from the same country. :P Maybe I should move there once all of this bullshit is over.

Why not? I'm sure we can give you a nice tour of the place. I just hope the deforestation stops before it's too late.

but honestly.. who gives a fuck today?

It all depends on the nature of the attack. We, the Zevism, will take no shit but OTOH we have to be mentally stable members of society.
I guess you could learn all the legal tricks and details to keep yourself protected in case you have to dispatch someone. Or you could keep all such negative situations away from your path by using your will and focus.
This is why I was a bit afraid of that lunatic, christian, remotely operated, drinking neighbour of mine. Delight in what you destroy, they said. I'm really afraid of the consequences if I cut myself loose and follow just that. Anyway, I'm sure this was said in the context of Black Magick workings.

Also, something Sister GD. said lately made me feel less guilty for doing less affirmations, because I know that if I direct more power to 3x than I can give to 10x, doing 3 repetitions in the end has MORE power and the ritual is stronger and more easily manifests.

I'm guilty of weaker focus at the end of the day. In the evening, it is super easy to lose focus and just read the reps like an answering machine.
This whole thing still vexes me. I'd love to dedicate myself to warfare but at my current load, I'm not much of a warrior.
In the recent past, there have been periods when I could contribute effortlessly, with a nice deep focus. And then there are times like these when it's a real challenge to manage even personal hygiene. These days take all you have and then some. I feel like I'm drowning in it. Overwhelming. Also, I exactly can't see how a different job would make things easier.

The other thing that I dislike is aging. I have never before felt age-related limitations. Now I'm feeling these. I feel as if my eyes are overworked, close focusing is slower and sometimes impossible. And various pains from overworked joints etc.

Maybe I'm overstating it all. Maybe it's just shit I managed to agitate to the surface with the rituals. Maybe the increase in workload is just collateral damage, bad planets or even both. I've also learned that things can take a lot of time, even Magick (and especially so since we always program the things to happen in a safe, positive and healthy way). You remember me, I'm the one who wanted everything yesterday. So, there it is. Still feeling lost.

I love reading your long posts. I am sorry if my replies are disappointing or anything like that.
Anyway, I wish you great success and keep those replies coming.

I heard something pop inside me left from the spine and felt pain. Well, all I can conclude is that this is a muscle tear. I can walk and work but movement is limited because it can be painful and also the sleep is shallow. I'm thinking here, what the fuck did I need that for. I was maybe using 40% of my force.

If you were pushing with both feet, I'm visualizing this and feeling that you didn't have proper grounding, so that more muscles than you accounted for in your back were forced into action suddenly, just to give you the balance that would have prevented making you fall from your position. Whatever the position you were in, it sounds like one of those times when you suddenly use too much.. I just remembered how I tore a muscle while doing the show off moron at kung fu training once.. fucking limped for a month and it hurt like a bitch. I've been VERY careful about my sudden and irresponsible movement ever since.

I would have suggested you do some Yoga to stretch the part but I imagine it's too painful for that... so, light-upper-body-Yoga? Just keep as warm as you can.. this is where I'd normally apply tons of gentle Fire Element for healing, but that's how
I do it. To this day I can't really get how Fire is a destructive Element at all, Brother.. I know it 'burns' and shit, but it's just something I feel more benefit from than destruction. Maybe because I have it high in my chart, maybe I should take advantage of this fact and train it more. Some Family members here are certainly a good enough motivation to attempt some pyro. By the way, the other day I was trying some with a candle, just getting the feel for 'extinguish the flame', and I had a strong.. huh.. sensation that I had to use more Elements to do that, like Fire itself wasn't enough. Felt I had to add Earth and Water for 'slow and cool' and managed to shrink the flame to a ball (the kind that precedes the flame going out) but didn't manage to hold it much and didn't put it out in the end. You know how it is sometimes, you do have of the 'miracle', you see it, get surprised and lose concentration, like a total noob. :lol:

Also, I DID try to keep clear of the Elements, Brother. I failed, lol. I just feel drawn, like it's what I'm meant to do a lot of in this life. No wonder I feel strong attraction to Demons whose office dwells in ..setting on fire, causing storms or manipulating the wind and weather. No wonder my Guardian is for sure the one that manipulates the wind and weather. I haven't got a doubt about it anymore, and let me tell you, I was running in circles for months lately. I'm still attracted to other Gods and Goddesses, but I know who the closest one of all is now. I could feel Her enough to realize. There is no doubt anymore.
The surprising thing is that when I step back from it all and take another look at everything, it FEELS like I've known this forever. It feels like I've been denying my Soul to express itself in the things that I love, like manipulating the weather. I love the wind. I've had dreams that made me stressed and terrified of potential earthquakes, but I had dreams where I was surrounded by raging tornados and calm like a Hindu cow.

I'm thinking it can't be that hard for you NOW to figure out who your Guardian is. And I do understand that possibly the only thing stopping you, the same thing that stopped me, is the fear of making a mistake and offending your real Guardian, should you pick the wrong name. But don't be afraid. I think I can tell you by now, Brother, when you find Him or Her, you'll know. Someone wrote that you'll have no desire to find another one after you figure out the name and get to know them. I agree 95% with this, as I was still in doubt due to personal turmoil, but if you're fully yourself and don't limit your Soul in its progress, not being afraid of moving forward, you'll know Who it is.

My suggestion is to look at all those with your same dominant Element. Sister GD. lately told me something that made a LOT of sense, and it basically rewrote the way I think about all this (I was getting there, but when she confirmed it I just knew she was right). She said: "I think that our Gods and Goddesses do further exploit and empower their own dominant skill, so they get better use of it."

In the past, I wondered many times why a Demon would have "an Element". I thought "wait.. but don't Demons have balanced Souls?"
I thought many times that that information in the description didn't make much sense to me, until now. It's probable that our Gods and Goddesses, once, had a dominant Element and although they still increased their resistance and power over each Element, they possibly started with what was easier in order to develop skills the fastest way. I often say that magick is like a tree.. you unlock one gift and it leads to more branching than you thought possible.

This made me aware of my past mistakes, especially how I have realized how I have always severely LIMITED myself by letting go of all those skills that I really wanted but also feared. Still fear to this day, to be honest. I do know that this is probably some fucking christian programming (if not christian, then anyway joowish, through media and conditioning, through childhood shows and shit like that), so I'm just now starting to really fight this and let go of fear completely.

'666' license plate appear behind me. Nice "coincidence", right?

When you feel lost you seem to see that more and more often, isn't it? It's almost like a reminder to "hang in there" and "keep it together", sort of thing. Personally, I think you're in a magnificent position.. you're like on "stand by" or "idle", so you can basically choose any direction you want to go from here. First of all, however, take care of your health. And yes, that means "stress", and stress means "too much work". Nothing you can do if the work just needs to be done, but try to see if there's a way that can allow you to be smarter about it, doing less for more or that kind of concept. I know from experience that working too much and feeling like you're barely standing up is really not leading anyone too far. Used to work 9+ hours a day for like 600 euros a month... hated it, hated myself for not being able to slip out of that routine, I can say I was luckier as I had a tight family (although my "father" left and stole all my university money) so I managed to only work until my body was at its limit and then I left place after place.. there was never a shortage of slavists who would hire for almost no pay and acting like they're blessing you with their presence.. fuckers. The only thing I really TREASURED back in those days was the weekly (that became three times a week most of the time) walk in the woods. It was the only thing that managed to keep me whole and collect my thoughts in a constructive way, doing "self therapy" (I don't believe that someone you're paying huge bucks every hour CAN possibly help anybody), and meditating. I just loved that place.

I don't get it, why do they have to be that mean. Say there's a force majeure (or even worse - an accident) with your vehicle, you miss some minutes and they just don't give a fuck? That's just mean.

That's the sucky part, I know. These agencies do their own regulations so you're bound by them until it's done and you get your license. I'm just waiting now to receive it and then I'll see where I could work, I'm not in an immediate shortage of money (for once in my life :lol: ) so I'm trying to maximize the Spiritual Warfare effort and self development.

I'd guess she (the car) told you beforehand about the tensioner going bad. No?

Actually, I think it was Leraje. 6 signs in one day (one of which has very likely prevented me from losing 2 grands and getting no license) was one of those "big days".

I can also see a difference... that was on the 17th I guess.. just checked and the Moon was just getting waxing again, I was feeling drained and stressed and very "unspiritual".
Yesterday the Moon was already full and I actually felt much more than I usually do.
Explanation: after answering Sister GD. and completely realizing how I have always been limiting myself, I decided to do what I've been holding myself away from. Understanding that my dominant Element is the way to go. I am, obviously, still attracted by other Elements (this I suspect has STRONGLY to do with the fact that my absurd natal chart makes me proficient in everything BUT Earth), but Air is the one that makes me feel the most.

The point of this is, yesterday I "allowed Air into myself" (no, I didn't just "breath" Bro :lol: ) and I can tell you.. Air pointed out my flaws.

To make it clearer, I can only say that this substance that I let inside without any restrains has make me feel how much of a "cripple" I am at a spiritual level. I say "cripple" because that's how I felt when I really felt myself and had a good view of the level I am at. My energy is all blocked, especially my left side I think. I believe this spiritual "damage" is something I've been carrying with myself for a while and never noticed, I think this is the REASON I never felt energy before.

I'm very glad Lydia just posted the Heart chakra asanas, just looking at them I felt they are going to help me a lot. I know I'm on the verge of something big, and Air was the missing link.

I think we Air people are more "guarded" by the enemy than most, as we have (technically) an easier time than most to undo our curses and fly free. This is probably why those that haven't managed to break free yet may feel like they never will, like it's impossible, like it's not meant for us. Well, fuck that thought. We are more than meant to fly and evolve.

Brother, I hope these hints and thoughts are going to inspire you because I always felt our main problem was a common one and now I feel I'm finally getting this shit sorted like I should have done so long ago. I've been feeling this before, maybe just once, and I felt that it was what I needed.. to embrace my Element and let it help me, guide me, point out the obvious things that need fixing before I attempt anything I can't yet do well.

Why not? I'm sure we can give you a nice tour of the place. I just hope the deforestation stops before it's too late.

Would love to. I've always wanted to travel the world, see places, make memories. Deforestation will stop as soon Humans wake up and realize they've been forced into destroying their own home in the name of something like money. This entire system will change. When things are over we'll probably have a one world (physical) coin so that there's no extremely poor and extremely rich countries anymore. A lot need to be done, but first we need to wipe the Poos off our planet.

I heard a lot about our Gods and Goddesses coming here, someone mentioned this could happen as soon as like 20 years from now. Although I would absolutely love this, I'm not sure this would be possible until at least half the world population is in the know and they'll be wanting for this to happen.. OTOH I don't really believe anymore that "more than half the world population" can be awakened. Some people will surprise you, some will simply show curiosity and intelligence (like some Black guy who's asking me about meditation on fb and I'm giving him the basics without saying things that usually "scare" people away), and some others are STILL quoting Bible verses thinking that that's the solution for everything. These last ones will simply cease to exist at some point, and it won't really change much from how they live now. We'll just have more resources to spare for the smarter ones.
What are your thoughts on this?

Delight in what you destroy, they said. I'm really afraid of the consequences if I cut myself loose and follow just that. Anyway, I'm sure this was said in the context of Black Magick workings.

Dear Brother, read again what I said about letting fear go. :P I know you already read that part, but try reading it as if it's the solution to your fear of cutting yourself loose. Yes, it was related to Black Magick. I'd only use physical violence if physically attacked. Actually, I've been focusing so much on techniques that are best for counter-attacking and neutralizing with grappling that I can barely picture myself "attacking", not without running into a fist or something. Wing Chun, Taichi, even Crane style now seem like the most appropriate answer for whenever you're attacked.. striking should only be the thing you do when you've understood that an attacked won't stop after being restrained and bested, to finish the fight.

In the evening, it is super easy to lose focus and just read the reps like an answering machine.

It's a common problem, I guess. This is mostly why I do 3reps instead of 10 for the Tetra. When I do 10x out of desire to prove that I'm serious I always end up not being that focused after rep 4, and hate how I sound not convinced for the rest of them. Power needs to be directed with intention and strong will. If you're not able to put that much intention and will, it's like wasted breath with no real magick happening.
Try doing smaller Rituals if you feel exhausted by the end of a long one. I've been doing that as some days I just know I won't be able to put up much of a fight.

The other thing that I dislike is aging. I have never before felt age-related limitations. Now I'm feeling these. I feel as if my eyes are overworked, close focusing is slower and sometimes impossible. And various pains from overworked joints etc.

2 words, Brother: Hatha Yoga. :) Make time for that. Do Rituals WHILE doing asanas, no one said you have to sit still and uncomfortable while doing reps. Stretch your body evenly, left and right, front and back, twist both ways. Try using the new ones from Lydia, or just do the about 20 in the Yoga pdf. The shortest duration I've done was like 9 minutes in the morning and I healed my back after a bad job fucked me up to the point of seeing a useless doctor just to get the next two days off (had to leave that job soon, it was just going to destroy my back.. not worth the money).

You remember me, I'm the one who wanted everything yesterday. So, there it is. Still feeling lost.

Stop. Now breeeeathe... Exhaaaale.... Again, breeeeathe... Exhaaaaleee.... Better? :) If the answer is yes, trust Air. Let it carry you gently. Never overdo Elements, but let it guide you. I'm almost sure your breathing pattern is very uneven, may even be the cause of your turbulent sleep. We all breath anyway, so just try to make your breathing follow a slowed, gentler rhythm. If you feel it's too much, invasive, just stop focusing on Air and do something else, eat, drink or exercise.
You won't feel lost forever, you just have to let go of all that blocks you, starting with all fears and doubts.

I love reading your long posts. I am sorry if my replies are disappointing or anything like that.

Not disappointing in the slightest. :) And ..thought I was finished? here this is from Sister GD. There's more longer replies from her and I'm seeing a LOT of useful hints from her. Think you'll benefit from her wisdom and experiences as well.

PS. Have you seen how I managed to link you there like a boss? :lol: I really suck with these Forum formats and html stuff, picked that one up from GD. in the last one. :P

Be well, Brother!

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER! HAIL LERAJE!

I'm visualizing this and feeling that you didn't have proper grounding, so that more muscles than you accounted for in your back were forced into action suddenly

My lower back was unsupported. That was the problem. Live and learn.
Luckily the pain and discomfort are gradually going away.

I would have suggested you do some Yoga to stretch the part but I imagine it's too painful for that...

LOL. Actually the first thing I did that evening was our full Hatha routine. The muscle that got hurt is obviously in charge of keeping me in balance in certain situations. Yoga didn't hurt me, I just had to remember to avoid certain movements.

You know how it is sometimes, you do have of the 'miracle', you see it, get surprised and lose concentration, like a total noob.

This is how I view this. Since all our Magick first starts in your thoughts, imaginations and dreams, seeing it in real time really shouldn't make you all that hyped or surprised. What a feeling - the long-awaited magick finally happening, right? Just pay no special attention to it while you actually perform it. I feel that this in turn is tied in with the Void - keep yourself void and let the Magick happen. You can jump around after the fact.

And I do understand that possibly the only thing stopping you, the same thing that stopped me, is the fear of making a mistake and offending your real Guardian, should you pick the wrong name.

I'm not afraid of that one, actually. I mean, c'mon, these beings are vastly developed, why would they take offence in this? Especially so, if approached in a respectable manner.

specially how I have realized how I have always severely LIMITED myself by letting go of all those skills that I really wanted but also feared. Still fear to this day, to be honest.

I don't have it like this, I guess. To engage in something, I have to feel drawn towards that particular thing. OTOH, there are things that you just MUST do without any special magnetism and fairy dust because these are plainly beneficial (like yoga and brushing your teeth).

Used to work 9+ hours a day for like 600 euros a month... hated it, hated myself for not being able to slip out of that routine

This is considered way too low even here. I mean, c'mon, we over here have prices (food, automotive fuel, clothing, consumer electronics) higher than in Germany but the salaries are way lower. I consider 1000 euros net income a month pretty much the minimum.

To make it clearer, I can only say that this substance that I let inside without any restrains has make me feel how much of a "cripple" I am at a spiritual level. I say "cripple" because that's how I felt when I really felt myself and had a good view of the level I am at. My energy is all blocked, especially my left side I think. I believe this spiritual "damage" is something I've been carrying with myself for a while and never noticed, I think this is the REASON I never felt energy before.

This is a big one, Brother. I've known this for many years, that there is something twisted, mutilated within me and it absolutely prevents me from reaching my full potential. I just have to find it. I can do the rituals, meditations and all but I literally feel nothing from these. First time I did Tetra I felt this awesome silence around me. Inside me, I just feel like strapped down, shackled.
I would absolutely LOVE to have some fuck-you money and blast myself FREE from all those bondages of the material realm so I could sort out the bondages of spiritual realm. Currently I just feel like I'm being used up day by day.

I'm not in an immediate shortage of money (for once in my life :lol: ) so I'm trying to maximize the Spiritual Warfare effort and self development.

I'm happy for you. You have some free time to meditate, think things over. Actually, you seem to be in this magnificient position, able to choose any direction (I'm talking about the material realm and what to do with your life). Me, I just try to hang in there, avoiding overworking (too late, lol). We have a family business, remember? I just can't throw the towel in and leave all the work to my wife. We have to do it as a team and end it as a team. Currently, it seems, I'm waiting for her to realize that this small business is more like a masochistic lifestyle. It won't get us to where we want to go.
My body gives me certain signals in the form of pains. The lower back gets stiff and painful sometimes and also the area between my shoulder blades hurts. Botched chakras and thus energy blocks?

I don't really believe anymore that "more than half the world population" can be awakened. What are your thoughts on this?

I think the future is fluid and the door is open for anyone. Whether one notices the door, whether one even wants to notice it is totally different story. So, really, at the end of the day, it is what it is. Some percentage of the landmass is just beyond saving. My suggestion is, get used to the idea fast and make peace with this.

Dear Brother, read again what I said about letting fear go. :P I know you already read that part, but try reading it as if it's the solution to your fear of cutting yourself loose.

I was referring to cutting myself loose in the physical realm, with knives, various objects... you name it. I'm not afraid of the Magick.

This is mostly why I do 3reps instead of 10 for the Tetra.

Thanks! So far, I've been quite religious about them rituals. I will try the shorter one when I feel tired.

There's more longer replies from her and I'm seeing a LOT of useful hints from her. Think you'll benefit from her wisdom and experiences as well.
PS. Have you seen how I managed to link you there like a boss? :lol: I really suck with these Forum formats and html stuff, picked that one up from GD. in the last one.

Thank you, Brother. I'll read that one during the weekend. You mention my username there but it doesn't give me any notifications. Only quoting will notify user, AFAIK.

Anyway, take care, make wise choices and trust your intuition.
It's 7 am here at the moment. Gotta run, I have some hauling work to do.

....

I've been focusing a lot on the Elements these days and some things just became blatantly clear: even know that focusing on one only Element "is bad" because it inevitably creates imbalance and after all I said about linking them, the immediate reaction of the mind is to ignore that and DO focus on one only, and it actually seems to follow a pattern. Fire comes after Earth, wanting to break the dullness with ferocious electricity, Water after Fire (obviously lol) and Air as a consequence of the "drowning" sensation that Water may lead to, leading to "fresh air". Then again, Earth, as an attempt to solidify things and bring substance in someone who's feeling empty using only Air. And so on. And so on. Again and again and again. I lost the goddamn count trying to keep track of how often I've done this during the years.

What I'm thinking now is that when I manage to take a step back from them all and see the bigger picture, another pattern seems to form. In my case, the dominant disappears, and the most lacking is walking hand in hand with the "middle" Elements (which in my precarious case are equal in planet amounts).

So at the end of the day, this kind of brings me back to when I DIDN'T know about my natal chart and dominants and weakest, and simply believed I felt more Water than anything else and thought Fire was the obvious lacking one (this is how I always believed my chart would look like, IF someone told me there was a chart to begin with when I had zero knowledge of such things.

Summing that up, to try and balance the weakest Element with the same Element alone is probably just madness, as the difference in energy in the Soul makes one too uncomfortable and "note oneself" anymore. I do believe we should all work on our strengths more, but this doesn't mean we can't embrace invention and try new things, especially when we feel a good connection since years ago, at least. By now, I've know people who are either adepts and passionate about some skills, Elements and offices, and by no means their natal chart dominates their calling.

To sum this all up in a question then, one might simply ask oneself: what's my calling?

What do you REALLY enjoy when facing the Elements, Brother? I think that will help you also finding your Guardian. I don't believe the office MUST be the same as our skill set, but the greater picture looks familiar in one way or another.

Off to my Final Ritual. Later Brother!

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

To sum this all up in a question then, one might simply ask oneself: what's my calling?

Exactly!
BTW, what is the meaning of Plantago major on your profile pic?

I just don't know what to say, Brother. At the moment it seems that my life is falling apart. In the material realm I've decided to step out of the family business because I just can't take it anymore. Whether the relationship goes south with it, remains to be seen. Headlong into the unknown darkness. A huge transformation, just like you said. Toxic and useless things have to go.

Feelings alternate between self-confidence, waves of depression and everything inbetween. I could go into all the dirty details but not publicly. If you feel like exchanging private e-mails, then let me know. As far as I'm concerned, I have no problem playing it safe and keeping our communication within the confines of our forum here. On the other hand, some personal e-mails are sometimes nice, too.

Anyway, the abovesaid is the reason why my replies take longer and longer to appear. Months ago I had absolutely no problem finding the time/energy for various rituals and group schedules. For some reason, at the moment, I just can't. Tomorrow is Saturday and it appears to be mostly unoccupied. In the name of Satan, I will make this day count and no one can stop me.

We will not fall, dear Brother. We will rise like a phoenix. Take care.

Ping

Oh, dear Brother - what a ride it's been. To this day I still can't explain all the aspects of what is happening and/or transforming in my life. I can only assume but assumption is mostly the mother of all fuck-ups so I won't go there.
Burning out the dross is emotionally hard and confusing. At the moment, in retrospect, I can tell that I've been seriously delusional about myself and limiting my own potential on top of that.
I decided to step out of this business and find a job, right? It was a piece of cake. Found a position close to home, €1300 net + overtime. I worked there for three days, breathing deep in order not to cry, realizing the potential of what we had built back home and that all of it goes down the drain.
I also realized that I've been lazy, not playing along, not going all in with my energy, being toxic in my own little ways, all the time believing that I'm a saint and totally entitled.
I'm happy that when it comes to using the energy of the Sun, nearly everything is flammable, including delusions.
Basically, within one week of working the new job I experienced losing EVERYTHING without any of it actually happening.
It feels like I'm changing the cards I was dealt. This is deep. The turmoil is still ongoing but now it has a positive vibe to it.
I have no doubt that it is connected with my wife and her lessons/challenges in life. Only Gods can see how these things interconnect.

I'm gonna leave you with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P2QZMjSrX0
This song, although back then I didn't understand one word of it, represents positive, happy vibes from my teenage years, back when western music started to slowly become available over here (around 1989).

Take care, Brother.

....

....

(Been a while since I heard from you both. You alright?)

Show more...Show less...Show more...

I didn't even knew where to respond to this, as I didn't wanted to disturb the threat you posted it in, "Emptiness of knowledge" topic is on the Important articles from ToZ Ministry subforum and it will appear right on top there and I don't want that, I even thought about emailing you but it could've been way too sudden, so I just thought I'll post here.

Please excuse me for distrusting the ongoing conversation of you two tho, and I want to say a big "hi" to Apprentice as well, and I hope I'm not bothering anyone for answering here.

I've read a bit of your conversation, you mentioned me as well lol, but I couldn't have got any notification. You said some really nice things about me as well wow, I am very glad I actually helped you. In any way I could. It means a lot to know that.

To answer your question real quick, I'm 50-50. Changing for the better but extremely attacked. More than ever before. But I'm making a huge progress with everything I do, so that's the best part. Also, I graduated high-school and I have my finals after next week. I've also got my CAD technician certificate with 100/100 score on the exam, and I'll find a job with it when I'm done with the finals.

I've also realised A LOT of things, about life and how certain things work, even more than before. Also, Satan has been with me this whole time, and I am grateful for having Him in my life more than ever. I look back, and even if I am extremely young (I know that I am and I need no one to tell me that) I see how many things I've been through all these years I've been a Zevist, how many things I realised, how much happiness, how much extreme pain, through how much decay I've walked and He was still besides me... making sure I don't fall completely.

I will be FOREVER grateful for having Satan in my life from the very beginning of my existence. I can't help but praise Him now that I realise... everything is interconnecting and makes total sense now. I have no words to describe what I feel, I feel I know way too much by now but also I feel there is a lot more to learn, I feel reborn. I'll dive a lot more into it and get used to all this and I'll come with an explanation of how I feel and what's all about, in case you're willing to know about it.

But until then, I need to stop philosophising (I said nothing about it here but I always do it) and focus on the future for a while, while working on the present. I also plan on making my own online market and selling my art (not only paintings, but everything) in the near future, thought about resin pieces, maybe sell things on Etsy, also bringing all my poetry in a place and making a book (this is mostly for myself). I have a lot of things in my head, let aside meditation and self-improvement, which are the main things I focus on, as well as studying now.

As I don't want to eventually end up in a place I will be extremely unhappy in, I have to plan everything from the very beginning, and I prioritise figuring out a stable income source which doesn't consist in too much effort. I even thought of buying a little taxi company, or any other little, non-expensive, company, after I work a few months up to a year. But I'll see where life gets me, what's for sure is the fact that I want to have a secure income from somewhere without much effort so I can go to college without worrying about money, and I'll get that in a way or another.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now and I am quite sure I unintentionally omitted some things writing all this.

If Apprentice is still reading, wish both of you luck in whatever you plan on doing. Take good care, brothers!

PING

Hello, it is nice to finally "meet" you, dear sister.
Don't be so modest - you can post where you want. This is a public forum for Zevism and you really shouldn't worry or feel insecure.
I'm really happy for you, because you said that everything is interconnecting and makes total sense now. I wish I could say the same. I just haven't figured it all out 100%. I don't know for sure why am I here in this life, what is my purpose. At first I thought my purpose is to partake in our warfare and to evolve. Then my personal and material life started to fall apart and I had to go all-in there. Actually, I'm still busy with the material side of my life. This is the reason it has taken me so long to respond. I can't get clarity in this matter. Also, I did some personal workings not long ago and I can still feel them doing their work, changing me "in a safe, positive and healthy way".

You are so young and already knowingly with Satan. This is a real blessing. I really wish you take some precautions so you will not end up lost in distractions like NPC parties, alcohol and chasing worthless dreams like I did.
Setting up your life after high school, well, this is a tough one. You could do a working to attract passive income and also find a source of active income. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

PING

I hope you're doin' fine, dear Brother. I sense you're busy.

Ping

Oh, dear Brother - what a ride it's been. To this day I still can't explain all the aspects of what is happening and/or transforming in my life. I can only assume but assumption is mostly the mother of all fuck-ups so I won't go there.

Brother, sorry for the wait.. yeah, "busy" was actually the word here. And as if I hadn't enough things to do already I went and got myself into ToZ translations lol.. but it's probably one of the most useful things I do in this life, sharing the knowledge with Italians that are too lazy to learn English and helping others make the huge amount of things to learn a little easier by offering help with other people's translations when they are in doubt (too bad I don't know another language to add to my skills..)

Burning out the dross is emotionally hard and confusing. At the moment, in retrospect, I can tell that I've been seriously delusional about myself and limiting my own potential on top of that.

I always had the impression that you'd be always doing just that. Limiting yourself, looking down upon yourself. Also knew you, like me, need something earthshaking in your life to make you change your ways and trying something completely new and treasuring it when you see that it works. Just be mindful of traps and shiny things, but you'll be alright.
The fact that you already found another job is another good enough sign for me to understand how much our Gods and Goddesses protect you and look out for you, knowing you're a valid warrior who doesn't give up. We need more people like you, and less idiots who roll up their sleeves "because tv told them they'll die otherwise".

I also realized that I've been lazy, not playing along, not going all in with my energy, being toxic in my own little ways, all the time believing that I'm a saint and totally entitled.

The way I see this, you've been waiting for something to happen. When you finally realized it wouldn't happen by itself, you made it happen, and consequences come with it. A transformation is in order and you're probably facing thoughts and ideas you weren't before. I hope you have enough time and willpower to keep the Hatha Yoga up 10, 20 minutes a day. Not just for ensuring your back is fine, but because lately the effects of this kind of working (like others in the 8 Paths) have been more fruitful even for more closed people.

I'm happy that when it comes to using the energy of the Sun, nearly everything is flammable, including delusions.
Basically, within one week of working the new job I experienced losing EVERYTHING without any of it actually happening.
It feels like I'm changing the cards I was dealt. This is deep. The turmoil is still ongoing but now it has a positive vibe to it.
I have no doubt that it is connected with my wife and her lessons/challenges in life. Only Gods can see how these things interconnect.

Trust the Gods to show you the way, always. :) That's all I can say.
You know? Lately I was shown a couple "mindsets" (not "mine", just shown) of people who completely lose themselves in some lunatic fake spiritual deluded paths, usually when a "pastor" (who leads sheepLE) guides many clueless fucks toward something they don't understand at all but feel fascinated by. Like "an answer". Weak people will lean on to anything that promises wonders in exchange for nothing but obedience... how sick. Thing is... I think I realized what they "have that I don't have yet" is that kind of trust in our Gods and Goddesses. I have met Father Zeus, Haures, Raum, Lilith, Leraje, Vapula.. but I guess my ability to trust them wasn't the best, I was always diffident and worried some other entity would pose as them. THAT is when I realized communication/relationship with our Gods and Goddesses depends entirely on US. They want to communicate and built relationship with us, and certainly have all the skills to do so, but it's up to us to bridge ourselves until we reach them, and that begins with trust.

Fools, christians, religious fanatics, they all abandon themselves and trust blindly. They completely offer themselves up to someone else who will use and abuse them. (Years ago, I nearly ended up bad because I've done exactly the same when I decided I was a failure at Zevism... what a mistake.) But when we trust our Gods and Goddesses, there is no fine print to be mindful of. No catch. No "wish I wouldn't have done that". Only benefit, help, prosper, guidance and it all results in our strength increasing, our skills becoming more evident until we know for sure that we have them.

christians don't abandon christianity not because they refuse to see the bullshit, but because they refuse to let go of the illusion. It's exactly how drugs work. They build up illusion after illusion and it only exists in the mind of the victim, who does this to himself/herself.

I'm gonna leave you with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P2QZMjSrX0
This song, although back then I didn't understand one word of it, represents positive, happy vibes from my teenage years, back when western music started to slowly become available over here (around 1989).

