NEW TO EVERYTHING.NEED SOME HELP FINDING ANYTHING.

[kidnap_ped]

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

 

[kreckian_lord]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@... wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

I promise i'll teach you about spiritual satanism and generally just be there to talk to if you wish for me to just add me on Msn or yahoo my account name is dr.sethfcm@... and that goes for anyone that needs help or just wants to talk.

 

[Ramses1]

sounds like your extreamly depressed
you might wanna clean your aura
Hell it helps me out with panick attacks
http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... aning.html
http://joyofsatan.org/

 

[doom1n1gloom]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@... wrote:
Erm, wow. Besides the suicidal thoughts your psychological profile is disturbingly close to mine, antisocial and all. If you ever want to talk add me on MSN, doom-n-gloom@.... I think I could help you out quite a bit since your thoughts are so similar to my own and Ive dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression many times in the past myself. I hope you find what you're looking for.


hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

 

[manic_ragdoll]

you sound like you have been through alot
and speaking multiple languages and being open to new ideas makes me believe you're smart
i am not the most knowledgeable, as i have just opened myself to spiritual satanism myself. i used to study levayan so the others on here wil probubly be able to help you more but i think a "religion" os what you take from it and i too was raised catholic and had a tough life and ended up here and i am starting to find myself. but i do believe this is the right place for you.
satan teaches that it is not okay to endure abuse of any kind. wether that be from family, love interests, annoying friends, adults, xtians who try to bring you back to the blind religions. the purpose of satanism is to realize that you are god-like and that you can make yourself godlike.
in levayan they say satan and his demons are just metaphors, in spiritual satanism they believe they are actual entities. i don't yet know if this changes striving to be god-like or if you will always be a step below.
the reason i chose this over levayan is because i had contact with what i believe are demons when i was younger. they are extremely smart, and kind and they care for you like you are their own. they are excellent teachers.
about metal music, IT IS WONDERFUL. it is not all satanic. xtians like to refer to it as "devil-music" and i'm sure there are some satanic bands, but there is also some xtian metal groups as well. it is just a genre of music, not limited to only satanist influence.
as far as the self-injury goes, you need to resolve that in yourself. you are not something that is small. you are not deserving of injury of any kind, especially that that you inflict upon your own self. i struggled with this too. i hope that once i pledge myself to satan i can find what i need to make me whole in this ambiguous world.

hope i helped at all , and good luck!

HAILSATAN

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@... wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

 

[xeratae]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "doom1n1gloom" <doom1n1gloom@... wrote:

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@ wrote:
Erm, wow. Besides the suicidal thoughts your psychological profile is disturbingly close to mine, antisocial and all. If you ever want to talk add me on MSN, doom-n-gloom@... I think I could help you out quite a bit since your thoughts are so similar to my own and Ive dealt with suicidal thoughts and depression many times in the past myself. I hope you find what you're looking for.


hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

I know that if I ever met you in real life, I know you said that you were only thinking it, but, if you said to me that I wouldn't understand you or where you're coming from, I'd say, "No, I don't. But I can try, can't I?"

Now, admittedly, I haven't gone to see the Father just yet. I still don't know everything I want to know before I start, but, I like it here. I feel like I belong here. I personally think you'd like it here, too. I mean, I feel like a big weight's been lifted off of my shoulders, and I haven't even DONE anything yet. Just being here, I belong.

...As for the "hate" thing, you and I can agree on that. My belief is that the world is at least 50% idiots, 25% geniuses who ACT like idiots, and somewhere around 10% people who keep to themselves, and about 10% people who are smart, but are dicks. That leaves 5% smart, likeable people. We as a species are screwed, especially if *I* ever get my hands on any good amount of power...

...some people on this site may not agree with me, but, look around. I just went into a monolouge from being a nicer person to basically saying, "If I could shoot fireballs from my hands, the planet would s*** itself." I am not the biggest fan of people.

 

[infinitempire]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "manic_ragdoll" <manic_ragdoll@... wrote:

you sound like you have been through alot
and speaking multiple languages and being open to new ideas makes me believe you're smart
i am not the most knowledgeable, as i have just opened myself to spiritual satanism myself. i used to study levayan so the others on here wil probubly be able to help you more but i think a "religion" os what you take from it and i too was raised catholic and had a tough life and ended up here and i am starting to find myself. but i do believe this is the right place for you.
satan teaches that it is not okay to endure abuse of any kind. wether that be from family, love interests, annoying friends, adults, xtians who try to bring you back to the blind religions. the purpose of satanism is to realize that you are god-like and that you can make yourself godlike.
in levayan they say satan and his demons are just metaphors, in spiritual satanism they believe they are actual entities. i don't yet know if this changes striving to be god-like or if you will always be a step below.
the reason i chose this over levayan is because i had contact with what i believe are demons when i was younger. they are extremely smart, and kind and they care for you like you are their own. they are excellent teachers.
about metal music, IT IS WONDERFUL. it is not all satanic. xtians like to refer to it as "devil-music" and i'm sure there are some satanic bands, but there is also some xtian metal groups as well. it is just a genre of music, not limited to only satanist influence.
as far as the self-injury goes, you need to resolve that in yourself. you are not something that is small. you are not deserving of injury of any kind, especially that that you inflict upon your own self. i struggled with this too. i hope that once i pledge myself to satan i can find what i need to make me whole in this ambiguous world.

hope i helped at all , and good luck!

HAILSATAN


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@ wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

I know pain well imagine most of your race is dead imagine you feeling completely alone... imagine not being able to feel emotions at all imagine not even knowing your true name or where your from originally planet or otherwise then you truelly know pain I can tell you are quite upset but you must remain sane for your sake and your famillies I know it is hard to want revenge on this world on this pig society we know as the modern day world but maybe things will turn around and hopefully this war wont end up like the last major one on this planet millenia ago yes im that old not physically i hate my physical body the less than perfectiveness hehI honestlly dont know my own future nor many others some yes most areas when The Gods come the enemy will launch nuclear weapons against them killing many i have seen this in a dream as clear as i am now typingEither way i feel helpless as i cannot feel emotions but i can feel the wound inside you painful indeed May you be what you want to be for i beleive next time most of us meet will not be in this lifetime.

 

[marcoleal666]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@... wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

U COULD ADD ME 2 =)

 

[dylanw_92]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@... wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!

aaww. i want to try to understand you, if you let me.

 

[die_hard_347]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "marcoleal666" <marcoleal666@... wrote:

Hello Mari ^^, it is such a pleasure to meet you, I am talking to you now because your story sounds exactly like mine. Raised to become a christian never beleived, god never helped nor did he ever exist to help mankind, he is a figmint of your imagination of what never was. But enough of that. You look like a very intresting person and I to am looking for enlightenment and help. If you get any help you should reffer them to me and while your at it you could add me ^^
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@ wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!





U COULD ADD ME 2 =)

 

[robertmessina55]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "kidnap_ped" <kidnap_ped@... wrote:

hi whoever reads this.
my name is mari.i`m a girl.i`m 14.i`m not american.4 month ago i arrived to america(my family won a green card). i started like this just so you know.

so.i was raised in christian family,that always believed in god and all that stuff.my mom and dad are not that much in religion though if i tell them "mom i dont believe in god,she will freak out"...

maybe 1 year ago i really started thinkin about "wait,why the f*** is everyone around me so crazy about that goddy stuff." my friends are crazy about that stupidness.they go to church and pray and lit candles and ask god to forgive them their f***in sins.ha ha ha.dont believe in that.the town and the house where i lived was always surrounded by churches and every time i would look out of my window i would see and hear bunch of churches ringin their bells.it never really mattered to me.i dont believe in god.i asked him not to hurt me once..he never heard me..

WHY do ppl believe that Satan is really bad?well thats what christians believe in..so if i dont believe that stupideness then i dont believe Satan is evil or whatever they say.(simple logic)...


but here is the case...i dont believe in Satan too..or i do?
i`m lost...
i want to find someone to believe in...i want to believe in him.can anyone persuade me...i want to..but how?

i`m not stupid girl for my 14 years..i know 4 languages,i read books in 3 languages.i learned english by myself,i can make an effort and do everything i want.if i have a goal in my life there is nothing ever that can stop me. "the exception proves the rule" is my life`s method.i`m individualist.i`m the one who never ever will deal with unfairness.


and yeah..i love music..music is my life...1 year ago i started to explore rock music..of cource i stared from "lighter" music..but then i went to metal..and yeah..is the metal music connected somehow to Satan..or they just use his name?

once i asked for a boy who would be a gift for me..and there was one..the one who kissed me first time in my life...but then he just vanished..i asked for a friend..and she came..but she gets so much on my nerves i dont want to have a friend..i became so much locked up in myself..as if i was a turtle "inside my shell i wait and bleed.."

i`m alone..and i feel perfect...locked up in music and books...and i feel fine.though when i see someone having fun i`m like "they are so happy"..

every time someone comes to and says hi and starts talking with me and i notice they wanna be my friend..i think to myself "yeah..you wanna be my friend,but are you sure u will understand me..you will never know me...you will hurt me..better go away.." and i reject ppl and this way i reject pain.i cant stand it anymore.they hurt me too many times.

i`m so much locked up..i`m afraid of ppl...i`m afraid of havin relationship with any boy,coz they will hurt me again..like they did it 100 times.every time i trust a boy they appear to hurt me..coz they dont understand..do not understand whats inside...

i write poems.and cut my hands...and there is one theory in my life.i invented it myself.if youre soul is hurt..then you can make the pain go away if you cause your body pain.i did it couple of times.when i cut my hands it hurts..i scream..pain comes it cover the pain of soul..and then pain goes away..and then there is nothing left...and you are like dead...there is nothing..no pain no happiness no love no hate.i tried to commit suicide but,if you think of it i dont want to ruin my life.i want to go oooooonnnn...i want to..i want to leave this bitch life and achieve something.i wanna be a great lawyer and have a life.if it needs a sacrifise i will.if it needs to be patient i will.

i dont want to love anymore.i want to hate.i want to learn how to hate.i want to pay back instead of "turning another cheek".i dont want to love,cuz i`ve loved enough.i hate my parents for giving birth to me.

please dont say i`m mad or ill or w/e.dont ask me to go to psychiatrist...i`m asking for help.i asked a shelter to a "god" but he rejected..thats why i dont believe in him.now i`m asking help again...(i really wanted to hide this thoughts and reveal them only to my diary.but i think its enough for me.i cannot stand it)

thx for the attention!!!!!!
dont worry i dont think your crazy or anything it just sounds like your confused and maby even a little scared,for starters most of us dont believe what anton LaVey thinks we know our father is an alive.

email me if need any more or ask other ppl here.