pulling me away

[stefanbundy]

ok since i started reading the jos site and joining this group when im on it or looking at this group soem part of me sort of tries to pull me away or wants me to close ti down like trying to pull me away from father satan and wen i meditate i feel dizzy if im sitting up adn im having loads of trouble with all of this ive not done the dedication ritual im british and cant get a candle and my parents ownt let me have them in the house r burn them while im alone downstairs