All in Italian lol... but it's a bunch of songs from what I hear, they took famous hits (in 1980s Italy at least, I think) and made it one for the fans. But I see what you mean. The vibe is something that is designed to make you positive and "hopeful". Just don't let the "hope" go to waste, we bypass hope and build bridges toward godhood. Keep working on yourself, Brother, I know you'll get there.

Take care of yourself, sorry it took me a while.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

I have to talk to you Satan_is_our_Father, about your GD Lerajie.

I'm afraid gitm made a mistake in assumptions. I've spoken with Lerajie directly and she proclaimed that he gave false information. I'm afraid she's not your guardian demon. She and Satan (briefly) confirmed to me that your GD is in fact Marbas. I contacted Marbas myself too to confirm this and he did confirm with me too himself that he is your guardian demon.

First of all, thank you Sister for taking the time to read all this (extremely long) post from months ago. I have no idea how you even found it or what made you want to read it in the first place, but I appreciated it.

Regarding my Guardian Daemon... I honestly have no clue anymore.

I am not psychic (almost at all, my only decent astral sense is smell and the longest vision I ever had was maybe 2 seconds when I met Haures the first time), and although I tried many times to communicate with various Demons, I got mostly radio silence or some visions that complicated the interpretation of the message. To this day I feel like a newborn when I compare myself to most Zevists in here.
So when it comes to determining something from our Gods, I am probably the last person to talk to.

When GitM told me about Lerajie, I had already been wondering if She was my GD for almost one year, so I took it as a confirmation of my effort from Her, somehow. I tried to read every sign possible to come to this conclusion: I saw her plant (or a very similar one) grown everywhere around me, I counted numbers of occurrences in my life that matched her tarot, my dominant element is also Her element, and a number of other things that stuck with me in my daily life that made me think She was behind them, including two (possibly) life or death situations where machinery and engines was involved (I just read Marbas teaches mechanics and I do NOT know how I managed to never see that before, or if I did see it I completely forgot).

Today, after over two years since I begun accepting the idea that Lerajie is my Guardian, I have barely had any contact with Her (if at all). My greatest success in magick was of the healing kind, so when I read She also teaches medicine I thought I should seek no longer.

And now I'm kind of shocked. Your sudden appearance (I haven't seen you around the Forum before, so apologies if I'm being more distrustful than necessary), your news about who my GD is... I know that Brother GitM has gone down a very bad path, and somehow I feel either sorry and similar in a way (he mentioned not being able to speak with the Gods anymore), so it's easier for me to believe you and believe that he was just wrong about this.
Not receiving a lot of astral information from Lerajie (the best interaction I have EVER had, reason for which I still sort of believe She might be a guide to me, was Haures) I don't really believe GitM was right about his assumption. It's been over one year since he suggested that, and it got me nowhere closer to Lerajie. (In hindsight, he was even confused about his own Guardian, stating it was Andras and, later on, Anubis. Hindsight is an easier tool to use, though. Wisdom and Knowledge are harder to gain.)

I thank you for the time and effort in telling me what you told me. I can see some of Lerajie's and Marbas' abilities are similar (mostly in the healing and disease department), so I'm certainly intrigued, but because I have the hardest time divinating, I'm also extremely confused and uncertain.

If you wish to talk more on a safer (away from public eyes) channel, do write anytime: seedofduat (@) protonmail (dot) com

Thank you for your kind message. I'll try and talk with Marbas, see if I am able to get in any contact with Him.

Sure it would be nice to finally be able to work with a Guardian, and no longer have to walk in pitch black dark, hoping not to fall at every step.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

I have to talk to you Satan_is_our_Father, about your GD Lerajie.

I'm afraid gitm made a mistake in assumptions. I've spoken with Lerajie directly and she proclaimed that he gave false information. I'm afraid she's not your guardian demon. She and Satan (briefly) confirmed to me that your GD is in fact Marbas. I contacted Marbas myself too to confirm this and he did confirm with me too himself that he is your guardian demon.

Hi, I'll give you a quicker answer as I already replied days ago but haven't seen the post approved so I'm not sure if it was dismissed or not.
Anyway...

Thank you for your interest in this matter. I had no idea people even read this long thread until you did (there are mostly just shared ideas and experiences between Apprentice and me).

As for my GD not being Lerajie but being Marbas... I have seriously no idea. I'm nowhere near as psychic or open or capable as needed to clearly determine that by myself, and I doubt I'll find that out for myself in this life, being so not psychic and all. I have other talents, it seems, but none of them are of the perceptive kind (other than a pretty useless one I'd say).

I have tried to connect with/contact Marbas since I read this answer from you but haven't really felt anything, other than the day prior to your message when I suddenly thought of a lion shape and later discovered one of the blasphemous portraits of Marbas is that of a lion headed man (much like Baal Zebul is portrait as a giant fly, that kind of blasphemy online). I only thought of this after reading your message and thought it was probably the only connection with Marbas that I could see. The only other one is my interest in "healing and disease" (you might call it Biokinesis) as skills that reflect some of my major success in magick.

Guess I can't say much more as I'm beginning to think my last message was not approved.

I'm pretty surprised if my GD isn't Lerajie because I've received pretty obvious signs that suggest she's close to me, and I'm 99% sure she's also the first Demoness I ever saw in a vision many years ago, so to think of a Demon that I never even really believed to be my GD.. makes me only feel like I'm even more of a failure as a Zevist for not sensing this at all.

If anyone else was my GD, I'd have bet it was Haures as it's obvious to me that she's been close to me in difficult moments, has been the easiest to see in her true form, and she's the only Demon whose voice I have heard.

I'm gonna try and contact Marbas again, but the connection really doesn't feel like that much to be honest, so I'm not sure he's my guardian.
Maybe I'll only be able to tell when I'm good enough and open enough astrally to determine this kind of information for myself.

Thanks again though.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

PING

Hello, it is nice to finally "meet" you, dear sister.
Don't be so modest - you can post where you want. This is a public forum for Zevism and you really shouldn't worry or feel insecure.
I'm really happy for you, because you said that everything is interconnecting and makes total sense now. I wish I could say the same. I just haven't figured it all out 100%. I don't know for sure why am I here in this life, what is my purpose. At first I thought my purpose is to partake in our warfare and to evolve. Then my personal and material life started to fall apart and I had to go all-in there. Actually, I'm still busy with the material side of my life. This is the reason it has taken me so long to respond. I can't get clarity in this matter. Also, I did some personal workings not long ago and I can still feel them doing their work, changing me "in a safe, positive and healthy way".

You are so young and already knowingly with Satan. This is a real blessing. I really wish you take some precautions so you will not end up lost in distractions like NPC parties, alcohol and chasing worthless dreams like I did.
Setting up your life after high school, well, this is a tough one. You could do a working to attract passive income and also find a source of active income. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Show more...Show less...Show more...

I guess as we discover more things, we have a lot more questions, and when we find answers to them, more appear, that's how we always learn and evolve; there will always be ups and downs. As for your situation, the material problems do not change your actual purpose, know that for a fact. I am glad people take their time to think about purpose at these times when material problems are at their highest, and when forgetting about the purpose and the "spiritual" seems to be at an all time high, with all the distractions from everywhere, people manage to look further all this and that's amazing.

Talking about ups and downs, and life in general, the thing that should not be forgot is the intention our enemies have, to keep us down.

And I will put my life all together without forgetting about everything zevism is about, no doubt about that, I think that, as you said, I will even use magick to achieve what I need. And as we're here, you should do the same, taking maximum 10 minutes everyday for a better life, with a working, or even less (vibrating the Reid rune 5 or 10 times everyday can make you aware of the natural rhythms in life if you use the right affirmation, and combined with Nauthyz, a rune of strength, it can work wonders; or maybe a mantra for money like SHRIM MAHA LAKSHMIYEI SWAHA), because we have this gift that those who are without don't have, magick. Wish you luck with everything you do, Brother!

........

Just remember that this Kylee person has only been here for 2 weeks. So who knows if there is any truth to anything she says. I am not saying that she is lying or that she is wrong. I'm just saying don't immediately believe that whatever she says about you is the truth.

Just remember that this Kylee person has only been here for 2 weeks. So who knows if there is any truth to anything she says. I am not saying that she is lying or that she is wrong. I'm just saying don't immediately believe that whatever she says about you is the truth.

Thanks, greatly value your advice, Brother.

For the record, I'm way past believing anyone tells me as soon as they speak :lol: I have done that mistake enough times to end up in enough bad shit.
This instance, however, only goes to show me further that anything anyone else tells us, that is supposed to be very personal, cannot be as specific and accurate as the insight we ourselves can't gain in time (or even right now, even for the less experienced).
So only I can tell who I feel my GD is.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!

Thank you for your kind message. I'll try and talk with Marbas, see if I am able to get in any contact with Him.

Oh my, dear Brother. I thought that I was the one who is gullible thanks to the birth chart.
Within the last year or so it has become unmistakably clear to me that there can be no mediators.

This is just a quick reply. I'll write a longer one soon.
Take care.

Hello I want to join illuminati brotherhood and I am trying to join from 6 months I have tried every where but there are all scammers can any body tell me where will I get real illuminati for join

Why do you want to join "Illuminati"? What benefits do you think you would get if you did?

Thank you for your kind message. I'll try and talk with Marbas, see if I am able to get in any contact with Him.

Oh my, dear Brother. I thought that I was the one who is gullible thanks to the birth chart.
Within the last year or so it has become unmistakably clear to me that there can be no mediators.

This is just a quick reply. I'll write a longer one soon.
Take care.

Lol, don't mistake my way with words for gullible minded. I've been "given the truth" before by people I never met and I obviously know it's not to be trusted. I do plan to talk to Marbas (and ALL our Demons) sooner or later, but I don't believe he's my Guardian at all. Pretty sure I have that covered (enough at least, there may be easily two Guardians, hence the confusion cuz I don't know anyone that has two).
I have trusted people who offered "candy" before, and it never helped me, no matter what they tried to sell the candy with or how pretty the presentation was, we both know how this goes in the end.

Besides, I prefer our Gods to come to me and let me know if they want to talk to me: Leraje did, Haures did, Astarte, Vapula, Lilith and Father Zeus did, so I know they are ok with me contacting them for guidance.

Looking forward to your message, missed you Brother. I hope all is alright with you.

HAIL ZEUS FOREVER!