AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
How to end existence at all levels of being?
The struggle is real, I agree. You are right that the enemy wants you, and all of us, to be nothing but dust and they do everything in their might to make that so. So we must fight so that this does not happen. Remember, nothing of value comes cheap or easy. And if you want something, the world does not owe it to you and you must make it happen. This is the reality of the matter. I hope that you join the good fight by not giving up and begin and continue to actively seek out from the situation you are into greener pastures, so to speak.Vindemiatrix said:Suicidal thoughts, maybe, Idk.
I'm so tired. I don't see a future for myself on this planet. I'm not interested in the people around me. I don't have any friends. People in my country are alien to me, I don't understand them and they don't understand me either. They make me angry.
And it's probably impossible for me to move to another country.
Also, I'm not interested in any job. Everything I do becomes a routine that makes me sick.
I'd like to live a bright life filled with positive moments, travel (yea, requires money.. ), see the world, meet sunsets and sunrises somewhere in the mountains or near the ocean. But instead I see only my yard, gray paints, a lattice on the window and stupid people who only annoy me. :evil:
The situation at home is also not very positive. I have to live with a person with disabilities. I do everything I can for him, but there come moments when he starts insulting me for reasons made up by his sick head.
I'm half babysitter, half dog on a leash. My walking time is limited, I can't even go to nature, to another city.. My youth is going nowhere. Different days, same shit.
But there is another point - Lucifer. Since I was a child, I rejected all @@@stian shit, even though I was forcibly dragged to church and forced to pray. There was nothing but hatred in my heart at those moments.
Lucifer has always interested me. He set me on the right path. And I walked, slowly. I called Him God before I found out about the JoS. And I wasn't mistaken.
Also, I feel like I miss Lucifer. It's like I was with Him a long time ago, and now I'm like a lost child who wants to return to Him, wants warmth and safety. These feelings make me cry. Echoes of my past life, as I understand it. But from the kind of life I have now, will I be able to be with Him again? And after that, will I have to go back to Earth? A planet where people go crazy?
I am tired of such pressure, madness. I just want peace, joy, happiness, harmony.
I understand I have to follow my path, make a dedication, etc. I'm not a primitive creature, I just need more strength, mentally and physically.
As for the thoughts of oblivion, maybe they're from enemies? Maybe they want me to give up.
It's like two parts of me and they're fighting with each other.
Thank you all for the answers!
Vindemiatrix said:I'd like to live a bright life filled with positive moments, travel (yea, requires money.. ), see the world, meet sunsets and sunrises somewhere in the mountains or near the ocean.
Vindemiatrix said:But from the kind of life I have now, will I be able to be with Him again? And after that, will I have to go back to Earth? A planet where people go crazy?
Vindemiatrix said:I am tired of such pressure, madness. I just want peace, joy, happiness, harmony.
"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan